A Christ Centered Home

A Christ Centered Home

Ephesians 6:1-4

The tittle of the message this morning is “A Christ Centered home” because what we learn from this passage is how Christians are supposed to conduct themselves in the most important relationships they have. The relationships that take place in our home.

Today we are going to talk about the responsibility that children have to parents and parents have to their children. Someone once said, “we always hurt the ones we love the most” That’s true because, it’s the ones we love that forgive us no matter what. It is our family and friends who recognize our failures and overlook our mistakes.

But the Bible makes it clear, just because people love us and depend on us, that is no excuse for us to treat them poorly. What we learn from this passage is, a Christ centered home is when Christians live up to their responsibilities as an act of obedience to the Lord. (read 6:1-4)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),

3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

4 Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. [1](Pray)

In our passage this morning Paul is once again teaching us practical principles for Christian living. In the previous verses he talked about a wife’s duties to her husband and a husband’s responsibilities to his wife.

Well, now he turns his attention to children and parents. We are going to look at those relationships and the role it plays in a Christians life.

Some of these conversations may be difficult to hear, and you may not like what the Bible says. Nevertheless, this is the Word of God. Our job is to surrender to it, understand it, and apply it to our life. What we learn from this passage is, a Christ centered home is when Christians live up to their responsibilities as an act of obedience to the Lord.

The first thing I want you to see in this passage is the duties of children, Vs. 1-3. We live in an age when everyone is fighting for their rights and privileges. But the Bible makes it clear, God’s blessings come to those who take responsibility, and work on their relationships. Here in this passage Paul tells us children owe their parents two things.[2]

Number one, they owe them obedience. Vs. 1 says, “Children obey your parents.” The word obey is the Greek word, “Hupakouo.” It literally means “to hear under.”

The idea is that a child is to hear what their parents say and to respond to them with obedience. In other words, they do what they are told, they submit, comply, and follow the directions. Dr. Richard Caldwell says, An obedient spirit does not turn a deaf ear.

This is a principle taught throughout scripture. For example, Proverbs 6:20 says, “My son, observe the commandment of your father. And do not forsake the teaching of your mother.” Proverbs 23:22 says, “Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” You see this isn’t just for children living in the home, but these are principles to guide our life.

The problem is we live in an upside-down society. We live in a society where parents think they must obey their children.

I recently had a conversation with a woman, who was complaining that her daughter will not listen to her. She said, “she is seeing a boy, I have forbidden her to see.” And I said, Ma’am your daughter is only fifteen years old, how is she seeing this boy?” She said, “well I drive her to his house.” I said, “Here is an idea. If you don’t want her to see him stop driving her to his house,” and she said, “I can’t do that!! She would hate me.

Listen we cannot be buddies with our children and be the parent too.

Notice the motive for obedience. Vs. 1 says, “children obey your parents in the Lord” That phrase “In the Lord” means as an act of obedience to God. You obey your parents because you want to obey God. This assumes that both children and parents have a relationship with the Lord. They want to live in a way that pleases Him. In fact, that should be the driving force behind the life of every Christian.

Also, the phrase “in the Lord” teaches us obedience to a parent never overrides obedience to the Lord. A child should never be forced to sin. You don’t obey a parent who is acting in a Godly way. A child has every right to escape abuse and corruption. Jesus came to set us free not force us into abuse, especially not children.

Consider the warning Jesus gives us in Mark 9:42. He says, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.” So, the Bible clearly never condones the abuse of a child.

We live in a culture where child abuse is common, and I am not suggesting anyone endures physical or mental abuse at the hands of their parents. But we also live in a culture where parental rights are under attack, and as a society we could solve a lot of our problems if we left parents alone to raise their children.

Just like a husband is to love his wife and a wife is to submit to her husband. Parents are to cherish their children as gifts from God.

Notice why children should obey. Vs. 1 says, “for this is right.” Children should obey their parents because It’s the right thing to do. It’s the natural law of the universe.[3]

In most situations’ parents love their children naturally and unconditionally. They want what is best for them, and they are doing everything they can to help them succeed in life.

So, God’s Word says, obey your parents because that’s what’s right. And every society throughout time has followed that principle, children are expected to obey their parents. It is the natural order of things.

The greatest example of this is the Lord, Jesus Christ. He came into the world and said, I came not to do my will but the will of my father. When Joseph and Mary left him behind in Jerusalem at age 12. They found Him in the temple, and He said don’t you know I must be about my father’s business.

