Submission to One Another - Husbands to Wives (5:25-33)

Introduction:

In our study of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we have reached the section regarding submission. Submission, as we learned two weeks ago, is the natural outcome of a Spirit filled life; a life controlled and directed by the Holy Spirit will be declared by yielding to one another in our God ordained roles.

Last week, we recieved instructions on what the scriptures have say about how Wives are to submit to their Husbands as the God ordained head of the family, from Ephesians 5:22-24. This morning we will turn the coin over and receive scriptural instructions on what submission looks like for the Husbands to their Wives, from Ephesians 5:25-33.

Text: Ephesians 5:25-33

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Main Idea: Because God is the originator of marriage, he provides within the roles of marriage a beautiful picture of Christ and his church.

So how does the husband submit (hypotasso), or voluntarily arrange himself under the God given role towards his wife? We’ve already seen that he is to be the head of the family and his wife is to recognize that God ordained role that he has been given, and she is to submit to that role as unto Christ. Paul begins this unveiling of the men’s submission in the life of his wife with the…

I. Command to Love (25)

He begins with this summary statement which he will unpack in the remaining verses.

(25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Husbands - we’ve turn to the other necessary person in the marriage, the man. BTW, it may be helpful to note that God has always considered a marriage to be between a husband and wife, a man and a woman. There are no instances anywhere in scripture to the contrary. Our culture has invented other options in their rebellion against God’s authority.

love (agapao [pre, act, imp] - self sacrificing, action-required love for the welfare and benefit of another above ourself)

Romans 5:6–8 ESV

6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

your wives - note this is the similar directive that Paul gives the wives in verse 22, to submit to, “your own husbands”…not every man. In the same way, husbands are to love only, in this way, their own wives, not every woman. But…to what level? How much? When is enough enough? How does scripture quantify this love? Let’s look at the standard. BTW, it just happens to be the same standard that the wife has…

as (kathos [conjunction of comparison] - to the degree that) Christ loved the church - to the same level and degree that Christ loved the church. How did he love the church?

and [gave] himself [up] (paradidomai [aor, act, ind] - to hand over or deliver) for her - to the level of giving up himself, and delivering himself over to death for his church.

John 10:14–18 ESV

14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. 17 For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

1 Peter 3:18 ESV

18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,

But why would Jesus do that, and also, why should a husband do that?

II. Purpose for Loving (26-30)

We see in this portion the goal, or purpose of this sacrificial loving, first with…

A. Christ to His Church (26-27)

(26) that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

that (hina [conjunction of purpose]) [he might sanctify] (hagiazo [aor, act, sub] - possibility for holiness; to make as dedicated to God) her - his purpose was to take that which was unholy and make it holy, by setting apart from the profane for his purpose. This very much emulates what God told Moses to do in the tabernacle as Aaron, the high priest, would sprinkle all the items and workers with blood to sanctify and set them apart as holy…he does this by:

[having cleansed] (katharizo [aor, act, par] - to purge of evil) her by the washing of water with the word - having given his life for her, he now purifies her and purges all evil from her through his word.

Again, notice the order of Christ’s work of love for his church:

gave himself up for her - this is redemption whereby the church is eternally declared righteous (Justification) by means of Christ’s substitutionary sacrifice on the cross for our sins. This was the beginning, not the finished product…

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word - the process of cleansing us by his word so that he may remove evil from us is called, Sanctification. The finished product is…

(27) so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

so that (hina [conjunction of purpose]) - in order that

he [might present] (paristemi [aor, act, sub] - to bring before a superior for presentation) the church (ekklesia [noun] - direct object, the one presented) to himself (heautou [pronoun] - indirect object, the one to whom the presentation is given) in splendor (endoxos [adjective] - en: in, doxos: glory) - the church is seen as a finished product in all its glory as she is brought before her sanctifying Lord for final inspection.

without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. - what Jesus sees in the final analysis.

In these verses we see the entire process to which Christ has committed Himself in His relationship with the church: He has washed her from sin and is preparing her for a glorious destiny with Himself. She how does the husband fit into this picture with relation to his wife?

B. Husband to His Wife (28-30)

(28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

[In the same way] (houtos [adverb of manner]) - in like manner…so to what extent is the husband’s responsibility to his wife, in like manner as, Christ’s to his church? We can start be stating emphatically what this does not mean:

It does not mean that the husband through his sacrificial love for his wife is able to give his life a ransom for her sin and bring her into a right relationship with God. This can only be done by Jesus Christ alone.

John 14:6 ESV

6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Remember, the husband and wife together are a part of Christ’s body the church and both are saved in the same way, in Christ alone.

