The Opportunity in Conflict

Bible Reading

Emphasis on moving forward.

Last Sunday AM: Move forward in the will of God and at the pace set for you by the Holy Spirit.

Last Sunday PM: The carry isn’t a message we carry but a message that carries us forward through life.

Tonight: Grief seems to hold us in time and keep us from moving forward.

Today: We will look at how forgiveness is necessary to move forward and how the gospel makes this possible.

Have you ever considered the mail system of the ancient world?

Good morning. I doubt this was on your mind as you got ready for church this morning? Your mind may be consumed with bigger problems. For many you could be dwelling on an unresolved conflict in your life or in your family.

How much was a stamp in the NT? Who was on it? / First stamp, as we know it, wasn’t made until the 1840.

Carried by soldiers and merchants, side job.

You would find someone going in the general direction you want to send the letter.

We call the letters in the New Testament Epistles.

Paul sent many letters to churches

Romans

1 Corinthians & 2 Corinthians

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

1 Thessalonians

2 Thessalonians

Paul’s letter to ministry leaders

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Titus

Peter says that Paul’s letters contain somethings that are hard to understand.

2 Peter 3:16 “16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.” (Some people take what he says and give the wrong application to it.)

One book doesn’t really follow into either of those categories; not a letter to a church, or necessary a church leader, and is as plain and simple as you could imagine in a personal letter.

It is a letter from a former slave to the owner of the home that he ran from.

It is highly personal.

It is a big decision about moving forward to a man named Onesimus and Philemon.

The church may have not known but they were about to see some fantastic one way of another.

Imagine with me what that would look like in our day?

Sermon Intro

We are blessed to hold this letter in our hands today?

In the smallest of epistles written by the least of the apostles (his words not mind) unveils one of the greatest implication of the Gospel.

Let's read this letter! I have probably listened to 10 sermons this week and the best part in all ten was the reading of the passage. I am going to give some commentary. Actually, I am going to read it as Philemon might have. I'll read portion then give commentary so you can distinguish between the 2.

Bible Reading from the handout [6 minute]

Moving forward required a confession by Onesimus

How can I show Jesus’ work in me by taking responsibility for my contribution to this conflict?

Intro: We are more interested in the Bible study on “how to forgive” than “how to ask for forgiveness” when mathematically we must assume there is a correlated amount of offenders and offended.

Confessions means we stop running

Philemon 13 “13 Whom I would have retained with me, that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel:”

Onesimus had been a man on the run. He ran to Rome.

It was 1500 miles away.

It was a place to hide in his sin.

It was far from home.

Confession requires honesty

Philemon 11 “11 Which in time past was to thee unprofitable, but now profitable to thee and to me:”

SS teacher asking kids. “What must you do before your sins can be forgive?” Kid “You must sin.”

Onesimus problem didn’t know Prov 28:13 but he knew that reconciling the most important relationship in his life started with a confession. Proverbs 28:13 “13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Certainly didn’t read “The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict” but I did.

Seven A’s of confession

Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)

Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)

Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)

Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)

Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)

Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)

Ask for forgiveness

Confession is more than a feeling

Philemon 12 “12 Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels:”

Repentance is the first step in gaining freedom from sin and conflict.

To repent literally means to change the way we think.

If this change in thinking is genuine, it will lead to a renouncing of sin and a turning to God. Isaiah 55:7 “7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.”

In sharing the gospel I wonder if Paul shared with Onesimus the difference between sorry and repentance. 2 Corinthians 7:9–10 “9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. 10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”

Godly sorrow means feeling bad because you have offended God

Confession does not negate the consequences.

Philemon 18 “18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account;”

Objection: We were forgiven and their are no eternal consequences.

Response: Jesus took our consequences to the cross. They did not dissappear.

Transitional Statement: Going forward means going nearer the place you want to be. This can require going backward to have a address an unresolved conflict in your past.

Moving forward required a choice by Philemon

How can I please and honor God in this situation?

Intro: People think preaching about money is the hardest thing for pastors. I would say it is forgiveness. I have known people more willing to give all their money before they would consider forgiving someone.

Forgiveness requires love

Philemon 5 “5 Hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints;”

There is no loving the saints without loving the Lord

The love for saints doesn’t start with our love for the Lord, but recognizing He first loved us

To understand the wonder of the love of God you must recognize we were undeserving of that love.

Forgiveness requires character

Philemon 6 “6 That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.”

Prayer that the faith we share keeps showing up in your life.

Philemon’s Christian walk (communication of thy faith) is about to be tested.

People used to say “you are testing me” that is more accurate than “you mad me mad.”

