Marriage, Family, and Sexuality: Ephesians 5:21-24

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-If you would, please turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5.

We’re going to be continuing our study of Marriage, Family, and Sexuality this evening...

And following the general outline of our book (show slide)...

…we’ve come now to...

…what most consider to be...

…Paul’s most formative treatment of Marriage...

…if not that of the entire New Testament.

-Now, his treatment here, goes through the rest of the chapter...

…and in some ways, into the first part of Chapter 6.

-But, for this evening...

...we’re only going to be looking at Verse 21-24...

And then (Lord-Willing)...

…Scott will commence with Verse 25 next week.

-And for the sake of understanding Verse 21...

…we’re going to begin reading back in Verse 18.

Ephesians 5:18–24 (ESV)

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,

20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

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Pray

I think commentators are right...

…when they say that...

…it’s important to study the passage we just read...

....in light of the context of the entire letter.

Kostenberger gives a phenomenal overview:

(If you have your Bibles open...

…you may want to scan over...

…the references he uses...

…as we come to them)

At the very outset Paul affirms God’s overarching purpose for humanity (including married couples) in the age of Christ: “to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head . . . even Christ” (Eph. 1:10 NIV).

This establishes Christ as the focal point of God’s end-time program, and more particularly, Christ as head (Eph. 1:22), not only over the church (Eph. 1:22) but over every authority, in the present as well as the coming age (Eph. 1:21)...

This includes spiritual powers who will be fully submitted to Christ (Eph. 1:21);

the bringing together of Jews and Gentiles in one salvation-historical, end-time entity, the church (Eph. 2:11–22; 3:6–13);

the restoration of creation (cf. Rom. 8:18–25), which men, as divine image bearers, are currently working to subdue (Gen. 1:28);

and, most relevant for our present purposes, the restoration of the male-female marriage relationship as realized by Spirit-filled, committed Christian believers,

who overcome the cursed struggle of manipulation and dominance (cf. Gen. 3:16)17 in the power of Christ and relate to each other in proper submission and Christlike love. — Andreas Kostenberger

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And there you go!

There’s a whole sermon, all on its own...

But it’s so important that we recognize...

…that flow of thought...

…as we come to our text.

-Now, we need to narrow our focus a bit...

…as we come to chapter 5.

Look at the main heading in Verse 1.

It begins with this command...

…that helps us to frame the commands of our text...

…within the appropriate context:

Ephesians 5:1–2 (ESV)

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.

2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Two over-arching commands:

Imitate and Honor God

Love our fellow man...

(Two Tablets)....

...With Christ as the example to follow.

Then Paul works out...

…some of the particular ways to do that...

…in the verses that follow.

And, in working that out...

…he transitions into the subject of Marriage...

…by saying this:

Ephesians 5:18 (ESV)

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

Then following this command...

…Paul uses five participles (in the Greek)...

…to illustrate what being “filled with the Spirit” . . .

…will lead to in the Christian life.

He says:

Ephesians 5:18–20 (ESV)

18 ...be filled with the Spirit,

19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,

20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

And then he says, in Verse 21:

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And, here is where we need to slow down a bit...

…and smell the proverbial flowers.

Paul makes two extremely important points, here:

1.) That the Holy Spirit causes Christians to “submit to one another”

Notice: God’s Sovereignty

2.) This mutual submission is to be rendered...

…out of deference (“reverence”) to Christ.

-Now, on the first...

…we need to remember, that...

…at this point, Paul is addressing...

All Christians in general

NOT yet husbands and wives in particular.

Some will point to Verse 21...

…and say that husbands are...

…required to submit to their wives...

…just as much as the wives...

…are called to submit to them.

That’s probably just a capitulation to the culture.

And it isn’t at all what Paul means by it.

Joel Beeke explains, that Paul has in mind...

Voluntarily subjecting yourselves to honor and to obey proper authority...

Not everyone to everyone . . . but as appropriate in each relationship, which Paul explains further (5:22–6:9). — Joel Beeke

Wives to Husbands

Children to Parents

Bond-servants to Masters

Let me expand it out a bit:

Romans 13:1 (ESV)

1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

1 Peter 2:13 (ESV)

13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to...

