Session 20: Can I Go to That Wedding?
Notes
Transcript
(Intro Music starts with first slide - read intro and move forward)
Welcome to Apologetics and the Gospel. My name is Pastor Jonathan White, and I am the Lead Pastor at CrossPointe Family Church in Winfield, WV as well as a practicing Emergency Medicine Physician.
Question for Today: Can I Go to That Wedding?
Question for Today: Can I Go to That Wedding?
There has been a lot of controversy regarding Alistair Begg’s advice to a concerned grandmother. I find it necessary to counsel my family as well as my church on this particular topic. If this is a struggle for you today, I hope that this is helpful for you.
This controversy also brings up some other wedding situations in which we may be invited. Let’s start, however, by addressing the conversation that led to this controversy.
Before moving forward, I want to express my sincere appreciation and thanks for Alistair Begg’s ministry. He has been a rock who consistently hands out truth. Although his advice in this segment is unbiblical, he is not a false teacher. He is a man like we all are - prone to error at times. But may we show grace to him and pray for him as we move forward.
Here is a quote from Alistair Begg’s interview with Bob Lepine discussing this conversation with a concerned grandmother. You can see the conversation at the website as follows:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=rXDYYPLwgYE - starting around 28:30 or so.
Alistair: And in very specific areas this comes across. I mean, you and I know that we field questions all the time that go along the lines of “My grandson is about to be married to a transgender person, and I don’t know what to do about this, and I’m calling to ask you to tell me what to do”—which is a huge responsibility.
And in a conversation like that just a few days ago—and people may not like this answer—but I asked the grandmother, “Does your grandson understand your belief in Jesus?”
“Yes.”
“Does your grandson understand that your belief in Jesus makes it such that you can’t countenance in any affirming way the choices that he has made in life?”
“Yes.”
I said, “Well then, okay. As long as he knows that, then I suggest that you do go to the ceremony. And I suggest that you buy them a gift.”
“Oh,” she said, “what?” She was caught off guard.
I said, “Well, here’s the thing: your love for them may catch them off guard, but your absence will simply reinforce the fact that they said, ‘These people are what I always thought: judgmental, critical, unprepared to countenance anything.’”
And it is a fine line, isn’t it? It really is. And people need to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling. But I think we’re going to take that risk. We’re going to have to take that risk a lot more if we want to build bridges into the hearts and lives of those who don’t understand Jesus and don’t understand that he is a King.
This conversation sent shock waves throughout evangelicalism. There have been people on both sides of the argument. There has been a lot of noise surrounding this. My goal today is to provide practical and Biblical advice. I did a podcast earlier regarding the comparison of gay marriage and Biblical marriage in Session 4. I would highly encourage you to listen to that to hear some of the epidemiological reasons as well as Biblical reasons that Biblical marriage is superior to homosexual unions.
But today, I am going to try to address some different practical situations that we might encounter and how to address them Biblically.
And if you don’t think that some of these situations are going to come up in your life or your children’s lives, listen to a couple of epidemiological findings:
According to a study from UCLA School of Law Williams Institute, there is an estimated 1.3 million adults who identify as transgender - which amounts to around 0.5% of the population. However, when looking at those 13-17, 1.4% or around 300,000 identify as transgender.
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Trans-Pop-Update-Jun-2022.pdf
According to a Gallup poll from 2022, 7.2% of Americans identify as something other than heterosexual. This number has doubled since 2012 when they first started tracking this data.
https://news.gallup.com/poll/332522/percentage-americans-lgbt.aspx
This data shows that these issues will most certainly continue to come up in the lives of your family and your children’s lives as they become adults.
Now that we have some background, let’s address the first question we might face:
Can I Attend a Gay or Transgender Wedding?
Can I Attend a Gay or Transgender Wedding?
This is an extremely difficult question. My wife and I faced this question early in our marriage. She was invited to a lesbian wedding involving one of her close friends that went to her old high school. The wedding was out of state, and my wife had been sharing the Gospel with the family of this person as well. We were very torn and struggled mightily through this question. We were young and did not really know how to Biblically address the issue as thoroughly as we would have today. So I hope that this information will help those who face this issue and are walking through this difficult circumstance.
The first aspects of this that we need to clearly address is this:
Is the wedding going to be in a church? Is the wedding officiated by someone claiming to be a pastor? Does the couple claim to be Christian?
Is the wedding going to be in a church? Is the wedding officiated by someone claiming to be a pastor? Does the couple claim to be Christian?
If the answer of any of these is yes, the Bible would clearly teach that one should not attend. This would be a blasphemous union that would claim to be under God. We know God does not bless sin.
So we have ruled out any weddings apart from those who are atheistic or of another faith than Christianity.
My wife and I had gotten this far but stopped here because of a lack of understanding in light of the rest of Scripture.
Now that we have addressed this, we must move to the next portion:
Does Attending a Wedding Mean That One Affirms the Marriage?
Does Attending a Wedding Mean That One Affirms the Marriage?
Here is where the debate gets difficult. There are many in both camps regarding this. The Bible is clear that homosexuality and transgenderism is sin. Anything that blurs the gender lines that God has designed is sin. A couple of verses follow but you can listen to Session 4 for further verses.
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
“A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.
