Do Not Push This Button!

Objective

Every Christian should avoid provoking others in order to promote peace.

Key Verse

James 3:17 NIV

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

We

Do you love a good fight?

Is there someone in your life you're always getting into fights with?

Is there someone who just seems to become insane whatever you say to them?

Someone who sees red know matter what you do?

Someone like this:

Video - The Incredible Hulk Opening Titles - 1:00

'Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry'.

Do you know anyone like that?

The foolish thing about the people in The Incredible Hulk is that, despite his warning, they were always provoking him to anger!

That was the whole point of the programme: people provoke Dr. Banner into becoming angry and then he'd Hulk out and they'd reap the consequences.

If they had been wise, then they would have made peace with Dr. Banner, rather than provoking him to anger.

We know how to push people's buttons

But I have to admit, I am foolish enough to do the same on occasions.

To provoke the angry person in my life.

And it's easy to do.

Once you've been around someone for long enough, you get to learn what irritates them.

And most of us don't do this intentionally, but subconsciously, we file that in the back of our minds to use as a weapon when we get into an argument with them, or when we're trying to get our own way.

We know that it's wise to be peace loving.

We know that it's wise not to pick a fight.

But it's just too tempting.

Sometimes, we just have to push the button.

Is there anything more tempting than a big red button that says, 'Do not push this button'?

Video - Don't tap red button - 2:00

I imagine most of us know at least one person who should wear a sign saying, 'Push button to add drama'.

How do we deal with them in a wise way?

God

James 3:13-18, p.1215

James 3:13–18 NLT

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

Wisdom means not antagonising others

The wisest way to deal with people who have buttons to push, is not to antagonise them.

Don't provoke their rage.

Don't egg them on.

However much they provoke you, don't push the button.

They may say something that hurts you.

They may offend you in some way.

They may be rude to you.

But don't pull out the big gun.

Why?

Because it's a weapon of mass destruction.

Pushing the button does nothing to resolve the problem.

Pushing the button does nothing to help the relationship.

In fact, it simply causes more hurt.

James says that in relationships, it is wise to be peace loving.

Proverbs 20:3 GNB

Any fool can start arguments; the honourable thing is to stay out of them.

The wise thing to do is even if someone else is pushing your buttons, don't push back.

Be peace loving.

So how do we do that?

How do we ensure we don't push other people's buttons.

RW suggests three ways:

You

Don't compare others

First, don't compare that person to someone else.

Saying to someone, 'Why can't you be more like so and so' pushes their buttons.

Saying, 'You're always like so and so' pushes their buttons.

Saying something like, 'You're just like your mother!' is the nuclear option!

Comparing antagonises people's anger.

Why?

Because it makes them feel insecure.

Trying to be someone you're not just makes people angry.

That person doesn't need you to push their buttons.

They need you to reassure them that how God designed them to be is not a mistake, and that you believe in them.

Be peace loving and don't compare your angry person to someone else.

Don't condemn others

Second, don't condemn them.

The second you start laying on a guilt trip in a relationship, you're being foolish.

It may feel good to criticise and condemn someone, but it seldom gets the person to realise their mistakes, let alone change their ways.

Instead, they start to feel guilty for what they've done, and it makes them angry.

They feel ashamed.

And instead of repenting and changing their ways, they do the exact opposite and get in a rage.

Saying, 'You should, you must, you ought, you need to, you always, you never ...' simply pushes their buttons.

Why?

Because they're already fighting their own conscience.

They know they should, they must, they ought, they need to, they always, they never ...

They don't need you to tell them!

If you decide to be their conscience, don't be surprised when they get angry at you!

Instead, try to understand them.

Be forgiving of what they've done:

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes great character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving (Dale Carnegie).

That's not to say we should simply praise people regardless of their behaviour.

But in our day-to-day interactions with people it easy to slip into 'automatically' condemning people, out of habit.

Sometimes, we're so used to doing it, we don't even realise.

So instead, slow down and try and figure out why they do what they do.

Be peace loving by practising sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

Don't compare them.

And don't condemn them.

Don't contradict others

And third, done contradict them.

That always makes them mad!

If you're always correcting someone, it's irritating.

You don't always have to prove your point!

But you're thinking, 'I was right'.