Hebrews 13:17 (ESV)

17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account...

Colossians 3:22 (ESV)

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

1 Peter 5:5 (ESV)

5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Authority structures are God’s gift to His image bearers.

Authority is a good thing.

Because of the Fall, it can be abused...

…but, in and of itself...

…it is God’s good gift to us.

But, even now (this side of the Fall), it...

Restrains evil in the world

Promotes the individual and common good.

-Anarchy doesn’t do that!

-Autonomy doesn’t do that!

-Biblical authority does that!

Thus, Christians are called to have...

A humble

Submissive

…disposition of heart...

…toward all duly-ordained authorities.

-And, they should do so...

…NOT based on the worth of the one who has authority...

…but out of reverence for Christ...

...Who is worthy of all obedience and servitude.

-Following me, so far?

This contextual build up is so important.

-Alright, look at Verse 22:

Under that subheading of...

…proper Christian submission to authority...

…Paul then, addresses first...

Wives.

He says, first of all:

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands...

So, this is the general command given to wives...

…in the context of their marriages.

We can see that in the specific designation...

“to your own husbands”

He’s not saying, that...

All Wives

All Women

Should submit to...

All Husbands

All Men

…without exception.

This is a duty owed...

…specifically to the man...

…with whom they are in covenant union.

They are to voluntarily...

…place themselves under the headship of their husbands...

…in keeping with God’s created design for marriage.

William MacDonald offers a great explanation, here:

The absence of government is anarchy, and no society can survive under anarchy.

The same is true in the home. There must be a head, and there must be obedience to that head. God ordained that the place of headship be given to the man.

He indicated this by creating man first, then creating woman for the man.

Thus, both in the order and purpose of creation, He put man in the place of authority and woman in the place of submission. — William MacDonald

And lest we think MacDonald’s position is...

Radical

Chauvinistic...

…consider the frequency of such commands in the New Testament:

1 Peter 3:1 (ESV)

1 ...wives, be subject to your own husbands...

Colossians 3:18 (ESV)

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

i.e., in accordance to God’s will and design

Titus 2:4–5 (ESV)

4 ...train the young women to love their husbands and children,

5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Christians have to practice what they preach

-You can even see it indirectly...

…in Paul’s ecclesiastical instructions regarding women, in...

1 Timothy 2:9–14 (ESV)

9 ...women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,

10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.

12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve;

14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

You see, the reason for this...

Isn’t rooted in culture.

It’s rooted in Genesis.

Not only was it God’s original design...

(we’ll talk about that more in the next verse)

But, the Fall reinforced its necessity.

Think about Genesis 3:16:

Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

16 To the woman he said . . . Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Eve was judged...

…by being given over...

…to more of what she had already done.

Now, because of...

Our inherited Original Sin

Our ongoing depravity of nature...

…there is an innate resistance...

…to the husband’s God-given patriarchal authority.

-But, remember the theme of restoration...

…in the book of Ephesians...

…that we looked at in the beginning:

Christ, through the outpouring of His Spirit upon His Church...

…is rebuilding what sin has torn down!

It’s His work, through us.

And we ought to yield to it...

…in deference to Him:

Look at the end of verse 22.

That’s what we see there:

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

MacDonald, again accurately opines:

In submitting to the authority of her husband, a wife is submitting to the Lord’s authority. This in itself should remove any attitude of reluctance or rebellion. — MacDonald

Brethren, this (sometimes unpleasant) duty...

…is broadly applicable to Christians.

We’ve seen that already:

1 Peter 2:13 (ESV)

13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution...

Is that always easy and pleasant?

Do they often not deserve it?

Ephesians 6:1 (ESV)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Is that always easy?

Do they always deserve it?

Ephesians 6:5 (ESV)

5 Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,

Do you think that was always easy for them?

Do you think their masters always deserved it?

This one sums the obligation up so well:

Colossians 3:22–23 (ESV)

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

That has to be our motivation.

-Look at Verse 23.

Verse 22 was the general command.

Verse 23 provides the basis for the command:

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife...

In other words...

...Because that’s the objective reality of the relationship...

…as it exists in God’s world!