There is no true Biblical debate on whether or not the lifestyles of homosexuality and transgenderism are sinful. But what should Christians do in this situation? You have been invited to a wedding, and you desire to show the love of Christ. But you also want to stand firm on the truth and not affirm sin.
There are many relevant Scriptures that we could address in seeking an answer to this situation. However one Scripture that has come up during my study and research that seems to make this more clear is Ephesians 5:1-20. Let’s address some of these verses now:
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
We see that we should most certainly walk in love. Like, Christ, we should be willing to love others. However, right after this we see a warning against sexual immorality. This is directly a charge not to take part it in personally. But does this apply to going to a gay or transgender wedding?
Let’s move forward for more clarity:
For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them;
Now we see the judgment on sexual sin here. And verse 7 ends with, therefore do not become partners with them. This appears to say that we should not be allies of sin. We should not advocate for sinful lifestyles. We should most certainly love others, but we cannot affirm sin.
Paul makes this even more clear moving forward:
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.
We are not take part in the unfruitful works of darkness. It is shameful to even speak of the things they do in secret. These weddings are actually announcing to the world what is done in secret. It is no longer secret but celebrated.
And finally:
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
The final point would lend toward one seeing the lack of wisdom in attending a gay wedding or transgender ceremony. Is this making the best use of your time? Are you going to be in situations that are compromising to your purity? The practical implications and what ifs are endless.
The Scriptures clearly appear that this is an unwise decision to attend a gay or transgender wedding. The union stands against creation order as well as God’s mandate and Law.
Unfortunately, early in our marriage, we made what I feel was the wrong decision. My wife did attend that wedding with my blessing. And I state that because we need to show grace and mercy to those who are trying to answer these extremely difficult questions.
There are those who love God and seek to obey Him that haven’t come to to same conclusion that I have.
We should desire to address these situations Biblically, but we also must realize that not everyone will have the same Scriptural and theological foundations as we have.
May we proclaim the truth but show grace to those who are trying to grow in their faith. These are questions that many before us never had to face so give people grace and love as they seek the Lord.
But we should never give a blanket okay to believers who are invited to a gay or transgender wedding. Alistair Begg clearly was wrong to give the advice that he gave.
Before finishing this podcast, there are two other questions that we need to address related to weddings:
Can I Attend a Wedding of Two People (a man and a woman) Who Were Cohabitating Before Marriage?
Can I Attend a Wedding of Two People (a man and a woman) Who Were Cohabitating Before Marriage?
The Bible is clear that sexual immorality is sin. This has been stated above already. Pew Research in 2019 reported that around 59% of Americans have cohabitated at some point - meaning lived together while not married.
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/the-landscape-of-marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/
Obviously, we will see many marriages that come out of these situations.
As a pastor, if this couple approached me asking me to officiate their wedding, the situation should be addressed this way:
The couple should be asked to live separate for a time as they go through marriage counseling before I would agree to officiate their wedding. As a pastor, I would not want to confirm the wedding of two persons living in open and unrepentant sin. This would apply to other unrepentant sins as well for that matter. These issues need addressed before making such a big commitment and vow under God.
However, can you go to a wedding of a man and a woman who are cohabitating? I think this is a conscience issue. There would not be a direct no given in Scripture. There are certainly serious concerns in this situation. However, this is not an assault on creation order here. It is still a man and a woman.
Moving to a more difficult question:
Can I Attend a Wedding of an Unbeliever and a Believer?
Can I Attend a Wedding of an Unbeliever and a Believer?
Here is a loaded question. You have a friend who is a believer and they are marrying and unbeliever. Do you go?
This may seem more controversial. However, the Bible is clear on God’s view of unequally yoked marriages:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
As a believer, marrying an unbeliever is sin. It is against the will of God. It not only will hinder your own spiritual growth, but it will also hinder your children.
Therefore, it is clear that one should not attend a wedding that brings together a believer and unbeliever.
As a side note, those who get saved after marriage or find themselves already married in an unequally yoked situation should stay in the marriage if the unbelieving spouse wishes to stay. This is addressed in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 and time fails us to address this more thoroughly today.
This has been a very difficult podcast. I pray that we remember the Gospel as we move forward. The main problem with these situations - namely homosexuality, transgenderism, and cohabitation - is lostness. The main problem is sin.
May we seek to preach the Gospel - that Jesus Christ - God-made-flesh - came to earth some 2,000 years ago and lived a sinless life. He died on the cross for the sins of the world and rose from the dead three days later so that by one placing your faith and trust in Him and repenting or turning from your sins, you may be saved.
May we love others by sharing the Gospel. Our goal is not to directly combat homosexuality, transgenderism, or other sexual sins. Our goal should be to combat sin in general by focusing on everyone’s need for a Savior - Jesus Christ. He is the only way for salvation.
(Slide Closing 1)
This presentation has been put together to strengthen the faith of believers and to challenge the unbelief of others. I pray that you have found this presentation helpful.
Also, please note that this 10-15 minute presentation cannot exhaustively address most issues. My prayer is that it stimulates you to personally research further, and I am assured that you will find the Word of God proven time and time again.
(Slide Closing 2 with outro music)
Feel free to email any ideas you would like to see addressed by emailing me at crosspointewv@gmail.com. There are slides prepared for each of these presentations which can be accessed at our church website at crosspointefamily.church and select ATG. God bless and have a blessed week.