Break the Cycle That’s Breaking Your Life

Intro

I received a facebook message from a guy from one of our past churches. I haven’t had contact with him for about 10 years. I had done some counseling with him. He had lost his family, because of his addictions to drugs and alcohol. He had been in and out of jail for years and as he was sitting in his apartment this week he decided that he was going to kill himself . He is facing eviction and and he decided that if he gets evicted he is ending his life. And as he sat and thought about ending his life he began to think about people that have loved him and have cared about him and have cared about him…and I came to his mind.

He messaged me a simple text saying… “will you sing at my funeral?” And I responded right away and asked if was okay or if he was sick. And there was no answer. And then I asked him if was planning on doing something. And he said yes, and then he gave me the two songs he wants to be sung at his funeral. And you can pray for my friend Lyle. He’s in a place I want no one in the world to every be…and that is without hope!

But when you think about it, nobody plans to mess up their lives. Right? Nobody starts our in life with the goal to screw up a relationship, or tank a marriage, to lose a job. Nobody sets out with a plan to get addicted to alcohol, or meth, or pornography. Nobody plans their own demise do they?

But people mess up their lives all the time. And when they do mess up their lives, a lot of times, other people look on and will summarize what could be months or even years or decades of unwise decisions. They'll often look on and summarize a whole season of somebody's life in one sentence. They might say, "Well, "his sex addiction was outta control and his wife left him." One sentence. Or, "Man, she started using again "and she lost her job and eventually lost her marriage." Or, "He always battled with his weight "and he ended up dying in his mid 50s of a heart attack." You see nobody really plans to mess up their life, but it happens all do it all the time. And then often what takes years or even decades, people summarize it with one sentence as if they just had one bad day. But when you think about it, it's very rare that people end up at a bad place all at once. How do people mess up their lives? They do it one bad decision, they do it one wrong step, and they do it one harmful habit at a time. One unwise decision, one wrong step, one bad habit at a time.

If you have your Bibles with you we’ll be in Judges 16 and we are going to look at a man in the Old Testament who did exactly that. He continually took step after step towards self destruction until he lost absolutely everything he had. But before we dive in let’s seek the Lord’s direction today,

Prayer

This morning we are looking at the life of Samson and to give you some a brief background about him, we see in Judges 13 that the Israelites were again doing evil in the site of the Lord so the the Lord handed them over to the Philistines for 40 years. If the word Philistine rings a bell its because you are probably familiar with the most famous Philistine of all times and that would be Goliath. We all remember Goliath the giant philistine that the shepherd boy David would sleigh with just a sling and a stone.

Here in judges we see that the Lord is going to raise up a hero for the Israelites. In Judges 13:2 we see that there was a man named Manoah and his wife’s name was Zorah and scripture says that Zorah was unable to conceive or have children. And for a woman in that day to be childless and unable to have children, it was a terrible fate. But one night the Angel of the Lord appeared to Zorah and tells her that she will conceive and have a baby boy, and that he will be a nazarite which meant he was set apart . He would be a judge and be God’s instrument to help rescue all of Israel.

And Just like he does for you, God had an incredible and powerful purpose for Samson’s life , yet Samson continually made bad decisions. He lost his strength, he lost his sight. He lost his name, and his sin would eventually cost him his life.

So How did someone with so much potential end up so broken, living a life that was completely devastated? The answer is he didn't do it all at once. What did he do? He did it one bad decision, one wrong step, one harmful habit at a time. One day, he made what was his first bad decision that led to other bad decisions that led to ongoing bad habits that led to a life of destruction.

Judges 16:1 (CSB)

1 Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute and went to bed with her.

If you read just a chapter or two over you will learn that Sampson lived in a city called Zorah. And here we read that he traveled all the way down to Gaza. It raises the thought, how does somebody with so much potential end up in enemy territory? And how does someone with so much going for them allow their life to unravel one bad decision at a time? How did someone so talented, with the Hand of God on him in such a special way, and a divine purpose on his life, end up so far from home and risk so much for so little? And the answer, he did it step by step by step for 25 miles from Zorah to Gaza, or the equivalent of 56,250 steps.

This morning I want you to understand that

Destruction always starts with one step in the wrong direction.

Think about it. Maybe for you it started as a kid when you took your first step and looked at pornography. Now 56,000 steps later, your left divorced and looking for other ways to fill the emptiness. Maybe for others it was the first time you decided a cigarette was harmless and now you’re fighting cancer. For some, you liked the way having money felt so much that you took steps towards valuing money more than you value anything else. Wherever it is that you find yourself this morning you need to know that the road to destruction always starts with one wrong step! One step! One step!

No one plans to mess up their life. No one plans to live paycheck to paycheck for year after year after year, struggling just to stay alive financially. No one dreams of doing a job that they absolutely hate, living an unfulfilled life. No one plans to have Christmas without their children. But it happens far too often. For those of you in a bad place, you never made it to your goal and you never dreamed you would find yourself in the situation you find yourself in this morning. And I want tell you this morning that it doesn't have to be this way. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Remember in week one of our series we said that

Real and lasting change isn’t behavior modification but rather spiritual transformation.

