Christian Friendship
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When I say the word, “Friend” what comes to mind? For some of you, you might think of words like faithful, fun, understanding, loyal and for others, depending on what you’re going through, you may think of words such as hurt, betrayal, argument, etc. But regardless of we’re you’re at right now, most of you probably had a person pop up in mind when you think of the word “friend.”
And for any of us who have had friends for any length of time, one thing that we know is a reality is that friendships aren’t perfect, they come with baggage, disagreements, and frustration. That is, real friendships. With that said, today I want us to explore a few things about friendship according to the Bible such as why friendships fail, what a true friend looks like, and how to attempt to restore broken friendships and we will do that as we consider Proverbs 18:24
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Now, as we dive into this, I want us to first consider the unfortunate reality of friendships in a fallen world, which is broken friendships.
Fallen Friendships
Fallen Friendships
In Genesis 3:16, mankind has fallen into sin and God is declaring the result of their sinfulness, among them is this:
16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”
Now, as you’ve heard me address this passage before. This isn’t referring to Eve being attracted to Adam, but that she will desire to overthrow him as the leader and that he will, in return, be like a dictator over her or to put it simply, the result of sin in this world is that our relationships are going to be complicated. Now, even though sin complicates things, that doesn’t mean that friendships can’t exist. It just means that there’s problems that tag along with any relationships since we are sinful people. What are some issues that you think could harm your friendships?
Recalling Past Issues or Gossiping
Recalling Past Issues or Gossiping
9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.
Acting Superior
Acting Superior
12 He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, But a man of understanding holds his peace.
Being Overbearing (Too needy)
Being Overbearing (Too needy)
17 Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house, Lest he become weary of you and hate you.
Unproductive Disagreements
Unproductive Disagreements
Do you have people in your life that you’ve learned not to even disagree with because it’s like talking to a wall even though you’re trying to be helpful? Well, apparently Solomon knew about people like that. He said,
14 The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.
Why would he want us to stop our disagreements before fighting starts? Because Proverbs 18:19
19 A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.
Because, when we get into fights like that our minds harden up like the bars of a castle. We have blocked ourselves off and aren’t letting anyone tell us any different. In essence, it’s a pointless argument and you’re fighting for no reason. But what if you love this person but they’re just always looking for a fight?
10 Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; Yes, strife and reproach will cease.
Well, according to Solomon, you’re supposed to end that friendship if they’re not interested in listening to you. Titus 3:10
10 Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition,
But what is a scoffer? What do these kind of people act like? Proverbs 21:24
24 A proud and haughty man—“Scoffer” is his name; He acts with arrogant pride.
Okay, so not only are there issues that can injure our friendships, but we know that there are friendship that can injure us. Our verse for today says Proverbs 18:24
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
That verse part show us that having a bunch of low quality friends benefits no one. My Dad use to say, “Guys, you need to learn that you don’t have time for part-time friends.” But what do bad friendships look like? 1 Corinthians 15:33
33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”
Bad friendships are those where you are tempted to be led astray into sin. They are relationships that injure your walk with God and influence you negatively. Now that we’ve looked at friendship in a fallen world, let’s ask ourselves what a true friend looks like.
A True Friend
A True Friend
A true friend is a hard thing to find and once you find one of them, it is important that you do everything you can to preserve that friendship, but what does it look like? Well, a true friend is someone who will stick with you through the good and bad times. In other words, they’re:
They’re Faithful
They’re Faithful
17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
Notice that it says that a brother is born for adversity. That’s implying that as family, you have a commitment to one another. You’re bound by blood to help one another through difficulty and pain. But what about friends? They’re not bound by anything, but a good friend chooses to love you through it all. Not only are they loyal, but they’re trustworthy:
They’re Trustworthy
They’re Trustworthy
4 In whose eyes a vile person is despised, But he honors those who fear the Lord; He who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
Notice the last phrase? People who love the Lord are those who will keep they’re word even if it costs them. Do you have friends who keep their word no matter what or do they break their promises whenever it benefits them? Are you a trustworthy friend?
They’re Honest
They’re Honest
17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Notice the similarity in both of these verses? There’s friction involved. When iron strikes iron, there is force. When a friend tells a friend what they need to hear, sometimes it hurts. But it may be exactly what we need to hear to grow. One thing that is important for us to consider is whether or not we are friends that are easy to share our concerns with. Can your friends speak to you about problems they see you dealing with or are you someone who will blow up on them?
Finally, a good friend is someone who sympathizes with you.
They’re Sympathetic
They’re Sympathetic
15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Now this one isn’t listed in Proverbs, but is in Hebrews and it speaks about the Lord. It assures us that Jesus understands our pain. Jesus can sympathize with us and we can run to Him. But this isn’t the only part that points to Jesus. In reality, all of these things point to Him because He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is the one who laid His life down for His friends and it is through His work for us that we are known as friends of God. Now, because we are a people who have been saved and are being transformed, we should be a people who look to save broken relationship to the glory of God too. This leads us to the last point.
Restoring What Was Ruined
Restoring What Was Ruined
How do you guys think we should go about fixing our broken relationships? Well, Solomon gives us three points.
Forget about Getting Even.
Forget about Getting Even.
22 Do not say, “I will recompense evil”; Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.
Don’t Try to Defend Your Wrongdoing.
Don’t Try to Defend Your Wrongdoing.
13 He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
Display Affection
Display Affection
21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; 22 For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the Lord will reward you.
Has someone you once loved become an enemy to you? Don’t respond to their animosity with anger, but with love. Through this, you will show God’s grace to them and you may even win back your friend. But we are only empowered to do this when we think of all that Jesus has done for us when we were His enemies.