Lies We Believe Part 3: I'm Unlovable

Introduction

I was reading a book by Jennie Allen called “Get out of Your head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts”. It’s A good book aimed at women focusing in on those toxic thoughts that spiral out of control.

In the book she states that here friend, a licensed therapist, told her that every lie we tell ourselves is rooted in one of these three lies.

I’m helpless.

I’m worthless.

I’m unlovable.

As I read I thought wow I wonder if that is true. I know I too have had negative thoughts like that

So as where I don’t remember by Psych 101 class enough to tell you if that is what is being taught. I did feel it was important enough to sit down and have the conversation. So for the next 3 weeks wee are going to look at these three lies. Maybe you are believing this about yourself right now.

Lie # 3: I’m unlovable

I have seen this way of thinking for many years now as I've counseled with many people throughout years, it's not just women and men as well.

We find ourselves we believe ourselves to be unlovable

As I think about this I think about:

One a spiritual sense because as we talked about last week our inclinations of God skews how wee see ourselves. Sometimes even wonderful, God fearing, theologically astute, smart people can feel like God can't love me because I am blank. You feel in your blank. That Idea “You know I've done this. I've done that I've done this.” We're going to address that first as we talk about God's love for you.

But then the other very real sense is that I'm unlovable not necessarily to God. But to those around me and our experiences have shown us that we're unlovable. They've done things that have made us feel unlovable. They hurt us. They've made us feel broken. And we know God loves us but can others? Maybe its the person who rejected you. The spouse who cheated on you. The family member that used you. The one who was supposed to protect you and didn’t.

Shame is so powerful that it can drive you to believe that not only are you unworthy of being loved but that you have no control over your own life. That no matter what you do or how hard you try nothing will ever change. - Melissa Ringstaff

If you didn’t relate to the first two lies, you can probably related to this one. We are so incredibly hard on ourselves. Then because we’re hard on ourselves, we in turn are hard on those closest to us which makes us feel badly about ourselves… and that circles back to making us feel unlovable. It’s a vicious circle.

We can be so hard on yourself, never feeling like were doing enough, trying hard enough. Then we turn that to people around us and then we feel guilty for pushing them and then we in turn feel unlovable.

God Loves You

This is the central part of the story. There is nothing you can do to make God who is love 1 John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

not love you. That doesn’t give us carte blanche to do what ever we want. but it does give us the assurance That he loves you. I think sometimes we need to remember to see God as the father waiting for his child to return Like the father in Luke 15.

1 John 3:1 NIV

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

John 3:16 NIV

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

You may have to take a moment to go back and read those verses and verses like that to truly let them sink in. This lie, I am unloveable, is rooted in what you believe about God.

If I believe this lie, I believe that God doesn’t really love me. And that, my friend is the furthest thing from the truth. That is a straight-up lie from the enemy. He wants you to feel that way, but that is so not true. The truth is that God loves you absolutely and completely and far more than your human mind could comprehend.

There is nothing in this world that can separate you from his love. It’s too vast for us to even begin to understand. We are his children.

No one but God can love me

I believe this comes from a miss understanding of who God is and who you are in Christ. Christ doesn’t make unlovable people. We may become hard to love because of our attitudes but you are not unlovable. you are made in His image.

Comparing yourself

2 Corinthians 10:12 NIV

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

We often feel unlovable because we are comparing ourselves to others and it has just gotten worse with the invention of social media.

Comparing ourselves to the social norm and how we see others living and the lives they have the bible tells us is a person that is unwise.

Shame

Isaiah 43:18 NIV

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

We must put the past in the past.

Find love in yourself

We can only love others as we love ourselves. If you can’t love yourself can you really love others as we are commanded to. If you can’t love yourself, not a selfish kind of love, but the love of God. do you really believe God to be telling the truth?

Next Steps

Some of you will never believe me. Those lies you are believing are so ingrained in you. I pray that God may remove those lies

Are there things from your past that are laying claim on your life that you need to give to Jesus?

Ask Jesus to bathe you in His love so that your innermost being feels loved and worthy of love.

Surround yourself with people that will speak truth into you. If they are lying to you kick them to the curb. You can love them later right now you need to correct the lies your believing.

Bliography

https://www.faithfullystepping.com/3-lies-i-buy-into-that-show-what-i-believe-about-god

Allen, Jennie. Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts

https://avirtuouswoman.org/when-you-feel-unlovable/