Ephesians: God's Blueprint for a Spirit Filled Marriage

Eph. 5:22-33.

Introduction:

Talk about divorce

In 2024, approximately 50% of all marriages will end in divorce

Subsequent marriages have an even higher chance of ending up in divorce, with 60 and 73% of second and third marriages ending up in divorce respectively

The divorce rate for every 10 out of 1,000 people in the population (called the crude divorce rate), however, has dropped from 5 to 2.9 from 1990 to 2023

But The marriage rate has almost halved in the last 30 years, with 10 for 1,000 people of the population choosing to tie the knot in 1990 versus only 5 for every 1,000 people in 2023 (called the 'crude marriage rate')

Women started almost 69% of all divorces.

14 percent of all christians have been divorced

Divorce Rate & Statistics (2023) - How Many Marriages End In Divorce? - Her Norm

Divorce Statistics and Facts | What Affects Divorce Rates in the U.S.?

These are troubling statistics.

Why do so many marriages end in divorce?

The main reason given in a recent survey was Interest.

The second highset reason for divorce was infidelity.

Why?

Why do spouses loose interest or believe it is ok to defile their marriage?

I think it all comes down to one, selfishness but two they fail to follow the blueprints that God has given to have successful (spirit filled) marriage.

Paul lays out for us in these verses what God says will lead to years of happiness in our marriages.

God’s Blueprint for a Spirit Filled (successful) Marriage

So looking at what Paul lays out for us as a blueprint for a building

we need to know how the foundation is to be laid.

Main

I. The Foundation of a Spirit Filled Marriage

There are I believe two items required for a solid foundation in a Spirit Filled Marriage.

Salvation and Surrender

a. Salvation

Before a marriage can be Spirit filled, both husband and wife need to be spirit filled and they only way one can be spirit filled, is they must have the Spirit living in them.

So the first item in the foundation of the Spirit filled marriage is Salvation.

Remember Paul is writing to born again believers and he has already told them that they are not what they use to be and because of that they should walk different then the world around them.

Now I know that a lot of times in a marriage their maybe a saved spouse and a lost spouse and Paul gives instruction on how one is to handle that.

But Paul is already taking into account here that both are saved.

So, The first and most vital item to have for a good foundation to build a successful spirit filled marriage upon is salvation, because……

How can two walk together less they agree?

You say, preacher, how about those marriages that dont have the foundation of salvation, why do so many of those succeed?

When we find someone that we marry, we choose to marry them really based off of two things, attraction and affection.

A marriage can last fifty sixty years off of this, but God never intended marriage to be only about affection and attraction. Those two things are good and necessary but not the purpose for marriage. God instituted marriage, for the soul purpose of being an example of the love he has for the Church and when the marriage is not built upon the salvation of both spouses, the marriage can never truly display what God ment it to.

So Salvation is the first item in the foundation.

The second item is

b. Surrender

Husband and wife can both be born again, but not totally surrendered to God and miss out on a spirit filled marriage.

Wives can never submit to their husbands if they have never surrendered to God.

Husbands can never truly love their wives as Christ love the Church if they have never surrendered to God.

Being surrendered to God makes what Paul is about to tell us, come natural. Without being surrendered to God, wife you may try and submit to your husband but will become bitter and critical.

Husband you may try and love your wife like Christ love the Church, but you will never truly succeed because until you surrender to God, you will always have your best interest at heart, not God’s.

The Framework of a Spirit Filled Marriage

Paul dives into this with Christ and the Church on his mind. Paul is using this comparison so that the Ephesian believers and us, not only to have something to compare our marriages to but also, so we see and understand just how important a Spirit filled marriage is.

So the first item Paul uses to build a Spirit Filled marriage is……

a. Submission vs.22-24

These verses have been among the most loved and hated of the New Testament.

There are some men that love to hang these verses over the heads of their wives and demand that they obey them or else.

There are some women that read these verses and feel that these verses make the wife inferior to the husband.

Neither interpretation is correct.

