37: MARRIAGE: God’s Invention & Intention (Mt 19:1-12)

Preaching Truth to Those Who Aren’t Interested

Many years ago a number of government officials in the Netherlands, who were more fashionable than religious, invited Van Courtonne, the famous preacher of Paris of Dutch descent, to preach in their State Church chapel. But because he thought their interest was more social than spiritual, more curiosity than zeal for truth, he declined to come.

When the invitation was repeated several times, he agreed to accept—on the condition that ALL the government officials would be present, to which they agreed.

Van Courtonne then preached on “The Ethiopian” from Acts 8. His sermon had four points:

1) A government official who reads his Bible—was something rare. 2) A government official who acknowledged his ignorance—was something rarer still. 3) A government official who asked a lesser person for instruction—was something extremely rare. 4) A government official who was converted—was the rarest thing of all!

Van Courtonne never received a second invitation to preach there again.

If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask a preacher who tells the truth to come preach.

As we jump back into the Gospel of Matthew, we have seen Jesus say lots of things that would have kept Him from receiving a second invitation to preach, especially things He said to religious leaders of His day.

And we are certainly going to hear one of the most unpopular of Jesus’ teachings today.

Before we do, if you are new to Fellowship or missed some any of the previous 36 teachings from the Gospel of Matthew series, I would invite you to go back and check out what you missed, on our website - FOM.life OR to our APP.

When we paused our Gospel of Matthew study just before Christmas, we saw that followers of Jesus are to be…

Thankful for Forgiveness, thankful that we have been forgiven so much! We are FORGIVEN PEOPLE!

And, in turn, Jesus says that…

FORGIVEN PEOPLE FORGIVE PEOPLE.

And now we turn to today’s study, an important yet difficult teaching, entitled…

MARRIAGE: God’s Invention & Intention

Contrary to what our culture has tried to force-feed us, marriage is not a man-made concept that can be twisted and turned into anything we want to make it.

According to Jesus, marriage is God’s invention & today we learn God’s INTENTION for this super significant relationship.

So, let’s get started.

Matthew 19:1–2 (NIV) When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

This move is significant, as Jesus is leaving His home region (Galilee) and heading toward Judea, where His ultimate goal will be fulfilled in Jerusalem - the sacrifice of His own life so that sinful people can be fully forgiven (Jn 1:29).

Matthew 19:3 (NIV) Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

Before we dig into the marriage and divorce issue, we need to see why this topic is coming up in conversation in the first place.

The Pharisees were hoping to find a crack in the theology of Jesus and be able to turn others against Him.

We have already seen that…

the Pharisees had been plotting how they might kill Jesus (Mt 12:14).

This is one of several times they came to test & trap Jesus (Mt 16:1) as they believed He was sent by the devil (Mt 9:34; 12:14).

They probably knew that Jesus would likely take the conservative route - like John the Baptist - who called Herod an adulterer (Lk 3:19) - which is why Herod had John the Baptist arrested and decapitated.

Now to the question they asked, the question they hoped would cause Jesus to put the noose around his own neck in front of a live audience.

Matthew 19:3 (NIV) Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

The answer to the question was hotly debated at the time because of a term that is found in Deuteronomy - written by the prophet Moses, 1400 years earlier. Here’s where it’s found.

Deuteronomy 24:1 (NIV)

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house…[both are then allowed to remarry]

In Jesus’ day there was a long standing controversy over what something displeasing or indecent meant. According to the Mishnah, a collection of oral and written traditions including rabbinical teachings relevant to the time of Jesus. The Mishnah mentions at least 3 differing views on marriage & divorce. [1]

Some took the ultimate liberal slant of Rabbi Hillel who taught that displeasing meant you could divorce your wife for spoiling your meal.

Men, has your wife ever burnt your meal?

My Dad doesn’t consider this displeasing. Instead, I’ve often heard him say, “Your Mom loves me so much that she offers me burnt sacrifices.”

Rabbi Aquiba went further than allowing divorce for spoiling a meal and said a man could divorce his wife if he found someone else prettier than her.

And then you had the more conservative Rabbi Shammai would say divorce was only an option because of the act of adultery.

This is the environment Jesus is weighing in on.

Matthew 19:4–6 (NIV) Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Man, there is SO MUCH to unpack for our crazy culture that claims there are more than 2 ‘genders’ and claims that same-sex relationships are God’s will because He ‘made them that way’, leading to those justifying same-sex marriage.

First, note that Jesus first asks a question: “Haven’t you read about God creating male and female (in His image), and that this was intended so that the two will become one - physically, emotionally, and spiritually? (I imagine this was said with some sarcasm like, “Haven’t you religious leaders READ the Scriptures?”)

