Wives and Husbands.

Opening:

It is a beautiful thing to open the Word of God on the Lord’s Day.

Introduction of the Passage:

This morning we are continuing on in our study of 1 Peter. This week we will be in 1 Peter 3:1-7. We are in the section of Peter’s letter where He is dealing with how we are to submit to human authority. God has all authority. But God has established various human authorities. So how are we to react to these authorities? The basic principle is this. We obey God in all things, and we obey human authority wherever we can. We saw this in relation to the civil government and to the relationship of slaves and masters. Peter continues this with His commands to wives and husbands.

So with this in mind, I would ask you to stand with me for the reading of God’s Word.

Reading of the Passage:

1 Peter 3:1–7“1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Behold, the Word of God. Let’s Pray.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, we ask you to speak to us through your Word. May we honor and submit to your commands. Let our lives be shaped by obedience to you above all. We ask this in Jesus name, amen.

Need:

We live in an age that utterly abhors the idea that God made men and women different and for different roles. In our culture, you could be fired from your job and face utter public scorn and hatred for even saying men and women are different, let alone saying that God created us for unique roles. But the truth of the Bible is not dictated by the whims of a wicked culture. The truth of the Bible stands forever. And in this age warped by wicked beliefs and idolatry, there is a great need for the truth of the Bible to shine through.

Text Idea:

God has established hierarchy of authority in the home and we ought to obey God’s commands.

Sermon Idea:

God made marriage, so He gets to command how it ought to function. We, as Christians are to obey God’s commands, regardless of what culture says.

Interrogative:

So what are God’s commands for the household?

Transition:

Well, we do not have time to dive into all the Bible says about wives and husbands (perhaps I can dedicate a series on that one day) but we can examine what Peter says. Peter has two sections in this passage. He begins by giving commands to wives and ends by giving commands to husbands. And none of these are easy commands in our day. But they are necessary. So let’s dive into God’s commands for wives given by saint Peter.

Commands for Wives.

1 Peter 3:1–6“1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Point 1: Be Subject to Your Own Husbands.

1 Peter 3:1 “1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands...”

Explanation:

As we look at verse one we see the common command in Scripture that wives should be subject to their husbands. Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. For clarity, the term submit means to obey. It is the same command given in military environments of the first century. It is a term of respect and honor. God has established the husband as the physical and spiritual lord of the house. The husband is answerable to God for all that happens under his authority. So in this, wives are to submit to their own husbands.

Now, with this, we also recognize that Peter is not commanding wives to disobey God. If a husband tells a wife to sin, she must obey God rather than men. But in areas where it is not sinful, wives are to submit to their husbands. And notice ladies, you are not to submit to other husbands. Peter says it is to your own husbands.

Argumentation:

And immediately we feel the tension. This is so at odds with our culture that even quoting this verse raises the hairs on the backs of our necks. Immediately the objections start.

The skeptics, sadly many are professing Christians, will say that this demeans women. They assert that in order for women to be equal with men, there cannot be any form of submission in the relationship. They assert that passages like this belittle women and make them unequal to men. Many professing Christians will even attempt to say that these passages are simply Peter and Paul’s inherent sexism coming out. They reject this as the teaching of Scripture and claim it is not binding on us.

But here is the problem. Scripture is not a buffet. We believe God’s Word. When we disagree with Scripture, we recognize that Scripture is right and we are wrong. As one pastor says, “we have no problem passages.” This means, when God’s Word commands us to do something, we check our own opinions at the door. God gets to tell us what to do. Even when we don’t like it. Let me clarify. When we only obey God when we like it, we are not worshipping God, we are worshipping ourselves.

So let me answer the question. This is Scripture, and we cannot reject it. God is right, we are wrong. Period. But does this passage demean women? No. Not even a little bit. Does this passage teach that women are not equal with men? Well, what do you mean by equal? This is the heart of the issue. What does that word “equal” mean?

If we are not careful, we can take modern worldly ideas and read them back onto Scripture. This is called Eisegesis. It is the practice of forcing our ideas onto Scripture rather than letting Scripture inform our ideas. And in our age, we have been dominated by the philosophy of feminism. Feminism asserts at its foundation that men and women are equal in function. This means practically “doing the same things.” That is what they mean by equal. They mean the same. They don’t mean “of the same standing.” They mean the same. Women are the exact same as men. And this is proven by the fact that “equality” is always about what men and women do. You never hear a Harvard professor talk about how men and women are equal in nature by being made in God’s image. No, it always boils down to the idea that men and women are capable of the same acts. They are equal in regards to what they do. They are the same.

