What Love Does

Hey I want to welcome you back to Journey students we took last week off because of the superbowl, and this week we are back with week 2 of “The Birds and the Beestings” This series is about having right relationships, a right relationship with God, a right relationship with ourselves and a right relationship with others. Because lets be honest, look up here, the greatest hurts you can have in your life can come from having a bad relationship with God, yourself and others. The greatest stings in life come on the other side of bad dating decisions and relationships. Maybe you have felt that already. So to give you a quick recap, week 1 we talked about the right person myth. The right person myth goes as this, “life isn't right until the right person comes in and makes it right” The problem with that thinking is simple, it isn't right. And believing in this myth will make you write stories that later on in life you won't want to tell because we said this and it’s really the idea of the series, “What story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell?” We looked at John 15 where Jesus said, I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me. If you want to have a solid foundation for any relationship it starts with remaining in Jesus. So we said and maybe you remember we said, “It’s Right to Remain” That remaining in Jesus and not compromising, remaining and Jesus and not leaving that remaining in Jesus and living the life he calls you to will always lead to stories that you want to tell.

So week 2 we are continuing this topic because once again, I want you to be able to write stories that you are proud of without the relational hurt and pain. I don't want you to compromise and I want you to be able to look past looks, desires, feelings, lust, sexual attraction, as the pillars of great dating realtoinships. Because listen ive been married for almost 10 years, been dating karlee for 14 years this april. And I have learned this in all that time, sex does not make a relatoinship, it makes babies. Not a single person wrote that down, shocking…Romance in life isnt about experience its about exclusivity inside the confines that God has created which is in marriage between 1 man and 1 woman. Anything other than that isn't marriage, and is not recognized as such by God nor approved of by God.

So we like to look at romance and think “there is the one” out there. Have you heard this? “The one for me” The problem is the “one” is also a myth, there isn't just one person God has for you. But as I said a few weeks ago I believe there is “Gods Best, Great, Good and this will do” for you” But allo of us are looking for the best one for us, but rarely do we think about becoming the best one for someone else. We are more interested in “Finding the Best One vs. Becoming the Best One” We put all the pressure on someone else to complete us, or like all the things we like, treat us with respect and dignity, to serve hand and foot. Someone who loves Jesus, never does a double take at someone else, is kind and compassionate towards others, level headed, not easily angered, is at least 6 feet tall, or is not taller than me, the list can go on. So we put so much focus on finding the one, that in the mean time we rarely put any effort into becoming the best one.

I remember years ago I was heard a story about a lady who had just graduated from high school and went off to college for a few years. She grew up in the church, was baptized, served all of it, but once she got to college she just put all that aside. Not that she didn't believe in Jesus anymore, rather she just put it aside to do her own thing. When it comes to dating I’m not going to factor in anything I learned or believed I’m just going to do what I want. This is a true story mind you. So a few years of the dating and single life, doing things she wanted, some things she regrets, making stories she will have to tell later in life. So after a few years she is at this gathering of people just hanging out, and she met in her words, “the total package” of a man. The looks, job, personality, and as they talked more it became very apparent that he was a christian. Not only a christian but a christian who was committed to live out his faith in dating, his job, and with everyone she met. He reminded her of what she put aside, about the life of integrity, honor and holiness that comes from living a life for Jesus.

So she went home and she start telling her mom about this guy, how good looking he is, how he is a Christian, great job all of that. And she said that her mother turned to her and said, “sweetheart the problem is a guy like that is not looking for a girl like you.” She said she literally fell on the floor and cried because she knew her mom was right. That was a defining moment and she realized that that guy that best one that she was looking for wasn't looking for someone like her. From that moment she decided my life has to change, my moral compass has to change, my priorities have to change, my friends have to change, i am going in a different direction with my life. Let me ask you a question as we continue tonight, Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?

In other words, are you becoming, being intentional, are you trying to become the person your looking for is looking for. Or are you as most people, do that you are gambling with your future self and that someway, somehow, you will bump into the one you are looking for and once you do it will all magically turn out well regardless of if you are who they are looking for also. When you get this mindset everything about dating and relationships changes for you. You are no longer winging it and if it sounds good in the moment do it, no because living like that will only get you stung. Living this intentionally and this boldly means you wont get asked out all the time, it means you wont be pressured into anything, it means you make commitment and stick to them because I am becoming the the one i am looking for is looking for and even better than that I am becoming all who God has created me to be.

