Dating and Relationships
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10 And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
11 And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
12 And he said, O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.
Introduction
Introduction
Over the years the customs and traditions regarding courtship and marriage have changed.
Some examples:
• The Brahmans of southern India have traditionally prohibited a younger brother from marrying before an elder brother. So when a suitable bride can’t be found for the senior sibling, he may be ceremonially married to a tree, leaving the younger brother free to take a wife.
• Instead of exchanging rings with the groom, in old Anglo-Saxon wedding ceremonies the bride passed her shoes to her groom, who then tapped her on the head with one of them.
• In colonial days, A Boston sea captain named Kemble was sentenced to spend two hours in the stocks for kissing his wife in public on Sunday, the day he returned from three years at sea.
• An old Kentucky law states that a wife can’t move the furniture in the house without her husband’s permission. But then a man in Kentucky has restrictions too: he can’t legally marry his wife’s grandmother.
• A kiss can last no longer than one second, according to an ordinance in Halethorpe, Maryland.
• …among northern Siberians, lice-throwing was a customary manner for a woman to declare her interest in a man and indicate that she was available for marriage.
• The custom in ancient Rome was to break the wedding cake over the head of the bride. And only those children of women who abided by this custom were legally eligible to hold high government office.
Miller Clarke, “Matrimonial Minutiae, Partnership, January-February, 1988
In the Message we have our own customs. From church to church, from house to house, and it can be bewildering and scary.
Customs change but the Word of God abides forever.
What exactly does the Bible say about dating?
The answer in a literal sense, of course, is “not much.”
Rebekah, Esther and Ruth
(Song of Solomon is a married couple)
So dating, or even courtship the way we do it, is a modern invention.
There is much in the Scripture, especially in the story of Isaac and Rebekah, that tells a person who to marry.
Very little is said about how, much is said about who.
We had a prophet in this day who did say a few things about proper relationships between unmarried young men and women, as well as guidelines for Scriptural relationships.
Respect the Family Rules
Respect the Family Rules
The Bible gives the complete responsibility for children’s training to their parents.
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
A lot of trouble in the teenage years could be avoided if we had corrected our child’s behaviour while they where young.
13 Withhold not correction from the child: For if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
A young man or woman should completely obey the rules parents set regarding chaperones, curfews, phone limitations etc. If you can’t obey the parents rules, stay away.
It’s a parents responsibility to set these rules for their kids, and provide consequences if they are broken.
But to face up to responsibilities, sometimes it takes the very hide off of us, to do that. As a father, to face up the responsibility, to give your child a whipping. Them little fellows, you don’t want to do that.
But as a father or a mother, you’ve got to face the responsibility of raising that child, because the Bible said, “Spare the rod and you’ll spoil your son.” And that still stands good in the sight of every psychologist there is in the world. That still remains God’s Truth.
If there had been more of that practiced, we wouldn’t have had so much juvenile delinquency and stuff, and the rot we got in the world today. 65-0217 - "A Man Running From The Presence Of The Lord"
You talk about some of the ignorance of Kentucky, talk about that state that I come from, the ignorance of those people down there, I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder.
Let one of their daughters come in of a morning with her hair all twisted up, and manicure over her face, all night long with some little Ricky with a flattop haircut, I tell you, she’ll know the next time she goes out…a barrel slat, or a limb off of a hickory there, and just skin her down.
And I tell you, you all talking about juvenile delinquency, there’s so many papers talking about it. I think it’s parent delinquency.
If you were to have the old Golden Rule hanging on the wall with them ten commandments hanging on it, take a young’n out there, and shuck him down a little bit, you wouldn’t have so much. And saying, “Poor little Ricky, you’re nice. He didn’t mean to do bad, Martha.” She needs a good beating, is what she needs.
The Bible said, “Spare the rod, you spoil your child,” and that’s exactly right. You’ll never find nothing any better. 62-0721 - "Behold, A Greater Than Solomon Is Here"
With that said, don’t make rules that make no sense, change from day to day, are unfair, arbitrary, impossible to carry out, or you wouldn’t do yourself.
You don’t want to be a Pharisee to your children.
4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
You have to know when to commit them to God.
