Take Care of them when they are Old

Introduction

When we started the year, we put an emphasis how we should relate to one another in the Church. The bible uses many different terms to describe the Church: a nation, a priesthood, a temple, a building; but one of the most relatable ways of referring to the church is as a family. 1 Timothy 5 begins with addressing how the family of the church should relate to each other.

There are few issues that are harder to deal with than those that overlap between family and church issues. Families are members of churches; so family issue can easily become church issues; but not every family issue is a church issue. Weeding through the distinction can become difficult which is why I believe Paul spends a lot of time talking about the issue we are going to discuss tonight. It is both a family issue and a church issue and Paul makes a distinction for when it is one verses when it is the other.

I am going to address the children tonight and tell you this passage indicates that you are supposed to supposed to take care of your parents when they get old. The passage specifically says widows or your mother, but I believe there is biblical evidence to show that we have a responsibility to take care of both of our parents. Mark 7:9-13 “And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. For Moses said, Honor thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.” What this passage teaches is that one of the ways of honoring your parents is taking care of them, helping them when they are old. Notice in 1 Timothy 5:3 the whole passage begins by saying we are to honor widows. Well how do we honor widows? by taking care of them. In our society this takes many different forms, but the responsibility is still there. Widows are the primary application of this text because they were often poor, destitute and lacking opportunities to get a job.

One of the greatest examples of this is seen in Jesus Christ who made sure his widowed mother was taken care of even while he was hanging on the cross. Think about that, you are dying on a cross, but what is on your mind? taking care of your mother.

Kids, remember what I am saying today for when you are older; but adults you are probably the ones that this will speak to the most because you are closer to this stage of life if you are not already in this stage of life. So we are going to ask three questions of this text and then consider some practical considerations that can be a help to us.

Who should care for these elderly family members?

A. Family First vs 4,8,16

The family carries the bulk of the responsibility of caring for those in their own family. Specifically, we are told that her children and nephews but the word for nephews refers to descendents or grandchildren. Families are created to be a place where we nurture and take care of each other. That work starts when someone is a baby, but there is also a work to do in the family when someone gets too old to take care of themselves. The loving nurturing environment of the home is the best place to get this care if it is possible.

denied the faith- Paul does not mince words when describing this issue to the church. When he says that they have denied the faith, he is claiming that they are not living out their faith in their daily life. This does not mean they have lost their salvation or that they have turned their back on Christianity. But their actions are just as much a denial as their words. Think about the Christian who sits silent while their friends are bulling another student in class. Does their silence speak? Sometimes louder than words. If people know you are a Christian, then you are communicating to them that this is alright in Christianity.

worse than an infidel- The key word you could insert is acting worse than even lost people do. Do lost people take care of their elderly family members. Has a son or daughter who wasn’t a Christian ever had to take in their mother to care for her? Even lost people know that this is important.

let not the church be charged- as we will see in a second, there are times when the church needs to step in; but Paul does not want this burden to be pushed unto the church if there is family that can take care of the problem. There are many other things that the money and work of the deacons could be invested into without bogging them down with things that the family should be taking care of.

B. Church vs 9 The church though is a safety net for those who are truly in need and churches have a responsibility to step in when there is not family to take care of one of their elderly members.

C. Themselves vs 11 reveals that there are some widows who do not need care. The younger widows who in that day could get married again should. In our day, if they can still work and provide for themselves then there is not need there. It isn’t like your mom reaches a certain age and then you must take her in. Paul talks about some widows who live in pleasure meaning they have more than they need. These do not need someone to step in to care for them. So the question we need to ask as a church is when should we step in to care for the widows?

When should the church step in to care for the elderly? vs 4-9

Does not have children or family to take care of them vs 4 As we focused on in the last point, the family is the primary care giver. So the church should step in when it is a situation where there is no family to take care of her.

has a need vs 5 The widow who is one indeed is one who is described as being desolate. The word means solitary or alone. She has no support system. This woman is contrasted with the one who lives in pleasure. The point here is she is alone and could use some help.

is a believer vs 5 She trusts in God. The church is not responsible for every widow out there though we can show the love of Christ and serve those outside the church. But when it comes to monetary and physical support, this responsibility is limited to those inside the church. Paul speaks of these women in very positive language as those who trust God and serve others.

