Real Friends / Proverbs 13:20, Philippians 2:3-4

CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien Friendship: met on Tuesday’s in a pub, CS encouraged him to write The Lord of the Rings, JRR persuaded him to become a Christian, their masterpieces are a result - not a coincidence

The results of your life are directly linked to your choice of friends. Last month we talked about fake friends, today we will talk about how to make and keep real friends…

Real friends guide you toward a good direction.

Proverbs 13:20 / Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,

but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Whoever - even if you’re a fool, you can become wise. Anyone can change their destiny if they change their friends.

Walks - Friendship is more than talks. Friendship is a walk. For good or bad, friendships are leading in a direction.

Which direction are you heading? wisdom or harm?

Obviously, one option is more appealing than the other. So what does a wise person look like?

Surprisingly, wisdom and intelligence are not the same. Wisdom is about lifestyle. Knowledge is about the brain. (The passage doesn’t say, befriend the valedictorian and all will be well.)

James three describes the wise person…

James 3: 13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom… wisdom is shown more than it is told. And what does it look like? 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Crude jokes are uncomfortable to share around the wise. Division is rarely started by the wise. The wise are open to the right answer, rather than knowing all the right answers. The wise are unswayed by favoritism. The wise make peace.

Sadly, peace doesn’t just happen. Peace has to be made.

Some friends are peace takers.

Some friends are peace fakers.

Wise friends are peace makers.

Seek friends who are wise. And if you have friends who meet this description, spend more time with them this year.

This first part is easy: thinking of what type of friend you want. The hard part: is being the type of friend you want. Qualities to look for in a wife example.

It is important to know how to find real friends, it is more important to know how to be a real friend.

Real friends are genuinely interested in others.

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

The opening words immediately expose many middle and high school friendships as fake. Apply these words to your friendships and to dating relationships: 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, No selfish motive - no pride.

Instead, real friendship is rooted in humility. Humility is not making yourself seem insignificant. But it is making others seem more significant.

“ If I consider you above me and you consider me above you, then a marvelous thing happens: we have a community where everyone is looked up to, and no one is looked down on.” - guzik

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

The first principle is about how you make people feel - significant. The second is about how you encourage people to talk - your interests.

Naturally, you will be interested in your own passions and trouble. Take that same level of interest and apply it to others. If you do, you will make more and better friendships.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

― Dale Carnegie

Make people feel significant. Be genuinely engaged about their interests.

After all, this is what Jesus did for us. Share gospel.

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Do you want more friends? Become less self focused.

Do you want to be more important? Make others feel more significant.