And finally, as he was approaching the cross and he prayed in the GARDEN OF Gethsemane. He said, “Father let this cup pass from me. But nevertheless, not my will but your will be done.” He is our perfect example of surrender and obedience.

The second duty a child owes to their parents is honor. Notice Vs. 2, It says, “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).” This is a direct quote from Exodus 20:12. This is the fifth of God’s Ten Commandments.

And while obedience speaks of a child’s actions, honor speaks of a child’s attitudes. Children should always approach their parents with the right attitude. To honor them means to show them respect and consideration, to hold them in high regard, and place a high value on them.

I think the best way to evaluate this, is to ask, “How do you talk to your parents?” How do you treat them when they ask you to do something? What do you say when they are not around?

In the past children were brought up to address their parents with yes sir, and yes Ma’am. That might be outdated but it shows a level of respect. Today, television shows make parents out to be complete buffoons, and children to be the head of the household. But Christ commands us to honor our parents.

It is important we understand there is no age limit on respecting your parents. Long after we are adults and our parents have become elderly. Our responsibility is to treat them with dignity and respect.

Jesus taught this very principle in Matthew 15:3-4. He called out the Pharisees for their hypocrisy because they refused to take care of their elderly parents. He said, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, “Honor your Father and mother, and he who speaks evil of his father or mother is to be put to death.” Now that might sound extreme to you, but it teaches us the importance of respecting our parents.

I know in some cases it is impossible for children to take care of elderly parents in their home, because they can’t provide the care they need. But I also think it is a shame when some people would choose a nursing home for their elderly parents, because they don’t want them to interfere with their life. We need to remember when we could not take care of ourselves, our parents took care of us.

Notice the promise for children who honor their parents. Vs. 3 says, “so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. “What a promise from God. That if we do the right thing by our parents, He will do the right thing by us.

Remember, this is all about reflecting God’s glory in Jesus Christ. When you are obeying and honoring your parents, you are following the example of Jesus Himself, who although He was God in the flesh, He continued in subjection. He obeyed Mary, Joseph, and His Father in heaven. [4] A Christ centered home is when Christians live up to their responsibility as an act of obedience to the Lord.

The next thing I want to show you in this passage is the duties of a Father, Vs.4. “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

It is interesting in Vs. 1 Paul used the word parents. He is talking to both mothers and fathers. But he doesn’t do that here. Here he speaks directly to fathers. That is because it is the responsibility of the father to provide Godly leadership in the home.

Paul knew how devastating it was when fathers were not involved in raising their children. It’s clear, God’s word says husbands are supposed to be involved. Being a father is more than bringing home a paycheck. It is living up to your responsibility.

It is important we understand this was a radical command in Paul’s day. In Roman culture a father had absolute authority over his family. When a baby was born, it was brought to the father, and he decided if it would live or die. A Roman father could legally kill his children or sell them into slavery at any age. But Paul is teaching them here that is wrong. He is teaching them that’s not the way a Godly father behaves.

So what Paul was teaching these men was radical and it is radical to us. A relationship with God through Jesus Christ is a call to a new way of life. The old is gone and the new has come. Jesus is not just something you add to your life once a week on a Sunday. He represents a whole new perspective on the world. He represents a change in the way we think, act, and what we believe.

In Vs. 4 He gives us a command and then follows up three responsibilities. The command is “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” This is nearly impossible because children are so easily provoked, anything can set them off.

To provoke means to cause anger, to cause frustration, and we all get angry sometimes. But the idea here is we don’t cause their anger on purpose. We don’t do it intentionally.

It is kind of ridiculous to watch a father scream and yell at his kids and threaten them. And later wonder why they behave the way they do. (suspended, fighting).

John McArthur writes, ‘To provoke … to anger suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility.’[5]

Our children are a product of the way we raise them. You can build them however you choose. You can build them with love and affection into healthy, happy adults. Or you can crush their spirit, ruin their life, and damage their soul.

In 1 Cor. 13 Paul lists the qualities of love (you hear them at every wedding you attend) and he begins by saying, “Love is patient, Love is kind” and in Vs. 5 He says, “Love is not provoked.” When you truly love your children, you are not going to treat them in a way that causes resentment.

The fruit of the Spirit of God is love, peace, joy, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Those are the qualities God expects from a father. In fact, those are the qualities expected from all His children. We should all be growing in the fruit of the Spirit.

So, the command is, “Father’s, do not provoke your children to anger.” Then Paul follows with three responsibilities.

