Dealing with Difficult People (1 Cor 6:1-8)

Introduction

What would you do if the dry cleaners lost your pants?

It happened to Roy Pearson.

The owners of the establishment offered him $12,000 for the missing pants. But that wasn’t good enough for Roy.

He went on to sue the dry cleaners for a whopping $67 million.

How could this be, you say.

$67 million dollars, he sued them for in order to cover emotional damages, legal fees, and 10 years worth of car rental fees to visit another dry cleaner.

Roy Pearson’s job, a judge.

He lost his case, by the way.

We live in a litigious society.

Over 40 million lawsuits take place in the United States every year.

Many of these are frivolous lawsuits; the result of two parties That had a disagreement, that spiraled out of control.

So let me ask you again, what would you do if the dry cleaners lost your pants? What if the owner of the dry cleaners was a Christian brother or sister? What if they were being unreasonable? What if they were being difficult?

What do you do if you are faced with a difficult situation, and you feel like you have been wronged, someone took advantage of you.

Do you have a difficult person in your life?

A difficult person is one who manipulates you, maybe they don’t respect your boundaries, they ask you to do things for them every single time you see them.

Or maybe they are always talking about themselves, they know-it-all, and they don’t let you get a word in edge wise.

Or maybe they don’t do anything, they’re lazy.

Or maybe your difficult person is explosive, you have to walk on eggshells.

Or maybe they are just completely unreasonable.

I’d like to give you four short phrases or sentences to day to answer this question.

These phrases or sentences come right out of the text.

Paul’s first point is that when we are dealing with difficult people we do not solve the problem like the world

1. Not as the World (v1,4,6)

We deal with difficult people not as the world does.

v1 says “How dare you file a lawsuit and ask a secular court to decide the matter.”

v4 says “Why are you going to outside judges who are not respected by the church?”

The Christians in Corinth were taking people to court. They hand differences, disagreements, and they did what they did before they were saved: take him to court.

The Apostle Paul seems shocked to hear about this situation of lawsuits. He would even call it scandalous.

To our 21st century ear, it may seem like no big deal. “What’s the problem taking someone to court even if they are a believer? they may be a believer, but they’re an idiot, and they wronged me, and they owe me money, or they slandered me, or whatever it may be.”

Paul says it is a bad idea. Why?

A couple things we have to realize here:

We are far removed both in time and geography from 1 Corinthians. We have to look at the Scriptures and pull out the principles that Paul is presenting, that God’s word is teaching in order to help us make godly decisions for our lives.

The Graeco-Roman courts were well known for corruption. They were open to bribes and they favored those of higher economic status.

For the most part, our judicial system is supposed to be equitable for all. One would like to think that it is free from corruption.

Going to court in Corinth was very expensive and beyond the reach of most people. It was a system that favored the wealthy. It could be that the wealthy within the church were taking advantage of those of little means.

Additionally, these cases were civil not criminal.

We know that because Paul describes the subject matter as consisting of “the things of this life” (v. 3), a “dispute with another” (v. 1; cf. v. 5), involving one party accusing the other of “cheating” or fraud (vv. 7–8).

The First Letter to the Corinthians 3. An Exasperated Rebuke: Civil Litigation in the Family of God, 6:1–11

It does not concern criminal law, which in Corinth would have covered crimes such as high treason, embezzlement, bribery at elections, extortion in the provinces, forgery of wills or coins, violent offenses, and adultery. On this score he might have taken a different view. This passage could not be used, for example, to justify the covering up of child abuse or murder, even if such crimes were committed within the church fellowship. It also does not cover the case of a believer and a nonbeliever entangled in legal matters.

So when we are dealing with difficult Christians, in issues that are not criminal cases, we don’t go to the ungodly to mitigate the situation.

There can be wisdom found in non-Christian books, people, and other resources. So I am not saying that you can’t be helped by non-Christian resources.

But when it comes to a point if the difficult non-criminal situation between two Christians, it is best, if at all possible, to not seek resolution through the courts.

Instead..

2. Keep it in house (v2-3, 5)

We deal with difficult people by keeping it in house.

Interpretation:

The end of v2 - “are you not competent to judge trivial cases?” v5 - “Is it possible there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers”

Believers has disputes.

If we don’t talk them through and deal with them, we run the risk of becoming bitter and damaging our relationships unnecessarily.

Application:

Church: There is a lot of wisdom in the church. There are many godly men and women in the body of Christ who have seen just about everything you could imagine.

I’m referring to our church

But also the church at large.

There are many books and media resources by different ministries about this very topic.

Let me say this, and hear me clearly, I am not talking about dealing with abusive people, I am talking about dealing with difficult people.

