Between You and Me
I hate you but it's killing me • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
HOW MAN OF YOU KNOW...
WITHOUT LOVE…IT’S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGIVE
THIS SCRIPTURE TELLS US...
VS 14 (READ IT)
12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,
THE CLOSER TO THE SECOND COMING OF THE LORD WE GET
IT SAYS...
THE MORE WICKEDNESS AND LAWLESSNESS WILL ABOUND
AND THE MORE THIS HAPPENS, THE HARDER IT BECOMES TO LOVE
THE HARDER IT IS TO LOVE, THE HARDER IT WILL BE TO FORGIVE
THERE IS A PLAN THAT THE ENEMY HAS...
TO UNLEASH THE SPIRIT OF OFFENSE
UN-DEALT WITH HURT
TURNS TO HATE
AND IN TURN, THAT BITTERNESS AND HATE
CAUSES YOU TO BECOME LIKE THE ONE WHO HURT YOU
.....OPEN IN PRAYER.....
COLOSSIANS 3:13 SAYS...
BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER
WHAT THIS IS SAYING IS...
BETWEEN YOU AND ME....
WE ARE GOING TO HAVE DEAL WITH AND GRAPPLE WITH SOME THINGS
THE SCRIPTURE DOESN’T SAY
IF THIS HAPPENS…GIVE UP ON ONE ANOTHER
IT SAYS....BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER
AND FORGIVE IF YOU HAVE A GRIEVANCE WITH ONE ANOTHER
JUST AS CHRIST HAS FORGIVEN YOU
I LOVE HOW THE (NLT) SAYS IT..
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
IN COLOSSIANS 3:9.
PAUL EMPHASIZES THE IMPORTANCE OF HONESTY AMONG FELLOW BELIEVERS
THERE, HE ADVISES BELIEVERS NOT TO LIE TO ONE ANOTHER
IN THIS VERSE, HE SUGGESTS A POSITIVE TRAIT BELIEVERS OUGHT TO EXPRESS TOWARD EACH OTHER:
“BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER”
AS BELIEVERS
WE ARE FAMILY AND WE SHOULD TREAT ONE ANOTHER WITH KINDNESS AND GRACE.
THIS INCLUDES, FORGIVENESS, AS WELL AS SOME TOLERANCE.
INSTEAD OF DEMANDING PERFECTION IN OTHERS.
WE NEED TO BE WILLING TO ENDURE OTHER BELIEVERS’ QUIRKS AND DIFFERENCES
AND WHEN THEY FAIL
WE NEED TO BE READY TO FORGIVE AND HELP THEM HEAL
NOW……I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS...
BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER
DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO AGREE WITH ONE ANOTHER
THERE HAVE BEEN MANY INSTANCES IN MY MARRIAGE..
WHERE, MARIA AND I HAVE NOT AGREED.....WHAT????
I KNOW IT’S A SHOCKER…LOL
BUT JUST BECAUSE I DON’T AGREE WITH HER ON SOMETHING
DOES NOT MEAN THAT I JUST NEED TO FIND ANOTHER WIFE
OR HER FIND ANOTHER HUSBAND
THAT WOULD BE CRAZY RIGHT???
WE NEED TO MAKE ALLOWANCES
THE SCRIPTURE IS SHOWING US THAT WE NEED TO FORGIVE
JUST AS CHRIST FORGAVE US...
A FEW WEEKS AGO I TALKED ABOUT HOW..
OUR OFFENSE CREATES A FENCE AROUND OURSELVES
WHEN WE ALLOW OFFENSE TO SET INTO OUR HEARTS
WE ISOLATE FROM OTHERS
WE BECOME LOCKED UP LIKE A FORTRESS
AT ONE POINT I THREW THE FENCE TO THE GROUND
THE STATEMENT I MADE WAS THIS...
“MARIA AND I’S RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN PAVED FORWARD BY WALKING ON THE OFFENSES THAT WE HAVE CHOSEN TO LAY DOWN”
THIS IS TRUE OF ANY RELATIONSHIP
UNDERSTAND THIS...
YOU WILL BE OFFENDED
THE QUESTION IS WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THOSE OFFENSES
I READ A QUOTE THIS LAST WEEK....
"APOLOGIES AREN’T MEANT TO CHANGE THE PAST, THEY ARE MEANT TO CHANGE THE FUTURE.”
CHURCH…WE HAVE TO CHOOSE TO MOVE FORWARD
YOUR OFFENSE ISN’T WORTH IT
YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF
(TELL STORY OF LOSING LILLY BUTLER)
YOUR OFFENSES AREN’T WORTH IT
I KNOW THAT THEY HURT YOU
WHAT THEY DID WASN’T FAIR AND HATEFUL
BUT HOLDING ON TO THAT OFFENSE
IS ONLY KILLING....YOU
HERE IS THE QUESTION...
