The Right Person Myth

What’s up fam and welcome to Journey Students as we start this new series we have entitled “The Birds and the Beestings” If you have not heard of the phrase the birds and the bee’s it has to do with women and men. The fuller context is specially related to the sex talk, but as you will find out here at jounrey we don’t have “talks” we have conversations. Because once you have a talk, thats the end, rather we want to be a place where we have ongoing conversations about what is happening in your life, spiritually, physically, emotionally and relationally. This series is all about the relationships you have and how to have greater and better relationships. Because we know and you know that relationships are messy, and if not done right, can lead to hurt, pain, grief, and they can sting.

Here is what I want for you, and I want you to write this down in your notes, this is something I have heard from a mentor a long time ago and it has helped me shape and funnel almost every decision i have made. He said this, everyone is writing a story. You are writing a story with your life so, “What Story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell?” Eventually your present will be your past and your future you will only tell stories of the past you. What story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell?

I don’t want you to be a liar for life. I don’t want you to make choices and decisions today that later on in your life you will lie about so that you don’t look so bad. Looking back you may be embarrassed by your story, so you fabricate it to make it not look so bad and I don’t want you to be a liar for life. I don’t want someone to be your regret or you be someone else’s regret. That when they tell their story and your name comes up they are going to say something about you. What will they say? Don’t complicate future relationships with poor relational decisions today.

Speaking of stories, we have this fanaticized and romanticized view when it comes to relationships don’t we? How many of you have grown up watching Disney? Right every single one of us. What is Disney known for? The happily ever after. Snow White, Cinderella, Pocahontas, Repunzle, Lion King, the list can go on and on. The story always follows the same guidelines, that life isn't right until the right person comes in and makes it right. And because we believe that someone right will make everything right, we tend to not focus on our current relationships.

This is why I want to debunk something today, and I believe that if you can understand it and grasp it it can keep you from relational hurt, pain and unnecessary suffering. This is what I call the “Right Person Myth” This myth simply says that once you meet the right person everything will be right. Regardless of what you do between now and then, everything is going to change and the past disappears. So when relationally when crap hits the fan and it will, well must not have been the right person. When you are unhappy in a relationship or marriage we immediately think “Well I must be with the wrong person, because if it was the right person I wouldn’t feel like this…” Disney is great at ending with the happily ever after, but what happens when everything isn't happy after all? Thinking you can be completed, thinking you will be fixed, thinking you will be fully satisfied by someone else all the time, that is a myth.

It’s a myth that I see all the time that destroys relationships and constantly running after trying to find mr. right or mrs. right places weight on someone else they cannot carry. It places them as your savior and places almost no responsibility on yourself. There is a comedian in a song and he once said and im saying this faciously, “If you want love, lower your expectations a few because Prince Charming would never settle for you.” Same can be said for guys, “if you want love, lower your expectations a few because the princess would never put up with you.”

We can get stung and hurt in relationships when we place unreal expectations on someone else believing they will always right all of our wrongs. That if they are the right person we will never have fights, never have moments of dislike. And we will have stories we don’t like to tell, stories we wish we never wrote if we continue in this path. The Right One myth is just that a myth. Relationships and being in a relationship with people is messy, it is hard, because it is two imperfect people trying to do life together. Shes going to forget something, hes going to do something dumb that will make you frustrated.

So why talk about this myth? Because this is too many relationships end poorly, too many mistakes are made in relationships, and too many sorties of regret are told because we believe in this myth. Hear me, i know of plenty of marriages that have ended because of this myth. The story goes as follows, well we were married and everything was great until…fill in the blank. And then I met someone knew and they were interested in me, and so I realized my spouse wasnt the right person, this next person is the right person. Eventually you’ll feel the same way about the person then the next and so on. So we have relationships that have no root no grit, that rely on romance, and at the end of it all you will always be searching for mr. right or mrs. right, and it can and will leave you miserable. And tell stories that you don't want to tell and when others tell their story and your name pops up guess what, it isn't going to be great. And i want you to learn this lesson now from me, than from your experience later.

If you're anything like me you might ask, if there is no right person for you, then how will i ever get married or be in a relationship. Look my wife karlee is my person, she's my girl, I love her deeply and I believe that she is God’s best for me but she is not mrs. right or “the one” that if some how i didn't marry her then the whole earth is out of orbit. I’m sure there were plenty of “ones” out there, she may not the “the one” but she is God’s best. Faith said this “There is God’s best, God’s great, God’s good, and God’s well I can work with this.” And hopefully this series will give you the tool and keys necessary to get God’s best in your relationship.

So this leads us then to Jesus. If you are a Jesus follower you know this next statement to be true, Following Jesus makes your life better, and he makes you better in life. That being in a relationship with the messiah, with God himself, it will make your life better, and though there is no right person here on earth for you, there is the right person in heaven that you can have a relationship with. You see Jesus cannot change your past, and he will not make the stories disappear, but as you enter into a relationship with Jesus and you follow how he through his word lays out how to have God honoring relationships you will tell stories that you are proud of. You will be able to look at your past and realize that you have been forgiven from your sins and teach you lessons from your past as well so you don’t make the same mistakes.

Jesus is the only right one for you, and as you follow him, your life and your relationships will be better. He can keep you from following temptation, he can keep you from allowing others to use you, he can teach you your self worth and value, he can guide you as you navigate who you want to date, he will show you that you are so much more than your body or your body count. Following Jesus in our relationship can keep us from hurt, pain, stings and more. Hear me i’m not saying that everything will be 100% perfect or that you will be perfect but as we follow Jesus everything will be better. So how do we follow Jesus like that?

Jesus in John 15 gives us a clear example of how our relationship with him should work. He says this, “5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Jesus says it over and over again remain in me. Another way of saying it is to abide, and the greek definition of it means to never depart. Never depart, never leave, never compromise your relationship with Jesus for your relationship with someone else. In fact as we will see in the next few weeks, if someone truly love you and loves Jesus they should be pushing you to be more like Jesus in everything you do. Not leading you to be compromising in your relationship with Jesus. Jesus says do not depart. As you stand firm in your relationship with him, you will become more like him. And it says that as you remain in him you will be in his love and be complete.

Jesus tells us don't look for someone else to come into your life to make your life right or complete because no one will ever be able to live up to that standard. And if you continually believe in the right person myth I promise you this, you will hop from one relationship to the next doing whatever you want in the process, writing stories you’ll regret later and at the end of it all you will find yourself by yourself and quite possibly you may have missed God’s best, or great or good for you in the meantime. And I desperately don't want that for you.

So how do you have stronger relationships, remain in Jesus. How do you avoid unnecessary hurt, remain in Jesus, how do you know that you are in a god honoring relationship if you both are striving to remain in Jesus. How do you fight against temptation, remain in Jesus, how do you become uncompromisable remain in Jesus.

This series we will look at how to start becoming the one, how to honor yourself, and then my rules for dating. This is a relationship series that my prayer will be that you learn from the scriptures how to have God honoring relationships and not cultural ones. That you because you follow Jesus will date differently. But the foundation for any healthy human relationship is having a healthy personal relationship with Jesus. Remain in Jesus.

Pray