Now, the Bible teaches men and women are equal in their substance. Neither man nor woman is inherently better or worse. But the idea that men and women are the same is fundamentally incompatible with the Bible. Men and women are different. Let me clarify.

The Bible teaches from cover to cover that men and women are both made in the image of God. Both having inherent value. One is not more valuable than the other. Both have eternal souls that will either spend eternity in heaven or hell. Both are heirs of the kingdom of Christ. But here is really where the same-ness ends.

The Bible teaches that God made men and women different and gave them different roles. Men cannot be women and women cannot be men. In fact, the Bible highlights this as what makes men and women wonderful and beautiful. God specifically made men and women to be different. And it is embracing this difference that we see the beauty of God’s creation.

God made men to be the heads of the household. They bear the weight of the household on their shoulders as we will cover later. God made women to be the helper and bearer of life. And think of this. Women give birth. You women bear babies in your bodies for nine months, literally bringing life from your wombs, and then your bodies provide food for those children. Can a man do this? No! Is that equality? No. Men are not equal to women. We cannot give birth. This is fundamentally unequal. But it is beautiful.

And God made men and women for different roles. Men bear the heavy burden of authority. They are to be providers and protectors, quite literally laying down their lives for their families. This is the calling of men. Women are to be the support and helpers and givers of life. Women support the work and honestly do the far more important and impactful work of nurturing life.

This is how God ordered it. And in His ordering, men are the heads of the household and wives are to submit to their husbands. This does not diminish the value of either men or women. It simply highlights the beautiful differences between them.

To illustrate this, think of God. God the Son took on human flesh. He submitted Himself to the will of the Father. Is the Son lesser than the Father? By no means. Is the Son somehow unequal? Well the Son and the Father are doing different things, but certainly not unequal in value. Christ submitting to the Father highlighted the beauty of the divine plan of redemption. Likewise, wives are no less than their husbands by submitting to them. They are highlighting the beauty of God’s design.

Transition:

And being submissive to husbands is powerful.

Point 2: Being a Good Wife Is So Powerful, It Can Convert Unbelieving Husbands.

1 Peter 3:1 “1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,”

Explanation:

This is an incredible passage. Peter says wives should submit to their husbands even if he is an unbeliever.

Remember, Peter is writing this to the first Christians. The early church. And in this church many women had gotten saved before their husbands or children. And this is a hard situation. In the Roman world, a wife was expected to follow her husbands religion. She was to worship the gods he worshipped. So what were these women supposed to do? They had found the truth and converted to Christianity. Christ had saved them. But now what?

Well, Peter gives them one of the most encouraging passages in all of Scripture. According to the Sacred Word of God, it is so powerful when a wife is honoring and submissive to her husband that it can even bring him to Christ.

Peter says that husbands can be won to Christ without even a word. This is incredible to me.

Illustration:

Picture it. A roman wife in the first century comes to faith in Christ. Obviously she is afraid. What will her husband say? Will he divorce her? Will he hate her? Will he turn her over to the state to be beaten and executed as a traitor? What is she to do?

And here comes the comforting words of Peter. You can almost picture it, can’t you? “Saint Peter, what am I to do? My husband is lost! What can I do?” And Peter just smiles. “Beloved daughter, just focus on being the best wife you can be. God will use that.”

What comforting words. I cannot imagine how much peace this would have brought to these women. Focus on being a godly wife and trust God with the rest.

And ladies, I do not know all the various situations you are in. But I do know this. Focus on being a godly wife and trust God with the rest. Honor your husbands. Be respectful. Submit to them wherever you can. Obey God first. Do not sin for your husbands sake. But submit wherever you can.

And how many of these Roman husbands came to faith because of their wives? You can almost picture it can’t you. “Honey, what has changed? You used to tear me down all the time. You used to belittle me to your friends. You used to bicker and argue over everything! But now, you are so peaceful. You are so respectful. You compliment me in public, you respect my opinions, you bless me constantly. What happened?” A good wife is a powerful thing.

Argumentation:

And hear this in our day. Do not demean your husbands. Do not tear them down. Do not be gossips. Be good wives. Honor them, submit to them, respect them. And honestly, if wives of non-believers can do this, then you ladies who have godly husbands should have no issue with this command.

