Much Ado About Divorce and Oaths

A Disclaimer

Today’s message is a difficult one. Pastors don’t look for topics to make their parishioners uncomfortable.

But there are several truths operating today outside of the text.

One, is that most families in America today are affected by divorce.

Maybe you are here today and have been directly affected by divorce. Your parents decided to split. Or you have a child that walked away from their marriage or was left by their spouse. You are not alone. I have family members who are divorced and I’m sure you do too.

Or you recall the day that you decided not to be married anymore. It was just too hard. You could not get cooperation on the treatment of the issues. Or you just did not have the energy to overcome to distance and isolation felt.

These are painful scenarios. And it is not my intention to bring up old feelings of anger, mistreatment, resentment or regret. But it is my purpose to preach the whole counsel of God. And so we come to the next stop in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and see His comments on divorce and oaths.

We first learn that...

Divorce is a result of at least one hardened heart towards God and marriage.

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

If you are here and have gone through a divorce, my words are not meant to give you more pain. And if you have remarried, my words are not to make you feel guilty or make you second guess your marriage of today. My purpose is to offer grace, understanding and warning.

I appreciate what John Stott said in reference to the subject of divorce:

“There is almost no unhappiness so poignant as the unhappiness of an unhappy marriage, and almost no tragedy so great as the degeneration of what God meant for love and fulfilment into a non-relationship of bitterness, discord and despair.” (Stott, 92)

Popular artist Peter Cetera wrote about his own divorce in his 1992 song “Even a Fool Can See.”

One big happy family Together the rest of our lives As far as our friends were concerned Everything seemed right But that's when she told me She said me it was time to move on Just something that she kept inside That told me the thrill was gone And now I can't believe I can't believe it's over Suddenly it's plain to see She's leaving me and Even a fool can see There's nothing left between us I knew all along something was wrong But I did my best to deny it And now I can't go home She wants to be alone so Tell anyone who misses me that I'm alright Even a fool can see.

According to Jesus, in this confined context, adultery was a permissible reason for divorce. Was it the only reason? No. But Jesus is limiting the context for His own purposes.

H.L. Ellison states: “(Adultery) was a fundamental sin against the family, and so against society, and carried the death penalty with it.” (Ellison, 145).

Within the first century debate about divorce, there were two schools of thought. The school of Rabbai Shammai (or the hardliner) and the school of Rabbai Hillel, who was more lax towards this.

The school of Hillel taught that a man could divorce his wife if she burned his food or met someone more beautiful. Whereas the followers of Shammai said that divorce was a great sin and must be avoided. One was rigid and the other lax. But the reason behind it is a question of permission, whereas Jesus was decidedly pro marriage.

Stott adds: “The Pharisees called Moses’ provision for divorce a command; Jesus called it a concession to the hardness of human hearts.” (John R.W. Stott, The Message of the Sermon on the Mount, 94.)

And there is a difference, no? The world turns an allowance into a command. Whereas we in the kingdom of God need to realize that there are serious ramifications to dissolving your marriage, especially when it is not for good reason.

H.L. Ellison points out that Jesus words are for those who are disciples. These words are for the Christian. He states: “Christ’s saying on divorce has caused so much controversy, that we must confine ourselves to a statement of facts. Jesus was addressing people whose characters are depicted in 5:3-10. He was not placing the unregenerate Gentile under greater restrictions than had already been laid on the Jew.” And so we must look at the context that Jesus makes this statement. Who are his hearers? Those who belong to the kingdom of God. Christians ought to be serious about marriage.

They taught us in seminary that there are only three and sometimes four reasons for divorce.

One, is abuse. I have counseled women to divorce their husbands when there was abuse involved, especially physical abuse. It is better for one to leave, than to stay and be hurt.

Then there is abandonment. After urging his readers to stay married and be faithful to one another, Paul turns his attention to the case of those who are in spiritually mixed marriages and so adds in 1 Corinthians 7:15

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV

15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Then there is adultery. When a trust is broken where one has given themselves to another physically, it is a wound that is rarely healed. Jesus says divorce is permissible, not prescribed.

And finally, in some cases, addiction. When one loves his slavery to a substance, more than their spouse, sometimes it calls for a divorce. If children or a spouse are unsafe because of someone’s dependency, then it may be time to move on.