HOW DO YOU LAY DOWN OFFENSES AND MOVE FORWARD?
WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?
TO ACTUALLY LAY IT DOWN AND MOVE FORWARD TO HEALING AND HEALTH
WHAT DOES THAT CONVERSATION LOOK LIKE
WHAT DOES THE RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE FIGHTING FOR GENUINE INTIMACY?
I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST GOT MARRIED
SOMEONE TOLD ME...
CHRIS, IN MARRIAGE.....
IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHO IS RIGHT....
IT’S ABOUT WHO WILL GO FIRST
WHO WILL BE THE LEADER WHEN THERE IS DISAGREEMENTS
WHO WILL BE THE LEADER TO BRING PEACE
WHO WILL GO FIRST???
THIS IS HOW RELATIONSHIPS REALLY LAST....
THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME
IS HOW FAR I’M WILLING TO WALK
HEAR ME ON THIS...
THERE ARE SOME RELATIONSHIPS THAT NEED TO END
WE LEARNED ABOUT THAT LAST WEEK
THERE ARE MANY TIMES WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE NECESSARY
BUT RIGHT NOW I AM TALKING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE
THAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO STEWARD,
THAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO WALK ALONG SIDE,
THAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR
__________________________
FUNNY STORY.....
THERE IS THIS HUSBAND AND WIFE AND THEY’RE RIDING IN THEIR TRUCK
AND THE WIFE LOOKS OVER AND SAYS....
OH HONEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO US
WE USE TO DRIVE ALL SNUGGLED CLOSE
WE USE TO RIDE DOWN THE INTERSTATE JUST LOVEY DOVEY
NOW LOOK AT US....
SO MUCH SPACE BETWEEN US.....
HE LOOKED AT HER AND SAID...
WELL, I HAVEN’T MOVED
CHURCH…WE CREATE DISTANCE
IN OUR UNWILLINGNESS TO GO FIRST....
BECAUSE OF FEELINGS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS
WE CREATE THE DISTANCE
?? HOW DO WE ELIMINATE SPACE BETWEEN THE GAP ??
ACKNOWLEDGE THE GAP
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
IT SAYS,
IF YOU REMEMBER THAT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT HAS CREATED DISTANCE
BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER IN CHRIST.
GO ADDRESS IT...
NOTICE THIS....
IT SAYS,
YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE THE ONE OFFENDED
BUT IF YOU KNOW YOU’VE SAID SOMETHING OR DONE SOMETHING
AND YOU KNOW THAT IT HURT SOMEONE
IT SAYS, GO FIX IT
YEAH BUT PASTOR CHRIS....I MEAN, WHAT I SAID WAS TRUTH....
THEY JUST NEED TO NOT BE SO OFFENDED
I AGREE BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE JUST LET SOMEONE FALL AWAY BECAUSE THEY ARE OFFENDED
LUKE 17 TELLS US...
IT IS BETTER TO TIE A MILLSTONE AROUND YOUR NECK
AND BE THROWN INTO THE SEA
THAN TO CAUSE ONE OF THESE LITTLE ONES TO STUMBLE
LITTLE ONES????
WHAT’S HE TALKING ABOUT?
HE’S TALKING ABOUT IMMATURE CHRISTIANS
HE’S TALKING ABOUT NEW CHRISTIANS
WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO WATCH OVER THOSE WHO ARE NEW IN CHRIST.....
IF SOMEONE IS OFFENDED AND YOU KNOW IT...
GO TO THEM AND TRY TO RECONCILE
NOW………ON THE OTHER HAND....
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO JUST GET OFFENDED AT EVERY LITTLE THING
I’M TALKING ABOUT PETTY OFFENSES
THINGS THAT YOU WOULD BE EMBARRASSED TO PROBABLY SHARE
I’M TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT DON’T NEED TO BE HASHED OUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE
BECAUSE THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH OTHER PEOPLE
THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOU....
oh come on….
IT’S THE LENS OF YOUR LIFE......
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS A COUPLE WEEKS AGO...
IT’S WHAT YOU SEE
IT’S YOUR PERSPECTIVE
AND IT’S CAUSED BY
A BITTER ROOT IN YOUR HEART
THERE IS THIS PHENOMENON
IT’S CALLED THE FREQUENCY ILLUSION
WHEN MARIA AND I BOUGHT OUR VEHICLE...
I WAS LIKE YEAH THIS WILL BE NICE…
WE WILL HAVE THE ONLY ONE IN VALLEY SPRINGS
I HAVEN’T SEEN THEM, NEVER HEARD OF THEM
ALL THE SUDDEN WE COME HOME FROM ELK GROVE
AND OUR CAR IS EVERYWHERE
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU???
IT’S LIKE...
