Ordering Your Marriage

The Master-Plan for Marriage

God designed marriage to be one man and one woman, united in marriage for a lifetime - Matthew 19:4-6

Matthew 19:4–6 NIV

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Marriage has always been a picture of the relationship between God and man

Marriage creates a new family unit separate from the two families - Genesis 2:24

Genesis 2:24 NIV

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

In a patriarchal society, this was a change from the norm.

It is essential that both husband and wife create boundaries with their families

Marriage is designed to be complimentary - We are not the same - Genesis 2:18

Genesis 2:18 NIV

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

A Model for Marriage - Ephesians 5:21-33

Ephesians 5:21–33 NIV

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Let’s begin by clarifying our terminology:

Submit (vs. 21-24) and respect (vs. 33) are synonomous and I will use respect since submit carries some baggage from prior abuses.

Scripture clearly instructs both husbands and wives to treat each other with both respect and love (vs. 21)

God’s instruction to wives is to respect their husband - vs. 21 - 24

Our model is our own relationship to God and the relationship of the church to God - James 4:7

James 4:7 NIV

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

God’s instruction to husbands is to love their wives - vs. 25-28

Our model is Christ’s sacrificial love for us - Philippians 2:5-8

Philippians 2:5–8 NIV

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

Three keys to interpreting these instructions:

Both of these instructions meet the greatest need of our spouse

Men need to know they are respected

Women need to know they are loved

Both of these tend to be difficult for us to show

Men may struggle to show affection

Women may struggle to give respect

We must be concerned with our own instructions and not that of our spouse

Men do not need to focus on their wife’s respect

Women do not need to focus on their husband’s love and affection