Where would they have read that from you ask? Genesis 1:27 & Gen 2:24. In this text we see both God’s invention & intention.

The Scriptures that Jesus point to leave no other options: There are only 2 sexes - male & female, and the sex act was invented and intended for marriage between 1 man and 1 woman - where two become one during the course of their 1 lifetime. Therefore - Jesus concludes - what God has joined together, let no one separate.

According to Jesus, who simply points back to the authority of God’s Scriptures…

God invented & intended Marriage to Unite one man and one woman until death.

And for the Christian who knows the New Testament, we should note that Jesus is God the Son, who created all things according to Jn 1:3 & Col 1:16 - and “all things” includes people & marriage.

Evidently the Pharisees didn’t agree with Jesus’ response that the 2 who become 1 must STAY united as ONE, so they asked a question that surely put Jesus in his place.

Matthew 19:7 (NIV) “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Who is JESUS to disagree with Moses? Now the’ve got him! Ummm…NOPE!

Remember WHO they are talking to! The Creator with Skin on - the one who inspired Moses to write what He wrote. The AUTHOR determines the meaning of the text, and now we hear what the AUTHOR of life intended.

Matthew 19:8–9 (NIV) Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Whoa! I guess that answers the question on whether you can divorce your spouse for any reason.

While the Old Testament punishment for adultery was death by stoning (Deut 22:22), which would result in the end of the marriage - and the living spouse could remarry. Stoning adulterers, however, was NOT the practice of the Jews of Jesus’ day under Roman occupation. [2]

So, in the case of sexual immorality when the offending spouse still lives, Jesus says the offended spouse could remarry.

But the man who divorces his wife without Biblical grounds (more on that in a moment), who then marries another commits adultery.

How could that be?

It’s simple, really. If God doesn’t recognize the previous marriage as being over, then sexual intimacy with another is sexually immoral and that person commits ADULTERY - even if their ‘marriage’ is recognized by civil authorities.

Side note: Beyond ADULTERY, Paul mentions ABANDONMENT as an acceptable reason for divorce & remarriage (1 Cor 7:15), and I - not the Lord - think that Jesus would certainly allow divorce & remarriage in the case of ABUSE of a spouse, as that spouse breaks their vow to protect the other.

But rather than trying to find a bunch of loopholes so people can find a way out of their marriages, Jesus is reminding people that God’s view of marriage is intended to be a lifelong covenant.

God invented & intended Marriage to Unite one man and one woman until death.

As such, we are to fight FOR our marriages rather than quickly throw in the towel.

Sadly, I have met with people who seem to want RELEASE from marriage instead of desiring to REKINDLE the marriage. They are looking for any/every reason to divorce while discounting the consequences of disobeying God’s commands.

Jesus is not focused on why a person might get OUT of marriage, but why a person should stay IN marriage.

The first reaction for the follower of Jesus should always be attempting to RESTORE RELATIONSHIP, just as God does with us, when we have sinned against Him.

Can marriages be restored after adultery, abandonment, and abuse has taken place?

YES! If both parties humble themselves before God & before one another, marriages can be restored and last a LIFETIME!

Douglas O’Donnell - a commentator I read from - writes about his own in-law’s story and writes about how he has witnessed, “God’s supernatural superglue at work.” [3]

And so it is that Jesus answers the question about God’s invention & intention for marriage. Marriage is NOT a relationship to be taken lightly.

God invented & intended Marriage to Unite one man and one woman until death.

But evidently, even the disciples of Jesus struggled with His answer. Just like you and me, their culture had infected their views. So, likely in a private setting…

Matthew 19:10 (NIV)

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

With such a high standard, parents better get it right the first time as they chose who their sons would marry - since it was to unite them for life.

And those who could choose for themselves better do their homework on their prospective life-long spouse too!

The disciples of Jesus are so blown away by Jesus’ expectation of marriage that they conclude, “Then maybe…it is better not to marry.”

And surprisingly, as we’re about to see, Jesus agrees.

If people are going to dismiss God’s intention for marriage and fly the coop when things get tough, then maybe some folks should never get married.

Matthew 19:11–12 (NIV) Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Those born as eunuchs are those with person born with misshapen private parts.

Those made a eunuch by others were castrated by another (e.g. men who protected royal women).

And then there are those who choose to live like eunuchs - people who choose not to marry & to abstain from sexual activity throughout their lives for the sake of furthering the kingdom work - like John the Baptist, the apostle Paul, and Jesus Himself.

