Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Morning…I’m Corey, NN CP…so honored to be here…welcome to YT/WBG/IC/Online/my campus-NN…thank you Pastor Stu…1 of most wise/driven/relentless pastors I’ve ever met…TY for loving Jesus/leading church w integrity

Thrilled to close out series That’s Cap today…have y’all loved it? Found it helpful/practical? Me too…in this series, we’ve been debunking lies @ love…lies we hear all the time, but they’re from the enemy & leave us hurt/confused

Up to this point, the lies have been pretty smart/conniving/devious lies…but today I want to share a bad lie with y’all

TENSION / THE HOOK (5/7) 36

Y’all know what I mean by a bad/dumb lie? didn’t eat chocolate/fed the dog/no hw/watered plants… Skittles Story

Most of the lies we believe are tricky/believable lies… but today, I want to discuss a lie that we all know is cap… but we believe it every day… it’s a lie that is the #13 movie quote of all time… from the movie Love Story… “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”… y’all heard that before?… Well everybody & their mama knows it’s a lie

But actually, I want to prove to you that in our world today, we do believe it… we have this misunderstanding that love is the absence of conflict... that if you’re in love, you’re so connected/caring of the other person that you’re always on the same page and you would never ever want to hurt them so there’s no reason to ever have conflict…

Still don’t believe me? How often do married ppl think “it wasn’t supposed to be this hard/it should be easier than this/we’re in love- this is supposed to be easy/I didn’t sign up for this-this is too hard”… we have conflict=not in love

Listen, today I want to teach you a truth right out of Scripture… the truth is this… not only is conflict inevitable in relationships, but Love Grows Through Conflict…

EXPOSITION (1.5/8.5) 31

For many of us- that’s a shock…we’ve spent our lives preventing conflict or developing bad habits for resolving conflict… silent treatment/pretend sleep/blame game/bad jokes… but today I want to transform your perspective on conflict… I want to help you no longer view conflict as a catastrophe but as an opportunity for cultivation!

Bc here’s the truth… conflict can either destroy our relationships or strengthen them, we get to decide… conflict is neither good nor bad, it’s how we manage it that determines its impact…

So today, I picked out the 3 principles from Scripture that I believe are the most essential and practical to hold to in the midst of relational conflict so that our love will grow rather implode…

Love Means Never Avoiding Conflict (7.5/16) 29:30

I love the first principle bc it comes straight from Jesus…& I particularly love it bc he addresses it from both sides…

First-Mt 5:23-24 CSB: So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift… so if someone has something against you, it’s your job to make it right!

But he doesn’t leave it there… in one of my fav passages, he says Mt 18:15-16 CSB: If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established…so if you have something against someone, it’s your job to make it right! Love this!

Jesus covers all the possibilities! (only 2) Whether you’ve sinned or they’ve sinned, Jesus calls us to run towards conflict, not away from it… in both verses, he says “GO” (be reconciled & win them back)

Which brings us to our first principle… love doesn’t mean never having to say you’re sorry… Love Means Never Avoiding Conflict…ouch! all of us do this/I hear it all the time…“it’s not worth the fight/juice isn’t worth squeeze/ don’t want to ruffle feathers/not worth the argument”…that’s not true- your love/relationships are absolutely worth it!

Ken Sande, famous mediator of conflict said “there are really only three kinds of people: peace-fakers, peace-breakers, and peace-makers”… & Jesus doesn’t say blessed are the peace-fakers/peacekeepers, he says Mt 5:9 NIV: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Important! Jesus is saying that as Christians, we are called to actively make/pursue/create peace…bc here’s the truth: peace with people precedes peace with God… “it is impossible to be right w God and wrong w those around us”

No matter how difficult may be, Jesus calls us to be makers of peace…if want to grow in love/develop relationships, then we must quit avoiding conflict & do all we can to make peace…so let me ask- where do you need to make peace? Sibling/parent/kid/ex/spouse? Got in mind? Is it robbing your peace?

Lets resolve it/make peace, bc we serve the Prince of Peace…& he’s calling you to make peace… but how? Simple!

How to make peace- 1. Confront the Problem…if you want to resolve conflict/grow your love, you must directly confront the problem-hard but worth it, 2. Listen…repairing relationship not winning argument-same team! 3. Own Your Part…love means always having to say you’re sorry…humbly apologize w/o excuses, 4. Forgive… let them off the hook & commit to move forward in the relationship… & it’s then when we forgive that our love begins to grow

Love Means Never Holding A Grudge (10.5/26.5) 22

Brings me to my next point… maybe the principle that destroys our relationships the most… Love Means Never Holding A Grudge…this is hard, bc we love to hold grudges in our culture- don’t get mad, get even/eye for an eye…

Let me let you in on a secret… holding a grudge/unforgiveness doesn’t hurt the other person, it just hurts you… unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die! Jailcell Illustration Pt.1

