Submission to One Another - Children and Parents (6:1-4)

Introduction:

We have come to the final chapter of Ephesians, but as we begin this chapter, we see that it continues with our current submission theme that we have been learning over the last three weeks. We began this theme with Paul’s instruction in chapter 5, verse 21 were instructs us in submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. This we found, was the natural result of being filled with the Holy spirit, which we learned, is allowing him to control us through the obedience of his word. We saw how this played out in each of the God ordained roles of our lives, beginning two weeks ago with our instruction to the wives on how they are to submit to their own husbands as to Christ, since God has ordained her husband as the head of the family. Then last week, we were instructed on how the husbands were submit to their wives by loving their own wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, and how they show this tangibly by taking care of her physically and spiritually as they do their own bodies.

Now that we’ve been instructed on how the husband and wife at to interact with one another in their God ordained roles of submission, Paul now moves to their God ordained submissive roles together as parents to their children and the children’s God ordained submissive role to their parents. This we will see this morning as we continue with our Submission to One Another, speaking to both Children and Parents (6:1-4).

Text: Ephesians 6:1-4

Ephesians 6:1–4 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Main Idea: Since God has declared that the relationship between husband and wife is to model the relationship between Christ and his church, the training ground for this relationship or model is the home, between the parent and child.

Background:

We are reminded throughout the scriptures of what God expects from us as parents…here are just a couple of those scriptures…

Psalm 78:1–7 ESV

1 Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! 2 I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, 3 things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. 4 We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. 5 He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, 6 that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, 7 so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments;

Psalm 145:3–13 ESV

3 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. 4 One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. 5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. 6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. 7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. 8 The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. 10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord, and all your saints shall bless you! 11 They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power, 12 to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. 13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations. The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works.

We also have seen from scripture that not raising their children in the fear of the Lord, had catastrophic results.

Judges 2:10–11 ESV

10 And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel. 11 And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals.

The book of Judges is one of the lowest times in Israel’s history, much of that is attributed to the lack of spiritual training of their children by their parents.

As we will see, there are two necessary components in order for this not to happen, one of course is that the parents are to teach and train (we will look at that in a minute), but the other, is that the children must obey…

I. Children’s Obedience (1)

(1) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Children (teknon [noun]) - children of any age, however, specifically, this general term for children in the context, are those who are being brought up by a parent or guardian, and not to those who are out on their own, and particularly, not to those who have their own families…they are usually called simply sons and daughters.

obey (hypakouo [pre, act, imp] - to heed to given instructions, this assumes that instructions are given) your parents - contextually, obedience is to be given to the instructions of your parents, as your responsible guardians under God’s authority.

in (en [preposition of location]) the Lord - this qualifier is for both parents and children, which denotes that the obedience is to be to those instructions sanctioned by, and authorized by the Lord. The child is to see their parents as their God given authority, and they are to obey them as they obey the Lord. To not obey them is to not obey the Lord.

for this is right - for, explains Paul, this is the right direction and the right design ordained by God. To do anything less would be wrong.

But Paul goes even further and shows the children what kind of attitude and character they are to have…

II. Children to Honor (2-3)

(2) “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Honor (timao [pre, act, imp] - to hold in high esteem, to provide the needs of as a sign of respect) your father and mother - instead of obeying them with a begrudging attitude, you do so by voluntarily arranging yourself under (hypotasso) their authority, understanding that this is their God ordained role, and that this is what the Lord has designed for them, for their growth, protection, and training.

Obedience is for the time the parents are parenting the child, whereas, honor is life long.

(this is the first commandment with a promise) -

This commandment to honor your father and mother was first given as part of the ten commandments, and is specifically positioned after the first 4 commands to exclusively worship Yahweh, excluding all others, and doing so by setting aside a day once a week for that worship.

Immediately following those first 4 commands, comes this command, which shows the importance of the child-to-parent relationship in keeping their spiritual focus.

God gave this commandment to the Israelites at Mount Sinai, and it is the only one that included a promise in both Ex 20:12 & Deut 5:16.

Exodus 20:12 ESV

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16 ESV

16 “ ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

This promise, as we see, is two fold…

(3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

that it may go well with you - this is a phrase denoting the possibility of an excellent life. This does not mean, however, that if you honor father and mother that you will become healthy, wealthy, and wise, but it is the quality of life here on earth, that in spite of the evil around you and the trials of life, you will enjoy peace and contentment, as you live in the light of your spiritual upbringing.

