Faithfully Living in the Household of God - Honoring God in Romantic Relationships:

Introduction:

In 1959, two Stanford students performed the first of its kind experiment using an IBM 650 mainframe computer to analyze dating profiles. In their experiment they sought to combine the emerging technology of the computer and psychological profiles to determine the compatibility of potential romantic partners.

A new age of dating dawned from the thought, I wonder if I could use the computer and psychology to match people up. Quickly following on the heals of this 1959 experiment, was the premier of the television program, “The Dating Game,” in 1965 hosted by Jim Lange.

Fast forward almost 60 years and we see now an explosion of technology being harnessed to aid in the dating game. We went from 1 computer program in 1959 to around 1,500 different dating apps and websites today, hosting around 250 million users across the world with 80% of those users looking for a long term relationship. And generating annual revenue of $9 Billion.

The impulse to build relationships is as old as humanity itself. With the first recorded interaction between man and women being a joyous and celebratory event.

God said in Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Moses records for us Adams response to Eve, Genesis 2:23 “Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

God Centered Relationships:

The question that we need to wrestle with is, how is a man to find a wife and how is a women to find a husband, in a manner that is honoring to God? For it is easy to find someone to date, and it is even easy to find someone to sleep with. But as a Christian where must I start?

So let us start with the first step and then discuss some consideration for a healthy God honoring romantic relationship.

Paul says in 1 Timothy 5:1–2“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

In his discussion on relationships, Paul directs Timothy to be mindful of how he is relating to others and to make sure that he is basing his relationships on his relationship with Christ, for it must flow from one to the other.

We get this idea from what Paul says in 1 Timothy 4:13–14 “Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you.”

Timothy is to focused the task at hand, serving the Lord, and this needs to take center stage in his relationships with others. Therefore, he interacts with the older men, the younger men, the older women and the younger women from this place of being God’s servant first and foremost.

This is what will make Timothy a good servant of Christ Jesus. Showing that he has been trained in the words of the faith and the good doctrine.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

The idea is not that you gain all these other things, but rather that your focus is in the right place, and when your focus is in the right place everything else falls into alinement.

Thus as Timothy interacts with the young women in particular, Paul gives him some necessary instruction. He says, 1 Timothy 5:2 “younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

It is important that we do not miss this, Paul says to a young man, to make sure that he interacts with the young women in a manner that is pure. You see Paul does not want Timothy to lose his focus, or to disqualify himself by getting involved with a young women in a manner that is sinful. Paul is not telling Timothy it is wrong to have a romantic relationship, but that he must first make sure that he is operating as a servant of Christ Jesus, fulfilling his task.

And that is the key for us. We must understand that what God desires first and foremost from us and for us is a deep and abiding relationship with Him. For it is only from there that a healthy God honoring romantic relationship can happen.

Colossians 1:16 “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.”

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

We do not belong to ourselves, but we belong to the King of Glory, who by his own will has brought us into existences physically, and who has now according to the work of the Lord Jesus Christ brings all who trust him into new life spiritually.

Therefore, we no longer live for ourselves, according to the passions and desires of the flesh, but according to the will God. Which means that the Christian has a new mind, and does not approach the world and life according to the old way of thinking.

Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Therefore, the first step I must make prior to engaging in a romantic relationship, must be to live before the face of God in a manner that honors him. Conforming my life to His will, as explained in the Word of God. Without this step you will be unfit biblically for a relationship that glorifies God, and further you will be entering into a relationship that you are ill-equipped to handle, there is a reason why 50% of marriages end in divorce, even within the church.

The goal of a pastor is to provide you with guidance so that you succeed in glorifying God and equip you with what is necessary to live before the face of God faithfully, being good servants of Christ Jesus.

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling Chapter Six: Agenda Adjusting

it should be clear to you that pleasing God must always be the primary goal. When the end is right, the side effects (by-products) will also fall in line in time.

Biblical Consideration for a Healthy Romantic Relationship:

What are some Biblical considerations we ought to walk in light of.

The first consideration that we ought to explore is directly from out text. Paul says, 1 Timothy 5:2 “younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

The idea here is that simply, “with all purity,” meaning that there is a time within a relationship where physical activities and even how you talk with each other are off limits. That means, men do not pursue a women seeking to physically connect with her, she is not yours. Nor should a women seek a man to physically connect with him, he is not yours. Furthermore, how you speak to each other, the topics you converse about, and even the content must be done in a manner that is consistent with your unmarried status.

