God, Guys & Girls (Part 4)

Introduction:

Getting married = getting out of the dating scene

(Mentally) Raise your hand if...

… you have ever stared at a message to a guy/girl you are interested in, trying to decide if you are going to hit the send button.

… you have ever had trouble sleeping because you were thinking about that guy/girl you are interested in (whether excited or frustrated).

… you have ever been frustrated with a friend over spending too much time with a boyfriend/girlfriend and not enough time with you.

… you did something kind of dumb and immediately looked about to see if “he” or “she” was looking.

… you had your heart broken from a breakup or somebody not being interested. Now I know this one is a little more personal, but I’ll join you in raising my hand.

Unwritten rules of dating

Go on date first before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend

Only one date a weekend

Don’t date your friend’s ex

Q. What are some other unwritten rules of dating?

Need:

Everyone has their own unwritten rules

Pause and ask God how He would like us to handle it

Last week, Bible = a lot about sex

But not about dating

Why?

Cultural context

But there are obvious guidelines

God’s Dating Rules:

Honor and respect

Romans 12:10 (ESV)

10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Philippians 2:3–4 (ESV)

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Matthew 7:12 (ESV)

12 “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Core-Christian commands

Respecting and honoring = unselfish

Lust vs. Love

Lust is selfish

Love is selfless

Dating partner does not = property or possession

Be on guard against selfish thinking

High priority:

You need to respect and honor his/her family.

You need to respect and honor his/her friends.

You need to respect and honor his/her walk with God.

You need to respect and honor his/her commitments.

You need to respect and honor his/her, “No!”

Sounds weird

No means no

Other person doesn’t respect no = get out of it

God’s Dating Rules:

Honor and respect

Be equally yoked

2 Corinthians 6:14–15 (ESV)

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

Yoke:

Plowing field = using animals

Better with multiple animals (usually oxen)

Giant piece of wood (or metal), connecting animals together

Plow connects to yoke

Two things for this to be at its best:

Heading in same direction

Near equal strength

Connection to dating world

Heading in different directions

Following Jesus

Same mindset in journey with Jesus

Bottom line: make sure you are connecting with a person who is connected with and heading toward God with a similar spiritual intensity as you are.

God’s Dating Rules:

Honor and respect

Be equally yoked

Flee sexual immorality

1 Corinthians 6:18 (ESV)

18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Last lesson

Clearest command in Scripture regarding setting up a standard inside a dating relationship

Throughout Scripture = high priority on sexual integrity

Intended for marriage

Keep any chance of compromise off the table

Even the most spiritually solid can fall

Personal experience

Well meaning couples

Lapse in judgement

Shame

Also, sometimes the opposite happens

They knew their standards

They set up good boundaries

They stayed connected to other friends

They kept their walks with Jesus a priority

They had a healthy relationship

Still doesn’t usually make it to marriage, but no baggage

Comparing these two: trends

Michael’s Unwritten Rules of Dating:

Set up boundaries to help you stick to God’s standards

God’s three standards:

Respect and honor each other

Be equally yoked

Flee sexual immorality

Putting boundaries in place that help you reach these standards

Boundaries that sought to Honor and Respect:

We will not talk, text, or FaceTime until our homework is done.

We will be committed to stick to any curfew our parents have in place.

Boundaries to Remain Equally Yoked:

We will pray together before we eat any meal on a date.

We will go to church together, but we will limit how often we sit together during service.

Boundaries to Flee Sexual Immorality:

We will either go on dates with others or hang out in public areas.

We will not lay down side-by-side anywhere.

Not all of these necessarily have to be yours

But you should think through your own.

Use the ones of these you like/think is wise

Michael’s Unwritten Rules of Dating:

Set up boundaries to help you stick to God’s standards

Stay connected to others

Isolation = pretend marriage

Don’t sacrifice all your friendships

It WILL Take up your time

Giving grace (from the other side)

But keep social life and connections a priority.

More than friends:

Family

Mentors

Church family

Michael’s Unwritten Rules of Dating:

Set up boundaries to help you stick to God’s standards

Stay connected to others

Keep your relationship with Jesus a priority

Emphasize: YOUR

Limit spiritual activity together (not a good accountability partner)

You are not responsible for your boyfriend/girlfriend’s walk

Week 1: Messy when...

Relationships push us away from God

Relationships become God

Finish where we started

The Big Idea: Unless I'm wholeheartedly pursuing a relationship with Christ, all other relationships will be a hopeless attempt to fill that void.

Nothing can ever take the place of this

Close by praying:

Male student: guys

Female student: girls

Male leader: Relationships with people

Female leader: relationships with God