On Gossip

*Pray Dear Heavenly Father your word is precious to us. It’s a lamp to guide our feet. You have caused Holy Scripture to be written for our learning. Grant that we may hear, read, learn, and inwardly digest it. Holy Spirit, convict us with your Law and comfort us with your Gospel. May we respond in worship to you. In Christ’s precious name, Amen.

**Rise for Reading 2 Corinthians 12:19-20

***Read

*You may be seated

There once was a man who was upset at his Rabbi. He went about his day telling those around him all about the Rabbi’s faults and how he disliked who he was and what he did. Eventually the man began to feel bad and went to his Rabbi to confess what he had done. The Rabbi told the man to grab a feathered pillow and cut it open. The man did what he was asked. The Rabbi then told the man to go around the village and leave feathers where the man did his daily business. The man did what was asked, leaving the feathers and then returned to his Rabbi. The Rabbi then told the man to go back and collect all the feathers. The man exclaimed, “Rabbi! That’s impossible!” The Rabbi answered, “Beware of your tongue for once you let words pass from your lips, you can never collect it back again. It floats and flutters away in whatever direction the wind carries it.”

This time last year I made a sort of New Years resolution. I’m not one to make resolutions, but this seemed necessary. I would quit gossiping. One of my failures as a leader was I twisted people business of talking about a person into talking against a person. Because of my job, I would have to talk about the status and welfare of my guys: how their training was going, if they deserved a promotion, and if they were taking care of their families. All perfectly normal concerns. But sometimes this turned into gossip and slander about how their training may be stunted, how they didn’t deserve a promotion, and even how I disagreed with their actions as fathers or husbands.