When you open the bible, and we will do that so hang on, when you open the bible you find very little to no help when it comes to helping you find the right person. But if you open the bible and ask “God how do I become the right person” and suddenly the bible lights up and that should not be a surprise. God created relationships, and God created you for relationships. It is natural for you to want to hear the words I love you, I adore you and you are the most important person in my life. It is natural for you to want to hear I honor you and respect you. When I say that I know every single one of you are straightening up and feeling good about yourself. That is in you and God made you that way.

But this does not happen naturally. This does not happen by being available to anyone, rather you need to be intentional about becoming the person you're looking for is looking for. Now we are going to look in the scriptures and I want to give you some starting points about what you need to become. Not going to give you all of them as I don't have all the time, but we are going to give you a card as you leave with a list of these things. And I want you to put it somewhere where you will see it, and read it daily. And if you are about to go on a date, or have a conversation before you date begin to practice these things. If you want to learn some great dating skill here they are. This is how you become the person you are looking for is looking for. This list comes from one of the most famous chapters in all the bible, 1 Corinthians 13, which many people call the “love” chapter. In this chapter the apostle Paul tells us what love is and what love does. This is a list and I am going to look at 4 thing from this list to expound upon and I’m going to throw it back to your groups to expound on a few others. This is what Paul Says…

Love is patient, - 1 Corinthians 13:4. Do you know what patience means? Love never pressures the other person ever. Love creates space time and margin as the other person needs. Thats what love does. Love is patient. If you are in a relationship and all the other person does is push, push, push, why don't you, why can't we, when can we…that person is not loving you. They may be using you. If you are pushing you are not loving you are pushing. You need to move at the other persons pace and in line with God’s standards. Meaning that God’s expectations is that you will be a virgin before you are married, which means you have to have immense patience. Every single date and every single relationship you need to get better at this.

Paul Goes on, Love is Kind - another word is considerate, which means we put into consideration how someone else feels all the time. Kindness is an expression of strength, unkindness is weakness. Because you can’t control yourself, your actions or your tongue. Kindness is loaning someone your strength rather than reminding them of their weakness. Kindness is loves response to weakness, it is what God did for you. Paul said, “That while you were still sinners, Christ died for you.” He loaned you his strength in the midst of our weakness. Every single date, and every time you talk with someone practice becoming the one by being kind. There is this unering trend in relationships I’m seeing where everyone cuts each other down as if it is a term of endearment. That isn't endearment, it's endangerment. Love is Kind. Become Kind.

Love does not Envy - Some of your parents split up over this issue. Do you know what envy is, envy is “I don't feel too good about me so I can't let you feel too good about you” So i am going to drag you down. And some of you because you have seen it and raised in it you could have a problem with that and you can drag it into most relationships. You know what this mean, it means you stop being a one upper. Everytime you go on a date or talk with someone and they tell a great story, you have to one up their story with a better story. Instead, you practice just support them. You let the glory sit with them. You should practice this all the time. Learn to say WOW, celebrate other people’s stories and shut up. Love is not a competition to out do one another, that's envy. Love is a competition to serve one another.

Love does not dishonor others - Do you know what this means, that when you date you never create regret. You are never part of someone's regret story. Does not behave disgracefully, dishonorably or indecently. What serves you well while you are “living the life” will destroy you most in life later. I want you to get it right. I am going to learn to honor a man, I am going to learn to honor a woman. That one day when I met the one im looking for I am the best honorer on the planet.

He goes on and says, “love is not self-seeking” Let me ask you a question as we wrap up. Does any of these things i’ve listed come naturally? No. You know what comes naturally in a relationship, attraction, passion, chemistry, I can’t want to get alone with you. Give me some of that. That just comes naturally, thats good and awesome I know you will not believe this, you can feel that way about anyone, people you may meet once and thats it. It doesn't take any work. And to allow your relationship to be driven by something you can feel for 1000 different people and finally when you meet the one you're looking for all the other things I just said will fall into place. Thats not how it works.

This requires effort and you can do this. When you decided to say God I want to become someone worth catching and someone worth pursuing. That when I meet the person I am looking for is looking for I am the person they are also looking for. I promise you, you will be able to date, you will be able to love well, you may just be able to marry. And the stories you tell, my goodness, the stories you tell later will be ones worth telling. But don't be fooled this does not come naturally nor is it easy, it takes dedication, determination, and focus. But in the end it will all be worth it.

So let me ask you the question I asked earlier. “Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?”

Pray