The GIFT of Where You Are
Relationships • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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INTRO.
We’re mixing it up tonight and we’ve got M12 and H12 TOGETHER for the teaching. I’m really excited about this.
M12, something that I do with H12 each week is I have a student come up and read the passage of Scripture that we’re going to be learning from before we jump in. Y’all remember when we did that last week?
I need a brave middle schooler! Who is feeling brave and can come read the passage of Scripture we’re going to learn from tonight?
Let’s read 1 Corinthians 7:7, 17, 32-35
I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Tonight, I’m preaching a message that I wish someone would’ve preached to me when I was in student ministry. The title of the message is the GIFT of where you are.
TENSION.
I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but it is exactly 1 week to the day from Valentine’s Day.
I’m so sorry if I just triggered some of you 😬
I don’t bring it up to rub it in, I bring it up because about this time every single year, your relationship status gets increasingly important.
I know some of y’all are DYING for me to ask right now - how many of you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend on lock?
How many of you are single?
How many of you are single right now but are making plans to change that by this time next week?
I’m telling you, the week leading up to Valentine’s Day is going to be really entertaining, because people will do some CRAZY stuff to be in a relationship. Some people will even do stuff like this.
[YouTube Video]
It’s crazy what people will do to be in a relationship!
What makes people go to the extremes that they do to be in a relationship?
I think we do crazy things to be in a relationship because being single can feel like a weight to carry.
And tonight, whether you’re single or dating, this message is for you because what I believe God wants to show us is so much bigger than your relationship status.
TRUTH.
So let’s go back and look at 1 Corinthians 7.
This is a letter written by Pastor Paul to one of the churches he pastored in a city called Corinth. And anytime a pastor speaks to their church, just like we are right now, there are things that are going on at the time. For instance, as I’m speaking to you today, it’s the week of the Super Bowl, Taylor Swift just won ANOTHER Grammy, and we’re in the middle of the chicken wars as some people say Chick-fil-a is better while others say Cane’s is better. 😉
Paul’s church in Corinth was living in the middle of two opposing viewpoints on relationships. Some were saying romantic relationships were everything, and some were saying romantic relationships were nothing. Some people in the church were single and looked down on those who weren't. Some people in Paul's church were in a relationship and thought that something was broken or lesser about the people who weren't.
You know what Paul tells them? They're both wrong.
Instead, he speaks about each position, being in a relationship AND being single as a gift. Look back at 1 Corinthians 7:7
I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Whether a person is single or in a relationship, it is a gift, and each person has a different gift.
And as he keeps talking through the rest of the chapter, he gives examples of each gift’s advantages and disadvantages. Look at 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Think about that for a second. Have you ever thought about the fact that there are advantages to being single?
I’m going to come back to that in a minute. But I want you to look back at 1 Corinthians 7:17,
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Sometimes when you’re reading the Bible, you’ll come across something that feels random and like it doesn’t belong in the place where you read it. This is one of those places for me. Paul is in the middle of talking about relationship statuses, and then he pauses to say what he says in verse 17 and gives a couple of weird examples.
The first time I read it, it didn’t make any sense. But then it finally hit me, and it make a ton of sense. And if it doesn’t make sense for you, I bet it will once you see this.
As Paul talks about gifts, verse 17 is a pause to caution us against a tendency that we have - to want what we don’t have.
We do this all the time! It’s why I have 7 different pairs of all white shoes! It’s in our nature as humans to want what we don’t have.
There are advantages to wherever you are. If you’re single, it’s a gift, and if you’re in a relationship, it’s a gift. But something that tends to trip us up is that we miss the gift of where we are because we’re stuck on where we’re not.
Students, can I tell you something that I think God would have you hear?
Wherever you are right now is exactly where God has put you.
Single or dating. Wherever you are right now is EXACTLY where God has put you.
Not only that, but wherever God has you is a “gift” to you.
APPLICATION.
And yet, for a lot of us, where we are is the exact place that we don’t want to be. I’m going to spend the rest of the time talking mostly to those of us who are single, because we’ll be talking a lot about relationships the rest of the month.
A lot of us who are single aren’t there by choice. If we could change it, we would. And for some of us, we’re actively trying to. But I’m telling you, wherever you are right now is exactly where God has put you, and it’s a gift. Don’t miss your gift and all the advantages that come with it because you’re wishing for someone else’s.
So here’s a worthy question for us to answer: how do we enjoy the gift of where God has us?
A great place to start is to choose not to allow your current condition to consume or control you.
The way you do that is,
Receive the gift of what God is giving you right now.