Transition:

But Peter continues and discusses how godly women are adorned.

Point 3: The Adornment of Godly Women.

1 Peter 3:2–6“2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Explanation:

This explanation really boils down to this. Do not focus on the external beauty and neglect the internal beauty of godliness. Peter is not saying beautiful hair or dresses are sinful. By no means. Peter is saying that external beauty should not be your focus. Spend more time on your soul than your makeup. Focus more on your attitude than your dress.

And this is what defines biblical beauty. Respectful and pure conduct. The hidden person of your heart. A gentle and quiet spirit. Honoring and respectful language towards your husbands.

You see, ladies, it is possible to have beautiful faces but ugly souls. But when you have a beautiful soul, it will shine forth through your face. A physically gorgeous woman can be disrespectful and impure, rendering her hideous. A physically beautiful woman can be obnoxious and a gossip, rendering her hideous. A physically beautiful woman can speak to and about her husband in horribly disrespectful ways, rendering her hideous.

But a woman who is gentle and quiet of soul, who is pure and respectful, and who is honoring in her language possesses a beauty that nothing can take. She is adorned with gold and jewels that age or poverty cannot strip away.

And she does not need to fear. These wives likely had a lot to fear. But Peter commanded them not to be afraid. Trust the Lord and Obey Him.

Argumentation:

But now I want to answer a question. This has been a rather heavy subject, so let’s lighten the mood a little bit. One question I have heard on this is “are wives supposed to call their husbands lord?” Well, should you call your husband “lord?”

Absolutely you should! The title “lord” was a common expression in marriage. It was a title of pure respect. It was almost a pet name. In our day we have many many pet names expressing love. “honey, baby, sweetheart, love, dear” the list goes on and on. All of these are sweet pet names that express love. These are wonderful and great. We ought to use them. But as I was preparing for this message, something struck me. In our cultural vernacular we have no pet names expressing pure respect in marriage.

So I began to ask people. And no one I talked to could come up with even one. Within marriage in our culture we have countless terms expressing love. But not even one to express respect and honor. How heart breaking is that? In biblical marriage there has to be love and respect. The wife is fed and filled from love. The husband is fed and filled from respect. And yet there are no terms for a wife to use in common language to express respect for her husband. The closest is maybe “sir.” But sadly that has been used so sarcastically that it is almost lost.

So I have a challenge for you ladies. Find terms that convey respect. Be like Sarah, your mother of old. Use language that communicated honor to your husband. You may be thinking, “how?”

Be creative. Find new ways to honor your husbands in your language. But also, how fun would it be to redeem the terms “lord and sir.” Seriously. How sad is it that husbands have been so starved for respect that there aren’t even terms to convey it in marriage. Get creative with it. Address the presents you give to him as to “my lord.” Name the head of the table the “lord’s seat.” Practice saying “yes sir.” Katharine and I have been getting creative with this and it has lead to laughter and joy. Redeem these terms. Ladies, find ways to bless your husbands by verbally honoring them.

Transition:

But now we come to it. I went easy on the ladies. But husbands, you’re in for it. You are the spiritual head of the house. All sin in your house rests on your shoulders. You are to be godly lords. Gird up your loins like a man and let’s look at Peter’s commands for husbands.

Commands For Husbands.

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Point 1: Be Understanding.

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way...”

Explanation:

It seems that husbands in the first century struggled with something husbands still struggle with. Patience and understanding. Peter commands husbands to be understanding of their wives. In short, this means do not be easily frustrated. Do not be critical. Do not have a short fuse. Be understanding.

And while it is different, there were likely husbands who converted to Christianity who were struggling with wives who were resentful of the change. Perhaps the wives were not saved and were merely converted in name only. Maybe they were not submissive and were angry about the change. What were these men to do? First, they are to be understanding. They must not be tyrants. They are to be gentle and understanding with their wives.

Argumentation:

Men, I feel for you. I really do. We, as men, have been beaten over the head by our culture. This culture hates men. Any form of masculine virtue is called “toxic” by the shrieking culture we live in. And believe me, that can be disheartening. I know more men than ever who are utterly crushed by the weight of this age. They feel worthless, unwanted, disrespected, broken, vile. They are near giving up.

