Week 2: Better Relationships

BUMPER:

SLIDE: Scripture

Proverbs 12:26 (NLT)

26 The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.

SLIDE: Welcome Home

SLIDE: Sermon Title

Introduction

Good morning, Church! I am so excited to be with all of you again this morning as we take time to open up the scriptures and let them teach us something new. I am convinced that our greatest opportunity for spiritual growth does not happen when we are by ourselves, but when we are in relationship with one another. That is how we grow a connection with God that is Better.

Last week we began a sermon series called Better. We are convinced that living a life with Jesus is the best way to live, and when we submit to Him, our lives are better. Last week we looked at the impact God can have in our lives when we begin the new year with better priorities. When we put God first, the rest of our lives will fall into order. If we get this backward, the most important things in our lives will suffer. Today we will discover that the people we surround ourselves with have far reaching effects. Sometimes it is important for us to focus on having better relationships and surrounding ourselves with others who want to be better.

SLIDE: How to Win Friends and Influence People — 5 Advances

STORY: In Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, we are given some of the most basic, and effective advice for developing meaningful relationships. He says: 1. Become genuinely interested in other people. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. 2. Smile. If you want to draw others to you, light up your face with a smile. 3. Remember names. A person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound to that person. 4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Treat others the way they want to be treated. Of these five relational instructions, which one is most helpful in your experience? Turn and share it with someone next to you.

Main Teaching

SLIDE: Created for Relationships

The truth is that you and I were created for relationships. We were designed to live our best lives when we do it in the context of community. The problem is that we don’t always choose the right people to surround ourselves with. Often, we can do better. The Bible gives us some practical wisdom for living in healthy community with one another.

READ Proverbs 12:26

Proverbs 12:26 (NLT)

26 The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.

The people who live righteous lives are people who choose their friends carefully. This means that rather than leaving our closest relationships to chance, we make a concerted effort to surround ourselves with people who are carefully chosen.

SLIDE: — 1 Advance

1 - GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT LEFT TO CHANCE

ADVANCE:

The righteous know the kind of person they want to be and choose to surround themselves with people who help them achieve those goals. The righteous look for people who make them better versions of themselves. The righteous seek out people who love God with their whole hearts and live it out each day. Some people don’t have our best interest in mind. Some people don’t live based upon a desire to please God. Some people don’t make us better, rather, some can make us bitter.

The differences between positive relationships and negative ones can be compared to the difference between graffiti and an art gallery. Graffiti is haphazard. It is messy. It is unpredictable. An art gallery is different. Graffiti is chaotic, but an art gallery is curated. It is strategic. It is thought through. The art behind building relationships can be seen in the same way. If we leave our closest connections to accidental encounters or silly decisions, we may find ourselves being led to places we never wanted to go and becoming people we never intended to be.

STORY: Today, I’m going to share with you a part of my life that I have not expressed to less than a handful of people at best. I’m doing this to make an illustration for you and not to gather sympathy.

Relationships have for most of may life been hard for me. You see, I grew up as a Military Beat. My Dad severed in the Army for 21 years. During my early and junior high school years we moved very frequently. During those years we moved many times. In those 14 years. we moved 13 times [which included 4 countries, 6 states and 5 military bases}. When I was only 9 years old I had lost so many friends that I made a conscience decision to not have friends. I built a wall around myself and my emotions so that I wouldn’t get hurt by loosing another friend. So, from 1964 until 1986 I didn’t allow anyone to see and know the real me )not even my first wife). I was a fake person up until then, when things happened that made me realize that my 9 year old mind was still in control. As a result, I had ended up in places I had never wanted to go and become a person I had never intended to be. I felt alone and separated most of the time. I started to open up with people but slowly. It was not until I found myself in prison [and forced me into a sober self-assessment] that I realized the full impact of my 9 year old decision. I learned that in order to have a positive relationship you have to be open first to Jesus and then to others, allowing them to see the real you. I still struggle with feeling alone to be and have positive relationships. But Jesus works on me daily and reminds me that I am and will always be a work in progress.

I have learned that when we look at the life of Jesus, we see the way to develop better relationships. Jesus certainly spent time with a lot of people. We will call them the crowd. Though he did spend time there, they were not His focus. Instead, we have a group of 12 disciples that He did most of His life with. Even inside of those 12, he had 3 even closer relationships in Peter, James, and John where He really invested His time and energy.

SLIDE: Jesus Chose Wisely

Jesus did not leave his friendships to chance; He chose them wisely. We should do the same.