Because if we just change our behaviors without changing our hearts, the behavior tends to come back. So real and lasting change isn't behavior modification, it’s spiritual transformation. You see, we know that if we can get our hearts to be transformed, the behaviors will fall into line. In week one, we started with identity. If you remember, why do you

The reason that you do what you do, is because of what you think of you.

Scripture says that as a man thinketh…so is he.

And so in the first week, we started with our spiritual who. Who do you wanna become? Who is it that God's calling you to be? in Week 2 we said that we need to have a spiritual why behind our change. I want to be healthy because my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I want to be better with my finances so I can be freed up to give more to God’s work and we want to be able to live a life empowered by Him to accomplish the purposes that He has created us for. So a spiritual why.

Last week we talked about the spiritual what.We talked about forming godly habits. We talked about setting ourselves up successfully to have godly habits by placing cues in our lives that will create a craving which will motivate us towards actions leading to results. If you weren’t here go back and listen to the previous weeks. I have heard from so many of you that you’ve started reading your Bible, or exercising

The key question last week was this, based on who you want to become, what one habit do you need to start. Based on who you wanna become, what one habit do you need to start?

So we’ve had our spiritual who, our spiritual why, our spiritual what, and today we're gonna look at our spiritual what not. And our question for today is very, very important and I want to give you a moment to think about it.

Our question is this:

Based on who you want to become, what one habit do you need to break?

Based on who you want to become with your spiritual why…what one habit is stopping you from becoming more of who God wants you to be?

Just think about it for a moment and give yourself a second to think about what habit has been haunting you maybe for years?

And you've tried to stop before and you haven't been able to stop, and you don't know why you haven't been able to stop and you want to stop but you can't stop. Based on who you want to become, what habit do you need to break?

Write it down …what’s one habit you want to break? One habit that you have wrestled with, one sinful habit you have fought against, and haven’t gotten victory. James 1:21 says

So get rid of every filthy habit and all wicked conduct. Submit to God and accept the word that he plants in your hearts, which is able to save you.

The Bible says that we must get rid of every habit! Other translations say rid yourself of all moral filth. You want to have heart transformation…follow that patter! Get rid of sin, submit to God, and then accept and obey God’s Word.

Why do I want you to write down your sinful habits? Because

You cannot defeat what you do not define.

You will never win a victory if you do not define and identify the sin you are trying to overcome or the unhealthy habits that you are trying to overcome.

Psalm 139:23–24 (CSB)

23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. 24 See if there is any offensive way (Other translations say wicked ways)in me; lead me in the everlasting way.

Most of us we’ve got these really, really good intentions don’t we! We are great at setting goals, great at saying what we want to do and want we want to look like in every aspect and area of our lives but it’s the follow-through that’s not good isn’t it.

This raises an important question. Why are good habits really difficult to start And why is it that bad habits are really difficult to break?

Let’s start with starting good habits. Why is it that good habits are difficult to start? Because

The pain is now but the payoff is later.

If you're gonna have a good habit, it's going to be difficult now.

Last week I put it out there that one of my goals is to run a half marathon this year. So I have tried to give myself some cues like we talked about last week. I put my running stuff together, and it causes me to see it and it creates that craving that we talked about last week to go running. And so Gunner my black lab and I went running a few times. And guess what?

The morning after my first initial run my thought was not “I’m ready” “I got this!” I should just register for the full marathon! That is not what happened! You got to be kidding me! I was soar! I hurt! I got out of bed and my first thought was…I am too old to run. And my muscles were experiencing pain!

And it’s the same thing with starting new habits. Anytime you start a new habit like coming to church every week, guess what? You are going to think you are in pain and it’s messing up your schedule, and you don’t have time for that. But as you become faithful, and you come to church, and you do life with people, and you receive encouragement from those around you and you experience intimacy in your relationship with the Lord I promise you the payoff far outweighs your so called current inconvenience.

Whatever area it is in your life where God wants you to begin a new habit, the pain is now, but the payoff is later. But you’ll never receive the blessing of the payoff if you never go through the pain, or difficulty or the challenge of what God is asking you to do.

Good habits are difficult to start because

The pain is now but the payoff is later.

So what about bad habits? Why is it that bad habits are difficult to break? And the answer is the reverse. Because with bad habits,

The payoff is now and the pain comes later.

If you know me, you know I absolutely love chocolate cake and ice cream. And on my birthday I always requests chocolate cake. My grandma had the greatest recipe and I like my chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and vanilla ice cream. And I don’t eat my chocolate cake and ice cream on a plate. No, I put it in a bowl. And then I pour just the right amount of milk into the bowl and with my fork and crush it all up and mix it all up together and if it’s too soupy you have to add a little more cake to get the perfect texture and if you’ve never done it, don’t be hatin’ on me because its the greatest taste your mouth will ever experience this side of heaven! And in tastes really, really good in the moment. But if that’s my diet and thats what Im eating oh the payoff is amazing now…but the pain will come later when I have diabetes, or can’t fit into my clothes. Or I can’t play with my kids, or I might have a heart attack because of the way I eat now.

