My Wife's funeral notes

Sandy, My companion

On February 08, 2024 at approximately 11:30 am, my companion of 31 years requested my assistance for the last time. It was my duty as well as my distinct honor to try and help as I did countless times before. However, this time I was not able to help.

On behalf of the family, I want to express my thanks and great appreciation for each and every single person that has reached out during this most traumatic season. Every visit, every call, every text has meant the world!

For myself, I have had hundreds of people reach out from every time period during the walk of my life . I was talking to my mother and daughters about the tremendous outpouring of condolence and comfort. It was overwhelming and so so needed! I have been blessed by meeting and knowing some of the greatest people walking on this earth. Thank you from the depths of my heart. It has been so therapeutic answering each text and call. From my viewpoint, not one visit, text, or contact has been a bother. They were all needed and greatly appreciated.

There have been friends of Sandy that have reached out to me. Friends that have stuck with her through thick and thin for years. My heart overflows with gratitude for those of you that meant so much to her and have uplifted her so much with your friendship and prayer. You will never know how much it meant to her. Just know that she CHERISHED!!!!! each and every one of you that lifted her up and stuck with her as a friend through the dark times.

She loved her family! Her greatest joys and sources of pride were our 2 daughters and our 3 grandsons. My two darling daughters had the unenviable task of going through albums and boxes of pictures that if it were not for Sandy we would not have had in the first place. While digital photos are wonderful, there is something about going through old memories that you can hold in your hand. One of them made the remark that nearly every time that a genuine happy smile was captured in a photo, there was some other member of her family in the picture. There were pictures in which we knew that she was in considerable pain but beaming at the family member in the picture.

Girls, know that the reason for her many many calls was that she loved you tremendously and wanted to be involved in every day of your lives. Boys, know that she loved you with all of her heart! She wanted to be around you all the time. Girls and Boys, you were her life.

The last few years I have had the distinct honor of serving this lady and walking down all of the corridors of mental, emotional, and physical pain that we had to walk, hand in hand. My main objective was to let her see the love of God role modeled in me. Jesus said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you, but will be with you all the way. As my wonderful daddy said over and over, Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever. We can depend on him. He is God yet he came in the role of a servant. So I served. I wanted to let her know that neither Jesus nor I had ever given up on her. I wanted more than anything to introduce the companion of my life to the God that so dearly loved us both.

When we were married, within 23 months we had both of our precious daughters. That was a huge adjustment in our lives as we had to make a home for our new family. I dont remember what we used as a christmas tree. Im sure it was something really cheap, or really old. At this time, Sandy’s mother had a bee-you-tee-ful tree. It came from one of those fancy dancy places like Sears, or JCPenney, or Belk! its branches spread out majestically and full and it was so beautiful! it was fantastic and commanded the admirable gaze of anyone that came into the room. Our little trees seemed so pitiful. Both our parents would come and sit around our pitiful little tree as we gave our gifts to our girls.

When our girls were 3 and 4, and amazing thing happened in our lives. My dear mother in law decided to get a new tree and SHE GAVE US HER OLD ONE! Oh, we were in hog heaven. We had a fancy dancy tree! I was overwhelmed at this grand gesture. We would never have purchased anything like this fancy tree!

When Christmas came around, we both put it up and were so proud! We had a beautiful tree. Friends and family that came in during Christmas and remarked about how good the tree looked. We were so proud. It looked so good both by itself and with the presents around it. Our little girls only remembered this tree. They gathered under it year after year. As they got older, my oldest daughter began a tradition where she made an new ornament for the tree every year. We got ornaments from special occasions from the girls lives many of the home made with little paintings or made out of clothspins or something. Every year we would put up the tree and then put all of these ornaments with memories of our family on this tree.

Year after year, we would invite family over to watch our children celebrate their Christmas. Both sets of Grandparents and sometimes other family members would gather around this tree and laugh and enjoy this Christmas. As the years passed the tree started to fray and lose some needles. Sandy said Stephen, we really need to get a new tree! I would say something like Your mother gave us this tree and I like it. So we kept the tree.