SLIDE: — 1 Advance

2 - LOOK FOR GODLY ATTRIBUTES

The only way we can avoid relationships by chance and develop friendships by choice is by looking for characteristics in others that look like Jesus and encourage us toward Him. The apostle Paul writes about this in his letter to the early church in Corinth. The reason Paul puts this into his letter is because

ADVANCE:

The struggle to surround ourselves with the right people is not new to us, it has been going on for a very long time.

READ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NLT)

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Paul is outlining what true relationships, built on the love of God, look like in our lives. As I read through these simple, yet profound, characteristics, I can’t help but think to myself that those are the kinds of relationships I want in my life. I want to connect with people who are patient and kind. I want to trust people who are not self-seeking or proud. I want to have friendships that always protect one another and persevere through difficult times. Being aware of the people that are in our sphere of influence and noticing when someone demonstrates these attributes that Paul says just may be the best way to develop better relationships in this new year.

SLIDE: Characteristics of a Friend

A good friend makes us feel safe, loved, and supported. Some of the greatest friendships I have had in my life have been because they fit this passage so well, especially my Wife. Many of them were born out of adversity and struggle.

STORY: Jackie Robinson was the first black athlete to play major league baseball. Breaking baseball's color barrier, he faced jeering crowds in every stadium that he competed in. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, New York, he committed an error on the field. The fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans heckled him. It was at the height of the tension, when he felt most alone, that suddenly, shortstop Pee Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew silent. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.

(Sermonillustrations.com)

Some of us this morning need to have someone like Pee Wee Reese in our life. Someone who is willing to come and stand next to us when no one else will. Someone who will face down the jeering crowds, so we don’t have to do it alone. Do you have someone who embodies the patience, kindness, humility, love, truth, and joy that are mentioned in 1 Corinthians? If not, begin this new year by doing everything in your power to find folks who do. That way, when life throws you the difficult circumstances that often come, like losing a job, marriage struggles, addiction, or sinful temptation, you don’t have to go it alone.

As important as it is for us to be on the lookout for Godly friendships, there is also a very important aspect to better relationships that often goes overlooked.

SLIDE:

3 - WHAT KIND OF FRIEND AM I?

The truth is that in order for us to have better relationships, we must also be someone people might want to develop a relationship with. We must live with a sober self-assessment and be able to answer honestly if we are the kind of people God wants us to be. If you were to be honest, what kind of friend are you? Are you trustworthy? Are you kind? Are you forgiving? Do you have other’s best interests in mind? Paul writes about this need for an others focused life in the book of Romans.

READ Romans 12:10

Romans 12:10 (NLT)

10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

What Paul is doing here is giving instruction for individuals to live in meaningful relationships with one another. Rather than just expect that everyone else would cater to my needs and desires, I make a conscious effort to be devoted to others in love. This word for love that Paul uses is the word Philadelphia. Sounds familiar right? What is that city known as? The city of brotherly love. Paul is inviting us to love others as brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a deep connection that is made as a part of God’s family. Then he says we ought to honor one another above ourselves. This is the crux of the passage. Without putting other people first and honoring them by the way that we treat them, there is no hope of building better relationships that are not, somehow, one sided.

STORY: There was a bit of practical wisdom offered by an article in Daily Walk in 1993. Though the writing is a bit dated, I think you would agree its advice is not.

"How To Be Miserable." It says, "Think about yourself. Talk about yourself. Use "I" as often as possible. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. Listen greedily to what people say about you. Expect to be appreciated. Be suspicious. Be jealous and envious. Be sensitive to slights. Never forgive a criticism. Trust nobody but yourself. Insist on consideration and respect. Demand agreement with your own views on everything. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them. Never forget a service you have rendered. Shirk your duties if you can. Do as little as possible for others."

Or, take the opposite route and

SLIDE: Be Focused on Other

Be a person focused on others more than yourself. Be the type of friend you want to have.

Conclusion

Once again, Jesus is our greatest example for building better relationships. He was the standard for living a life of humility and service. Through His life, death, and resurrection, He demonstrated how to love others well. So, in this new year, make a commitment to surround yourself with people who push you toward Jesus.

SLIDE: Application For Your Life

Pay close attention to the kinds of fruit that your closest friends demonstrate.

Pay even closer attention to your own fruit to make sure you are the kind of person who would encourage and support people who enter a relationship with you.

It is always wise to take a step back this time of year and reevaluate. Perhaps better relationships are exactly what you need.

Let’s pray together. Prayer: “Lord, you know how important relationships are and you know how much we need each other. Help us this coming year to be the types of people we want to be around. Help us to love others as ourselves and to see others as you see them.”