For dealing with abusive people, go back and listen to the message I gave last week.

Let’s think about the words and example of Jesus in dealing with difficult people.

Matthew 5:25: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.”

Jesus tells us here that when we have a conflict with someone, go to them directly, and take care of it quickly.

Ephesians 4:26 (NLT)

Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Deal with it directly and quickly. We also make sure our attitude is Christlike.

Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV84)

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

So it is important when we deal with difficult people that we have a Christ-like attitude.

No matter what they’ve done, no matter how godly or ungodly they are, we must approach our mindset towards them with the truth that they are made in the image of God, just like you are.

How to deal with difficult people? Make sure your attitude is right. Examine your own heart.

Matthew 7:3–5 (NLT)

3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

Love them, pray for them, maintain a humble spirit, relate to them in patience and kindness.

Practice Matthew 18.

Do you know what I mean by that?

When you have something against someone, go to them, show them their fault, win them over.

The responsibility is on you.

If that doesn’t go well, take a respectable person with you and try it again.

If that doesn’t go well, reach out to a church leader.

We must recognize that there are big issues that are beyond scope of the church being able to bring to resolution. What happens when two Christian businesses have a dispute? Or what happens if it’s a very, very complex situation that has been going on for a long time?

For situations that are beyond the scope of a church solution, if you feel you need professional help in dealing with your situation, consider a professional Christian mediator.

There are Christian organizations that exist to help mediate conflicts in a Biblical manner between brothers and sisters in the Lord.

If you need help finding an organization like this, contact us and we will point you in the right direction.

One of the reasons that Paul says to keep it in house is because…

3. There’s bigger fish to fry.

That’s actually not what he says, but it helps me make the point that he is making which is..

You are going to judge the world (v2); you are going to judge angels (v3), so why are you getting so worked up over these petty earthly matters.

Again, we look to the words of Jesus:

Matthew 19:28 (NLT)

28 Jesus replied, “I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Luke 22:30 (NLT)

30 to eat and drink at my table in my Kingdom. And you will sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Revelation 20:4 (NLT)

4 Then I saw thrones, and the people sitting on them had been given the authority to judge.

What does this all mean?

The bible is clear that we will judge the world in the future.

How will we judge? Who will we judge (besides angels)? What criteria will we use? Could we make a wrong judgment? Probably not, because we will be perfectly redeemed.

It seems that the bible is telling us that we will occupy in eternity future a higher position than angels.

Additionally, the Greek word for “judge” is krino, which also means to rule or govern.

In some fashion, we will judge/rule over/govern angels and a future glorious world.

Listen.

This is a big deal. It’s a lot more important than the fact that your Christian former friend’s dog bit your toe and you’re thinking about suing them for damages.

Sort it out—it just might help you judge angels.

The idea is that if you one day will judge a future world, if you one day will even judge angels, you should be competent to srot out your differences.

What Paul says next is quite challenging…

Lastly, Paul says when dealing with difficult people, why not let it go?

4. Letting it go. (v7-8)

v7 says simply going to court is a defeat. The fact that this relationship has brought you into a courtroom against another believer is evidence that something is wrong. Any verdict is not going to change that. The relationship is already messed up.

Going to court against another believer also damages the witness of the body of Christ. The world looks on, yawns, and says, “There’s nothing really different between those Christians and anyone else.”

Could it be that the real victory comes when you let yourself be wronged, when you let yourself be cheated.

Luke 6:27–31 (NLT)

27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

If you have a difficult situation right now, what would it look like, for you just to let yourself be wronged.

I’m not saying that in every situation you should not seek arbitration, but just consider, is the fight really worth it.

Even if you win the lawsuit, spiritually both parties have already lost. No matter the verdict, the church loses.

How many times has Christ’s name been drug through the mud because two Christians couldn’t settle their own disputes?

Why not count your losses and let it go?

Are you willing to suffer wrong?

1 Corinthians 9:12 (NIV84)

… we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.

2 Corinthians 11:23–30 NLT

23 Are they servants of Christ? I know I sound like a madman, but I have served him far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. 24 Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. 26 I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not. 27 I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm. 28 Then, besides all this, I have the daily burden of my concern for all the churches. 29 Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? 30 If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.

Jesus endured wrong.

The perfect man, the son of God, the healer, the compassionate one, the one who loved people, helped them, healed them, he was crucified.

He could have stood up for his rights, but he suffered unjustly.

I don’t know what difficult person is in your life; I don’t know what situations you’re wrestling through at the moment.

Try to resolve it in house. Remember there’s bigger fish to fry. And consider letting yourself be wronged.

PRAY