And maybe you’re wondering, “well what could possibly be the gift of being single?” The classic dad answer is, “you get to save all your money.” 😂 And that’s funny if you’ve been single for 5 minutes and you’re wondering how to move forward. It’s a lot less funny if you’ve been single for a long time and it’s actually a weight that you carry that gets heavier by the day. A better answer is what Paul told his people:
If you’re single, you have the gift of giving God your undivided attention.
We don’t always think about this, but every relationship we enter into places limits on what we can do. Being married to Shelby is a relationship that I chose to be part of. But part of my choice in being married to Shelby was that I couldn’t be married to anyone else.
Relationships come with limits. And when you do it right, the limits in your life are the limits that you choose. But when you’re single, you have fewer limits than when you’re in a relationships, which frees you up to pursue things now that you may not be able to pursue forever - one of those things being your relationship with God.
On the flip side of that coin, if you’re single, you have the gift of being able to focus on becoming the right person.
We inevitably become what we give our attention to.
At the same time, we attract what we are. If you’re looking for someone who is disciplined and fit, you’re much more likely to find that person and attract them if YOU are disciplined and fit. If you’re looking for someone who is committed and won’t cheat on you, you’re much more likely to find that person and attract them if YOU are the kind of person who is committed and don’t cheat on them. You attract what you are.
As we give our attention to God, we become like Him. And that’s a GIFT, because the more we become like Him, the more we attract people who are like Him. And who doesn’t want a person who is loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, faithful, gentle, good, and self-controlled?
Friends, receive the gift of what God is giving you right now. And then,
2. Eat the meal that is in front of you.
Here’s the reality: all of us have a legitimate need to not bealone. Our need to not be alone is as real as our need for food.
No one is shaming you for being hungry. It’s natural. It’s a NEED you have. And look, no one is shaming you for not wanting to be alone. It’s a NEED you have.
But…
I do think we have a tendency to misunderstand that need. Look at Genesis 2:18:
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Did you notice what God said? He said, “it’s not good for man to be alone.” He did NOT say, “It’s not good for man to not be married.”
For some of us, being single is our own personal hell because we’re relationally STARVING. It’s as if we’ve not eaten in 3 months/6 months/16 years. And because we aren’t married or in a relationship that makes us believe that we could be married someday, we assume that we can’t eat. But I’m telling you, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Your need to not be alone can be fully satisfied by having great friendships. Some of us are single right now, and that’s the gift that God has given us. But can I tell you something? Some of us are single now and will be our whole lives…and that’s the GIFT that God has given us.
The greatest person who ever lived was single: the God-Man, Jesus Christ.
The greatest mere human who ever lived was single: John the Baptist
The greatest missionary and theologian who ever lived was single: the apostle Paul
The greatest statesman who ever lived was single: Daniel
The greatest prophets of Israel who ever lived were single: Elijah and Elisha.
All of which lived FULL, WONDERFUL lives. How could they do that? Did they just learn how to not need to not be alone?
Of course not. That’s like saying they just learned how to not need to eat.
They were able to live that way because they discovered that friendship was a meal that could satisfy their relational hunger.
Friends, some of you are starving relationally because you’re not eating the meals that are being put in front of you. No one is asking you to not eat. We want you to. That’s part of why we have church every week! It’s why we have small groups! These are “meals” that are supposed to help satisfy your relational hunger.
And you have to be careful when you get too hungry.
STORY.
My mom always used to tell me not to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. And I never really understood why that was such a big deal to her until a couple of years ago when Shelb went away on a business trip. Shelb usually cooks our meals, so when she was out of town, I had to figure out what I was going to do for dinner, and I needed to do it fast, because I was HUNGRY.
So I went to Publix…and I walked out with 3 pints of Jeni’s Ice Cream.
When I woke up the next morning after eating most of the 3 pints, I understood why my mom made that such a big deal.
You don’t go grocery shopping on an empty stomach because when you're hungry and you go grocery shopping, you buy what's available to you, not what's best for you.
And for some of you, that’s exactly why you go from bad relationship to bad relationship and end up getting hurt over and over again. You’re hungry, and you’re settling for the first thing you can find, but it’s not good for you.
I want to give you a bigger vision for when you show up here on WEDNESDAYS. This can be a place where, regardless of your relationship status, everyone can eat and be satisfied. But you have to eat the meal that’s in front of you.
So here’s what I’d like to do as we end out time together - have a moment to receive the gift that God is giving you right now.
Psalm 16:5-6 has been a prayer that I’ve had to keep close because of how prone I am to want what I don’t have. Take a few moments in your chair right now and pray through it together with God.
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.