When our daughters were 9 and 10, Jesus wonderfully extended me grace, I repented of my sins, God filled me with the Holy Ghost and our lives changed. We began singing Happy Birthday Jesus and telling about the wonderful story of Christmas. I wanted more than anything to introduce the companion of my life to the God that so dearly loved us both.

It was just a few very short years and Sandy’s health began to deteriorate. I would get the tree out and begin putting it up and Sandy would be so physically sick or exhausted that she said I just dont feel like putting it up and cleaning up. I say cleaning up because this tree began to lose its needles. Every year, it would become more and more of a chore to clean up the needles after we straightened out the branches knocking more and more off. It was under this tree as I put it up, that I looked at her and made the commitment that no matter how bad things got She would not have to worry about the tree. I got it out every year. If she felt like it she would assist, if not i would do it alone. Year after year both Sandy’s health got worse and that poor tree looked worse and worse.

But now we had a new generation, the 3rd one that had gathered around this tree, our wonderful grandsons brought life and excitement to the process. They would help me put it up. They would make ornaments and we would add those to the ones we had. There were so many ornaments eventually we couldnt even see the tree. That became their thing, Helping me with a lifetime of ornament memories. This is the only tree that my grandson’s have ever know at my house. To them the mess and the needles laying around after getting it put up are just a part of it. Seeing each of their faces as they have sang happy birthday to you, to Jesus has been wonderful. Sandy would always participate in the putting up and decoration if she felt like it at all. If not she would sit in there and watch while me and the boys put up the ornaments. Sometimes our girls would be there to help and I would play the Christmas music as we all put up the tree and decorated it. Afterwards cleaning up the mess.

So many years, so many memories. This is the only tree my daughters and grandsons remember at my house. As time went on, my daughters would say things with my wife about we need to get a new tree. This one is done. I have always rejected this idea. We are that family! We have a raggedly old tree that most folks would have thrown away years ago. It has become a running joke. Sandy got a little charlie brown tree and put it up in another room. Said it matches our other one.

The last few years have been extremely difficult as things have continued to turn in the wrong direction. As time passed, I found myself in some years putting up the old tree alone of course the boys would help with the decorations but i did the tree alone. I would carefully straighten out each branch trying to be careful to not knock off any more needles and then would clean up the huge mess once I was done.

This past christmas was such a year. Due to Sandy’s advancing pain and more frequent medical necessities, i put the tree up alone. Inside the case there were SO MANY needles! I was extremely careful dealing with the branches. I had to get a broom and sweep each time i put up a branch I had such a huge pile that more than filled up the dust pan. I had located some of the old type glass bulb teardrops colored lights in my travels and I mixed these in with our standard white lights. I waited until I could get the boys over and Sandy was feeling pretty good that day so she, and I, the girls and grandsons hung all of these ornament memories one by one on this old tree.

We covered this tree with all of our accumulated ornament memories and I added some ribbons. This tree was covered! FULL! Branches hanging with so much on them! I turned on the lights along with the new ones and just looked at it in the darkness. What I saw was a very old beat up tree that was covered in memories and ribbons that had been placed there by Sandy, myself, my girls, and my grandsons and behind all these shined these beautiful new/old lights illuminating each memory. I saw something that was alive with memories and full of light. What an amazing transformation! Simply unimaginable.

My wife and I have walked some very painful, lonely, hard roads in the last few years. Many trials and hard times faced by this woman and I together. I told her. Though all others turn aside, I will be by you. When this occured, I wanted this service to be here in this church, OUR CHURCH!. It was there that I repented amidst the needles falling every where and God cleaned up the mess. IT was there in that baptistery that I chose to be rebaptized. It was here that I brought Sandy anytime that I could get her to come.

