The Roadmap To Reconciliation: An Epilogue

When an epilogue is written in a biography of a person’s life, it will usually give a summary of how that person went on to live the rest of their lives.

When an epilogue is written in a book of non-fiction, the author may use it to restate the main themes of the book or to provide some additional closing thoughts that round out his argument.

That is my objective this morning, because this series is not complete apart from today’s message.

In studying Paul’s letter to Philemon, we’ve learned how to make an appeal to restore a hurting relationship but here’s question that we will all face at some point in our lives: what do you do when reconciliation isn’t possible? What do you do when you try to be reconciled but the other person or the other party isn’t willing? How does the Scripture guide us concerning those very real situations of life?

As you ponder those questions, follow along as I read our text.

Read Philemon 21-25.

As I read Paul’s closing words of this letter, I cannot help but think: what if Philemon rejected Paul’s appeal? What if he wrote back to Paul and simply said, “no”?

We don’t know what Philemon’s response was, but we do know that such things do happen in life and they leave us even more heartbroken and hurting. What do you do?

One message cannot answer all of those questions, but my desire is to remind you of certain realities from the Word of God. When someone refuses to be reconciled, you must remember at least four things:

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Remember that you are a sinner too - 1 Timothy 1:15.

Turn to 1 Timothy 1:15.

“Pastor Tim, that’s kind of harsh. I don’t like to remember that.”

Perhaps not, but that’s exactly what you need to remember when you’re dealing with a difficult situation like Paul was. You see, when someone refuses to be reconciled, you are vividly reminded that they are a sinner! You are reminded that their flesh is alive and well - whether they are saved or not saved! So you must consciously, intentionally remember that your flesh is alive and well also! You’re a sinner too.

Paul never forgot that.

Read 1 Timothy 1:15, 12-13.

Paul could have remembered his credentials. He could have boasted that he was one of the most educated, most respected Pharisees in Judaism, but instead, he remembered that he was a sinner saved by God’s grace.

Why? Why did it matter?

As we see in 1 Timothy 1:12, it kept him thankful. But not only that, it kept him humble.

1 Corinthians 15:9 KJV 1900

For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.

Ephesians 3:8 KJV 1900

Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ;

Paul never forgot who he was and what he had done as an unsaved Pharisee. It helped him maintain a humble perspective when others hurt him. Especially as an apostle, Paul had his enemies.

2 Timothy 4:14–15 KJV 1900

Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works: Of whom be thou ware also; for he hath greatly withstood our words.

Application: When someone hurts you, remember that you are a sinner too. Remember that you stand just as much in need of God’s mercy and grace as they do. Thinking about these truths will humble you. You need that, because when someone sins against you, you are immediately tempted to view yourself as better than they. Remembering that you are a sinner too is the perfect antidote to that scourge of churches called bitterness. It’s hard to grow bitter towards someone when you realize that biblically, you’re a sinner too.

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Remember that you will be judged - Romans 14:10-12.

Turn to Romans 14:10-12.

Many people, from prominent politicians to private citizens, have uttered the words, “I will see you in court.” Public figures have issued this threat of legal action in tweets on social media and even in media interviews. In 2015, it was estimated that "nearly 90% of all U.S. corporations are engaged in some sort of litigation” with the average company working on thirty-seven lawsuits at any given time. No doubt, larger companies like Facebook, Google, or Apple have even more lawsuits in the court system. As of 2015, there were “1.1 million practicing attorneys in the country, or 80% of the world’s total...”

When we know someone personally and they hurt us, It’s tempting to think, “I’ll see you in court.” It’s tempting to focus on the fact that they will be judged by God, and that is true, but that’s not where your focus needs to be. Your focus needs to be on the reality that you will be judged!

Read Romans 14:10-12.

Application: don’t remember their court date; remember yours. Don’t be concerned about someone else’s court date before God; be concerned about yours.

When you stand before the Lord Jesus, you won’t be thinking about how others have lived; you’ll be thinking about how you have lived. You won’t be thinking about how others have pleased or displeased Him; you’ll be thinking about whether you have pleased or displeased Him. So when someone hurts you in this life, remember that you will be judged for your own actions in the future.

This reality should lead you to lovingly pray for them.

This reality should lead you to consider whether you are right with God.

Remember that you will be judged.

These first two points have been heavy, I know, but the final two points aren’t as much. When someone refuses to be reconciled, thirdly...