You do not have a right outside of God’s covenant ordained relationship (marriage) to have a physical relationship and to use seductive language, even if you are dating. The only place this is welcomed and even commanded is within the marriage covenant.

1 Corinthians 7:4 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

Proverbs, known for its wisdom literature, provides guidance on language and sexual purity. Proverbs 6:24-25 advises: "to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes." This passage warns against inappropriate desires and highlights the importance of guarding one's heart and speech in matters related to sexuality.

Therefore, if you aren’t married keep your hands off and your speech with the opposite sex pure. The whole idea, that oh we are married in God’s eyes, is not real. It shows that you don’t know God’s will for your life at all, and you are trying to make excuses for your sin.

The second consideration ought to help you not even get to the point of being tempted to engage in ungodly activities. That is, do not awaken love early. Song of Solomon 3:5 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

The idea here is that love, our affections, ought not to be stirred up or awaken before we are ready or capable to walk in that love in a manner that is honoring to God.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Avoid the young man or women who seeks to stir your heart up before you are ready to engage in a relationship in a manner that is worthy of the Gospel.

For you young people, most of you are to immature to awaken love, because you have yet to master yourselves, you lack the self-discipline to walk in a romantic relationship in a way that would honor Christ.

There are two main dangers. First, you fall into the trap of engaging in sexual sin, which is different from the rest of sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

Second, romantic relationships ensnare your emotions to such a degree that you become inter-winded with another person to the point that they can become the center of your life. This type of intertwining is meant for the covenant of marriage, for this is what is meant by cleaving together and becoming one flesh.

The third consideration, is often the most difficult for Christians to accept, but is absolutely vital for life.

2 Corinthians 6:14–15 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?”

Immature Christians like to make all sorts of exceptions to this verse and try to dismiss it so that they can get what they want. Paul’s point in this verse is that as Christians we are new creation and therefore we walk in a different place and a different way than the unbeliever. So much so that now in Christ we are righteous and the world unrighteous.

Paul says, what partnership or fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness, or light with darkness, Christ with a demon, or believer with unbeliever. The point is that in the household of God a believer has no fellowship with the unbeliever, and to do so would make a relationship that is unbalanced or natural. The word used in the Greek for unequally yoked, has the idea of being mismatched or mismated, that is what it means to be unequally yoke, you are intertwined with someone in a mismatched way.

Therefore, as you consider entering into a romantic relationship you must consider the spiritual state of the other person. Are they a Christian, and if they are a Christian are they near or at a similar maturity level as you. If they are not a Christian the answer for you ought to be no. And if they are not at the same maturity level as you, you must walk in caution, the last thing you want to do is get into a relationship and either have yourself hindered or the other person.

But pastor I am just following my heart, and my heart say that he or she is the one. Okay, what does the Bible say about our hearts?

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.”

Still want to go with that line of thinking? There is a better way to walk that will keep you from waking up one day with the regretful thought of what was I thinking.

Conclusion - Christ the Center:

In navigating the complexities of romantic relationships, we find wisdom and guidance in the Scripture. The journey from the technological experiments of 1959 to the present explosion of dating apps underscores our innate desire for meaningful connections. However, our pursuit of love must align with God's design and honor His principles.

The apostle Paul, imparts essential wisdom, rooted in the foundation of serving Christ. Paul urges us to approach relationships with purity and a focus on the kingdom of God. We are called to seek God first, emphasizing the priority of a deep and abiding relationship with the Creator as the foundation.

Understanding that we do not belong to ourselves but to the King of Glory. This transformative truth calls for a renewed mind, detached from the thinking of the world. The Christian's identity lies in Christ, and the pursuit of romantic relationships should flow from a life lived faithfully before the face of God.

As you embark on the journey of building a romantic relationship, anchor yourself in the unchanging truths of God's Word. By seeking His kingdom first, walking in purity, and choosing wisely in our relationships, as you position yourself to experience the fullness of God's design for love and companionship. May our hearts be guarded, our minds renewed, and our relationships rooted in the wisdom found in Scripture.

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