Dating

Introduction

I want to take a break this week from Mark to discuss something that is on the forefront of your minds, especially today. This is talking about relationships. Now I typically talk about relationships through the lens of marriage, why is that? Because that's what the Bible talks about. Throughout history the path to marriage has been different and the Bible does not really speak to this much. We have seen in some parts of history the prominence of arranged marriages and now the prominence is on dating.

The Bible does not talk about dating and that is why it is a tough subject to teach about. Though the Bible doesn’t talk about dating that doesn't mean we can date however we want. We can take the biblical views of love and relationships and even marriage and build a framework of generally how we should go about dating. This is what I want to discuss with you today.

Now before we start I want to preface this with saying that I think you should avoid dating right now. I have held this view for a long time and even practiced it in that I personally did not start dating until college. Though I say this a lot of you will ignore me on this but I ask that you at least don’t ignore the rest of what I say. Those of you that are not going to ignore my warning and are going to head it, this information will come in helpful someday.

purpose of dating

What is the purpose of dating? The purpose of dating is marriage. The Bible speaks of relationships in terms of marriage, so when you date you should have the end goal of marriage in mind. This is the biggest reason I advise against dating at the age you all are at, you are not in a position to get married. You can say that you can wait but let me tell you it is difficult to do everything else right while waiting.

Since the end goal of dating is marriage then you can view dating as an opportunity to see if the other person is husband material or wife material. This is not only by your standards but also by the Bibles standards. When you find that they do not meet these standards then you can quit dating this person, there is no longer a reason to since they don’t meet the qualifications for your future spouse.

Here towards the end I am even going to pass out a list for you to fill in the rest of for your standards. The list will begin with a few biblical standards then will have some blank spaces.

Here is a something too that I have seen and heard horror stories about. Do not be in a relationship with a “fixer-upper” someone that you say has “potential” and they just need your help. That is a trap and you should not fall into it. If there is change that needs to be made and they want to be in a relationship with you then they should make that change first on their own. There are even stories I have heard of people thinking that the other person will change after they get married. Do not play that game.

The goal of dating should be marriage. They should meet your basic requirements for a spouse before you even start dating them and then as you are dating you can see if they meet the rest.

equally yolked

The Bible says that believers should be equally yolked with their spouse. Any guesses on what that means? It means that they should both be Christians. Not only that but they should also be on a similar lever of spiritual maturity.

This one is the most important thing when it comes to being married which it should be important when dating. If you are a Christian then you should not even consider dating an unbeliever. They should be a believer like you and of a similar spiritual maturity. This is where dating does come in handy because you can see this.

Something to be warned of too is publically stating this. Ladies if you turn down a guy saying that you only date Christians then all of the sudden he will claim to be a Christian. People outside of the faith will be deceptive so I say to not even take their word for it. The Bible tells us that they will be known by their fruits. Are they walking the Christian walk, do they say they are a Christian and actually act like it. Do not just take their word for it.

This is a big one and please listen to me here, I am not giving you this crazy comprehensive study of having a biblical relationship. I am giving you the biggest and most important things so know that this is a big deal.

In a marriage the husband is to lead like Christ, how can he do this if he is not in Christ? How can he do this if you are a more mature believer than him? Men you are to lead like Christ and your wife is to submit like the church, how is she going to do that if she is not a believer which is what makes up the church?

Do not date unbelievers because you sure shouldn’t marry them.

purity

The last thing that I want to specifically want to talk about tonight is purity. Throughout the Bible the teaching is clear that there is to be no sexual activity outside of marriage. This is not saying that sex is a bad thing, rather it is a good thing, but only within God’s design. He designed it to be between a man and a woman in the confines of marriage.

You might not have been living this way but start now with no longer doing these acts outside of marriage.

This is not to limit our fun but is intended to increase it. Whenever you take part in these acts you give part of yourself to that person. Would you rather give part of yourself to a whole bunch of people or save it and give all of yourself to the one you love most and want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you are thinking to yourself how far is to far then know this, if I were to draw a line for you you would go straight to it and eventually fall over it. The best practice is to stay away from anything questionable. Even if you think it is harmless we all know how one thing can lead to another. You need to take great precautions when it comes to your purity. Take a sibling along whenever you are together, have other friends that are likeminded around, stay in public, whatever it takes.

The teaching that goes through the Bible is that sex and all sexual behavior is to be in the confines of a biblical marriage. This grants us the most freedom and the most enjoyment of it.

Conclusion

As we end this lesson I am going to have them pass out the standards cards and give you a few moments to write down whatever came to your mind through the lesson and feel free to add to it as you read your Bible and think of things that should be a priority.

There are lots of standards put forth in the Bible that you can see and look for in a relationship. Maybe one for you could be slow to anger, or they should show the fruits of the Spirit, or regular church attendance. This could go on but write down any you have now and pray as you leave here tonight to know what some others may be.

On the top of your standards though is that they should be a Christian and that they have a high priority of purity.

Keep your standards high and remember the purpose of dating, it is with the end goal of marriage in mind. With that in mind it should steer how you date.