But divorce is characteristic of living in sinful, loveless world. I heard someone once say that divorce is one of the most subtle forms of child abuse. When children, who look upon mom and dad as a source for strength and stability, and yet don’t find the reassurance that they desperately need, then they are left wondering: “Was it something that I did that caused Mom and Dad to split? Was their something I could have done to keep this from happening.”

A word to the troubled, I offer the following:

Don’t give up.

See a counselor. Get in a healthy frame of mind.

Pray for your marriage. And do not let your pride stand in the way of what God might do.

Finally, don’t abandon the hard work of resolving your differences. Without knowing your situation or that of your loved ones entirely, I do think that Christians ought to practice a lot more of Colossians 3:12-14 which states:

Colossians 3:12–14 ESV

12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

And remember Jesus’ admonishment to forgive in Matthew 6:14-15:

Matthew 6:14–15 ESV

14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

And if you are preparing for marriage, do not cohabitate with your significant other.

In 2002, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report based on a nationwide survey of 10,847 women. They found that twenty percent of first marriages end in divorce or separation within five years while forty-nine percent of premarital cohabitation relationships end within that same time frame. When these time frames are extended to ten years sixty-two percent of cohabitation relationships breakup, while just thirty-three percent of first marriages end. (CDC Press Release, July 24, 2002)

We have a hard time forgiving those who have wronged us. But to ask how many times to forgive, is to ask how many times to love. Secondly...

Christians must be people who love and practice the truth. Honesty is a virtue.

Matthew 5:33–37 ESV

33 “Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

A question was posed to me recently by a good brother:

“Hey Pastor Dave, I wanted to reach out and ask your opinion on the portion in the Sermon on the Mount regarding oaths . In my study Bible in the footnotes on the passage there isn't much in the way of assistance regarding the meaning and target of the passage.

My question is a bit specific; does this passage particularly forbid swearing an oath on the Bible in, for example, a courtroom context? It's a bit timely for me in that I'm slated to report for jury duty next month and I'd like to better understand this by then.”

This is how I answered him: I think the explanation found in the New Geneva Study Bible is good. It says:

“Some have understood Jesus’ prohibition of oaths to be universal, but Jesus Himself submitted to oath in Matthew 26:63, and Paul invoked God as his witness in Romans 1:9. God Himself takes an oath so that we might be encouraged in Hebrews 6:17.

Jesus is addressing a narrow and misleading legalism that required a specific oath to make spoken words binding. The implication of such an approach to honesty is that we do not need to be truthful except under oath. Jesus demands an integrity of speech as though everything were under oath. He also prohibited the implicit idolatry of swearing by anything less than God.” (New Geneva Study Bible, 1512).

I do believe that a courtroom setting is permissible to take an oath. In such a case, we are obeying the governing authorities, as Paul prescribes in Romans 13:1-2. I think the instruction in Matthew 5 is to be honest and cultivate the habit of being a truth-teller.

Jesus is not addressing a courtroom, but one’s tendency to add something to his sense of truth and honesty because his word is not good enough. And there are many opportunities for this, like the following:

Being honest on your tax filing;

Present a truthful identity on a job application, etc.;

Do not manipulate the truth;

Follow through with your word.

What Jesus is saying goes hand in glove to what God said in Exodus 20:16: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

Being devoted in marriage and speaking and living the truth are made possible because of the Holy Spirit in you. If you are a Christian, these are non-negotiable.

Caspar Schwenckfeld spoke of the new man in this way:

“The ways of our poisoned old nature are cast down, so that we forsake that physical worldliness in us, and by (Jesus), our hearts are changed, filled with the Holy Spirit, and transformed into a new spiritual existence based on Christ. This must be spiritually fulfilled if we should be born the children of God.” (Caspar Schwenckfeld, Eight Writings on Christian Belief, ).

Conclusion

Things bought at garage sales don’t usually end up on the evening news, but a Chinese bowl bought by a New York family in 2007, became famous in April of 2013. The new owners paid just three dollars for what turned out to be a bowl from the Northern Song Dynasty that was more than one thousand years old. Until someone told them what they really had, the family had the bowl stuck on the mantle over their fireplace. When they placed the bowl with Sotheby’s Auction House for sale, it was estimated to go for approximately $200,000. Instead a dealer from London purchased it for more than $2,000,000!

Why would the first owners sell something so valuable for just $3? The answer is that they didn’t appreciate what it was worth. We may shake our heads at that, but the truth is that every day men and women give up things far more valuable than money could buy for something that is ultimately worthless.

Let us be a people that love marriage and the truth and be known for both. Amen.