4. How to Have a Successful Marriage

Introduction

This is Who We Are: We aspire to pass our faith to the next generation. We are a people who teach and model the way of Jesus to our children. We believe the family is a little church. Parents are the primary spiritual influencers of their children, and the primary task of parenting is to lead your children to Jesus and show them how to live for him. We also believe the church is a big family. We welcome kids of all ages into our church family—this is their church, too. Including them in the church is a key factor in their continued faith in Jesus as adults.

Clarify Questions

Can you clarify the difference between a soul and a spirit?

View # 1: Human beings are two parts in one: a physical part (body) and a non-physical part (soul/spirit).

View # 2: Human beings are three parts in one (like God): a body, a soul (mind), and a spirit (emotions/energy).

Since marriage is one woman and one man for life, what about spouse deaths or divorces and remarriages? Was the first a mistake? Are remarriages Biblical?

The Bible gives three allowances to end a marriage: death (1 Cor 7:39), sexual immorality (Matt 5:32), and abandonment (1 Cor 7:15). If a marriage ends for one of those three reasons, remarriage is biblically allowable.

If you were divorced for other reasons and have gotten remarried… Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Pet 4:8).

Speaking of Marriage

God established marriage in Genesis 2:24.

Marriage is the basic building block of human society.

How can you have a successful marriage? In Ephesians 5, we have the longest and most direct teaching on marriage in the Bible. Ephesians 5:15-21… “submitting to one another.” Paul goes on to talk about that in marriage, parenting, and the workplace.

The most important thing you can do to have a successful marriage is submit to one another.

Body: What does it mean to submit to one another in marriage?

To the wives: Ephesians 5:22-24

Exposition

Observations

Ephesians 5:22. Paul’s not teaching women to submit to men but wives to their own husbands.

What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband? Look at Eph 5:24, “as the church submits to Christ…”

How does the church submit to Christ? We honor him above all. We sing his praises every Sunday. And we follow his lead.

Wives, respect your husband, build him up, and follow his lead for Christ.

Respect your husband. Your husband should be your hero…

Build him up. There is nothing more life-giving to the heart of a man than the praises of his wife… And there’s nothing more death-dealing to the heart of a man than the contempt of his wife. Don’t be his biggest critic but his biggest fan.

Follow his lead. Major decisions should be made together, but let your husband take the lead in the decision making process. This shows two things: (1) you trust your husband and (2) you trust God.

Application: For Christ. “What if my husband doesn’t deserve it?” He doesn’t. But that’s not why you do it. Look at Eph 5:21… “out of reverence for Christ.”

To the husbands: Ephesians 5:25-33

Exposition: Husbands, love your wives by giving yourselves up for their highest good, nourishing them, and cherishing them for Christ.

Give yourself up for the highest good of your wife (Eph 5:25). Submit your desires in life to your wife’s highest good.

If you want your wife to follow your lead, start making decisions based on what’s best for her. Start showing her that your priority is her wellbeing.

What is your wife’s highest good? Her sanctification (Eph 5:25b-26a). That means her being made holy and growing closer to Christ. Your #1 job as a husband is to lead your wife closer to Christ.

How are we doing, guys?

Nourish your wife (Eph 5:28-29). That word “nourish” is so interesting. It describes things that men don’t often think about doing: nurturing, caring for, feeding.

How are you caring for your wife’s emotional wellbeing?

How are you nurturing your wife’s mental health?

How are we nourishing and feeding our wives spiritually?

Cherish your wife (Eph 5:29). Love your wife. Treasure her. Value her. Worship her—not in an idolatrous way—but give her worth and priority in your life.

If you cared as much about your wife’s emotional, mental, and spiritual health as you do about your career, hanging your deer stand, or watching the football game, you’d have a different marriage.

Application: For Christ. “What if my wife doesn’t deserve it?” She doesn’t. But that’s not why you do it. Back to Ephesians 5:21… “out of reverence for Christ.”

Conclusion

Summary: How do we submit to one another in marriage?

Wives, submit to your own husbands by loving them above all other men, praising them, and following their lead for Christ.

Husbands, love your wives by giving yourselves up for their highest good, nourishing them, and cherishing them for Christ.

This is the most important thing for a successful marriage. And look at Ephesians 5:32… It’s only ever always all about Jesus.