The Ninth Fruit: Self-control

Do you have self control? If you have self control in here I want you to raise your hand. Most of us would say that we have self control. The fact is that most of us have tolerance and not self control. Tolerance is the ability to put up with something. The problem is that with tolerance we all have a limit. Take stupidity for instance everyone has a tolerance for stupidity. Some people have much less tolerance than others when it comes to stupidity. We all know that person. The man or woman who says what comes to their mind with everyone they come into contact with because they have very low tolerance for stupidity. In the back of our minds sometimes we wish we could be like that person because they speak their minds and tell stupid people that they are being stupid. On the other end of the spectrum there is the person with a high tolerance with stupidity. These people are often times described as patient or self controlled. The fact is that these people may have self control but is more likely that they simply have a high tolerance for stupidity. The problem with tolerance is that it has a limit and once that limit has been reached the person becomes irrational and unstable. The more tolerance someone has generally the more dangerous it is for that person to reach their tolerance level. Self control is not able to be taught. No Mantra or counting system will help you learn self control. No anger management or other emotional learning system will teach you self control. While these programs and systems may assist you with better tolerance they cannot help you with self-control. Self-control is only given in the Holy Spirit. You will only ever find self control when you are in the spirit. Self control is something that I struggle with on a daily basis whether it be with interactions with my family, co workers, or others. My eating habits, spending habits, or other areas of my life. Self control is difficult to find because it requires being filled with the spirit constantly. This is a challenge for pastors, deacons, and all Christians no matter the length of their time in Christ. We strive for it but attaining it is nearly impossible. Turn in your Bibles today to Proverbs 25. In this passage I hope to point out what makes tolerance and self-control completely different from each other. Today in our scripture we will see three things. First Self-control seeks humility. Second, self-control seeks understanding Third, self-control seeks self-sacrifice.

Self-control seeks humility

Proverbs 25:6–7 (ESV)

6 Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence

or stand in the place of the great,

7 for it is better to be told, “Come up here,”

than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.

The first aspect of self-control that Solomon points out to us is that we are to seek humility. Self-control causes one to seek out way of not being seen. When a person has tolerance they can put up sith others being more important than them and they are ok with it for a time. When the tolerance level has been met they often times will do something very stupid, immature, or dangerous to put themselves back in the center of attention. They can handle being the backdrop for only so long. The fact is that we have all been here in one form or another in our lives. Each of us have had that time when we were ok with being in the background but often times it came with the belief that we would be the center of the attention at some point. When we don’t see the movement towards us being the most important we move mountains to get there.

Early on in my Christian walk I wanted to be known as a guy that was humble and hard working. I devoted time to our youth ministry every time an event was coming to town or when they needed help. I was there. I was the guy they could count on. I wanted so bad to be the person that they depended on. When they needed someone to wash the bus, I volunteered. When they needed someone to take out the trash, I volunteered. No matter what was going on I volunteered. I however did so because I had a plan that all that I was doing was going to lead to me getting what I wanted. When the youth pastor left I felt like I was the obvious choice to step in and take the lead. I was ready to step in and to be the new youth leader. Instead of picking me they chose a guy who was from out of state and from the interactions I had previously had with the guy I could not stand him. Because I had tolerance and not real self control and because my humble servitude we self serving what happened? That’s right I did what any logical 17 almost 18 year old kid/adult would do. I threw a fit. I told the church how much I had done for them, I brought up every single time that I had done something or volunteered and how I deserved it because I was a humble servant.

The fact is that I was not humble at all. I was tolerant of being in the background until it came time for what I though was my time to shine. Then when I did not get my way I was upset and all that volunteering and humble servitude was thrown out for all too see. What they believed I had done out of a Love for God was show was out of a Love for myself. How many of you have a similar experience. Many of us in here may not have the same setting, but each of you have likely done this or had it done to you in a relationship. We have tolerance with being last but we really are only doing it to get what we want. What does the scripture say about this? Listen again to what Solomon says.

Proverbs 25:6–7 (ESV)

6 Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence

or stand in the place of the great,

7 for it is better to be told, “Come up here,”

than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.

Self-control will cause you to seek to go unseen. We live in a world where everyone is looking to be the next big thing. God calls believers to be humble. The Spirit of God in you will cause you to find ways to do things without others seeing. The scriptures are clear on God’s desire for us to be humble.

Ephesians 4:2 ESV

2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

James 4:6 ESV

6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

James 4:10 ESV

10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

2 Chronicles 7:14 ESV

14 if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Luke 14:11 ESV

11 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 18:12 ESV

12 Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 3:34 ESV

34 Toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor.

Matthew 6:2 ESV

2 “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

Why do you do the things you do? Is it out of a true spirit of self control or do you do things out of tolerance for being last because of what you will get out of it? The difference in tolerance and self-control is that self-control is seeking to stay hidden while tolerance simply wants the appearance of humility on its way to whatever reward it is seeking. Tolerance will cause you to step on people when it is your time, self-control causes you to seek to lift others up ahead of yourself. Secondly self-control seeks understanding.

Self-control seeks Understanding

Proverbs 25:7–13 (ESV)

What your eyes have seen

8 do not hastily bring into court,

for what will you do in the end,

when your neighbor puts you to shame?

9 Argue your case with your neighbor himself,

and do not reveal another’s secret,

10 lest he who hears you bring shame upon you,

and your ill repute have no end.

11 A word fitly spoken

is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

12 Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold

is a wise reprover to a listening ear.

13 Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest

is a faithful messenger to those who send him;

he refreshes the soul of his masters.