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Remember who God is

Turn to Psalm 86.

It seems to me that no matter what a person may face in life, there is always an aspect of God’s character that applies to the situation. When you are faced with a broken relationship, remember who God is.

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He is merciful toward sinners

Read Psalm 86:3-5, 15.

Application: when you are hurting because someone will not be reconciled to you, thank God for His mercy toward you. Thank Him that He is a God of second chances and often many more than that. Make sure you show mercy toward others.

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He is ready to forgive

Psalm 86:5 KJV 1900

For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; And plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

Application: You can enjoy a clear conscience before God regardless of the other person’s decision. If you have confessed your sin to God, then according to 1 John 1:9, you are forgiven! If you have attempted to be reconciled to someone and they won’t have it, that is between them and God, not you! God is a God who delights in forgiveness! He delights in having children who come running to Him seeking restoration! He is the Father that open His arms of love and welcomes back the prodigal son or daughter! He doesn’t put you on probation. He is ready to forgive. There is not a person on earth who can stop you from being right with God, except yourself.

If you have confessed your sin to the Lord and you have sought to be reconciled without avail, you can still rest knowing that God has forgiven you. Don’t be hindered by a weight of guilt when you are forgiven! God is ready to forgive.

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He is just

Deuteronomy 32:4 KJV 1900

He is the Rock, his work is perfect: For all his ways are judgment: A God of truth and without iniquity, Just and right is he.

Application: When you have tried and tried to be reconciled but you have been rebuffed, leave the matter in God’s hands. Step back and let God do His work, both in your life and in the lives of others.

Remember who God is.

I have one more point to consider. We could spend a lot of time on this one. It could be the longest part of my message, but don’t be concerned, it’s not.

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Remember Jesus - Hebrews 12:2-3.

Read Hebrews 12:2-3.

Why remember Jesus?

Because He is the author and finisher of our faith - He ran His race with patience and so must we. He did His Father’s will and completed the race. You are called to follow His footsteps.

Because He suffered and endured the cross for you and He invites you to know Him in the fellowship of His sufferings.

Because He is victorious over sin, death, and the grave and is presently seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Application: When you are trying to pick up the pieces of a broken relationship, always remember Jesus, because He understands. He came unto His own and His own received Him not. He faced rejection greater than any of us ever have. So remember Jesus.

Conclusion

[When it comes to Philemon and Onesimus,] Was this the end of the story? Surely not. Onesimus and Philemon went on to lead even more productive lives for Christ. Many believe that Philemon, in deference to Paul’s expressed desire to have Onesimus back (vv. 13, 14, 20), returned him to Paul in Rome, where he further developed into a great man of God. The historical evidence is most suggestive of this.

Fifty years later when Ignatius, one of the great Christian martyrs, was being transported from Antioch to Rome to be executed, he wrote letters to certain churches. In writing to Ephesus he praised their Bishop Onesimus, even making the same Pauline pun on his name! It appears likely that Onesimus, the runaway slave, had become, with the passing of years, the great Bishop of Ephesus. This is one of the great stories of the gospel and of the Church—a jewel in her crown. R. Kent Hughes, Colossians and Philemon: The Supremacy of Christ, Preaching the Word (Westchester, IL: Crossway Books, 1989), 166.

Maybe your story is similar to theirs. Maybe reconciliation is possible. If so, do everything you can to make it happen. But if for the time being it is not, remember that you are a sinner too, remember that you will be judged, remember who God is, and remember Jesus.

Lord’s Supper:

Ask the men to come and have a seat at the front.

This morning we are going to celebrate Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. We’re going to celebrate Him because He bore our sins on the cross of Calvary. We’re going to celebrate Him because He paid the full price for our sin.

If you have trusted in Christ alone for salvation, then you are welcome to participate in the Lord’s Supper. It has significance to you. If you have not trusted in Christ, then you are certainly welcome to observe. This ordinance of the local church is a celebration and a remembrance of our Savior’s sacrifice of Himself for our sins.

Christian, during this time, take a moment to ensure that you are right with God and man. During this time, meditate on what your Savior did to bring you salvation. Think about His sacrifice and how He did it for you. Praise Him and thank Him as you talk with Him in your heart.

Pray and thank the Lord for giving His body and shedding His blood for us.

Serve the bread

Read Mark 14:22.

Partake

Serve the grape juice

Read Mark 14:23.

Partake.

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