Nor does it mean that the husband is responsible for the complete sanctification of his wife, as again, Christ alone is sanctifying to perfection his church, made up of both husbands and wives. Well then, what does it mean? Paul tells us clearly when he says…

husbands should love (agapao [pre, act, inf]) their wives (again, not someone else’s wife) as (hos [conjunction of comparison]) their own bodies - there it is…their responsibility is to love their wives in the same way they love their own bodies…

He who loves his wife loves himself. - this is not a call to arrogance or some selfish egotistical narcissism, but a call to our natural function of self-preservation. Paul elaborates…

(29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

For (gar [conjunction of explanation]) - let me explain, Paul says…

no one ever hated his own flesh - it is natural not to hate our flesh,

but nourishes (ektrepho [pre, act, ind] - to bring up or grow with nourishment) and cherishes (thalpo [pre, act, ind] - to treat with tenderness and affection; conceived as warming something up) it - so with relation to how we care for ourselves, nourish is to sustaining life, as cherish is to the quality of that life. As men, we naturally do both. So what does this mean since we’ve been given another qualifier…

just as Christ does the church, - so here we go again, let’s try to understand this relationship and how it should work…

Christ takes care of his body the church by nourishing it through his word, and cherishing it as exclusively his own. He provides for the church in a physical way and a spiritual way, both are essential for its sustained growth.

Therefore, if husbands are to do for their wives what they do for their own bodies, this includes two realities:

On the physical side, we make sure our wives have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a shelter to come to, and that they are cherished as if we were taking care of ourselves.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

On the Spiritual side, we are to initiate times of washing with the word, prayer, and worship with our wives, in the same way we are commanded to do for ourselves.

We do this:

(30) because we are members of his body.

We mentioned last week, that in order for the church to understand its function on the macro level, it must be involved in submission on the micro level, or the families that make up the church.

So in essence, the husband’s part in this submission is to love their wives to such an extent that they adapt their lives to their wives’ physical needs and provide for their spiritual growth and development.

So where are we in this men?

This is not done by men escaping to a man-cave and allowing their wives to make all decisions both physical and spiritual as long as she does not interrupt your man-cave time.

I have lived long enough and have been in enough churches to realize that the women take this more seriously then do the men. In many churches, if it wasn’t for the women, there would be very little ministry. Or in the home, if it wasn’t for the wives, the family would have very little spiritual training. Oh God help us get back to your design, which Paul says next is a mystery.

III. Mystery of Christ and His Church (31-33)

Paul begins to unravel this mystery by restating God’s original intent for marriage:

A. Original Intent (31)

(31) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” - Paul is eternally linking the relationship of Christ and his church with the original intent for marriage. The reason the husband takes care of his wife is because he is one with her.

B. Mystery Revealed (32)

(32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

By mystery Paul means the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus (see 1:9; 3:3–4, 9; and 6:19), thus his quotation about marriage from Genesis 2 (in Eph. 5:31) ties in to the relationship between Christ and his church.

Paul says that this mystery and its meaning is profound (megas [adjective] - out of the ordinary in degree, magnitude, or effect): he interprets the original creation of the husband-and-wife union as itself modeled on Christ’s forthcoming union with the church as his “body” (see v. 23).

Therefore, marriage from the beginning of creation (Genesis 1) was created by God to be a reflection of and patterned after Christ’s relation to the church.

Thus Paul’s commands regarding the roles of husbands and wives do not merely reflect the culture of his day but present God’s ideal for all marriages at all times, as exemplified by the relationship between the bride of Christ (the church) and Christ himself, the Son of God.

C. Mystery Summarized (33)

(33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Paul is summarizing the submission prescribed to one another as their God given roles, and how those roles are an important insight into the mystery of Christ and his church.

So What?

Do we really understand that God has established the roles of submission in marriage as a tangible display of Christ’s relationship with his church?

Do we husbands understand that we have been called to love our wives to the standard of Christ’s sacrificial, self denying love for his church?

Maybe you are here this morning and you have no clue what this is all about, but somehow you know something is wrong in your life.

The bible shows us the way to a new life is through repentance of our sins, and placing our complete trust in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross for us; he took our place as our sins were placed on him. Turn to him this morning, from your sin, and yield your life completely to him.

Romans 10:9–10 ESV

9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

Romans 10:13 ESV

13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Do we husbands understand our responsibility to engage in a comprehensive level of oneness with our wives that includes the care, protection, provision, and spiritual growth we give ourselves?

Maybe you think that it is too late for me, I have really blown it and everything is out of control in my life and my family’s life.

Well, the good news is that Christ is still sanctifying his church, in which we are members of, and with that sanctifying work comes constant cleansing from sin, and renewal through obedience to his commands. It is never too late to obey by turning around and asking the Lord to help you navigate the road home.

Remember, transformation in our lives never happens by running away from the answer and embracing a lie, but always running toward the answer and away from the lie.