Faith will be demonstrated in Philemon reflecting the character of our God

As God describes Himself as “keeper of mercy” and “forgiver of iniquity” unto Moses Exodus 34:7

As illustrated in the story of the Prodigal Son

Forgiveness is a call to embrace

Philemon 12 “12 Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels:”

Receive him lived out practically.

Imagine he gets the holy kiss or greeting

A bed is made for him. Philemon 22 “22 But withal prepare me also a lodging: for I trust that through your prayers I shall be given unto you.”

He is seen as a brother. Philemon 16 “16 Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord?”

Forgiveness requires allowing grace in the equation

Philemon 18 “18 If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account;”

Paul knows the debt must be paid but he is asking that someone else be allowed to pay it.

Notice the emphasis was not on the specifics of the sin here. Not dismissive but not detailed.

It wasn’t about the money. It was about how the offense broke a relationship.

The reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus as an image of the reconciliation between God and man.

Forgiveness is an opportunity to display the gospel.

When God empowers you to treat others as He treats you, there’s not a single part of your life that escapes the transformation of the gospel.

You can love your enemies. Even though you were his enemy, Jesus died to reconcile you to God.

You can take initiative in resolving conflict. You were still a sinner when Christ died for you. So you can make the first move to seek reconciliation with anyone who offends you or has something against you.

You can admit your own faults. Because Jesus has already seen your sins in all their detail and taken them on himself, you can stop hiding your sins.

You can make conflict an opportunity to display the Gospel. By His grace you can use every conflict as an opportunity to show that you have been changed by the Gospel.

Transitional Statement: There is an opportunity in the conflict. Great place to start is answering “How can I please God in my response to this conflict?”

Moving forward required some help by Paul

How can I lovingly serve others by helping them demonstrate the forgiveness of God and encourage a reasonable solution to this conflict?

This is personal to Paul. Philemon 19 “19 I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: albeit I do not say to thee how thou owest unto me even thine own self besides.”

Personal because he loved these brothers

Personal because he loved the gospel and knew the opportunity for good or bad in this situation.

Paul helped by knowing forgiveness can not be mandated, it must be a decision of the heart.

Philemon 14 “14 But without thy mind would I do nothing; that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly.” (willingly is heart langauge)

Where does conflict come from?

In our home we might say Charlie the dog, or Selah the “little sister”

Real answer: The heart.

James 4:1 “1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?” (sinful desire of the heart)

Paul helped Philemon recognize that the Gospel and not the offense should define the relationship

Faith in Jesus Christ creates a new identity which supersedes every other given identity

The language of the Bible is intentionally relational reminding us that the Gospel set new terms for our relationships

Timothy our brother

Philemon dearly beloved

Lucas fellowlaborer

Paul helped set the tone as someone captured by the Gospel.

Philemon 1 “1 Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellowlabourer,”

Common for Paul to start the letter referring to himself as a servant.

It seems like that would have been a good place to start on a letter about a runaway servant.

Bringing our attention to how Christ and the Gospel captures us

Transitional Statement: Brother, Sister, Fellow-Laborer, let’s help one another move forward in this new year. When we hear one another speak and it has the echo sound of being in a prison to a past offense. Let’s remind each other of the opportunity in the conflict. Let’s remind each other of the power of the Gospel to help us overcome.

Conclusion

Recognition: It is extremely difficult to forgive when you have been hurt deeply.

The people you are closest are able to hurt you the most.

Psalm 55:12–13 “12 For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: 13 But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.”

Response: Forgiveness is the only response that is fitting for God’s people

We need not climb up into heaven to see whether our sins are forgiven. Let us look into our hearts and see if we can forgive others.” – Thomas Watson

How does the story end?

Letter is sat down.

There is a pause.

Fully, expect Philemon embraces Onesimus and says “Of course I forgive you, that is what we do. Welcome home.”

Onesimus moves forward because of the Gospel

Philemon moves forward in the Gospel

Paul moves forward with the Gospel

How will your story end? Will you remain captured by the offense or by Christ. Will all are prisoners. Some of us just love held by cords of love and others by painful memories.

There is an opportunity in your conflict.

The circumstances are different but the glorious gospel always remains the same.

Let us pray

Believer

In light of what we have read today. As you consider the conflict in your life that keeps you from moving forward would you ask this one question “How can I please and honor God in this situation?

I do not know if you need to be asking forgiveness or giving forgiveness or maybe it is both

Don’t miss the opportunity in this conflict

Unbeliever

Regardless of how your relationships are here on this earth. You have a broken relationship with the God of Heaven.

You need to become honest with yourself about how you have offended a holy God

You need confess your sins

You need to receive the grace that comes from your sins being put upon the account of Christ