The difference between tolerance and self-control is that tolerance will cause you to get just enough of the details until you feel like you can win, until you are in a position of seeking revenge, or until you are tired of being in last place. In these situations tolerance causes you to use what you think you know, hear, or see against someone in an effort to put yourself ahead. The Scripture calls believers to seek the understanding prior to making judgments and opening our mouths. We must be people that seek understanding and open our mouths with understanding.

One of the best things about my life is my children. I love them with everything in me. They cause me to see areas of my life that I must grow in. They cause me to question why I do certain things. The one thing about kids though is that they have no loyalty to each other. When they are growing and learning they will throw each other under the bus to get where they want to go or the get what they want to get. Take for instance. Rylan and Camden our two youngest boys. They love playing together and for the most part get along and are sweet with each other. However when one of them has something that the other wants or is doing something that the other wants to do they will use whatever means they need to use to get what they want. They are sneaky so when you tell them not to do something they will find a way to do what you told them not to do. The two of them were throwing the ball in the house which is one of the things that I have a very difficult time with. The ball is a small foam ball so I’m not overly concerned about things getting broken because we have learned to buy things that wont be easily broken. I have however replaced a TV because of their playing. We tell them not too because we would never allow them to do so at others houses and so they should not do it at our house. While throwing the ball they were told to stop. They did stop then they went to the other room. While they were in the other room things got to be quiet. In the moments of quiet I knew something was seriously wrong. In a moment all heck broke loose in our house. Rylan came running out crying saying that Camden was throwing the ball in the house. He told me that Cam was throwing the ball hitting the ceiling fan and that Camden was doing what we told him not to do. After interrogating Camden I found Rylans statements to be credible. The problem though was that while interrogating Camden he told me that Rylan had the idea to go to the room and close the door so they could throw the ball in the secret. It was not until Camden kept the ball to himself for a few throws and Rylan was tired of not getting to throw the ball that he came running out telling on Camden.

How many times have you seen something and though you knew the whole story, got yourself involved in something that you found out you had no clue about? Christians are called to be a people of few words and great understanding. The Scripture here tells us to get the details so that we do not run into court with our neighbor thinking we got them and only to find out not only do we not have them but they got us because we are not perfect in our lives. Have you ever told someone about their sin only to have them point out the many ways you stumble? The scripture is clear that we are to seek understanding with the people God has placed in our lives.

Matthew 7:1–5 ESV

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Romans 2:1–3 ESV

1 Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. 2 We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. 3 Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

We all know the Christians who pass judgment on everyone they see. They are better Christians than all of us and possibly even better than the disciples almost to Jesus level. They are tolerant but they have no self control. They are willing to let others know how bad they are doing to make themselves feel good, not knowing how bad they are making themselves look. Not only must we seek understanding in our passing of judgment but also understanding on when to open or shut our mouths. Read it again.

Proverbs 25:11–14 ESV

11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. 12 Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. 13 Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. 14 Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.

Know when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut. We must be a people of controlled tongues.

Proverbs 13:3 ESV

3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Luke 6:45 ESV

45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Proverbs 17:28 ESV

28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Self-control seeks to understand and to seldom be heard. Tolerance will allow you to keep quiet for just so long. To seek understanding just until you have enough information to help yourself. Self-control seeks to love our neighbor more than ourselves and to settle things in private, listening twice as much as we talk since God gave us two ears and one mouth. Self-control seeks humility, seeks understanding, but also seeks self sacrifice.

Self-control seeks self sacrifice

Proverbs 25:21–28 ESV

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, 22 for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. 23 The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks. 24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. 25 Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. 26 Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked. 27 It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory. 28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Tolerance causes you to seek out things that look and smell, and feel like self-control but in the end fall short of the Biblical stance of self-control. Self-control calls for a denial of yourself for the betterment of others. This is going to be difficult for many people to hear, even in here this morning. The Spiritual fruit of self-control call us to sacrifice our desires, wants, possessions, time, all things that God has given us for the betterment of those around us. The world does not need another group of people telling them what they are doing wrong, they need a group of people showing the Love of Christ. They don’t need another self help program, they need a self-sacrificing church to show them the way to Christ. If our enemies are hungry we are to feed them, if they are thirsty we are to give them water. We are called to love our enemies and not to return evil to them, instead returning good to those giving us evil. Are we a people marked by peace and love, or by judgment and self service? How are your family relationships? Do you have to tell people you are a Christian or can they see it? How about at work? What about in traffic, or in Walmart? Tolerance leads us to believe we have self-control until its us or them. Self-control which can only come from the Spirit of God is the only thing that can help us follow through with the love of our enemies.

In The Grace of Giving,  Stephen Olford tells of a Baptist pastor during the American Revolution, Peter Miller, who lived in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, and enjoyed the friendship of George Washington. In Ephrata also lived Michael Wittman, an evil-minded sort who did all he could to oppose and humiliate the pastor. One day Michael Wittman was arrested for treason and sentenced to die. Peter Miller traveled seventy miles on foot to Philadelphia to plead for the life of the traitor.

"No, Peter," General Washington said. "I cannot grant you the life of your friend."

"My friend!" exclaimed the old preacher. "He's the bitterest enemy I have."

"What?" cried Washington. "You've walked seventy miles to save the life of an enemy? That puts the matter in different light. I'll grant your pardon." And he did.

Peter Miller took Michael Wittman back home to Ephrata--no longer an enemy but a friend.

I have to admit this morning as I was preparing this message I began to see that I live in a life of tolerance not in the spirit. I am tolerance filled and not spirit filled. I am challenged with the Word of God and how it calls me to go beyond the status quo of being tolerant. I don’t want to be tolerant of others I want to love them in spite of the things that I can no longer tolerate. Is that not what God does for us? Are you living a spirit filled life of love for others even at your own expense or are you living a life of tolerance?