Note that this life of peace begins in the very first years of your life as you honor your father and mother. Learning to obey and honor your parents, sets the stage for further obedience as God has ordained. Jesus tells us,

John 10:10 ESV

10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

In other words, all around you there are those whose aim in life is to destroy you, but in the midst of it all, Christ will provide you with a life of fulfillment.

that you may live long in the land

This promise in the context of Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5, meant that the Lord God would fulfill his promise of a land to which the Israelites were going, and that to continue in that land, they were to obey God’s commands, and this one in particular. This one was essential since again, it was the parents responsibility to teach and instruct regarding all that the Lord commanded, and it was the children’s responsibility to carry out those instructions in obedience.

However, since this scripture is repeated here in the New Testament, there must be a deeper further reaching meaning. As a general proverbial principle, a disciplined life, obedient to God’s commands, brings joy, and is a fulling life without the dangers that destroy those who live in unrestrained evil.

But even if an obedient child where to die at a young age, his obedience and submission to his parents shows a life characteristic of one who is also yielded to Christ, and the land to which he goes is eternal and forever perfect, with joys unspeakable. This is not so far fetched since even Abraham was looking forward to such a land:

Hebrews 11:8–10 ESV

8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.

In the final analysis, undisciplined children spell ruin for the nation, the church, and society! The promise of God to reward obedience still holds, both temporary, and certainly eternal.

But what are they to obey? We’ve been referring to it all along but now we come to the responsibility of the fathers…

III. Father’s Instruction (4)

We first begin with the method in which they are to administer this instruction:

(4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers - though this is directed to fathers since the husband/father is to be the initiator of the families spiritual training (as we mentioned last week), they do so in conjunction with the mothers. King Solomon provided us with some insight into this dynamic.

Proverbs 1:8 ESV

8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,

[do] not [provoke] your children [to anger] (parogizo [pre, act, imp]) - to stop angering them, more from your voice or actions rather then what you are to teach them. Example:

By over-protection

By favoritism - Issac and Esau, Rebekah and Jacob

By discouragement - “Dad I want to go to trade school and become an electrician”, “No son, I want you to be a doctor”.

By failure to make allowance for the fact that the child is growing up, has a right to have ideas of his own, and need not be an exact copy of his father to be a success.

By neglect.

By bitter words and outright physical cruelty.

Note that this command is given to the fathers since we have the hardest time with this. Mothers are naturally tender and soft spoken when it comes to their child.

but - instead…

[bring] them [up] (extrepho [pre, act, imp]) - sense: to look after and care for a child until it is an adult, showing longevity and steadfastness

in the discipline (paideia [noun]) - The comprehensive training and education of the children which includes: commands, admonitions, reproof, and punishment.

It refers primarily to what is done to the child.

and instruction (nouthesia [noun]) - prevailing training be means of the spoken word, whether the word be teaching, warning, or encouragement.

It refers primarily to what is said to the child.

The qualifier of all this training is…

of the Lord - It should amount to comprehensive, Christian training. With the fathers (and mothers) giving the child a noble example of the Christian life and conduct. The entire atmosphere in which the training is given must be such that the Lord can place the stamp of his approval upon it. Much like what Moses commanded the children of Israel:

Deuteronomy 6:4–9 ESV

4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

So What?

Do we understand as children, that our spiritual lives and growth are measured by our submission through obedience to our parents?

To say you love God and disobey your parents shows that you don’t truly love God the way you should.

Do we as parents understand that we are responsible for the training and raising up of our children to know and love the Lord?

This primary training is not to be done exclusively by the church…the church is to partner with the parents.

In not doing so, we will raise a generation that does not know the Lord and is destined for catastrophe.

It is the right and responsible thing to tell your children “no” you can’t do that or “yes” that is good.

To say to your children, “follow your heart” is irresponsible without giving them instruction. To say I don’t want to sway my children one way or the other in their decisions spells disaster.

Do we realize that even if we have failed in the past to be godly parents, there is always hope, beginning today, and for the rest of our lives to strive to be godly parents.

God is the God of hope. He creates beauty out of chaos, and through repentance and complete surrender, he will abundantly pardon and give opportunities to speak into our children’s lives, or give opportunities to speak into other children’s lives. God promised to the prophet Joel that God is a restoring God:

Joel 2:25 ESV

25 I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.