What Is Friendship?

Last week we looked at how in Matthew 11:19 (LSB) Jesus’ enemies reviled Him by calling Him

… , a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’… ”

We were so thankful that Jesus was not only willing to be a friend to sinners — to us! — but according to John 15:13 He showed the ultimate friendship by dying for us.

I asked us to think about this new year in which we find ourselves…

Aren’t we glad that we have Jesus to be a friend?

Especially since …

Proverbs 17:17 (BBE) A friend is loving at all times, and becomes a brother in times of trouble.

What is a Friend?

But do we even have an idea of what friendship is?

The word has become so devalued in the 21st century as to become devoid of all meaning.

Many, many times I have said from this pulpit, very, very few of us have friends.

At best some of us have a few acquaintances.

But even more live in almost total isolation.

And I am defintely NOT talking about social media relationships.

True friendship is NOT “friending” someone on social media.

True friendship cannot be nourished long distance.

In spite of our best intentions.

I speak from personal experience.

I and my kids especially know what it means to have beginning friendships disrupted by distance .

I grew up the son and oldest child of a career Marine.

Just about the time I might develop a friend, we moved.

Unfortunately, my children had the same kind of life.

Not because of the military, but because of ministry.

I want to be quick to say that not all ministers have short term pastorates like I did.

But, if like a lot of people do in today’s society, you move around a lot, then chances are you have few, if any friends.

And then there are the decidedly antisocial behaviors that have become normative in our society.

Behaviors that poison the environment in which friendships can form.

When you have wireless earphones in your ears it tells me you are not interested in listening to me.

That I am, and that anything I have to say, is not important.

That relationship is not important.

I hear the same thing when I look out during services and see people with their attention fixed on their phones.

Not an occasional looking up of scriptures, but a constant focused attention on their phone.

It says that you are not listening to anything I have to say.

Which is fine, if I were a stand up comic — oh yeah! recently a stand-up comic walked out on a show because someone was doing just that — they were focused on their phone.

But I am NOT a stand-up comic.

I’m not a college professor.

I am preaching.

To disrespect me, is to disrespect the One who sent me.

1 Corinthians 1:21 (KJV) For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.

I didn’t choose this God did.

Take it up with Him.

Tell Him that preachers are useless.

That He needs to get with the program and use modern technology.

And then, from infancy, we see kids grow up living in a nonexistent fantasy world as they are focused on a screen every waking moment.

They don’t know HOW to have a conversation — let alone a relationship.

Here it comes …

When my wife and I first started our relationship, we didn’t date, we were too young.

But Sandra’s parents would allow me to go with them to visit her grandparents in Heidelberg, MS.

It was astounding — but true!

They didn’t have a TV.

What did people do?

They talked with each other.

Wow!

Such a foreign concept!

So, we today, we live in a culture that is hostile to any relationship — let alone friendship.

It tends to be a narcissistic generation so fixated on itself, it doesn’t believe anyone else even exists.

It is completely selfish.

Many think friendship is a relationship with another person whereby you manipulate them into doing what you want — getting what you want.

Friendship is strictly about what YOU get out of another person.

When you use them up, you discard them and find a new person to use.

The thought of sacrificing for another is almost completely unknown.

But sacrifice for each other is the TRUE essence of friendship.

Jesus demonstrates that in His love and friendship for us.

Do we sacrifice for Him?

Are we REALLY friends with Him?

How Do We Know?

As we walk through the challenges of 2024, I think we want to make sure we and Jesus are friends.

How can we know?

By looking in the Bible.

The Bible is very clear about and gives us instructions and examples concerning ALL of our human relationships.

Whether …

Marriage relationships

Parent relationships

Sibling relationships

Church relationships

Business relationships

Employer or employee relationships

Even friend relationships

According to The HarperCollins Bible Dictionary:

In the Bible, friendship is primarily a relationship of mutual trust and congeniality.

In some instances, friends are simply people who are allies, supporting each other in areas of mutual interest.

In other cases, however, friendship seems to imply a more intimate bond, such as that exemplified by David and Jonathan (cf. 1 Sam. 18:1; 19:1; 20:17; 2 Sam. 1:26).

In Deut. 13:6–8 we see the danger of an “intimate friend” enticing one to worship foreign gods, implying that such an associate might have at least as much influence as one’s closest family members.

In light of those thoughts we see…

In Genesis 38 that Judah had a friend called Hirah the Adullamite, who was his only confidante in dealing with a potentially embarrassing sexual exploit (Gen. 38:12, 20).

Then, in 2 Samuel 13 we read about how David’s son Amnon had a crafty friend named Jonadab, who, when he learned Amnon was in love with Tamar, arranged a way for him to seduce (or, as it turned out, rape) her.

In a more positive vein, David’s friend Hushai the Archite remained loyal to him after Absalom’s rebellion and risked his own life to obtain information that would help David escape (2 Sam. 16:16–18; 17:5–22).

But the Bible teaches us that …

Friendship is a reciprocal relationship characterized by intimacy, faithfulness, trust, unmotivated kindness, and service.

“Friend” can describe one’s relationship with people and with God.

Biblical Images of Friendship

The Bible uses two consistent images in its representation of friendship.

The first is the knitting of souls.

… a companion of one’s inmost thoughts and feelings, resulting in an intense emotional attachment.

It is well illustrated by the most famous friendship in the Bible: that of Jonathan and David.

We see their friendship start after David killed Goliath:

I like the way the NLT says it: 1 Samuel 18:1–4 (NLT) After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond [other translations: their souls were knit together] between them, for Jonathan loved David. 2 From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. 3 And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.

