Uncommon Grief
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In Psalm 34:18 we read
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Today you are brokenhearted. Today you are crushed in spirit. But today the Lord is near to you.
I know that the Lord is near you today because today we gather to grieve the death of Josh Holcomb. A life that was brief but filled to the brim. Whether he was chasing storms, working at the pizzeria, hunting, or fishing, or just walking the streets talking to people, Josh was joyous.
He inspired joy in others. He could lift up any who were down. He could strengthen those hurting because he had a quick smile and a kind word.
His kind words and kind heart bled into other areas also. He would make sure before phone calls were ended that I love you was said. He cared deeply for people and especially those who were his people.
He will certainly be missed and the pain of his passing will linger for years with those who love him. When your pain lingers don’t fight it and try to move on. Allow the pain to work itself out.
Grief is a moving target. One minute you will feel fine but then a scent, song, color, animal, car, food, or a dozen other things will make you remember your loved one. The pain will reappear and hurt deeply.
Let it. Don’t fight it by thinking you should be passed this moment by now. If you have these moments ten years from now, that is fine. It is not strange to hurt for a long time over the loss of your loved one.
You will feel this way because you have lost a part of you. When we love another whether it is a wife, husband, mother, dad, sibling, or friend, we give them a piece of us and they to us. We become deeply connected and when there is a separation from death, part of ourselves is gone.
As siblings you have a deep bond that no one else has.
As a mother to her child you are intimately connected to your child in ways no one, not even other mother’s understand.
As a dad you have a bond and connection with your child that is indescribable.
The same is for grandparents who have a bond with their grandchild that borders on the connection the mother has.
Friends have these connections too. When the one you are connected to dies, that connection is interrupted and confusion, pain, grief, and anguish takes its place.
This is why grief is a lifelong companion to all who have lost a loved one. This is why I say that when that moment of grief and pain strikes ten years down the road, it is normal and not strange.
Let your grief flow and work its self out. Let it come out and as it comes out without you trying to hold it back, you will eventually find yourself with joy because through the grief the memories come flooding in.
Memories are blessings from the Lord. He gives us these past moments to provide peace in grief, happiness in pain, joy in suffering.
Memories that were not funny at the time will have a new funniness to them. Memories that were funny will become funner and funnier. God will grace you with joy through memories and family. He will also grace you with peace and comfort by His presence.
Right now you may not be feeling very close to God. You might be thinking where is God? Does God really care? How could He let this happen?
Understandable questions that many ask in the face of such tragedy. These questions do not offend God or anger Him. He is accustomed to us asking these questions. Job in the book of Job suffered tremendously and asked such questions. God did not condemn Job but told him that there are many things we can’t understand.
That does not mean God does not care about our concerns but that when we get too far down the questioning God trail, we will miss God. As a man who lost three children to Leukemia said to those who asked him how he could keep believing in God through such tragedy he said:
“In those experiences you have two choices: You can either give up or you can keep believing in God even when it doesn’t make sense. Faith means something when it’s exercised in the darkness.”
Another said, “I believe that faith means something when you don’t understand the why’s. I don’t think God ever condemns you for asking why. But in the ultimate analysis, the question is not why but it is Who? God calls on you to believe in him who said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father but by me. I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live again’ [John 14:6; 11:25]. Ultimately you must trust in that.” (Robert Jeffress).
Josh believed in this. He was a small boy when he came home from church camp and he knew he was saved and wanted to be baptised. He believed in the truth of everlasting life through Jesus Christ and that regardless what happens in this world, Jesus is his Savior.
Josh trusted in this beautiful verse from Joshua as the truth of God with him and for him. In Joshua 1:9 Josh believed,
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I find it fitting that Joshua Holcomb loved this verse from the biblical book of Joshua. It is a good fit and such a true statement that I want you all to carry with you also.
In this verse that Josh loved we see the Lord telling the reader to be strong and courageous.
This does not mean that you must be a superhero but that trusting the Lord to fulfill all he said you can face any challenge. This tragedy is hard but by trusting the Lord, you can be strong and courageous throughout this difficult time.
We also read that we are not to be frightened or dismayed. Death brings on a certain amount of fear for the survivors. We think about the past and we can “what if?” ourselves to death. Not being frightened or dismayed means we can continue to walk forward with trust in the Lord who is telling us to not be frightened or dismayed.
He is with us and He is the one who will carry us. He was with us in the past and whatever we did or did not do then He has covered with the shed blood of Christ. Don’t be frightened or dismayed about the past because the Lord has already dealt with that. Trust Him and rest in His peace.
The Lord your God is with you wherever you go. This is true peace and comfort. We have the creator God who loves us and cares enough for us that Christ the Son came to die and rise again so we could be with Him forever in eternity, with us and caring about us. This alone should give you strength and courage and remove fear and dismay.
Josh knew this about the Lord and that is why he was always so upbeat and compassionate toward others. He has left a legacy of love and joy behind. Remember this when you remember Josh. Remember that he knew the Lord and knew Jesus had saved him. Know this comfort in your life when the pain hits.
I know this does not remove the pain no more than if Jesus appeared to you now with Josh under His arm and Jesus told you, “I have him. All is well,” would remove the pain. This is true because your hearts were connected and now one is gone and your heart has been torn out.
Your pain is real and it is known by the Lord. God knows grief well. He knows the pain you feel. He knows it all too well and He is here to provide comfort to all who seek Him.
In Lamentations 3:22-24 we see that
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
Josh knew this unceasing mercy in this life and now he sees it in full. This same peace and comfort can be yours if you want it. God is not stingy He offers it to all.
He offers strength when we are weak.
He offers peace and shelter when we fear and struggle.
He offers comfort to all who need it, and that is each of us.
One thing the Lord never tells us in His Word is that we are not to grieve. He never says we are not to nor does He place a time frame for how long you should grieve.
Grief is a process and it is one that we never fully make it through we just get to where we cope with it and can function, which is another grace of God in our lives.
But know this, the Lord is near the brokenhearted and He will lift you up Isa. 41:10
10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Grieve but grieve to the Lord. Let Him help you. Let Him hold you. Josh trusted in His salvation and that is a comfort and joy. I know I will see Josh one day because of this and if you want this same comfort then let the Lord give you life. Let Him give you grace and you will once again see Josh and not only will you see him but you will know him.
That is comfort in times of grief. That is peace to all who question what it will be like that day when we get there. But until that day, trust in the Lord to hold and keep you because just as He promised Joshua all those years ago, Josh. 1:9
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
and a promise Josh himself trusted, you too can trust in this comfort and peace from the Lord. He is with you and He will comfort you in your grief and pain. Just let Him in and let Him help you. I promise He is a good, good, good God and He knows how to comfort those who are downcast.