Relationships: Singleness

Intro:

We’ve got some more trivia tonight. Anyone have a guess how many dating apps exist online?

Did you guys know there are over 1500 dating apps/websites in existence right now, bringing in an estimated 9.2 Billion dollars by next year.

There are over 366 million users on dating apps.

42% of dating site users aim for marriage, but only 13% get engaged or married from the platform.

This is not to bash online dating, although the stats are pretty rough, but the point is this: everyone is clearly out here looking for a relationship whether in person or online because our world places a huge value on being in a relationship! Let’s be honest, I went through middle school and high school too- the reality is: If you aren’t being chased after by all the boys, or if you can’t get all the girls, then you aren’t worth anything in our world. I mean the entire super bowl was overshadowed by two people who have been dating for a few months! Our world is obsessed with everyone’s relationship status.

And last week we did talk about how important relationships are, and especially relationships that include both men and women together! But the world doesn’t care about genuine friendships, community, or fellowship. It cares about romantic relationships that get you what you want physically or networking relationships that get you ahead in the world. Our world’s obsession with relationships is all about using people to get what we want physically or to get ahead financially.

Unfortunately, in the church, many have overreacted to this unhealthy view of relationships by simply hyper-focusing in on marriage. For many Christians, they talk about marriage as if it is the end goal, the ultimate reality for life. This leads to the same feeling of being less valuable than others if you aren’t married or in a dating relationship heading towards marriage!

Now, to be clear marriage is awesome and God did design marriage to reflect Jesus’ relationship with the Church. And we will dig into the beauty and significance of marriage next week, but we have to be clear,

Marriage isn’t the goal of the christian life, God’s mission is!

Tonight we are going to lean into this struggle between the desire for relationships and the emphasis of them in our world, and the reality that marriage isn’t the goal. The main emphasis we want to get clear tonight is this:

Living out the mission of God matters more than our relationship status.

Turn with me in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 7:25-31.

As you turn there I want to give us some important context for this passage. It is a unique passage and can easily get twisted in the wrong ways.

Paul was writing to the church in Corinth and this church had a very bad reputation. They struggled with sin and compromise in the church. So, Paul often used very strong language with them and gave them very specific instructions for what they were going through. Also, in the culture at that time, there was a massive pressure to get married. Culturally, women couldn’t survive without getting married and men would have that pressure of fathers wanting them to take their daughters as their wives to provide for them. Now, place that context in the early church and you have a bunch of brand new christians together trying to follow Jesus, go share the Gospel, endure persecution and help each other survive in an ancient roman culture! that is where Paul is speaking into. So let’s read it together and examine it carefully!

1 Corinthians 7:25–31 (CSB)

Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I do give an opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is faithful. Because of the present distress, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. However, if you do get married, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But such people will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

This is what I mean, brothers and sisters: The time is limited, so from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they didn’t own anything, and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it. For this world in its current form is passing away.

Alright, let’s work our way back through that!

First, we see Paul is giving advice, not a command.

This is important. Paul is giving advice for those in the context of that church. That means what follows is not a command we HAVE to live by but wisdom that we can learn from and apply to our context today! That doesn’t diminish what he is about to say, it simply means it shouldn’t be legalistically enforced to everyone everywhere.

Then we see Paul say that he is giving this advice in the midst of their present distress.

That phrase could mean one of two things:

First, there was a historic food shortage in Corinth at that time and so Paul may be referring to the struggles of providing for a spouse in the midst of a food shortage like that!

Second, Paul may just be referring to the general period of suffering and persecution that christians can expect to go through until Jesus returns.

Most likely both can apply here. But either way, the context Paul is addressing is one that makes life difficult in general. We get that. Life is difficult.

But Paul’s point in this context is what we see next- Paul’s advice is that no one obsesses over getting into or out of a relationship. That’s verse 26.

Paul is like- hey are you married? Stay married, you are in a covenant relationship to your spouse that only death should separate.

On the flip side, he is like are you single? Don’t get married! That’s where things get interesting- Paul says it’s obviously not wrong to get married- marriage is incredible and displays the Gospel in a unique way as we will talk about next week! But Paul goes on to say- it’s not wrong to get married but married people will go through unique trouble in this life and he wants to spare them from that!

What is he talking about? Is Paul against marriage?

NO! Paul is not anti-marriage!

But he does say it is difficult. He is not saying that no one should get married but rather that whoever gets married should be ready to accept the difficulties that come with marriage.

What does he mean?

Let me try to carefully give you some examples:

Jenna and I have been together a long time and we were committed to get married from day one of us dating. This led us to 5 years of long distance and when you are that committed to someone and date long distance through college it is safe to say that is WAY harder than if we were single going through college. We each said no to certain things, had to arrange travel plans and pay for travel to see each other, and planned regular phone calls to make our relationship work all that time. Now, no we were married, but you can see some of those challenges.

BUt now, being married and thinking about ministry really gets to where Paul is talking about. So, question, you guys know my role here is Student Minister- so who is my primary ministry to? Who has God called me to minister to right now in my life first and foremost? Not you actually. My primary calling is now to my wife and then my kids. If I wasn’t married it would be to you. But you guys come after Jenna and our children!

