By God's Design

“By God’s Design”

Colossians 3:18-21

Introduction

· Built a new house and then damaged when moving in

· This is like perfect creation by God’s design (Gen 1 and 2) that was marred by sin (Gen 3)

· Marriage is part of God’s perfect design

· We are continuing on with Godly living because of the redemption and salvation we have received from Jesus

Colossians 3:18-21

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

· To understand Colossian text, we must focus our attention on Eph 5:22-33

· It’s an extended text that interprets this passage

Ephesians 5:22-6:4

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

· Instructions are transcultural – They applied then and still apply to us today

· Text on children is self-explanatory so won’t cover it

· Sermon not only for current husbands and wives, but for future ones also

· Also, for those who choose not to get married or may have lost their spouse – The text reinforces how everything in Scripture is counter to the world

Main Body

· This passage in Ephesians is the longest teaching in the NT concerning the relationship between wives and husbands

· It’s broken down into 3 parts

o 1st - Command for wives to submit to their husbands.

o 2nd – mush longer – Command for husbands to love their wives

o 3rd - Summary command to both husbands and wives.

· Mixed in with the text is how God’s design for marriage is a picture of the relationship of Christ and his church

· The foundation and the goal of marriage are based on the relationship of Christ to his church

· VS 31 - Paul quotes Genesis 2:18-24, which is “the most fundamental statement in the OT concerning God’s plan for marriage.”

Genesis 2:18-24

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from Adam he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Start with the role of the wife in marriage

Ephesians 5:22-24

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

· Submission is a willing or voluntary act of yielding to the leadership of her husband,

o IMPORTANT - not the husband’s demanding of obedience

· EVEN MORE IMPORTANT - It does not imply that women are inferior to men but simply recognizes their different God-ordained roles.

· Wives and husbands: Equal in every way but with different roles – They are 1 flesh

o This is a picture of the Triune God

John 6:37-38

37 All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.

· Christ is equal to the Father but willingly submits himself to his Father’s will.

· In the same way, women are equal in value and worth with men, since both are created in God’s image.

· But, based on God’s design, men and women have different roles in the marriage relationship

· Must eliminate from our minds that wives are less than

· Text gives us 6 ways wives submit to husbands

o 1st - Wives are to submit to their own husbands. Paul is not teaching that every woman must submit to every man

o 2nd - Wives are to submit as to the Lord

§ Submitting to the husband is a bi-product of the bigger picture of submitting to the Lord

§ Lack of submission to one’s husband is lack of submission to Christ

o 3rd - Wives are to submit because the husband is the head of the wife

§ God created the husband to be the head and the wife to serve as the helper

o 4th - Wives are to submit as the church submits to Christ

§ Jeus is the head of the church and all believers are to submit to Him

o 5th - Wives are to submit in everything

§ Now this cannot be taken absolutely - wife should not submit if her husband encourages her to sin

§ The idea is that wives submit to husbands as the active spiritual leader of the household

o Finally - Wives are to submit respectfully

§ A wife should display reverential respect to her husband because of his leadership role

the role of the husband in marriage

Ephesians 5:25, 28-31, and 33

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

28 Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

33 Let each one of you love his wife as himself

· Agape love – Highest form self-sacrificing love

o The ultimate form of love that Jesus showed us and church – He sacrificed everything for us

o His agape love is the picture and catalyst for the love we pour into our wives

· Christ’s love for his bride (the church) becomes the standard by which a husband should love his bride

o Specifically, Christ’s love is most clearly demonstrated in how he “gave himself up for her.” His love was self-initiated and self-sacrificial

· So, husbands should be willing to sacrifice everything to protect and care for his wife.

· Text gives us 5 ways husbands love their wives

o 1st - Husbands are to love their wives unconditionally

§ Just as Christ loved the church when she was not worthy, so also a husband should love his wife whether or not she is deserving of his love

o 2nd - Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially

§ Just as Christ gave himself up for the church, so also husbands should be willing to serve their wives, sacrificing their own desires and interests.

o 3rd - Husbands are to love their wives purposefully

§ Just as Christ sanctifies, cleanses, and presents his bride as pure, so also husbands should seek to lead their wives with the purpose of their growing into the image of Christ.

o 4th- Husbands are to love their wives affectionately

§ Just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, so also a husband should provide for his wife’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs

§ He must also seek to communicate and understand his wife so that he may adequately know and meet her needs

· 5th - Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies

o It’s natural for us to love, nurture, and protect ourselves

§ In the same way a husband should love, nurture, and protect his wife.

§ Nourish: To mature, train, and bring up in the faith

§ Cherish: To treasure

the marriage of christ and the church

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

· In this text, marriage is secondary here - Christ and the church is what is primarily taught

· God created marriage so that people would understand the relationship between Christ and his bride

· God’s primary intention for creating marriage was also to illustrate Christ’s love for the church

· Both the foundation and the goal of marriage are based on the relationship of Christ to his church

· ILLUSTRATION: Toy is model for real thing – not perfect example but hopefully helpful

· Paul’s is saying Christ’s relationship with the church is the template after which human marital is patterned

· A Christian marriage is miniature version of the Bridegroom (Jesus) and the bride (Church) at the marriage supper of the Lamb when Jesus returns

· This is what Paul means in VS 27 – Jesus will present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Revelation 19:6-9

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns.

7 Let us rejoice and exult

and give him the glory,

for the marriage of the Lamb has come,

and his Bride has made herself ready;

8 it was granted her to clothe herself

with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.”

Look at this mystery specifically to summarize

· Wife subject to husband – the picture of all Christians subject to Christ

· Husbands role as head of the wife – the picture of Christ as the Head of the church

· Husbands love your wife - The picture of how Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her

o Along with all aspects in life, husbands are to help our wives mature, we train, and bring up in the faith

o This is what Jesus does for believers through the power of the Holy Spirit

Conclusion/Application

· A Godly marriage can be hard to swallow and to apply because of everything the world tells us about marriage

· These commands don’t fit in with cultural or societal norms.

· The worlds actions, attitudes, values, and priorities are to be self-reliant, self-dependent, self-seeking, self-promoting, selfishness, self-interests, self-benefit, self-made, self-improvement, exalting self, and self-preservation

· These are the things we must get rid of if we are going to be obedient to the text

· Rid of world’s definition of marriage

· Rid of any anger over text

· Rid of wives less than

So, since it can be so hard, we must have motivation to be obedient to these commands

· 1st – It all comes down to where we prioritize our saving relationship with Jesus – If it’s not the #1 priority, chances are we won’t be obedient

· 2nd – It helps us to know that marriage is just a picture of Christ and the Church – all of what Jesus has done for us – especially when we didn’t deserve it

· Read through the text because it tells us what a Godly marriage looks like

· We should ask ourselves whether or not we are exhibiting these behaviors in our marriages

The union of a husband and wife as one-flesh is displayed as the union of believers with Christ