Now comes the good part. A few months ago, my dear wife had another situation arise that caused a massive loss of needles. This hit her very hard and she realized that she could not change herself, she could not will her self to do or be anything new. It was here in this church, with you people that accepted her in and loved her, that she repented among a pile of needles. She wanted to be baptized in Jesus name and though she was unsteady and very sick, I carefully guided her up those stairs making sure that neither she nor I slipped on the pile of pine needles littering the steps. I stood at the top of those stairs and watched my sweet pastor bury the old woman in Jesus name.

Since that time period, Sandy has been very sick and we have walked down many roads filled with endless days and nights of pain. During the days and nights she was constantly talking to God. She would ask me to pray for her sometimes 3 or four times a day. Together we would pray and she would pray. She often said she didnt know how to pray, but she would talk to God continually. She became so patient, so loving, so caring. If you missed the last few months of her life, you didnt know here at her best! Most nights she would wind up on the couch, just rocking and swaying in extreme pain and talking to God. Often times she would call me and say Stephen help me. I would comfort her as best I could, administer what aid I could.

She wanted to be with me as much as possible. She only trusted me to drive her, care for her, to help her. If she could drag at all she came to church, and even though she barely could walk most of the time she would be the first person to the front lifting her hands in praise. She no longer cared how people viewed her. She no longer cared what they did or did not know or what they thought about it. For she now had a savior that changed everything.

Sunday my youngest daughter got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. Chloe and her husband decided to have their wedding immediately after service. There were friends and family here from all over. It was a special service and everyone knew why they were here. Maybe there wasnt as much active worship as one might expect in this church until.... my wife, wearing the same dress she had picked out for the wedding and the same dress that she is wearing today shuffled to the front here and lifted her hands in praise. People didnt quite know what to do and some people begin following her lead and worshipping all of our savior. There was such a wonderful presence of God that moved in this place.

One woman who had asked us to pray for us that she would have strength to get through the wedding, stood at the front with lifted hands and praised God. Not caring what any individual thought about her, just focused on God. You may look at her and see all of the pine needles that she has lost, see the bare branches that are no longer covered with lush greenery. Sandy has been though a lot and you make look at the pile of pine needles that she has deposited and may have even had to clean up some of those needle messes. If so, you are missing a beautiful story of a lady that is covered in memories; times with grandsons at the house, picnics wherever, lasagna, going to a lifelong friends house that had lost a son and staying with her until she could survive, being at every single activity our girls or grandsons had, phone calls etc… Those memories cover the frame of her life and cover what has been lost.

But as I stated already, the final part of the story is the new light that God placed within her. The fruit of the spirit grew with here last few weeks very quickly Galatians 5:22–23 “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” All of these were so prevalent in her last few weeks on this earth.

If you knew her during her life and missed the closing, you missed God turning on the light and the amazing result. IT WAS BREATHTAKING! She was beautiful, more beautiful than at any time in her life. The bible talks about the people of God being beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth.

I witnessed a total change in my life and in my wifes. I can stand here and tell you that IT IS NOT TOO LATE! It doesnt matter how big a mess the lost pine needles of your life have caused, nor how many people it has taken to clean them up. It doesnt matter if you are sitting here surrounded by the lost pine needles right now. It is not to late.

Jesus is still in the business of changing lives. IT doenst matter what you have done, nor how much you or others may think you have lost, I encourage you to kneel in the middle of all that you have lost and give it to Jesus. When he turns on that new light in your life, the result is simply astounding.

Isaiah 61:1–3 “1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; Because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; He hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, To give unto them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they might be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”

Sandy would want all that knew her to experience the change that she felt. May your struggles, heartaches, and life filled with pain point you to the one that can make a difference. She had called to me many times saying “Stephen, Help me!” Her last words out of her mouth were just that “Stephen, help me!” Despite the hard times, the struggles, and the pain, we were side by side even at the great divide. This time I couldnt help her, but she had laid aside the lost pine needles and reached to the one that gives not only the new light but life as well and he can and did.

He was merciful and allowed her time to reach him and to see both of her daughters in familys.

Sandy you became most beautiful that you have ever been and I love you.