DID EVERYBODY GO BUY THIS CAR IN THE SAME WEEKEND? LOL
IT’S THIS FREQUENCY ILLUSION WHERE...
WHEN YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW
YOU SUDDENLY NOTICE IT EVERYWHERE
AND FOR SOME OF YOU
BECAUSE THERE IS A BITTER ROOT IN YOUR HEART
YOU SEE OFFENSE…EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK
OH COME ON SOMEBODY....
I’VE SEEN IT IN THE HOUSE OF GOD MANY TIMES...
THE HOUSE YOU GOT SAVED IN
THE HOUSE YOU GOT MARRIED IN
AND YOUR KIDS GREW UP IN
AND THE HOUSE WHERE YOU HAVE BUILT RELATIONSHIP AFTER RELATIONSHIP
IT’S THE HOUSE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE WAS SAVED IN
AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN...
ONE LITTLE THING HAPPENS
AND YOUR READY TO RUN OUT THE DOOR
AND CURSE EVERY PERSON HERE....WHY?
BECAUSE THERE IS A BITTER ROOT LIVING ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR HEART
THERE IS A BITTER LENS OF OFFENSE
AND NOW YOU SEE OFFENSE EVERYWHERE....WHY??
BECAUSE IT’S WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR
SO I GUESS THE QUESTIONS TODAY IS....
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR???
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
WHATEVER YOUR LOOKING FOR....
WHATEVER YOUR THINKING ABOUT....
THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL FIND
OH COME ON SOMEBODY.....
IF I’M LOOKING FOR A GOOD REPORT
GOOD REPORTS ARE WHAT I’M GOING TO FIND
IF I’M LOOKING FOR THE LOVELY
I’M GOING TO SEE LOVELY THINGS ALL AROUND ME
IF I’M LOOKING FOR THE TRUTH
I’M GONNA SEE THE TRUTH ALL AROUND ME
WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR????
PERHAPS THE LENS OF YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN TAINTED BY OFFENSE
IT’S TIME TO TAKE THE LENS OFF
AND HAVE YOUR HEART CLEANSED
I WANT AN OPEN HEART OF GRACE AND FORGIVENESS
BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I NEED FROM MY FATHER IN HEAVEN....AMEN
I LOVE THE TRANSLATION OF THE TEXT IN COLOSSIANS 3:13.
BEARING ONE ANOTHER
MEANS TO MAKE ALLOWANCES
OH COME ON....
THATS TOUGH FOR SOME OF US....
WHEN WE MAKE A BUDGET
WE HAVE A LINE ITEM FOR ALLOWANCES
ROOM FOR EMERGENCIES
ROOM FOR ERROR
YOU HAVE TO…WHY???
BECAUSE ERRORS WILL HAPPEN
EMERGENCIES WILL HAPPEN
IF YOU DON’T HAVE ROOM ALLOWANCES
MAN YOU CAN GET INTO A PICKLE REAL QUICK
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FACTORED IN ANY MARGINS FOR ERROR IN YOUR LIFE
SCRIPTURE IS TELLING US CHURCH
WE HAVE TO FACTOR IN SOME ROOM FOR ALLOWANCES IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS
OFFENSE IS GONNA HAPPEN
DISAGREEMENTS ARE GONNA COME
SO WE HAVE TO CHOOSE TO CREATE MARGINS FOR FORGIVENESS
165 Great peace have they which love thy law:
And nothing shall offend them.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE CHRISTIANS TODAY...
THAT BELIEVE THAT IT IS THEIR DUTY AS A CHRISTIANS
THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD OFFEND THEM
YET SCRIPTURE SAYS,
GREAT PEACE HAVE THEY THAT LOVE THY LAW
AND NOTHING SHALL OFFEND THEM…WHY???
BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOVE GODS LAW
YOU KNOW THAT GOD’S LAW
IS THAT YOU SHOULD
LOVE OTHERS WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART
GOD’S LAW IS THAT YOU SHOULD
FORGIVE AS CHRIST FORGAVE YOU
GODS LAW IS THAT
YOU SHOULD GIVE THE SHIRT FROM YOUR BACK
AND BE A SERVANT OF ALL
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING CHURCH...
WHEN YOU KNOW GOD’S LAW
AND YOU LOVE IT
IT MAKES LIFE EASIER
BECAUSE THE STUFF THAT WOULD ENTANGLE YOU
SUDDENLY HAS NO HOLD ON YOUR HEART
I GOT PEACE
I’M NOT OFFENDED
I’VE BEEN BOUGHT WITH A PRICE
AND SET FREE FROM ETERNITY IN HELL
I HAVE RECEIVED GRACE BEYOND WHAT I DESERVE
WHO AM I TO HOLD OFFENSE TOWARD OTHERS
I’VE BEEN FORGIVEN
_____________________
THERE IS A CORRECT WAY TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE PEACE
THERE IS AN OLD SAYING THAT GOES...