Over 60 years old vs 9 There is debate about this list of widows and whether they were widows receiving support or widows serving in the church. If this list continues to discuss the support of widows then the following points should also be considered. It was commonly viewed that 60 was a time when physical desire died down. Life expectancy was a lot less than it is today; so I don’t think this number should be an absolute rule, but it really isn’t that hard to determine a young widow from an older widow. Paul’s point is that younger widows shouldn’t sit back and coast the rest of their lives. They should get back in the game.

Lives a holy life of good deeds vs 10 There is a picture in the epistles of what life should be like for those who are getting up in age, but I don’t think our elderly pay attention to that picture sometimes. Old age isn’t a time to just give up on everything and take it easy though there is an element of ease. It is an opportunity to invest in the lives of the younger generation. Notice vs 10 She has raised children (this would have been the norm), she has shown hospitality, she serves people, she takes care of the sick, she tries to live a holy life. This is an amazing picture of the older generation not giving up on life, but doing what they can. In Titus, Paul encouraged the older women to teach the younger women. We can come up with all kinds of excuses but God’s commands didn’t change.

But there are women who do not qualify. Younger widows, Paul says should seek to get married again because their physical desires could lead them into temptation and because they won’t know what to do with themselves if they are provided for. Idleness leads to gossip and meddling.

Why should we take care of our parents? vs 4,7

piety James 1:27 “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” Those who have ever had to care for an older person know what it is to be humble. You do things for them you never wanted to do or thought you would do. It also teaches you to be a servant: someone who sees the needs of others and acts to help that need. Taking care of your parents should come from a heart of gratitude, so you are acting out your gratitude to them. It can be a trying time, but God does use it to produce holiness in our lives. The manifestation of a true heart of piety to God is taking care of those who cannot care for themselves. It is an act of worship to God.

pay their parents back- to requite their parents- Requite literally means to pay back. Kids you may not realize it today, but you will when you become a parent. Your parents sacrifice a lot for you and they do a lot for you. They provide you with food and a house, they pay the bills for things for you, they make sure you get an education, they clean up after you, they teach you things, they drive you to practices. All these activities cost your parents something. Taking care of them when they are older is your opportunity to pay back some of what your parents gave for you.

pleases God vs 4- Taking care of your parents is pleasing to God. Do you want to please God with your life? This is one way that you can make God happy. It is as I said a form of worship. It is also a good thing to do. Remember that story about Jesus when he hung on the cross. Taking care of your mother is acting like Jesus did.

blameless vs 7- As Paul pointed out before, not taking care of your elderly family members brings shame even from the world. Being blameless means not deserving of rebuke or criticism. If we fail to do this, people have a right to say thats wrong. We deserve the criticism because of our actions. As a Christian, we should seek to live our lives above reproach.

Practical Considerations

Elderly family members may be pretty mobile but they may face the limitation of a fixed income from social security.

Grocery shop

Pick up prescriptions

Take their trash can to and from the curb weekly

Pick up their mail 

Invite them out for a meal

Bring a meal to their house and eat it together

Have coffee or tea together

Write a handwritten letter

Bake something for them and either mail it or hand deliver

Send a care package

Call them and tell them you love them

Sign them up on Facebook so they can see your pictures

Facetime

Set up a text feed with just them and check in often

Set up a text feed with your siblings, including them

Conclusion

Elder care is a daunting task and it goes through stages. There may come a point when you are not capable of taking care of their needs and professional help is needed. At that point, get them the help. You are not loving them by holding on to them when you can’t take care of them. You can still be there for them and take care of them, but getting them the help they need is essential. Honoring and loving your parents and elderly family members is going to cost you something and I think it is important to remember Paul’s words in Phil 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

My dad wasn’t in his old age when he passed away and my family was severely fractured by the divorce of my parents, but I would give anything to have been able to be with my dad during those last days. Thinking back brings me to tears wishing I had the opportunity to be with him again.