I was gossiping about them, and it didn’t take long in some cases for my words to get out to them. Trust was broken and my ability to lead them was compromised. For what took a few seconds to destroy a relationship, took me months if not years to restore it. This morning I want to invite you to look at this sin I became so intimately aware of this past year. And even thought we should be battling sin year-round, maybe you can take a fresh approach to how you battle gossip or perhaps another sin in your life. Why is it important for us to study gossip? It’s important because God says it’s important. God hates slander and gossip. In Proverbs 6:19, God says he hates it. This sin, like all sin, is a serious matter and if God treats it seriously then so should we. Gossip kills churches, ruin marriages, and destroys friendships. Jerry Bridges refers to gossip and slander as “Two of our respectable sins.” We know it happens, we know we do it. But it doesn’t seems as egregious to us compared to others. Maybe because it’s a little more socially acceptable. Or maybe because we get a high from it, we feel good from it. There are many people leaving churches having been hurt by gossip. I’ve met a few of them myself. So this morning we will address gossip and slander under three points: What is gossip? Why do we Gossip? How do we battle Gossip? 1. What is Gossip? First we must define gossip. What is Gossip? After all, we have gossip magazines. We have reality TV shows filled with gossip. The water cooler being the proverbial meeting place for workplace gossip. So our culture is not unfamiliar with gossip. For many people it’s considered the oil which greases the wheels of society, but the Bible paints it differently. In preparing for this message, I told over 10 people I was preparing to preach on gossip. And almost every person responded with something along the lines of, “I struggle with gossip.” And then they would ask, “When does talking about someone turn into gossip?” So if we’re going to try stop gossiping we must first know what it is. The Bible doesn’t actually provide a definition of gossip or slander. Instead it describes the action of gossip and links it to the character of the person spreading it. So we will have to provide our own working definitions from the many passages of scripture on the topic. In short, I would define gossip as the sin of speaking bad news about someone behind their back out of a proud heart. And directly related to gossip is slander. Slander from the Greek word kataleia means to speak against or talk another down, usually in a cowardly way behind someone’s back. William Tyndale translated this word to mean “malicious lies, backbiting, and unhelpful repeating of stories about the bad of others.” So where gossip is spreading sometimes true derogatory news about a person to others, slander spreads lies in order to put another down. It’s often sharing belittling information about someone with others in a tone of confidentiality. It’s not motivated by doing good to the person and you are enjoying it in a way that shows your heart is not humble. Proverbs 18:8 describes gossip as morsels. It says “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels. They go down to the inner parts of the body.” The book of Proverbs takes wisdom to understand its wisdom. And the wisdom here is to say when you hear the whispers, whispers implying these are things that you wouldn’t say openly in front of everybody, that might be a clue that it might be gossip. That I have to whisper or say it privately, that I’m looking at it secretly because I don’t want other people to know. They’re delicious morsels. In other words, its enjoyable. Its pleasurable. It goes into your inner parts meaning it affects you, it impacts you. You aren’t unimpacted when you listen to gossip. It’s sin to give it and it’s sin to listen to it. We see in the New Testament in Romans 1:29 and 2 Corinthians 12:20 lists of destructive forces in the Christian community of which gossip and slander are among them. Read with me 2 Corinthians 12:20: “For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.” The Greek word translated gossip here and in Romans 1:29 at its root means “one who whispers.” Just as we’ve seen described in Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22. So the overarching point about gossip and slander is there are whispered words about other people. The person who speaks gossip has eaten it, relished it, and is now giving it to someone else. So the person who now receives it can relish it. We all know what this feels like. There’s a pleasure which comes with being one of the first people to hear some juicy news about someone and we can hardly wait to let others know that we’re in the know. It comes from a negative spirit bent on hurting rather than helping. And so gossip isn’t redemptive. It’s deceptive. We can think we’re doing good but we’re really getting pleasure out of giving negative news. It's an excessive interest in the affairs of others, which is none of our business. And as we’ll see later Paul calls these people “busybodies”. There’s a kind of pride here, nosing outside our lane into others’. I think Sam’s pride is what makes him savor that he knows something someone else doesn’t. I feel in the know which elevates me a bit. I feel superior. I slander when I report negatively on a person’s views of a subject when I don’t know what those views are. “Those Republicans don’t care about the poor.” “Those Democrats hate babies in the womb.” I slander when I act as if I know the motives of people and then question those motives. “Oh, the only reason she’s helping is because…” “Oh, the only reason he’s saying that is because…” James 4:12 says “Who are you to judge? You don’t know the motives of people. You don’t know their thoughts.” I slander when I question the commitment of my brothers and sisters when that commitment doesn’t meet my expectations. “Well I have an expectation and your commitment doesn’t meet it. It may not be a biblical expectation but its my expectation. And since you didn’t live up to it, I can just write you off.” That’s slander. They may be committed as they can be. I don’t know. What about gossip? Ever heard in prayer requests: “Please pray for John to stop struggling with pornography. Pray Jane can be a better steward of her finances.”