Is dating biblical?

We all know the moment. You see someone cute. You get to know them through some initial conversations. You get the warm fuzzies. And one day they say they like you. Like-like you. If this budding relationships lasts a few months, they might even use the word love.

While the modern form of dating is not described in the bible, there is no book more pro-love than God’s word. And this is fitting, because God is love.

But we have a big problem with this little word, love. Defining love is difficult because in English, we are limited to one word.

I love Levi. But I also love ice cream. I would die for Levi. But I would only pay a maximum of 8 dollars for ice cream. Same word, very different meaning.

The Greek language does not have this problem. In Greek, there are four words for love.

Phileo - is the love of friendship (Philadelphia)

Eros - is attraction and romantic love

Storge - is the love of family

Agape - is the love of selfless action for the good of another

Here is how the bible describes agape love. When you think about dating, ask yourself if this is a good description of what it looks like in your age-range.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.

When it comes to the world’s view of dating begins with the physical (attraction + personality) and then moves toward friendship.

Here is why this pathway fails:

Looks don’t last and personalities change.

“I’ve loved seven other women and they all were you.”

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Personality, smiles, and warm feelings don’t last and can quickly change. They can even be faked. Physical attraction will not last. The best you’ll look is on your wedding day.

Instead, focus on the heart. What does this person believe in?

Physical intimacy is designed to intoxicate.

Proverbs 5:18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth… be intoxicated always in her love.

When I was in high school, there were couples who dated for years even though they were a terrible match. What kept them together was their physical intimacy. This intoxicating connection bound them in an unhealthy relationship. They were literally drunk in love and it led to toxic consequences.

You give your heart away with no promise of security.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Even if you flee from sexual immorality, modern dating frequently includes emotional intimacy that should be rooted in the security of a committed relationship. Rather than guarding your heart, this may tempt you to pre-maturely give your heart away.

The world’s pathway doesn’t work. Thankfully,

The bible begins in the opposite order: be friends, be selfless, become family, enjoy intimacy. This is the end goal. Transparent in every way and unashamed. Because perfect love casts out fear.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

With the end goal in mind. There are still questions:

When should I date?

Who should I date?

How should I date?

We are going to root the answer to these questions, in Paul’s advice to a young church leader named Timothy.

2 Timothy 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

When should I date?

When you’re a growing Christian ready for marriage.

(Song of Solomon 8:4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.)

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness,

Building block example.

Who should I date?

A growing Christian who’s ready for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Mr. Harper, growing Christian story.

How should I date?

Honestly, purely, and in community.

along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

Sister example: I would protect, honor, have fun get to know…

There is a final group, I’d like to encourage. You’re not looking to date. You’re not currently dating. You’re wondering what do do with your singleness.

What about singleness?

1 Corinthians 7:32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Your single season is a unique gift to pursue the Lord with your whole heart.

This may land on all of us in different ways. What if I never get married? What if I never find a good person? What if I’m in the wrong relationship?

Very soon, we will all be free from these questions when we are in the presence of Jesus. The one who…

Jesus devoted his singleness to make you his own.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Jesus is the perfect example of real love. As you grow in your love for him, you will be better prepared to love another.