And it’s the same thing with whatever sin or moral filth you are trying to rid yourselves of this morning.

Most people don't ruin their lives all at once. They do it one bad habit, one bad decision at a time. One small step at a time in the wrong direction. Based on who you wanna become, what one bad habit do you need to break?

If you were with us last week , we talked how to start a good habit? And we said anytime we want to start a new habit we want to make it as easy as possible. And you have to set up cues in your life that build a craving for the result of the desired habit.

Now in order for us to break a habit we're gonna do the opposite. We're not gonna make it easy, we're gonna make it difficult. And in order to break a bad habit

How do you break a bad habit?

You Remove the cue.

We have to remove the cue, because we're always cued to do something. Good or bad.

Proverbs 4:14–15 (CSB)

14 Keep off the path of the wicked; (don’t look at, don’t consider it, don’t even take a step in that direction don’t proceed on the way of evil ones. (Don’t proceed carries the assumption that you’ve already taken your first step doesn’t it. Maybe thats you this morning and you have taken that first initial step towards it, and maybe today God’s Word’s word for you is “Stop” Don’t proceed!) 15 Avoid it; don’t travel on it. Turn away from it, and pass it by.

The Bible says there if you are being tempted there is another road you can travel.

1 Corinthians 10:13b (CSB)

He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.

So let me give you a personal example from my own life. When we first started out in ministry we lived in the Philadelphia area and up until then I had not really come to know the greatness of a place called Dunkin Donuts.

It just so happened that I fell hard, I fell deeply in love with their large Ice Caramel latte. Back then it was just Mason, and Hudson so as I was dropping the boys off at day care on my way to church I would turn left off of our street towards the church and about 2 miles down on the right was our Dunkin Donuts. And after having making one stop at Dunkin Donuts soon my habit became going through the Dunkin drive through every morning on the way to drop the kids off at preschool. And over the span of a few years i had gained thirty pounds.

And so here’s what removing the cue looks like. Instead of going driving the route that leads to Dunkin, you take a turn and you avoid even driving down that road. Turn from going in that direction, avoid it, don’t travel on it. Because something so small like driving a different route to work in the morning can make a big change in your life!

There's always a cue. If you want to break a bad habit, you remove the cue. If you wanna stop what you do, you remove the cue. Get the phone outta your room. Put the computer in a public place in your home. Don’t drive by the liquor store. Don’t walk down the isle where your go to alcoholic beverage is. For some of you, your cue is going to be much bigger. Friends! Some of you need a different set of friends because every time you’re with them, you choose to follow what they do. Whatever you are struggling with, you have to remove the cue!

Take it away, remove the cue.

In the last few moments we have what I wanna do is show you five of the most common cues so you can recognize very specifically when your spiritual enemy will tempt you and when you become most vulnerable to being cued to do the things that you don't want to do.

The Five Most Common Cues

Places

Times

Moods

Moments

People

First of all is when you go to certain places, you're cued…You're triggered to act in a certain way. There are certain places that will trigger you to do the wrong thing. If your’e struggling with alcohol, don’t go to the bar. Don’t even go down that isle at the store. If you struggle with over eating. It might not be the best thing for me to go to the all you can eat buffet. You with me.

The places we go matter. Think about Samson. Samson didn't sleep with a prostitute in his hometown. He took 56,250 steps away from there where he was in the enemies territory. Where is your enemies territory? Wherever that is for you, Just don’t go there! It’s not worth it.

Stay away from those places.

Maybe your cues aren’t places but times.

You'll notice that you'll often generally do the wrong things at similar times. For example, if you have a battle of looking at pornography, my guess is most of you don't look at pornography in the morning when you're doing your YouVersion Bible app. It's probably not the time of day you do it. It's probably late at night when you're tired, when you're mad about something, when you're worn down and when you need something to distract you. Exam your habits and look for the similarity in the times. You’ll be surprised.

These cues are all so very powerful but how many of you know that your Moods. will get everyone of us. There’s a great acrostic that spells out H.A.L.T. and here is what it stands for.

It stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired, and these are the moments when you're most vulnerable. You're vulnerable when you're hungry. When you're lonely late at night or when you're tired. So be on guard against the moods you may find yourself.

What about the people you do life with? One of the strongest tempting factors in our lives is the people that we're around.

Studies show that the closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to have the same habits as a person that you're around.

Proverbs 13:20 (CSB)

20 The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.

Be careful who are you are spending time with. If you don’t want to end up looking like them, you probably shouldn't be spending the majority of your time with them.Parents, be careful who you allow your children to play with, hang out with, and even date.

As we wrap up this morning I want to make one statement and I want to follow it up with a question. The statement is this.

The habits you have today will shape who you become tomorrow.

And as you walk out and head on your way, My question for you is this. Looking at who God wants you to become. Holding your life up to who scripture says you should be.

Do you like the direction your habits are taking you?