Unforgiveness/resentment/bitterness is big deal bc it doesn’t seclude to 1 place, it goes septic over whole life

The poison of unforgiveness is devastating…here are some effects: makes us depressed/stressed/insecure w ourselves; hateful/irritable/self-righteous towards others; & ultimately, it separates us from God/unable to hear God/angry towards God… unforgiveness will absolutely ravish your life/relationships…& it won’t hurt the person who hurt you

Don’t believe me? Jesus says: Mt 6:14-15 NLT: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins… now Jesus doesn’t mean that if you don’t forgive others, you’re no longer saved (when give life to Jesus, you belong to him/going to heaven/ forever child of God) but what he means is that the evidence of our own forgiveness is our forgiveness of others

In other words- when we realize just how much we’ve been forgiven, it’s impossible for us not to forgive others…

Ever thought @ what you’ve been forgiven of? Every sin you’ve ever committed? every lie/lustful thought/cuss word/doubt/worry/selfish moment/sin won’t mention…Bible: each worthy of death/separation…he died on cross for that sin…so you could be forgiven (praise) he forgave me! so I have no choice but to forgive others…no matter what

Bc I know some of you have been through really hard things/unspeakable things…& it’s hard for you to even think about he did/she said/they did…& I don’t know what happened to you… but Jesus does and he is calling you to let go of that unforgiveness… not bc what they did was ok, but bc he can’t bear to watch you struggle under its weight anymore…don’t have to carry this anymore/let go of your unforgiveness/choose to forgive…Jailcell Illustration Pt.2

All across the room- I challenge you… forgive them/let it go/let them off the hook! Give it to Jesus…trust him w/ the payback…let him begin to heal/restore you…if want to get close to Jesus/grow in faith/rekindle love then forgive!

Won’t change past- it’ll change future...while forgiveness may not change your situation, it will certainly change you

Here’s how-1. Give Your Revenge to Jesus, 2.Forgive! & 3. Allow Trust to Rebuild-lost in buckets, regained droplets

Guys-grudges kill love, but love grows through forgiveness… love grows through conflict…

Love Means Never Giving Up (9.5/36) 11:30

This brings me to perhaps the most important principle in conflict… The third principle is not “love means never having to say you’re sorry”… no, it’s Love Means Never Giving Up… Ring Story…I know that’s funny...

But our world today tells us that love is easy/simple/smooth/casual/always on same page/always feeling butterflies/ never having to say you’re sorry…but that’s not true/cap… love is hard/takes effort/pushes through/fights/doesn’t quit

1 Cor 13:7 NLT: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance…

That’s the love we’ve been called to! If you don’t hear anything, hear this-don’t give up…don’t give up on fam/kids/ relationships/friendships/marriage…we serve God the Redeemer-no matter what you’re going through…don’t give up

Here’s why- bc Jesus didn’t give up on us… & if he didn’t give up on me, then I can’t give up on the ppl I love… I’ve been so radically loved by God, I have no choice but to refuse to give up

Disclaimer: couple of you in room need to know…love that doesn’t give up does not mean that some relationships aren’t meant to end…in fact, loving someone may mean that a relationship/marriage is meant to end…1 Cor 7 outlines biblical precedent for divorce…sometimes best way to not give up on love, is to biblically end a relationship

But for brunt of you in the room, this is not the case…& you’re on the verge of quitting/giving up/losing faith…& I know the world says its ok/grass is greener/marriage disposable/cut them off/let them go… but that’s not how we grow, when we don’t give up-we persevere/relationships strengthen/show world his love/develop grit/trust Jesus more

When we’re at the breaking point, it’s our opportunity to breakdown or to breakthrough…

So I challenge you today- Commit to never give up and to always push forward/never avoid conflict/never hold a grudge… bc that’s what it looks like to follow Jesus…even when it’s hard/major conflict, we choose to love like Jesus… love that never gives up/loses faith/always hopeful/endures every circumstance…

CONCLUSION (2/38) 2

When you gave heart to Jesus, weren’t just forgiven of sin/given purpose/joy/hope/peace, you were filled with Jesus’ love- which means no matter what you’re going through, you can choose to let God’s love flow through you & he promises to guide you through

So wherever you are today, maybe there’s unresolved conflict in your marriage/bf/gf/friends/family/work… & you’re responding by avoiding the conflict/harboring unforgiveness/on verge of giving up…and I want to encourage- resolve the conflict…not bc of your human love or how strong you are, no, resolve the conflict bc of Jesus’ love within you

So whether you’re dealing w conflict now or it’s coming up soon…don’t doubt whether God can guide you through it, use it as an opportunity to cultivate love…while the conflict may be hard/difficult, ultimately, it’s what makes our love deep & relationships strong...bc remember we decide-will conflict destroy our love or strengthen it?…Let’s pray

KNOW (BOTTOM LINE): Love grows through conflict.

DO: Resolve the Conflict

FEEL: Inspired, empowered

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