I had to be right.

I had to show that person I was right.

But that's foolish.

It doesn't work.

And most of the time, it's not important.

Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook (William James, famous psychologist).

There is some stuff that some people do, that some people say, that you just need to overlook.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Don't contradict them.

There is no point in arguing over stupid things.

Be a peacemaker.

Resolve to be more concerned with being in relationship than being right.

Don't compare them.

Don't condemn them.

And don't contradict them.

We

Be a peacemaker

Instead, James says, be a peacemaker.

Provoking someone to anger, pushing their buttons, does not produce God's righteousness.

Peacemaking does:

James 3:18 NLT

And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.

He echoes J:

Matthew 5:9 NLT

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

When you act in a peace loving way, you are acting like JC.

This doesn't mean peace at all costs.

It doesn't mean peace by simply avoiding any kind of conflict with the other person.

Not like the couple who had just celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Someone asked the gentleman the secret of their marital bliss. “Well,” the old man drawled, “the wife and I had this agreement when we first got married. It went like this: When she was bothered about somethin’ she’d jus’ tell me and git it off her chest. And if I was mad at her about somethin’, I was able to take a long walk. I s’ppose you could attribute our happy marriage to the fact that I have largely led an outdoor life.”

Sometimes, the wise thing to do is to take a walk.

But we cannot always walk away from conflict.

What we can do is approach conflict in a peaceful spirit.

To live out:

Romans 12:18 NLT

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

It's an attitude of trying always to build bridges rather than walls.

It means acting towards that person with love, with patience, with joy and with peace, rather than with anger.

It means taking the initiative in confessing your part in the conflict and being humble.

Anger is contagious

Why is this so important?

Because anger is contagious.

That's why Paul:

Ephesians 4:3 NLT

Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

Anger is contagious.

In his autobiography, Number 1, Billy Martin, the one-time manager of the New York Yankees baseball team, told about hunting in Texas with Mickey Mantle, the famous professional baseball player. Mickey had a friend who would let them hunt on his ranch. When they reached the ranch, Mickey told Billy to wait in the car while he checked in with his friend. Mantle's friend quickly gave them permission to hunt, but he asked Mickey a favor. He had a pet mule in the barn who was going blind, and he didn't have the heart to put him out of his misery. He asked Mickey to shoot the mule for him.

When Mickey came back to the car, he pretended to be angry. He scowled and slammed the door. Billy asked him what was wrong, and Mickey said his friend wouldn't let them hunt. "I'm so mad at that guy," Mantle said, "I'm going out to his barn and shoot one of his mules!" Mantle drove like a maniac to the barn. Martin protested, "We can't do that!" But Mickey was adamant. "Just watch me," he shouted.

When they got to the barn, Mantle jumped out of the car with his rifle, ran inside, and shot the mule. As he was leaving, though, he heard two shots, and he ran back to the car. He saw that Martin had taken out his rifle, too. "What are you doing, Martin?" he yelled. Martin yelled back, face red with anger, "We'll show that son of a gun! I just killed two of his cows!"

Anger can be dangerously contagious:

Proverbs 22:24–25 NLT

Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.

Next Steps

A prayer to be a bridge builder

Will you be a bridge builder?

Will you be a peacemaker in your relationships?

Will you avoid the temptation to push other people's buttons?

It's hard work.

It can only be done at great personal cost.

It will only happen if you engage in a steady habit of prayer and self-discipline.

But if you're willing, just think about the person whose buttons you push most often.

And then pray the prayer on the card on your chair with me:

Father God, you know the conflict in my life. I’m tired of it, and I want to make peace. I want to have your peace in my life so I can offer peace to others. So I accept your peace today. I open my life to you as best as I know how. Fill my life with love, not anger, and with patience, joy, and peace. Come in and fill every area of my life with your peace, and help me to be a bridge builder and not a wall builder. Help me to take the initiative and not wait on that other person. Help me to find the right time and place, and then help me to have the courage to confess my part of the conflict and to be humble. Instead of attacking the person, help me attack the problem. Help me to consider the other person’s perspective. Help me to speak the truth, fix the problem and not the blame, and to focus on reconciliation instead of resolving all the disagreements. I ask this in your name. Amen.

(Rick Warren)