Why didn’t David do the same?

Because he was a poor shepherd with NOTHING of value to give to Jonathan.

Wow!

Doesn’t that sound like our relationship with Jesus?

He has given us His robe of righteousness for our rags of self-righteous sin.

We had no weapons to wage war against the enemy of our souls — we were defenseless.

But Jesus has given us His Blood, the authority to speak His Word, His promises against satan.

He has given us the power of prayer.

A weapon individuals and the church fails to use as effectively as we should.

I urge you to come to prayer this week.

This afternoon.

Tuesday

Wednesday

Also notice the heart of Jonathan and David’s friendship.

“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Sam 18:1 RSV; cf. 20:17).

Characteristic expressions of this union of hearts are

an affectionate embrace or kiss, weeping, gift-giving and vows of loyalty.

After the slaying of Goliath, Jonathan made a covenant with David, and the gestures of friendship were Jonathan’s giving David the gifts of his robe, armor and weapons (1 Sam 18:3–4).

Later, David and Jonathan also pledged to protect each other’s families after either one’s death (1 Sam 20:11–16), a promise David subsequently kept by giving sanctuary to Jonathan’s son Mephibosheth (2 Sam 9).

Later, when Saul’s wrath required David to flee, there was a moving departure scene between the soul-mates: “They kissed one another, and wept with one another,” departing in peace because they had sworn in the name of the Lord that God would bind them and their descendants forever (1 Sam 20:41–42).

Notice also in 1 Samuel 18:3, that David and Jonathan loved each other as they loved their own soul.

And in our hypersexualized society I need to be clear — this was NOT a sexual relationship.

David and Jonathan were NOT homosexuals.

What it is saying is that their feelings and commitment to one another were as strong as their sense of self preservation and self-care.

In the NT this kind of friendship is chiefly identified by use of the word philia, the Greek term for friendship.

Characteristics similar to the friendship of Jonathan and David’s are evident in such friendship.

Like for instance when Jesus wept for the death of Lazarus, whom He called “our friend Lazarus” in (Jn 11:11).

Jesus and John “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (Jn 20:2) embraced freely (Jn 13:23), and Jesus made a covenant with John to look after his mother after his death (Jn 19:26–27).

One sign of the “soul-knit” relationship between believers in the NT is the greeting with a “holy kiss” (Rom 16:16; 1 Cor 16:20; 2 Cor 13:12; 1 Thess 5:26; 1 Pet 5:14).

Given such familiarity, “friend” naturally became another name for believers or brothers in the Lord:

“The friends greet you. Greet the friends, every one of them” (3 Jn 15 RSV).

The privileges and roles of a biblical soul mate, then, involve intimacy, loyalty and a strong emotional attachment.

The second image that the Bible uses to represent friendship is the face-to-face encounter, an “interface.”

This is literally the image used for Moses’ relationship to God: in the tabernacle God spoke to Moses “face to face, as a man speaks to his friend” (Ex. 33:11; see also Num. 12:8).

The face-to-face image implies a conversation, a sharing of confidences and consequently a meeting of minds, goals and direction.

In three scripture verses Abraham is identified as “the friend of God” (2 Chron 20:7; Is 41:8; Jas 2:23).

Behind the pronouncement may lie the event of Abraham’s hosting of three angelic visitors, one of whom was a theophany, an encounter with the pre-incarnate Christ (Gen 18).

Following the meal, after the two angels had proceeded to Sodom to warn Lot, God takes Abraham into his confidence in a face-to-face encounter, asking himself, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?” (Gen 18:20).

God and Abraham then engage in a dialogue based on the intimacy of friends, with the imagery of Abraham’s drawing near to God (Gen 18:23; see Near, Drawing Near) and the give-and-take dialogue in which Abraham and God deliberate over the fate of Sodom.

One of the benefits of face-to-face encounters between friends is the heightened insight and stimulation that such encounters produce.

Non verbal cues (facial expression, posture, etc.)

A proverb that highlights this mutual sense of well-being is the famous one in Proverbs 27:17: “Iron sharpens iron, and one friend sharpens another” (KJV).

This is similar to the statement of English Renaissance essayist Francis Bacon that conversation makes a “ready” person-ready for the world, ready for practical action.

A form of friendship is implied, surely, by the NT image of the believer’s one day seeing God “face to face” (1 Cor 13:12).

Are YOU a Friend of God?

Friendship entails responsibilities and benefits.

The proverb that “a friend loves at all times” (Prov 17:17) expresses both an obligation and a benefit.

Jesus loves us, and as I reminded us last week, Heb 13:5 tells us He WILL NEVER fail us or abandon us.

He upholds us in a deepest, darkest times.

Worldview - missionaries to North Africa

Dick Brogden quote

Resilience needs faith, friends, focus, fitness

What about us are we clinging to Him, praising Him, worshipping Him — no matter what?

In a similar vein is the proverb that “there are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov 18:24 RSV).

How close are we to Jesus?

Are we letting the cares of life interfere with our relationship with Jesus?

In the Bible friendship is a mutual improvement activity, honing one for godly use.

Biblical friendship is a face-to-face encounter, signifying proximity, intimate revelation and honesty.

It is also a bonding of affections and trust, knitting one’s very soul to another.

In its ultimate reaches, it is union with God.

Do you know Jesus?

Repent of your sins.

Surrender control of your life.

Let’s start 2024 with a fresh commitment from ALL of us.

Come forward to the front.

Let’s sing a prayer of commitment to Jesus.