NEVER RUIN AN APOLOGY WITH AN EXCUSE
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING...
I CAN SPEAK FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
WHEN EMOTIONS ARE HIGH
APOLOGIES ARE DANGEROUS
THEY CAN SPIN OUT AND TURN INTO AN EVEN LARGER DISAGREEMENT
BUT WHEN DONE CORRECTLY...
THEY CAN BRING HEALING AND RECONCILIATION
APOLOGIES MAKE YOU STRONGER
NOT WEAKER
YOU KNOW WHAT’S POWERFUL IN RELATIONSHIPS?
WHEN YOUR IN A DISAGREEMENT
AND YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A LOVE SHIFT
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???
IT MEANS THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF A DISAGREEMENT WITH SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BEAR WITH
THAT YOU WANT TO GO THE DISTANCE WITH
SOMEONE YOU HAVE COMMITTED TO WALK ALONG SIDE OF
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SHIFT GEARS
FROM THE DISAGREEMENT
TO HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM AND ARE COMMITTED TO THEM
OH COME ON.....
I’M GONNA BE VULNERABLE WITH YOU RIGHT HERE....
THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES IN MINE AND MARIA’S MARRIAGE WHERE...
WE WERE NOT OK
WE WERE IN SUCH A BATTLE THAT...
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHTS AND SHE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF .....I’M DONE
I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE
WAIT WHAT…PASTOR CHRIS AND MARIA.....
NO WAY
OH YES WAY
BUT IN THOSE MOMENTS OF DOUBT AND FEAR AND CONFUSION
I HAVE LITERALLY CHOSEN TO FORCE MYSELF TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE
HOW MUCH I AM COMMITTED TO HER
WHEN I BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS…TO HER
I REASSURE HER THAT…THIS ISN’T DONE
THAT THIS IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR
THAT WHAT GOD IS DOING WITH US AND THROUGH US....
IS REAL AND POWERFUL
AND MY LOVE AND COMMITMENT TO YOU IS STRONGER THAN MY FEELING AT THE MOMENT
I’M TELLING YOU CHURCH....
WE HAVE A CHOICE TO MAKE WITH OUR RELATIONSHIPS
A SHIFT CAN BE MADE AND THE BATTLE WON
WE ARE NOT FIGHTING FLESH AND BLOOD (EACH OTHER)
WE ARE FIGHTING THE POWERS OF DARKNESS THAT WANTS TO DESTROY US
BUT LISTEN TO THIS.....
WHEN WE CHOOSE TO FORGIVE
WE WIN.....
OH MY LORD
WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO NOT HOLD OFFENSES OR GRUDGES
BUT TO LAY THEM DOWN.....
YOU WIN EVERY TIME.
....WORSHIP TEAM COME.....
9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
9 Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends.
WHEN FORGIVENESS IS GIVEN
LOVE CAN GROW
RELATIONSHIPS CAN GROW
BUT HOLDING A GRUDGE...
WILL KILL LOVE EVERY TIME
A RELATIONSHIP WILL NEVER SURVIVE UNFORGIVENESS
IT MAY FOR A SEASON
BUT EVENTUALLY THE ROOT OF BITTERNESS WILL INFECT AND DESTROY
OH COME ON SOMEBODY….
IT’S NOT WORTH IT.....
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO HANG ON TO UNFORGIVENESS
___________________________calm it down…
THE LAST QUESTION I WANT TO ASK TODAY IS THIS....
WHAT’S BETWEEN YOU AND JESUS
IS THERE A PART OF YOUR LIFE THAT HAS BEEN UNDEALT WITH?
SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVEN’T FULLY RELEASED TO JESUS
TODAY IS THE DAY.....
WHAT IS IT CHURCH...
WHAT IS IT THAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM INTIMACY WITH HIM?
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU’VE BEEN HOLDING ON TO???
.....STAND TO YOUR FEET ALL OVER THIS HOUSE...
WHAT’S BETWEEN YOU AND JESUS???
PLEASE PLEASE, DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT GIVING ALL TO HIM THIS MORNING
I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DANGER OF UNFORGIVENESS
25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
FIRST OF ALL,
DEAL WITH THE UNFORGIVENESS TOWARD OTHERS
THEN ANYTHING YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN TO GOD
REPENT AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS
AN UNREPENTANT HEART
IS A SINFUL HEART
DOESN’T MATTER THE SEVERITY OF WHAT YOU’VE DONE
GOD SAYS FOR ANYONE WHO REPENTS AND TURNS TO ME
I WILL FORGIVE
I WILL HEAL YOUR HEART
AS THEY PLAY,
THESE ALTARS ARE OPEN
COME THIS MORNING
AND DEAL WITH MATTERS OF YOUR HEART
NOW IS THE TIME CHURCH