? Are these things we should pray for? Yes. Absolutely. Pornography is evil, we ought to be good stewards of God’s gifts. But are you the right person to pass on this request? Do the people being talked about want this request to be made known? Would they want it repeated? There are others avenues which are common culprits for gossip. Venting… expressing frustration about something. We are for some reason more inclined to let others have a pass at gossip when they are venting about their boss or spouse. Why? Perhaps because they have chosen the role as victim and we don’t want to silence their grief. But there’s a right way to vent which doesn’t demean others. What about debriefings? Ever heard it put this way? This is more business-like. After all, we have to share what happened at the appointment or meeting, right? But sometimes we can shift the conversation from problems to people, maybe suggesting they are one in the same. Gossip is spreading bad news about someone behind their back out of a proud heart. We ingest this sweet morsel of news and then give it to others to enjoy at someone else’s expense and detriment. So now that we’ve looked at what gossip is, let’s look at why do we gossip. 2. Why do we gossip? Why do we gossip? Why does it feel natural and easy? What drives this thing? I think part of the answer is looking at 2 Corinthians 12:20. We see those 8 destructive forces in the Christian community listed. These forces are causing ripples in the early church. And when we try to figure out which one of these sins is the wellspring for the others, which one is at the bottom to give rise to the others, at the bottom is the word “conceit” which means puffed up, swelled-headedness, pride. I think this is why gossip and slander are so delicious to us. Because they feed on pride which is endlessly hungry. In the chain of gossip, you have become the center stage for a moment. You got the news and you give the news. Aren’t you something? In another place in the New Testament, Paul cautions young widows in the Christian community who’ve had their ordinary patterns of life and purpose ripped away from them in losing their husbands. They’re receiving financial assistance by the church and aren’t working so they have some extra time on their hands. Read with me 1 Timothy 5:13, “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” Paul warns these widows to not be idlers going house to house. And not only idlers but gossips. Busybodies saying things which they should not. Now notice: on one side of gossip is The Idler and on the other side is The Busybody. An idler is someone whose heart is empty and aimless. They have more time on their hands. There’s no purpose or vision. No dream for their life and so they coast day-to-day and the result is they become busybodies, meddlers. They don’t have any significant affairs of their own so they nosy in to the affairs of others. And sandwiched between emptiness and aimlessness on one side and intrusiveness and busybodies on the other side is gossip. There can be a temptation to gossip with someone about a common enemy, if you will. United in their status as widows, these women might have been gossiping about other women in the church. These widows were focused on their perceived unity in suffering as widows and ostracizing others in the church rather than the real unity under the shared banner of Christ with the rest of the church. I say they perceived their unity because as we’ll see shortly gossips can never truly be united. Gossip and slander is choosing to focus on the differences or disagreements of others instead of the unity we enjoy together. We are from the same bloodline from the blood of Jesus Christ. So we see two different situations in which gossip is bred. In the first case in Corinthians we see it done out of self-indulgence, of pleasure, of malice. In the second case as seen in 1 Timothy, we see it done out of purposelessness, slothfulness, and boredom. How do we battle gossip? So we’ve explored what gossip is: spreading bad news about someone else behind their back out of a proud heart. And we’ve looked at why we gossip, now how do we battle gossip? A few points of application. 1. Humility – A humility that does not need prominence. A humility that does not need prominence. The key to not being a gossip is humility. Deep humble contentment in God to which we don’t need to feed our ego. If conceit or pride is the wellspring from which gossip and slander are poured, then humility is the soil which fills it. If you put to death the pride that craves prominence and are willing to get no credit whatsoever for being in the know, and if you deny yourself the delicious pleasure of hearing and spreading the news that may stoke the fire of quarreling and dissension, you are acting in love. You are doing what you can from not adding hurt to others. For lack of wood the fire goes out. Proverbs 26:20 says, “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.” So the key question is: are you being motivated by love or pride? What we have to do with this respectable sin is drag it out into the light of God’s word. It’s very uncomfortable and painful to reads the Bible and have it confront us. It takes humility to be told we are out of line with the truth. In James 4:9 we are told to “Grieve mourn and weep” in other words: to repent. We’re told to repent of gossip. We must take this seriously. This isn’t just the respectable sin which happens to fill our sitcom perceptions of life. We can’t be cavalier about this. It’s dangerous. I feel guilty because I am guilty. And if you think you aren’t guilty then you’re probably farther off than you imagine. Your check engine light isn’t working. We need to routinely say with John Newton: “I am a great sinner... but Christ is a great Saviour.” Number 2.