No where in this Book does God try and establish the husband as some kind of dictator in the home.

Nor does God restrict the wife to a place of servitude.

Lets be clear here, because too many have misunderstood this verse.

It does not mean, that wives are to submit unto their husbands the same way they submit to the Lord.

That is taking it to far.

The submission one has to the Lord as a believer, male and female, is of total surrender.

Its absolute.

That is not what Paul is saying here about wives to husbands.

As believers we are all the bond slaves of Jesus.

We serve Him at his pleasure.

A wife is never told to be a slave to the husband.

You are not to do something just because he told you to do it.

Its not he says jump and you say how high relationship

What does it mean then?

The word “submit” means “to arrange under”.

Think of it as a chain of command

In the military, a lower rank is asked to perform a task by a higher rank, they perform said task, because it is their duty as one under the chain of command. The military member does not do it only because of the one that gives the task, they do it because of the commander.

same goes for wives, you are to submit to your own husbands because it is part of your duty to the Lord as one arranged under”

It is an expression of your submission to the Lord.

As Ray read this morning

Colossians 3:18 KJV 1900

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

In other words, you are not doing it for the sole purpose of pleasing your husband, you are primarily doing it for the Lord Himself. Our great Commander

Wives you are to submit to your own husband because it is your Christian behavior to.

Not just in a few things, but in everything.v.24

Paul gives a similar exhortation to the church at Corinth,

In chapter 10 of the first epistle Paul tells them, Whether ye eat or drink or whatsoever you do, do it as unto the Lord.

Everything we do is to be for Him.

There is no better motive for any action then this

any Christian wife that is concerned above all other things in pleasing the Lord, will find absolutely no difficulty in fulfilling what this paragraph says.

I think it will be your greatest delight and reward to do it.

Just like the Church is the body and Christ is the head, the wife is the body of the marriage and the husband is the head.

and just as we the church are submissive to Christ because he is the authority in our lives, wives are to submit to the husband, not because he is the authority but because Christ is your authority and it is pleasing to the Lord.’

Martyn Lloyd Jones says it best……

Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work: An Exposition of Ephesians 5:18–6:9 (Chapter 8: The Analogy of the Body)

We can sum it up thus: The teaching is that the initiative and the leadership are ultimately the husband’s, but the action must always be co-ordinated. That is the meaning of this picture—co-ordinated action but leadership in the head. There is no sense of inferiority suggested by this. The wife is not inferior to her husband; she is different. She has her own peculiar position, full of honour and respect. That is why the man is later to be told to cherish and to nourish and to love and to care for, and to respect and honour his wife. There is no inferiority involved. What Paul is teaching is that any Christian woman who realizes all this will love to please her husband, to be useful to him, to help him, to aid him, to enable him to function

The best leaders are those that have no problem coming along side those that are under them and doing the same work.

The second item in the framework is..

Love vs. 25-30

No where in this text does it tell the wives to love their husbands.

Husbands are the only ones called to love.

Husbands you have a responsibility to love your wives as Christ love the church.

Paul tells us three ways this is to be done by giving us Christ as our example.

Unconditionally v.25a

Christ did not die based on anything we do. He did not say, I will only go to calvary if you do such and such.

Christ love for us is unconditional.

Husbands, you dont love your wife based on how submissive she is, thats conditional.

You dont love her based on how good she can cook, thats conditional.

You dont love her based on how she keeps the house, thats conditional.

You are to love her as Christ loved the church, unconditional.

No strings attached. You love her in-spite of her flaws and failures.

You are to love her with an agape love.

Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home and Work: An Exposition of Ephesians 5:18–6:9 Chapter 9: True Love

Look at the characteristics of our Lord’s attitude towards his bride, the church. He loves her: ‘even as Christ loved the church’. What an eloquent expression! He loved her in spite of her unworthiness, He loved her in spite of her deficiencies

Great picture of uncoditional love is Hosea and Gomer. I know its a picture of Isreal and God but oh how we act like Isreal. Thank God for the unconditional love He had for me.