(Rebekah’s rebellion)
So then, a few days after that her mother got after her for something, and she sassed her. Now, that’s not Rebekah at all. Took off and slammed the door, and almost knocked the things off the wall, went to school.
Now, I ought to have, seemingly, just taken my belt off, and followed her out there in the yard, and brought her back with warps around her. See? But I thought, “Wait a minute, I got to think eighteen-year-old thoughts.” See?
“Now,” I said, “Mother, I know that…” She started crying, Meda. I said, “I know you done all you can do; I done all I can do. Now, if it’s out of our hands, we have to take the next step.”
(They talked for awhile)
I said, “Meda, take your hands off.” “Me? That’s my kid!” I said, “Isn’t it mine too?” All right. I said, “If she was dying this morning, you’d have to commit her to God for her eternal destination. Why can’t we commit her to God now for her earthly journey?”
And she said, “Well, that’s my kid!” I said, “It’s mine too.” I said, “Now, can you take your…” “Me not say nothing to her?”
I said, “I never said that. We’ll quit scolding her, just advise her. She needs a buddy, and you’re the one to be her buddy, you and I. We’re her parents.”
These kids today needs a buddy. If they had a mother and father would stay home and take care of them, instead of out here in a barroom running around all night and things like that, wouldn’t have a juvenile delinquency. 64-0823M - "Questions And Answers #1"
390. Brother Branham, what activities should our preteen children participate in. Also, how should we go about helping them select their associates?
Keep them in Christian company as long as you possibly can. If it’s a girl, keep her with Christian girls; Christian boys, vice versa. If she’s old enough to go with a boy, see that she keeps with the right kind of a boy. Discourage her to any boy otherwise, or boy to a girl.
If she’s going with an unbeliever, try to encourage her to go with a believer, and vice versa. Make your home nice.
Make your home a place where your daughter or son will not be ashamed to bring their company before their father and mother, and into their house; and make home so happy that they’ll be pleased in their home to stay there. 64-0830E - "Questions And Answers #4"
Don’t make so many rules that home feels like a jail.
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Don’t treat your kids worse than your business associates.
Treat Your Friends Honorably
Treat Your Friends Honorably
Treat them like someone else’s future spouse, especially when you are too young to get married, or not ready.
Never be alone with a person of the opposite sex in a private setting. (This goes for older people too.)
Many times I’d go to houses and there are women standing out there. And I go to the house, knock on the door, and a sister would come to the door, “Come in, Brother Branham.” If her husband is not there, ’less it’s a case of sickness and somebody with me, I don’t go.
And then they call me to a hospital, or to a room, say, “Brother Branham, come over here. I’m Sister So-and-so from So-and-so. I’m here at the hotel. I brought my mother along. She is sick.” I take my wife. If I don’t, I take some other brother.
I think it would be all right for me to go in there, but what if somebody seen me go in there? See? What if somebody seen me do it? See? Then, the first thing you know, they would say, “He went in there where that woman was. He is chasing after women.”
That, see, that would be a thing I shouldn’t do. See? You should never do anything like that, ’cause you put a stumbling in somebody else’s way. See? I don’t believe that I would do anything wrong in there.
Would, I would, and trust God to go in there. No matter what the thing was, I would trust God. But, yet, see, and I love the Lord well enough till I wouldn’t do it.
See? It’s a love you have. You, you’ll not do it because it’s a duty to do it. You do it because you love the Lord. You don’t have do it, but you do it, anyhow. 62-0601 - "Taking Sides With Jesus"
12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
23 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
Slow Down, and Marry the Right One
Slow Down, and Marry the Right One
You don’t need to chase boys when you’re 10 years old, or for that matter, anytime.
God will lead you to the right one. Don’t be influenced by Hollywood. Don’t let a preacher arrange your marriage. You have a responsibility yourself to find the mind of the Lord.
Slow down.
Jealousy has no place in a friendly relationship.
Virtual Relationships
Virtual Relationships
So I knowed better than to stop outside and blow the horn for her to come out. Oh, my! And any boy that hasn’t got nerve enough to walk up to the house and knock on the door and ask for the girl, ain’t got no business being out with her anyhow. That’s exactly right. That’s so silly. That’s cheap. 59-0419A - "My Life Story"
You should talk to her father, or if their is no father to her mother or her pastor before texting or messaging one on one on a regular basis.
