Build the House or Tear it down?

The Power of Encouragement

More Perfect Illustrations: For Every Topic and Occasion (Encouragement: Lasting Effects of Encouragement)

Dr. Larry Crabb recalls an incident in the church he attended as a young man. It was customary in this church that young men were encouraged to participate in the Communion services by praying out loud. Feeling the pressure of expectation, the young Crabb (who had a problem with stuttering) stood to pray. In a terribly confused prayer, he recalls “thanking the Father for hanging on the cross and praising Christ for triumphantly bringing the Spirit from the grave.”

When he was finished, he vowed he would never again speak or pray out loud in front of a group.

At the end of the service, not wanting to meet any of the church elders who might feel constrained to correct his theology, Crabb made for the door. Before he could get out, an older man named Jim Dunbar caught him.

Having prepared himself for the anticipated correction, Crabb instead found himself listening to these words: “Larry, there’s one thing I want you to know. Whatever you do for the Lord, I’m behind you one thousand percent.”

Crabb reflects in his book: “Even as I write these words, my eyes fill with tears. I have yet to tell that story to an audience without at least mildly choking. Those words were life words. They had power. They reached deep into my being.”

Ephesians 4:29–32 ESV

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

People of Blessing

The science of encouragement – how our encouraging and/or critical words affect us!

How we speak, and are spoken to, regulates a large chunk of our emotional activities. Now, both negative (criticisms) and positive (encouragement) words elicit emotional reactions in the listener – and prompts them to action.

But there is significant difference in the reactions this two kind of words can instigate. They activate different parts of our brain, and let flow different neurotransmitters. Hence, the effect they have on our cognitive capacities and actions are also vastly different.

Multiple recent studies have shown that even single words/phrases like “no”, “shut up”, “peace”, and “love” introduce quantifiable changes in our brain chemistry.

I have met teens that have been “put down” all their life and their emotional and mental state has been holistically devastated.

In the same way, I have seen teens where they come from supportive environments and they have a brighter, hopeful posture to their lives.

Through practice, our brain becomes habituated to associate certain words to certain emotions, and even a non-contextual uttering of those words can elicit different emotional responses. Imagine what a full-blown negative conversation can do to the brain of the listeners.

Negative words and expressions affects the Amygdala, home to our primary emotions, and unlocks our survival/stress response.

It increases the flow of cortisol in our bloodstream, leading to a narrowing of focus and restlessness.

If these feelings are not mitigated, or a person is exposed to this over and over again, excess cortisol can erode our cognitive capacities and curb areas like creativity, attention, and motivation.

Ephesians–Philemon (Comment)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.” The term translated “corrupt” (sapros) can refer to that which is “spoiled,” “rotten,” or “putrid.” In the Gospels it is used of “diseased” trees (Matt. 7:17–18), “bad” fruit (Matt. 7:17–18), and “bad,” or rotten, fish (Matt. 13:48).

Positive words on the other hand, unlocks the reward circuit, and has a rejuvenating effect on the listener. They light up the prefrontal cortex of our brain, an area associated with creativity and cognitive functions such as thinking, memorising, and information processing.

More importantly, positive words and attitudes boost the production of dopamine, thereby increasing our motivation and renewing our focus on the work at hand.

Our speech must build up! It should benefit the other person. Very similar to the Dr. Larry Crabb story where he remembers it years later.

In another church I pastored, I had a couple that said horrific critical/cursing words about me and my ability to be a pastor. I was told that I was the “worst pastor ever!” These words eroded me. They eroded and stripped my creativity, attention to my role and curbed any forward motion in my ministry. I was stuck. I was hurt. I wanted to fight, flight and freeze.

In contrast, I have so many coaches and mentors that have spoken Destiny and Blessing into my life! It releases my intuitiveness, my creativity, my story-telling …Everything upgraded!

Occasion

Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon (5532 χρεία)

χρεία [chreia /khri·ah/] n f. From the base of 5530 or 5534; GK 5970; 49 occurrences; AV translates as “need”

When the “need” arises.

When we see the situation, we act on it.

Reggie McNeal in his book: “Kingdom Come” shares a story of a need:

“A man named John Moniz, for example, did not live to see the ninth-grade African-American young man he befriended become the first black senator from the state of

South Carolina (my home state). Years ago, John owned the Chick-fil-A restaurant in Citadel Square Mal in Charleston.

He began to notice that young Tim Scott, who worked as a ticket-taker at the mall's multiplex, came into the store every

day but only ordered French fries and water.

One day, John asked the young man why he never ordered anything else. "Because that's all I can afford," Tim responded.

At that moment, John made a decision that changed the

course of a lot of lives. He grabbed a couple of chicken sandwiches and followed Tim out into the mall. As the two sat

and ate, they began a relationship that evolved into a weekly meeting.

That mentoring relationship eventually led to Tim's high school graduation (at the time he met John, he had been in danger of dropping out of school, followed by a college education, followed by a business venture, followed by entering into public service as a local elected official. On top of it all, John showed Tim how to become aJesus-follower. When Tim Scot took the oath of office as a United States senator on January ,3 2013, he said, "Besides Jesus Christ, I want to thank two people for helping me get here: my momma and John Moniz." John died almost two decades ago. He never got to see the full impact he'd had on the life of Tim Scott.

What can you do with a couple of chicken sandwiches? You can change the world, that's what!”

When we do speak corrupting and eroding words to others, this grieves the Holy Spirit!

Ephesians–Philemon (Comment)

The verb translated “grieve” (lypeō) means “to cause severe mental or emotional distress.”

That’s right, our words can affect the person of the Holy Spirit! The way we speak to one another is so very important.

5 Others to watch out for!

Bitterness

a callous heart that harbour historical hurts and resentments

Wrath & Anger

Wrath is turbulent and negative outbursts

Anger in this context would be the seething animosity towards someone or something

Clamor

people shouting back and forth in a fight

Slander

speech that is defamatory or abusive

Speech that would cause another person to lose potential life and advancement.

Lastly, we are challenged not to be people of Malice. (mean-spirited or vicious attitude or disposition)

What can we do?

English Standard Version Chapter 4

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Kind: God’s kindness and mercy to His Creation

Tenderheartedness: Literally connects us to healthy intestines! What are our internal feelings of compassion for each other?

These come out from a repenting and contrite heart!

Psalm 51 ESV

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. 5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I love the heart of David here! This is a heart of contrition and brokenness towards God. He asks the LORD is there is anything in him that is offensive or malicious so that he can not only walk in God’s way but also with others.

Challenge

Will you be a person of Blessing?

What need or Occasions do you need to follow up on with an Encouragement?