Men how is your love for your wives this morning?

Sacrificially 25b

The second part of verse 25 shows us we are to love sacrifically. This means husbands, they come first.

‘…… and gave Himself for it’

I think we can get a better picture of what Paul is meaning here by going to Pauls letter to the Church at Philipi

Philippians 2:5–8 (KJV 1900)

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

Men, husbands, to love like Christ means to make yourself of no reputation and become a servant.

Its not about you and your dreams.

Its not about your desires and your toys.

Its about your wife.

Tenderly vs.28-29

Verses 26 and 27 Paul takes a pause to discribe what the responsibility of Christ is. He is to sanctify, cleanse and present .

These three words, sanctify, cleanse and present describe an action.

Now Christ sanctified us and cleansed us of sin through the shedding of His blood, but we are sanctified and cleaned daily through His Word that He has given to us.

Men, we should be daily in the Word with our families.

I know life gets busy, I know your tired at the end of the day,

Im preaching to my self here,

but we have a responsibility to make sure our families are spending time with God daily.

Then it says that he might present it… not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Men when we stand at the day of judgement,

God is not going to ask your wife why you didnt spend time in His word as a family,

He’s not going to hold your wife accountable if your kids leave the home without a solid foundation under them.

You are responsible for your family.

While your children are under the roof that you provide to them, they are your responsibility and you will be held accountable in the end for how you handled that responsibility.

wives God has placed your husband as the leader of the home you need to let him lead because it is his responsibility not yours

husbands be what God intended you to be

that was for free,

vs 28-29

Paul tells us husbands that……

Exalting Jesus in Ephesians (Spirit-Filled Husbands (5:25–33))

they should provide, nourish, and care for their bride, just as he cares for himself (v. 29). Paul puts Genesis 2:24 underneath this directive, reminding the husband that the two have become “one flesh” (v. 30).

This directive for tender love may sound self-serving for the husbands or demeaning to the wives, but that is not the case. This directive makes perfect sense in light of the fact that the two have become one flesh. Just as you long to satisfy your own needs, husbands, satisfy your wife’s needs. Just as you long for intimacy, joy, security, health, peace, companionship, and community, provide them for your bride also.

Husband, how are you doing at nourishing your wife (v. 29)? Are you physically nourishing her?

Are you cherishing your wife (v. 30)?

Are you admiring her and complimenting her?

The final item in the framework is...

Respect v.31,33

When you are married, you are no longer two people you are one flesh.

This means there is to be a respect to one another unlike any other two people.

Husbands, you are called to leave father and mother, she is not.

Respect the mother and daughter relationship.

Wives you are married and your first responsibility is to your husband, that supersedes any mother daughter relationship.

If your mother ladies, is disrespectful to your husband, you are His wife, his help-meet, you are one flesh, so if she is dis respecting your husband she is dis respecting you.

Husbands, your wives should be the number one lady in your life, she should not be playing second fettle to mamma.

You are not mammas boy anymore.

You are still to honor your father and mother but honoring them will never involve you dishonoring your wife.

Husbands you are the head of the marriage, but the wife is the body,

if the head does not make the right decisions it can be detrimental for the body and if the body stops functioning it doesnt matter how sharp the mind is, without a body the mind is no good.

Two of the three most vital organs in the human is found in the body, without the mind the heart and lungs cant function and without the heart and lungs the mind cant function.

I think this is why Paul made it a point to mention one flesh. Without either one the other cant live.

We should wake every morning thanking God for our spouse because without them we could not survive and when you do this you will have no other choice but to respect them.

Respect your spouse, you cant live without them.

Conclusion:

How is your marriage?

does it meet God’s specs based off His blueprints?

Are you saved this morning?

Are you Surrendered to the Lord?

Wives, are you submitting to your husband becasue you want to please the Lord?

Husbands, do you love your wife as Christ loved the Church?

Husbands and Wives, do you wake up everyday thanking God for your spouse becasue you know without them you could not survive?

Follow the Spirit for invitation!!!!!