My heart breaks for the men of our age. But men, hear me. You must be strong. It takes strength to be gentle. That word understanding is in the same line as meek. And meekness is a biblical virtue. But meekness is not weakness. To be meek is not to be soft or effeminate. The word meek was not uncommon to be applied to a great warrior. That word holds depths of meaning. It literally means one who has a sword but keeps it sheathed. A meek warrior was one who knew when to draw the sword. They knew when to fight and when to be gentle.

And hear me. Men, do not crush your wives. It is so easy to carry all the burdens of life and then snap at your wife or kids. You must not do this. Your wives are given to you by God to be protected, provided for, and loved. And as any married man knows, they can frustrate us. But be understanding. Be kind. Be worthy of their respect and submission.

Do not think that because God commands your wife to submit to you that it means that you can now act however you want. No. You are called to be worthy of that submission. Remember, biblically wives are to symbolize the church in our submission to Christ. But husbands, we are to symbolize Christ in our rule. We are to be godly and kind. Gentle and lordly. You are to be like Christ in your home. How often has Christ been understanding to you? You also are supposed to be understanding in the exact same way with your wife.

Transition:

And this goes on.

Point 2: Honor Your Wife as the Weaker Vessel.

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel...”

Explanation:

You see Peter is commanding husbands to honor their wives. Wives are to honor their husbands and husbands are to honor their wives. In the details this honor looks different but it is honor all the same.

Argumentation:

You see wives are to honor their husbands as great iron girders that provide structure and stability. They are iron swords and shields set for war and defence. Husbands are to honor wives as priceless works of art and life-givers. And this should clear up the idea of weaker vessels. You see, priceless works of art are weaker than an iron sword. But weaker does not mean lesser. Weaker is not a value statement. Biblically, women are always pictured as more valuable and precious. But they are also weaker. And this means husbands must honor them as such.

Now in general women are physically weaker. This means that one of the ways husbands honor their wives is by protecting them. Men, if you and your family are ever attacked, it is your job before God to honor your wife by laying down your life for her.

But there is also a spiritual component to this. You must seek to protect her spiritually. This means you are not just the physical head of the household. You are also the spiritual head of the household. Men, your wives should not be dragging you to church. You should be the one leading them to church. You should be the one leading family prayer and Bible reading. You should be the Spiritual strength of your house.

A man who is physically stronger than his wife but spiritually weaker than his wife is a weak and effeminate man. Train body, train mind, train soul. Defend and honor your wife by leading physically and spiritually.

Transition:

And to clear up any remaining question about the standing of men and women, Peter gives his next point.

Point 3: Women Are Joint Heirs in Christ.

1 Peter 3:7 “...since they are heirs with you of the grace of life...”

Explanation:

That word heirs is really “co-heirs.” Literally this means equal standing in the receiving of an inheritance. Paul uses this in Ephesians 3:6“6 This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”

You see, ethnic Jews who are saved are no better off than gentiles. We are equal in Christ. And the same goes for men and women. We are given different roles but are on equal standing. This means practically that Christian husbands have no right to look down on their wives as lesser.

Argumentation:

And this adds some weight to our treatment of one another. Peter was applying this to the men but it goes both ways. Husbands and wives have no right to mistreat one another. We as Christians are children of God, adopted through Jesus Christ. We have been raised to equal ground. Ladies, your husbands are no lesser than you. Husbands, your wives are no lesser than you. You are both commanded by God to fulfill the role He has given you in love and respect.

Transition:

But Peter closes with a warning to husbands.

Point 4: A Warning.

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Explanation:

This has to be one of the most terrifying passages to me. According to Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, the mistreatment of our wives leads to God no longer hearing our prayers. Men, this ought to cause us to sit up straighter and listen very close.

Women are commanded to submit to their husbands. This can be hard, especially in our day. But the warning here is for the head of the house. Men, if you neglect God’s commands here to be understanding of you wife, to honor her as weaker, to treat her as your fellow heir, your prayers will be hindered.

Argumentation:

This requires the grace and mercy of God. All of us husbands ought to fall down on our faces before God and beg Him for His aid. This is a serious warning. And it is a serious passage.

Transition:

And this passage is one we must not take lightly.

Conclusion:

You see, we live in an age where marriage is a wreck. 50% of marriages still end in divorce. Men and women are actively reporting record levels of unhappiness. And I can tell you exactly why that is. You see, we blasphemously think marriage is ours. We as humans are so arrogant that we think we know best. We have taken God’s commands regarding His institution of marriage and thrown it out because it offends us. We say, “well that does not align with our understanding of modern gender theory and feminist ideology.”