It that’s your desire & calling - as a single-minded devotion for the sake of the kingdom - more power to you! Use your freedom to GO to the nations and share the Gospel. Use your time to invest in people late at night or early in the morning, without the concern of taking care of spouse or children.

If you’ve lost your spouse to death or divorce, your ministry is NOT over! If you choose not to remarry, you can focus on furthering the kingdom!

However, if you’re not a eunuch and don’t desire to live like one, then you should accept this - accept what Jesus, God is skin - is saying about His invention & intention for marriage. That…

God invented & intended Marriage to Unite one man and one woman until death.

But… marriage is more than just about a man, a woman, & their family. There is a MYSTERY OF MARRIAGE that later becomes obvious to followers of Jesus. And here it is:

Marriage is a living example to the faithfulness of Jesus & His followers

Look what Paul later writes.

Ephesians 5:24–26a (NIV)

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy…

Our marriages are to be living examples to the faithfulness of Jesus & His church/followers to one another!

And then Paul ties the marriage passage we have already discussed in Matthew’s gospel to the mysterious parallel to marriage - the marriage relationship that is to demonstrate the covenant relationships between Jesus and His Church - His people.

Ephesians 5:30–33 (NIV) ……for we are members of His body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I’ve quoted Denny Burk several times in the past, but it’s so good and so true, that I’ll quote him again.

Denny Burk

"Our marriages were always meant to be about this other marriage (Eph. 5 - the mystery of Christ and the Church)...Our marriages are supposed to be saying something about the gospel...marriages are supposed to be these little dramas of redemption put on display for the world.” [4]

Marriage is supposed to last for life - through the good times and the bad times, in sickness & in health

So too, the covenant relationship with Jesus and His people is meant to last the THIS LIFE and BEYOND! He will be faithful to us; the only question is…will WE be faithful to Him?

Marriage is a living example to the faithfulness of Jesus & His followers

The 2 become 1 - the husband and wife are UNITED and…Jesus & His Church are UNITED, and what God has joined together, let no one separate.

We are to be united & devoted to our spouses, as we are to be united & devoted to Jesus - and we must beware anything & anyone who would get in the way of those relationships.

Lastly, look at the parallel that Paul points to between the marriage covenant & the covenant between Jesus & His followers.

2 Corinthians 11:2–3 (NIV)

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

Paul is afraid that the BRIDE of Christ could be seduced by other LOVERS besides JESUS.

Married or single, if you’re a follower of Jesus, you must beware false teachings/teachers attempting to lead you astray and keep kindling the fire of sincere and pure devotion to Christ Jesus.

2 Questions related to what we have discovered today:

God invented & intended Marriage to Unite one man and one woman until death.

So, what has/is your devotion to your spouse showing your family/friends/community about the significance of marriage?

Do you invest time with your spouse?

Do you speak about him/her to others?

Are you being faithful in action, words, & thoughts?

Marriage is a living example to the faithfulness of Jesus & His followers

So, whether you’re married or not - what has/is your devotion to JESUS showing your family/friends/community about the importance of knowing and following Jesus is?

Do you invest time in seeking Jesus?

Do you speak about Jesus to others?

Are you being faithful in action, words, & thoughts?

Struggling Faith vs Trusting Jesus’ Love on the Cross

A couple of weeks ago I went to a local restaurant and the waitress and I were the only ones there for a few minutes. I communicated that she was valuable and made in the image of God.

I then asked about her spiritual background. She said she used to believe, but now - due to sicknesses and her 8 yr old son having non-verbal autism - she struggled to believe.

I told her I would love to take her back to the day that Jesus died on the cross for HER. Even though she has unanswered questions, after seeing what Jesus for her, she wouldn’t never doubt God’s love for her.

He is ALL IN. Are YOU? Are you DEVOTED to Jesus?

Or…are you just going to play the game?

If you need help with either of those, I implore you to talk with another Christian who will HELP you!

Is your marriage struggling? You’re not the first and you wont’ be the last. Ask someone for HELP! Or…keep doing what you’ve been doing and getting the results you’ve been getting.

How’s your relationship with Jesus? Are you devoted to Him OR…are you being seduced by something/one else?

Or maybe you’re not yet a follower of Jesus?

Call us!

____________

Jacob Neusner, The Mishnah : A New Translation (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1988), 487.

Douglas Sean O’Donnell, Matthew: All Authority in Heaven and on Earth, ed. R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2013), 540.

Ibid., 541.

Denny Burk interviewed by Greg Koukl on podcast (“Denny Burk - The Meaning of Sex”)