Life After Divorce

Introduction

Marriage is one of the oldest covenants between man and woman created by God. Throughout the history of the bible we have been introduced to a number of issues that have persisted at the expense of handling this commitment irresponsibly. We live in a society to day that many of the people in our society were raised in single parent homes or even a part of blended families due to the failure of marriages or families being created without marriage even being an option. If children are involved no matter how much you tell them that this isn’t their fault and both parents still love them it’s still traumatic. One thing we must do for the next generation is be honest with them about marriage and prepare them for marriage just like we prepare them to support themselves, go to college, seek gainful employment and many other things that parents prepare children for. Divorce is a topic that impacts the church but due to doctrinal and interpretative differences and more importantly fear we haven’t talked about it as much as we should. Any thing that impacts the church should be talked about and taught in way that prevents it. We do so many preventable things in life, it’s time that we use the tools of scripture to preserve our families.

Background

The dialogue between Jesus and the Pharisees begins with a question raised in effort to text him. They often asked questions in effort to find a loop hole in the doctrine or teachings of Jesus.

Look at the question they ask, they ask is it lawful or permitted. At the core understand the enemy’s goal is to destroy our faith because it touches lives deeply. Friend groups change, places of worship may change, geography changes, holidays change. Divorce never only impacts the couple, it is one part of life that has impact in a number of ways.

This is how we know that divorce even when permissible is never a solution. Even in the instance in which life is threatened and danger is imminent, trauma requires healing and lives will never be the same.

A World of Shortcuts and Loopholes

One of the issues we face in today’s world is the nature of shortcuts, or loopholes or even looking for the easy way out.

I’m always intrigued by the nature of this dialogue between Jesus and Pharisees it comes on the back-end of a conversation about forgiveness that I believe we can learn something about marriage from those conversations.

The parable of the unforgiving servant, how many marriages have ended or are in a place of turmoil because of holding grudges and refusal to forgive. How many problems in marriage persist because instead of going to your spouse first you talk to everyone else in effort to feel better about your feelings.

Jesus sets the stage accordingly in the beginning of Matthew 19, the foundational principles of marriage and rationale behind this covenant.

Covenant between male and female from the beginning.

Two become one by joining together and becoming one flesh.

God put this together, do not let humans separate it.

God the father is showcased as they take another step to finding a loophole. They reference the law of Moses but Jesus informs them that even at the expense of that concession the original purpose of marriage was not supposed to be like that. Similar to the nature of polygamy when we read about Lamech in the old testament. Marriage was originally between one man and one woman in effort that the two become one!

Disclaimer

Marriage is not for everyone. Do not allow society or family pressure to make you think that your life is of less value because you’ve never said I do.

1 Corinthians 7:8 “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;”

There are many factors that contribute to successful marriage. Consider things like belief systems, kids or no kids, how many kids, how you plan to deal with disability, debt, extended family. Nonetheless a part from all of these things you have to find a way to defend and support each other! The world is tough on marriage, people won’t agree with everything you do in your marriage but understand wholeheartedly that your marriage depends on you, your spouse and prioritization of God.

Divorce is Never the Solution

Matthew 19:9 “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.””

Grounds for divorce are sexual immorality, this word immorality scripturally had the implication of prostitution considering the root word, or to engage in fornication. We see the same term in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”

as well as in Judges 7 as it pertains to Sodom and Gomorrah.

Understand family and friends that there may be grounds but grounds are not equal to a solution. A solution is defined as a means to solving a problem or the correct answer to a puzzle. The overall point is even in situations where divorce is permissible it’s never a solution to peace. In a divorce both people that engaged in marriage decide to dissolve a covenant created by God.

Even in a situation where you are the offender or the cause of the divorce it is important to understand that healing is still a part of the process because the end of a marriage is painful experience regardless of the circumstance. On the other hand, the person that may have caused the divorce is dealing with a sin problem and until hearts change, life will never be at peace.

Yes, there are grounds for divorce but even within those grounds there is still forgiveness. Divorce is a lawful practice nonetheless it was never intended to be a spiritual practice.

This is the problem with sin, when we look for loopholes we are avoiding repentance and refusing to deal with the accountability that forgiveness from God requires. The solution to every problem is Christ, the solution to every sin is repentance and forgiveness which should lead to a change of heart.

Here’s what happens when we do not deal with our issues we tend to take those issues into the next relationship. Divorce may be an option, but it’s not the solution. The Pharisees were looking for a solution but breaking a covenant is never a solution, breaking a covenant is a sin.

Healing and repentance always follow the breaking of a covenant regardless of who is at fault.

Let us remember that some practices are lawful but not biblical. The original plan was for one woman to be with one man for all of life.

We continuously speak to the fact that Jesus has a remedy for every problem. Understand that He has a remedy for your marriage regardless of what you are going through. If you’ve been through a divorce understand that the sin is not terminal! Spend some time reconciling with God and committing wholeheartedly to God, because if we can’t commit to God it will be very difficult for us to commit to each other.

When we look at the idea of peace, or the idea of righteousness, divorce is not solution because the immediate consequence of divorce is not peace. True peace only comes from God. Before you run away from each other, run to God and seek His help.