Paul reiterates that, in...

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)

3 ...I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

(obviously, this shows us that...

…functional subordination...

…doesn’t necessitate ontological inferiority)

Remember:

Genesis 1:27 (ESV)

27 ...God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Ontological equality

Economic subordination

(explain)

Nevertheless, Paul goes on to say:

1 Corinthians 11:7–9 (ESV)

7 ...man . . . is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.

8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man.

9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

I love Richard Coekin’s short commentary, here:

At creation, God made a wife for Adam from him (she is like him), after him (he leads her) and for him (because he was lonely without her) (Genesis 2:18–24) — Coekin

-But, there’s a greater basis given...

...for the wife’s submission to her husband, in Verse 23

Look at it again:

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body...

That just ratcheted things up, didn’t it?

He goes beyond JUST the temporal, physical creation design...

…to a design of God...

That’s Spiritual and Eternal.

This is the design of the New Creation:

Remember the language of...

Ephesians 1:22–23 (ESV)

22 ...he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church,

23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

And:

Colossians 1:18 (ESV)

18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

Do you see the parallels?

Adam was the firstborn of the Old Creation.

Eve came from his body...

They were joined together as one flesh.

-The Christian partakes in the New Creation, by...

Being joined in union with Christ...

(The Firstborn of that New Creation)

And they become “one flesh” with Him.

(i.e., his body)

And He becomes their Covenant Head!

This is a glorious, gospel saturated parallel.

-Do you see how...

…comparing a husband’s position to this...

…really adds to the onus, here?

Think about it as we read it again:

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 ...the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body...

Now, watch what he adds at the end:

Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)

23 ...even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Why would Paul include that, here?

A husband isn’t his wife’s Savior, is he?

In an exact sense, no...

of course not!

But, in an infinitely lesser sense, yes!

Consider this:

As head he loves, leads, and guides; as preserver (i.e., savior) he provides, protects, and cares for her. — Believer’s Bible Commentary (emphasis mine)

Sisters, your husbands...

…are God’s gracious gift to you.

They are God’s way of...

Providing for you

Protecting you

Caring for you...

Through the ministry of their headship over you!

Please don’t despise his gift.

I love this quote from Matthew Henry:

“The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” — Matthew Henry

-Alright, Final Verse.

Look at Verse 24.

In Verse 22, we saw the general command.

In Verse 23, we saw the basis for the command.

In Verse 24, we see the correct manner...

…of obedience to the command:

Ephesians 5:24 (ESV)

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit . . . to their husbands.

Now, what did I leave out?

What is the manner, in which...

The Church submits to Christ?

Wives SHOULD submit to their husbands?

Ephesians 5:24 (ESV)

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Brethren, this isn’t as extreme as it sounds.

Think about the command to children and bondservants, in:

Colossians 3:20 (ESV)

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Colossians 3:22 (ESV)

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

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-Now, let’s address the elephant in the room here:

Am I saying...

That Paul is saying...

That there are NO limitations...

…to the obedience a wife owes to her husband?

Well, no… I’m not.

But, be careful with that.

Be careful about looking for an out.

The duty is pretty all-encompassing.

But, there is one exception:

The contradiction with a higher authority.

Remember, that the obedience is to be rendered...

Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)

22 ...as to the Lord.

And Remember also:

1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)

3 ...the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband...

The husband’s authority is not ultimate.

Christ’s authority is ultimate.

If your husband leads you in rebellion to Christ...

You need to...

Lovingly

Respectfully

Humbly

…explain to Him that he has asked you to do...

…what you are simply unable to do.

And remember that...

...”A soft answer turns away wrath.”

-Like I did this morning...

…I’m going to give the final word to a commentator:

The submission of the church to Christ in everything is to be the model for a wife submitting to her husband.

As the church submits to Christ in confident expectation of receiving his loving care, accepting that his rule is for her benefit, appreciating his costly gifts of kindness and responding with respect and thankfulness, a wife is to gladly submit herself in every area of life. — Richard Coekin

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I would say...

…that that’s the gist of it!

Do we need grace to do this, ladies?

Men, do we need grace to not abuse our authority?

Let’s ask for both

Pray