The first, is to “bring them up.” Vs. 4 says, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Bringing them up speaks directly of a father’s duty to raise his children, and to do it in a way that lifts their spirit and does not tear them down. We need to do more than providers. We need to be cheerleaders, coaches, and encouragers of our children.

One of the most heartbreaking stories I have ever heard came from a little girl during VBS. Her name is Ariana, and she is ten years old. She told me her mother and father were divorced. Her dad lives across the street now with his new family. He has completely abandoned her and her brother. It was her birthday and she told me how she watched her father leave to go to work that morning and he never said a word to her. That little girl’s heart is changed forever. She will never trust or know the love of a father.

The good news is, Jesus is a father to the fatherless. He can rebuild and restore what has been broken, but there has been a lot of damage done in that little girl’s life. Fathers bring up your children. That is the command from God and when we don’t live up to it the results are devastating.

The second responsibility Paul gives us is discipline. Vs. 4 says, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This word, discipline here means to train them through the use of punishment for wrongdoing.

If children are commanded to obey and respect their parents, parents are responsible to see that they do it.[6] To many times as parents we threaten discipline, but we never follow through. Proverbs 13:24 says, He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

We live in a society where parents think it is wrong to discipline their children, and spanking is a thing of the past. But the Bible is clear it is not only a parent’s responsibility, but it is what’s best for the child. Our culture would be very different today if we still practiced some of the discipline of old.

Proverbs 29:15 says, ‘The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.’ If this sounds like the Bible endorses spanking, that is correct. And while I don’t believe parents should ever strike a child in anger with the intention of hurting them. One of God’s methods for disciplining a child is definitely inflicting pain on the backside, and which He has already provided the padding for.[7]

But we also need to understand that discipline is not enough. We must set an example for our children to follow. That means that mothers are to obey the Word of God and submit to the authority of their husbands. That means that fathers are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church.

If we expect our children to grow in a relationship with God, we should be growing in a relationship with God.

I will give you an example, Taylor did outstanding in High School. She graduated near the top of her class. But I firmly believe it was because at the same time, Tammy was in nursing school, and I was in seminary.

Every night we would be at home doing our homework. We were setting the example. We taught her how important education was. Well, the same thing is true when it comes to a relationship with God. It is up to parents to set the example. To live in a Godly manner. To make Christ the center of their homes.

The third responsibility Paul gives us is biblical instruction. Vs. 4 says, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This is not just general instructions; these are instructions in the Lord.

This speaks to a father’s responsibility to set the spiritual tone in his home. It’s the father’s responsibility to make sure his family is in church. That he leads his children in devotion. That he teaches them to pray.

One father told me he reads his children a proverb every night at dinner. It only takes a couple minutes, but it has life changing effects. It doesn’t take long to teach your children about Jesus, but if we don’t, all they will ever know is this world.

The book of Judges records one of the most Godless periods of time for the nation of Israel. Judges 2:10 tells us how it happened. It says, ‘There arose another generation … who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel.”

I cannot help but think how that reminds me of America. Because we as Fathers do not teach our children about Jesus. We live in a society that is growing further and further away from God.

But listen, as Christians we cannot look at the world around us and wonder why people are not doing what they are supposed to do. It is up to us to live for God. It’s up to us to bypass the cultural norms and raise our children according to the scripture.

Obedience in our home begins with obedience in our life. Maybe you are here, and you think it’s too late for you because your children are grown. It is never too late to set a Godly example.

A Godly example teaches our children and grandchildren about the Lord Jesus Christ. It teaches them that God’s forgiveness and grace are available to everyone.

All of us have made mistakes in life. None of us are perfect. But a Christ centered home is when Christians live up to their responsibilities as an act of obedience to the Lord.

[1] New American Standard Bible: 1995 update (Eph 6:1–9). (1995). The Lockman Foundation. [2]Phillips, R. D. (2016). Ephesians(p. 417). Mentor. [3]Leadership Ministries Worldwide. (1996). Galatians–Colossians(p. 214). Leadership Ministries Worldwide. [4]Cole, S. J. (2017). Lesson 51: The Spirit-filled Home, Part 1 (Ephesians 6:1–3). In Ephesians (Eph 6:1–3). Galaxie Software. [5]Phillips, R. D. (2016). Ephesians(p. 419). Mentor. [6]Phillips, R. D. (2016). Ephesians(p. 420). Mentor. [7]Phillips, R. D. (2016). Ephesians(p. 421). Mentor.