Dating without Disaster

Intro

Me:

Share my personal story: Grace -> Jen -> Heartbreak

We:

Movies haven’t made it easy:

Teens falling head over heals for each other.

Heartbreak

13 year old Jenny falls for Billy.

Most people love the idea of finding that special person. Most people don’t think to themselves, “I am really looking forward to getting into a relatiionship, and then making it crash and burn.”

But let’s be real, something isn’t working in our culture:

Drama

Heartbreak

Relationships end with two people hating each others guts.

People “Fall in love” with who they think is their one true love, but then a few months later find the next person who is “the love of their life.”

You’d think outside of college it would get better:

I’ve known too many people who got married to the “perfect person,” and got divorced after a handful of years.

Divorce:

Half of all first marriages end in divorce.

Round 2: 63%

Round 3: 73%

More people aren’t even trying to stay committed:

59% of adults 18-44 have cohabitated.

Only 50% have committed to marriage.

“Try it before you buy it” mentality.

Not working either.

Couples who live together before marriage are divorcing at higher rates than those who wait.

Something isn’t working out. You guys tracking with me?

God:

The Bible provides us with a roadmap for relationships. and We desperately need it.

Tyler: “I wish I had learned this before.”

Three principles for Dating without Disaster

Begin with the right reason

Wrong motives:

For sensual gratification Acts 21:25, Gal 5:16, 2 Tim. 2:22

Galatians 5:16 ESV

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

2 Timothy 2:22 ESV

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Because you want someone to “complete” You.

Only God can give you that.

Philippians 3:8 ESV

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

Because you want to be happy.

If you aren’t happy without being in a relationship, then a relationship is not gonna make you happy. In fact, you will just bring the other person down.

Some of the best dating advice I’ve ever heard: “Marry someone who is a happy person.”

Just because…

The reason for dating should be to find a spouse.

Otherwise, you are just playing with someones heart.

If there is no potential for marriage with a person, do not get involved romantically.

Become the right person.

Myth: “If I find the right person, everything will be ok.”

No one goes into marriage thinking they are marrying the wrong person.

You need to become the right person.

Many people think that a relationship will work out perfectly if they find the right person. Not so! Because if they have yet worked to become the right person themself, then the person they are looking for won’t even consider them.

“Become the person the person you are looking for is looking for.” Andy Stanley.

Are you marriage material?

I don’t mean do you have loads of cash.

I am not talking about physical strength.

I’m not talking about looks or a charming personality.

I’m talking about maturity, Godly maturity?

Are you following the Lord, or are there some areas where you know you are compromising.

Are there some things that you think, “Ah, I’ll change later.”

Are you living for God’s purposes.

Are you growing in love? (1 Cor. 13)

Patient

Kind

Not self seeking

Not easily angered

Keeps no record of wrong.

Does not rejoice in evil

Rejoices in the truth

Men: Are you able to be…

The 4 P’s

Prophet - Know God’s Word and train your family in godliness.

Priest - Pray for your family

Provider - Lay down your life in loving sacrifice for a wife and children. Physical, spiritual, emotional, educational needs.

Protector - Ensure their well being.

Focus more on becoming the right person than finding the right person.

Agree on the right Direction

One of the biggest mistakes people make in dating is regarding direction.

Either they aren’t going the right direction in life. Or…

The person they get involved with isn’t going the right direction in life.

Amos 3:3 NLT

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

If you are wanting to make an impact for the Lord, and you end up getting attached to a person who doesn’t really care about that, you are in for a mess.

If you are a Christian, make it a point to never knowingly date a person who isn’t a follower of Jesus.

I say knowingly because sometimes a person will say, “Yes, I’m a Christian,” but later find that they probably are not.

2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Objection: “I’m not gonna marry the person.”

1st - You will marry someone you date.

2nd - Your feelings can get tangled up with a person, whether or not they should.

3rd - Dating is for the goal of marriage.

Who you end up marrying will greatly influence your level of impact in life.

If you are serious about making an impact for the Lord, then make it a top priority that you don’t get involved with someone who isn’t really interested in making an impact.

Set your focus on having a personal impact, and run with others who are doing the same.

Making disciples. Having a personal ministry.

Eventually, you will look to your side and see that, “wow, there’s a girl who is making disciples.”

When you get two people who are committed to following the Lord, committed to the authority of His Word and committed to the church, it is a recipe for success.

There is a God given direction you are both following.

There is one Book you are both looking to.

Way of doing things that leads to success.

In conclusion, the world around us is a disaster when it comes to dating, sexuality and marriage. But there is a better way. When it comes to dating, we need to look to God to receive a way that is counter-cultural, but actually works. We need to do dating for the right reason, which is with the goal of finding a spouse. We need to become the right person. And we need to make sure that we are going the right direction in life, and look for someone is is going that same direction.

This week we have talked about three guiding principles for dating. Next week, we are going to get very practical about dating.

Sources:

Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/

Pew Research: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/11/06/key-findings-on-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/#:~:text=1%20A%20larger%20share%20of,National%20Survey%20of%20Family%20Growth.

Voddie Baucham, “What he must be”

Andy Stanley, “The New rules for Love, Sex and Dating.”