2. Accountability – Accountability. Call it out. Churches all across America have no problem with the idea of accountability partners when it comes to battling sexual sins such as pornography addiction, but accountability is less talked about when it comes to other sin struggles. Call it out. Hold each other accountable. 10 years ago Australian General David Morrison told his officers in the wake of a growing number of sexual assault cases in the Australian Army, “The standard you walk past is the standard you accept. If that does not suit you then get out.” There was a 0 tolerance policy on sexual assault. We would nod our heads and agree with that. But would we say the same about gossip or slander? Jesus told us, “if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.” We can’t play around with this sin. It will devour us. Accountability. If you’re in a conversation with someone and it moves towards gossip, be willing to take the person aside privately and say you don’t feel comfortable talking about the person in that light. Stop the conversation so gossip doesn’t happen or continue. Yes, this can be awkward, but it communicates to the person you have a zero tolerance for gossip. And while it may seem like you are a party pooper or killjoy in the moment, it will signal to the person that if you aren’t willing to gossip about others to them, then you’re probably aren’t gossiping to others about them. In other words, whoever gossips to you will likely gossip about you. And therefore calling it out lays a bed of trust. And if you’re not ready to call it out, then consider redirecting the conversation. Be confident to change the topic altogether. Alistair Begg says we should be like a firebreak to gossip. A ditch dug to prevent wildfires from jumping over and spreading, so too we ought to be the firebreak of gossip. It stops with us. As I said at the beginning of the message, the question I received from others when I told them I was preparing a message on gossip was, “When does talking about someone turn into gossip?” This is a great question! Am I suggesting we don’t talk about others? No, of course not. And I’ll address that in the next point. But you may be saying, “This seems sort of abstract or confusing.” And maybe you are like me and need a litmus test to help me determine if something is gossip or not. And for help we can think back to grade school to the philosopher Socrates. Now don’t doze off yet. The story goes that one day one of Socrates’ students was agitated when he heard gossip from a friend of Socrates. The student went to report to Socrates what he heard, but Socrates stopped him and asked: “Is this true?” The student thought for a moment. In fact, he couldn’t be sure if what his friend had told him was actually true. Then, Socrates asked him a second question: “Is what you’re going to tell me good?” The pupil replied that, evidently, it wasn’t good at all. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He believed that what he was going to share with the philosopher would cause him discomfort and distress. Thus, Socrates said to him: “You’re going to tell me something bad, but you’re not completely sure it’s true?” The student admitted that this was the case. Then, Socrates asked the third and final question: “Is what you have to say about my friend going to help me?” The student hesitated. He really didn’t know if that information was useful or not. Maybe it would distance him from his friend, but considering that he wasn’t sure whether it was true or not, maybe it wasn’t useful at all. In the end, Socrates refused to listen to what his disciple wanted to tell him. “If what you want to tell me isn’t true, isn’t good, and isn’t even useful, why would I want to hear it?” he finally told his pupil. We aren’t students of Socrates but his test still works for us today. Take the words of Paul in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” So next time you think you’re gossiping, ask yourself: Is this true? Is this good? Is this helpful? Can I verify that what I’m sharing is in fact true? Is this fact or opinion? Am I sure this happened or was said? Could I have misinterpreted the information? Proverbs 12:17 says, “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.” Is this good? Does this benefit the person we’re discussing? Will it cast them in a positive light? Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Finally, is it necessary or useful? Will this improve the situation? Can this person help the one we are discussing? Are there any risks in not sharing this? Proverbs 11:12 says, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” So to battle gossip we have humility, accountability, and finally… 3. Sustainability What do I mean by sustainability? I’m talking about sustaining each other by our words, building one another up. In battling gossip we can’t just focus on deleting gossip from our vocabulary. Rather, we will be far more effective in focusing on seeing others as image-bearers of God, in empowering others with our words. Romans 12:10 says outdo one another in showing honor. It’s competitive. This is a win-win competition. You have Christ in you the hope of glory. Tell of others how you see Christ in them. How you see how God is changing that person to be more like the character of Christ. An example of this is what I once heard from another church. Their men’s group practices “honor time.” It’s a time to share how one man saw the Lord working in another. This is not flattery. This is honest. So a guy might say, “Last Tuesday you stepped out at a great inconvenience to yourself, stepped out and helped me. I saw Christ in you and honor you for that.” This is a great practice of what Paul writes in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” And so we should talk about others but in a way that is building up. Conclusion We must remind ourselves in the day-to-day small moments when our tongue is idle that others are made in the image of God and therefore are valuable to him. We must remember that we have the power of the Holy Spirit to help us stop talking maliciously of others because we are spoken for by Christ Jesus. We are told in 1 John that Jesus is our advocate before God the Father. The imagery is one of a courtroom. An advocate is in other words an attorney, one who pleads their case before a judge. And in the courts of heaven we are standing there as the defendant with blood-soaked hands. We are guilty for our sins. We love our sin. We love our nature as fallen creatures. C.S. Lewis says hell is locked from the inside. Those who go to hell don’t wish to be with God, they despise Him. They’re glad they’re out of His presence. They chose their destination. The image is not of people crying out to God as He casts them into fire. It’s one of people choosing to worship themselves over their Creator. We have broken God’s law. We have abused His people, His creation. Years of our sins have piled on our debt. The evidence of our lives are damning. But before the sentence is given and the gavel is struck… Jesus Christ our Advocate enters new evidence. “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” The Son pleads to the Father pointing to the evidence of His sinless life, His complete obedience, and His perfect death to which He suffered the wave of unrelenting wrath from the Father. He drank every last drop of the Wrath of God. The debt for sin had been paid. And therefore we walk out of the courtoom. Not dressed in orange, but in robes of righteousness. Instead of shackles, we’re given crowns. We do not walk out as convicted, but as adopted. And we’re told Jesus now sits at the right hand of God the Father still as our Advocate, still making the case we deserve eternal fellowship with Him, not because of our merit. But because of His selfless sacrifice on Calvary 2,000 years ago. Friends, we are spoken for. And it is only because we have been spoken for in Christ that we can speak words of love over others. Go in power knowing that God is working with you in this endeavor. May our words be sweet for all to hear. Let us pray. Lord Jesus, the bible says you uphold the universe by the word of your power. You hold all things together. The oceans sway with your permission, the mountains tower by your decree, the stars are hung by your words. You are Elohim, the Creator who spoke all of this world into existence. Yet you also allow us to call you Abba Father. We pray Lord through the same Sprit who hovered over the seas of Creation, who changed our hearts from stone, that you would empower us to speak words of love, affirmation, and respect to others and over others. Work in us we pray, In Christ’s Holy name, Amen. Benediction Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.—Jude 24–25