In fact, if I neglect my wife and kids, and do an incredible job ministering to you guys, I am a total failure as a pastor according to Scripture. A husbands ministry is first to his wife and kids, then to those around him.

So, you can see how Paul would say, hey if you’re single just stay single because you can spread the Gospel, WAY more easily to way more people than if you get married.

If you are single you can spend all day and night out places if you want to meeting with people, loving and serving people well. But I can’t do that, I’d be neglecting my family and failing to disciple my children!

When you are single, your primary mission field is everywhere you go. When you are married, your primary mission field is at home.

Again, Paul is not anti-marriage, simply put-

He is getting their priorities in line. God has called us to go make disciples- if you’re single go make disciples.

If you’re married go make disciples, but you have your family to take care of and minister to first.

Paul wraps up all of this with his last few verses of the passage getting the right perspective in line.

Look back at verse 29:

1 Corinthians 7:29–31 (CSB)

This is what I mean, brothers and sisters: The time is limited, so from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they didn’t own anything, and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it. For this world in its current form is passing away.

OK, wait a minute now. Is Paul saying even if you are married to abandon your spouse and act like you’t not married? Again, NO!

Paul’s main point is the beginning and end of those verses- The time is limited, for this world in its current form is passing away!

All the things in the middle reflect Ecclesiastes where author talks about the the things of this world not satisfying or lasting long. Everything passes away in time. Paul is taking that idea and pointing ahead to Jesus’ return, when he will wipe away sin and restore all things. That’s why he says the time is limited- Jesus will return and none of the things you are worried about-including being single or married- will matter in light of what Jesus will come back to do. So, stop letting that control how you are living.

He is telling them don’t try to get out of your marriage, and don’t rush into marriage, or pressure each other into it- as was the usual back then- because he knew that shouldn’t be their main focus.

So that’s Paul’s landing point- that in light of eternity when Jesus comes back soon, our relationship status is not worth the amount of concern we give it!

Again, Living out the mission of God is matters more than our relationship status.

So, Quit stressing out over your relationship status, and start focusing on living out God’s mission.

I want to wrap up by talking about how do you make the most of the time you are single.

Marriage really is a great thing and it is good to desire to be married one day. But for now you are all single.

I spoke with our Children’s Minister Laura about this today who is single and asked her what advice she would give you guys so that whether you get married one day or not, you are a healthy Christian following Jesus!

She said a lot of great things, but her main point was this: You need to focus on who you are in Christ, because no one else will fulfill you or complete you.

She said, if you don’t understand that you will constantly try to be someone and something you aren’t to get people’s attention and that’s not the life God wants for you!

Put Simply: You need to use your singleness to explore and understand your identity and unique calling in Christ. Your time of singleness allows you to focus and figure out who you are -yourself- in Christ and understand how He wants to use you for His will on this earth.

And listen, if you do get married one day, if you haven’t worked through that process of figuring out who you are in Christ and how he is calling you to serve him uniquely- that will bring struggles and stress to your marriage until you figure that out! So, do that work NOW!

God has uniquely designed you to further His kingdom and make disciples by gifting you uniquely. And yes you then work with other people to accomplish that task and maybe God will bring you a spouse one day to partner with. But those all are complementary, and supplementary to who you are YOURSELF in Christ!

So, You need to use your singleness to explore and understand your identity and unique calling in Christ.

And Finally, You need to use your singleness to reach as many lost people as you can with the love and power of the Gospel.

I know you are busy and have school and sports and clubs and college classes and friends and family and church.

But believe it or not, your teen and young adult years are when you have the most time and influence to reach people with the Gospel- so take full advantage of it!

The second you are seriously dating someone and engaged and married- your free time and availability drops drastically and your focus has to shift to your marriage and family first!

This is a good thing but again, it’s why you all have to take the mission of God seriously now!

Especially right now in this time. God is moving in your generation. He is bringing revival and it starts with the youth every time!

We have to put away the distraction of relationships and take on the serious calling to go and make disciples!

Listen, this topic and your contentment with singleness is a huge doorway to share the gospel.

Because everyone else thinks a person will complete them, or love them perfectly, or satisfy them. BUt we all know far too well that people don’t love perfectly. We fail and fall short and hurt each other and make mistakes and get selfish or prideful… Only God’s Love is Perfect! And you get to experience that so you don’t have to chase relationships! And You get to share that truth with others so that they don’t have to keep chasing people and can start walking in God’s love for them!

That is the beauty of the Gospel for you and everyone around you.

So, let’s stop chasing relationships and start living on mission like never before!

Bow your heads with me and let’s respond together.

If you are lost- God’s love is perfect. You can turn from your sins and step into that perfect love tonight.

Christians- let’s ask God to forgive us for ways we try to look to people or relationships to satsify us.

Ask God to show you His love for you and help you understand who you are in Jesus.

Ask God to put a fire in you to go and make disciples with all of your life, especially now!

Let’s pray!