We have rejected what God says because we don’t like it. it’s as simple as that. I do not care what the professors at prestigious universities say. I don’t care what the global elitist wise guys say. God made marriage and He knows how it works best. He gets to tell us what to do.

Visualization:

And God says that within marriage husbands are to be understanding of their wives, honoring their wives, recognizing their wive’s spiritual standing. God says in marriage that wives are to submit to their husbands, be respectful, pure, adorned with inner beauty and honoring in their language.

Reiteration:

You see, God made marriage. That means He gets to define it. He get’s to tell us what to do. And we are to obey Him.

Application:

So in closing I leave you with these actions.

Action 1: Wives, submit to your husbands.

Wives, obey God’s command. Honor your husbands. Submit to them. And you would ask, “submit to them in what?” Simply put, you must not obey your husband if he commands you to sin. But if it is not sinful, then be loving, honoring, submitting, and gracious. Practice adorning yourself with a godly, gentle spirit. Do not be haughty or proud. Do not be abrasive, but soft. Godly women are the most beautiful and wonderful of God’s creation. Remember how Christ suffered and died for you. Remember that your sins are forgiven. Remember the freedom you have in Him. And live that out in your home.

And if you are here and your husband is lost, take comfort in Peter’s words. Focus on being the best, most godly wife you can be. That will impact your husbands very soul. I cannot predict the future. I cannot tell you with certainty that if you are a godly wife, your husband will be saved by this time next year. But what I can say is that God keeps His promises. And your faithfulness in honoring your husband may very well be what brings him to Christ. My heart and my prayers are with you in this.

Action 2: Love your wives.

This really is what it boils down to. Love her. Be gentle and understanding. Be patient and strong. Do not be a bully but be a good lord of the house. Remember the weight of the responsibility God has given you. You are the head of the household. You answer to God for all of your house. So lead well. Be worthy of submitting to.

And when your wife fails to submit in some way or the other, be gentle and kind. Be patient and understanding. Remember how often Christ is patient and understanding with you. Remember the gentleness of our Lord. He is truthful and strong. He is a rod of iron. But He does not smother the smallest flame. He does not break the weakest of plants. He is loving and kind. Strive to find that balance of boldness and gentleness. Strength and kindness.

It is a hard balance, but look to Christ who models this perfectly.

And finally;

Action 3: Help one another!

Beloved, I do not give you this message as a way of attacking one another. Likely you will be tempted to sit here and only see the flaws of your spouse. Men, you will be tempted to hear this and say, “see! You’re supposed to submit to me!” Wives, you will be tempted to sit here and say “See! You’re not very understanding!”

Marriage is not a competition of beating each other over the head with our failures. You are to help one another! You are to love one another! Examine your own flaws. Men, where have you been impatient or unkind? Women, where have you been nagging or un-submissive? Examine your own hearts. And then go to your spouse and seek forgiveness. Confess your sins to one another. “Sweetheart, I was very ungracious to you here. I was not understanding. I am sorry. Please forgive me.” “Dear, I was un-submissive here. I harped on you until I got my own way. I am sorry, please forgive me.” Have these conversations. Remember, we confess our sins and know there is forgiveness.

A church is only as strong as it’s marriages. I have a vested interest in seeing you all have happy and life long marriages. I love you all and I long to see you all in truly joyful marriages as God intends and commands. So help one another. Talk to one another. Ask your husband how you can respect him better. He may be so shocked that he may not even have an answer. That is okay. Be consistent. Keep checking in. Ask your wife how you can be more understanding and loving. Help one another. Remember, you are in this together.

And seek help from others. We as a church are in this together. Men, seek godly men to learn from. Learn how to be a good husband from the older men. Women, seek godly women to learn from. Learn how to be a good wife from the older wives. The book of Titus comments this.

And for those of you who are not married. View this as what God commands marriage to be. Ladies, seek men who you know you can submit to. Men seek women you know you can be patient with and lead.

Know that I actively pray for you and your marriages. I long to see life long marriages of love and submission lived out in this church. Let’s pray.

Closing Prayer:

Offering:

Offertory Prayer:

Benediction:

May the Lord our God strengthen us and conform us to His Word. As Peter closes His letter, may it be to all of us. “Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”