My mind was both ally and enemy. I could say, think or do anything as I wished from the commands of my mind. It is what shapes each individual in this world. It is powerful. My mind was a gift, at least that's what I’ve believed. It grew bigger, smarter through each book, conversation and observation. It was like a highly advanced camera that recorded each interaction I had, watching everyone’s single move, words and expressions unintentionally. I was like a spy. But that was deadly. The mind wanted power, control and it was slowly constricting me.
It was like being in a tunnel with one exit that gets smaller and smaller, till there is no light but a blanket of darkness.
I had fed information to it, charged it, looked out for it but it was never enough. We were two characters in one body - one half was mine. The thoughts I had, the thoughts, how confronting. To think I had the capability of such desires. I kept to myself, wanting to speak to others of my knowledge but couldn't. I didn’t know how. I was lost in the ocean deep within my own battles. I couldn’t win. No matter how hard I perceived, the negative thoughts just kept pouring in like a waterfall. It was full of needs and wants and I just obeyed, a slave to my own half. I did not have the strength to win.
But I was successful. I was well known for my knowledge. I could explain anything but for a price. Sucking in their knowledge as a vacuum cleans the house. They would have to answer personal questions for the benefit of my mind’s curiosity. I don’t know why my mind did this. Maybe for the good of people, whenever in need it could help them. Or maybe (which I think) to use it to take advantage of people, knowing their every move, how they think to use them as slaves.
Yes, that's what it is doing, creating a society where each individual’s mind will bow down to mine. Oh no, the thought of that is horrible. To think of what my mind will do. I need to stop this and I know how.
I must run and keep running from humanity. I cannot risk their lives for the sake of my mind. I must become one as a ghost, a mere shadow in the world.
One with darkness.
Now, this the mind cannot control. We will die together in a lonely death. In the jungle where trees and inhabitants will scare off any person silly enough to enter, unless they are asking for trouble, for devastation.
I have lost but at least in my heart I know I have won.