My thoughts as a dad and a pastor:
My kids have no business on social media. You can’t control it, how do you expect your 12 year old to control it?
Little children have no business with an internet connected phone.
If your child won’t obey the rules at someone else’s house, don’t be surprised if they never get invited back.
Be careful who they hang out with at youth camps. If possible, send them with a group from the church.
Slow down emotionally.
If you tell someone you love them, you’d better mean it. I’d expect a ring soon. Don’t get too close to someone you aren’t serious about.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
That’s for just dirty living. Instead of a man, a boy, girl, or something or another when they’re going together and they know that they should be married, go ahead and get married. I think you understand what I mean, don’t you? See? Don’t just live a dirty little life there, ’cause it’s not right. You see?
That’s your sister in one sense, where if you’re a Christian. Now, if it’s the world, it’s the world: dog eat dog. But this girl that you’re going with, that’s your sister too. That will be the mother of your children that will come.
Don’t live a dirty little life around her, show that you’re a real Christian gentleman. Live like a Christian gentleman ought to. See? And treat her like your sister, and when you get married, still treat her that way. 64-0830M - "Questions And Answers #3"
If you’ve had a problem with pornography marriage won’t cure that. It warps your sense of right and wrong. Almost all television today would be taboo in any other culture or at any other time in this culture. Stay off instagram, get your mind right.
It’s almost a public adultery, today, right before you. I went to a certain place the other night, to get something to eat, and the little boys and girls up there hugging and kissing like I don’t know what.
And do you know, my little sister, that that’s potentially an adultery? When a man kisses you, he has potentially committed adultery with you. You should never let him kiss you until you’re married, for the glands, both male and female glands, is in the lips.
Do you understand? And when male and female glands come together, let it be where it may be, you have potentially committed adultery.
And you shouldn’t let a boy kiss you until that veil is raised on your face and you’re his wife. Don’t do that! It’s committing adultery. It’s mixing male and female glands. 64-0614E - "The Oddball"
Slow down, you have time.
A couple questions I’ve been asked.
Is it okay for me to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Is it okay for me to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
This is me as a Pastor and a Dad.
That’s up to each parent, but I’m okay with that, as long as you know what that means. You can call each other turnips for all I care.
Being someones boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t make you attached, a couple, or give you the right to move in together. That’s fornication.
If you want to get to know someone, in a public place, when parents or responsible adults are there, that’s fine. Church is a great place to do that. Youth camps as well.
Learn to talk to girls without it getting weird. Adults, stop putting pressure on kids to be a couple. Let them find the mind of the Lord for themselves.
Is it okay to date someone who is not a believer?
Is it okay to date someone who is not a believer?
Why would you?
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And no believer should ever marry an unbeliever, under no circumstances. Should always marry believers. 59-0125 - "Be Certain Of God"
Who is an unbeliever, for the purpose of marriage? Anyone who doesn’t believe the present truth, the message of the hour.
Don’t mix marry. Marry a boy that believes just exactly like you do. For, after all, God is the main important thing that we are in the earth to do, is to serve Him. And if you do marry or anything contrary to That, you’ll pay for it in the days that lays ahead of you. 58-1003 - "Looking At The Unseen"
Your future spouse may be an unbeliever right now. That is entirely possible, but let them come in first, get baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, then watch their life for awhile.
You say “I’m gonna convert them once we’re married”. If you are not a strong enough Christian now to refuse to date an unbeliever, what makes you think you’ll be strong enough to bring them to church once you’re married?
You’ll end up like Ahab, with a Jezebel.
It is completely unfair to a girl/boy to get their hopes up when you know you can’t marry them because of the difference in belief. Pray for the person let them get saved, but in the meantime, keep your distance. You’re being unfair to the boy/girl and to yourself.
Parents: Kids are going to marry who they are around. Keep them in Christian company. Do what it takes.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Customs may have changed, but remember there is someone that God has for you. It’s okay to have friends and get to know people, but save yourself emotionally and physically for your Rebekah, your Isaac. You’ll be so glad you did.
Just love God with all your heart, soul, body and mind. He’ll provide what you need for life’s journey.
I want to Live the Way He wants me to live.