Proximity Matters

Let me ask you a question that may bring up bad memories or awkward tension…have you ever met someone who you wish you never met? All of us have a story we tell of someone in our past, that we wish we never had to tell.  And all of us will have a story in the future because obviously the answer is yes. And in most cases it wasn't just with a friend, but it could have been with someone who you dated or were in a relationship with in the past. Here is what is true in most cases, it’s people we’ve met that led to our greatest regret. I don’t know what your greatest regret is but I’m sure you were not alone. And our greatest regrets don’t happen with our enemies, but they are usually with our friends.

Let me ask you a question that may bring up bad memories or awkward tension…have you ever met someone who you wish you never met? All of us have a story and all of us will have a story in the future because obviously the answer is yes. Here is what is true in most cases, it’s people we’ve met that led to our greatest regret. I don’t know what your greatest regret is but I’m sure you were not alone. And our greatest regrets don’t happen with our enemies, but they are usually with our friends.

Today we are in part 2 of our series guardrails. I hope that you listen to days message with exactly what God wants you to do. Now a guard rails is “A system designed to keep chicles form starting into dangerous or off-limit areas.” And Guardrails do two primary things. They Direct and Protect. Guardrails are never placed in the danger zone, they are placed in the safety zone. Nobody argues that we should change it closer to the danger zone. They are also designed to minimize damage. If you hit a guardrail you might have to go to a mechanic, not the morgue.

The highway isn't the only place we need guardrails. We need guardrails in every area of our life. Culture doesn’t encourage guardrails. Because culture doesn’t like rules. Culture is content with painted lines. Culture doesn't want to have guardrails but will do nothing to help when you end in a ditch. And a guardrail doenst fall into what is right and wrong, but rather what is wise and unwise.

And today I want to talk specifically about your friends and those you associate yourself with. These are the friends you play with, friends you hang out with, people you do life with. People who are apart of your life on an ongoing basis. The reason why we need guardrails with friends is beucase it is the people we have met that the led to our greatest regret.

Here is where the tension comes in becasue we are talking about people you know and that even you love that lets be honest, they might not be the greatest influence in your life. And it sounds judgmental and who do you think you are saying things like that. And so what if they do unwise things, who am I to judge? Well this talk is not about being judgmental, it is about making good judgment. There is a big difference, being judgmental is forming an opinion about you and what you think you should do. It is judging your behavior or expecting you to be different. But good judgment is about you, it is about you and your life. Good judgment is asking the question, based on my past experiences, my present circumstance and my future hopes and dreams what is the wise thing to do. Not for everyone else, but for you what is the wise thing to do? Good judgment is about what it the wise thing for you. It’s about how you should respond.

The rubber met the road when this phrase became a reality to me and my life in high school. Some of you may know this story maybe others its new. But I was hanging out with a group of friends who i had known for 4 years at this point i was at the tail end of my sophomore year. We hung out every day, every summer, spent the night, parties, secrets everything. But over time throughout that year there was a shift, they started smoking weed, drinking alcohol, hanging out with others sketchy people, and then brining pornographic material to school. So I had to make a decision, based on my past experience, seeing this in my older brothers life, present circumstance, am I ok with this type of life style, and where I wanted to be in the future, i made the decision to make good judgment and I ended up leaving those friends of mine and making new ones over time. And i just did this again 7 months ago where I started to separate myself from a group of people who i did daily life with for over 15 years. So when i say this its not hypothetical, its reality for me.

Some of you have already said that you met someone you wish you hadn’t…that isn't judgment, that's hindsight saying you wish you would have made good judgment or better judgment. In fact for some of you you think your parents or gaurdians are paranoid about the friends you have. Saying things like, no you can’t hangout with them, you can’t do that, we don’t want you to be friends with them. In fact several times growing up my parents made great judgment calls on people and told us we are not to be friends with them, and in the meantime it was infuriating, who do you think you are..only to realize 10 years later they are addicts, on their third marriage, homeless, morally bankrupt , the list can go on. Their parinora was their protection. And it is because they care for you. Don’t miss that, they care for you.

Here is the reason I say all of this and I want you to write the down, the reason I am so passionate about this topic is because, “The your friends determine the direction and quality of your life.” I’ll say it another way, show me your friends and I will show you your future. Friends can be marvelous and hazardous. You drop your guard down with people and thats safe, and other times it’s dangerous. You are drawn to environments where you are accepted and safe and that's where we put guards down with friends. That is why you need guardrails. This is not judgmental, this is about your future becasue your future will be impacted by the people you spend time with.

Interestingly enough 3000 years ago a great king of isreal lived and his name was Solomon. He makes a statements that summarizes everything I have just said. What I say in 2 pages he says in two lines….Walk with the wise and become wise. This is true if you walk with wise people you will become wise. Wisdom is realizing that everything connects in life. My past is my present and my present is my future. He says if you spend time with wise people you will be wise. THen he says. For a companion of fools suffers harm. Now you might think a fool is a hard word that offends, in the original language it was referring to someone who does not live carefully. Someone do didn't understand wisdom, who just lives for the day. A fool is someone who is not careful.

Solomon says that if you hang with the wise you become wise, but not that if you hang with fools you will be a fool, instead it's worse….he says you will suffer harm. Not you will be a fool over time, you will be harmed. Because as they go you go. If you stick around long enough foolish people will drag you into their unwise decisions. So this is what we are getting to, Friends who are not carful with their lives wont be careful with your life. Friends who are not careful with their decisions won't care about yours. Friends who are not careful with their morals don't care about yours. Friends who are not careful with their Money won't care about yours. Friends who are not careful with their faith won't care about yours. Friends who don’t care about thier reputation wont care about yours. Friends who don’t care about the future wont care about yours. This is good judgment. This is a big deal.

Friends who don’t take care of themselves wont take care of yourself. Friends who lie and cheat they feel better when you lie and cheat. Friendship can be awesome, but can be harmful and friendship requires guardrails. The point of a guardrail is to light up our consciences before we veer into the danger zone. A guardrail is not in or on the line of the danger zone but in the safety zone. So here are 5 suggestions to help you think through guardrails and how you can begin to implement them.

1: When you realize your core group isn't moving in the direction you want your life to be moving.

We might have a lot in common, but when I look at the direction this group is going and it does not align with where you want to go that should be a guardrail. This isn't a good or bad thing its a wisdom thing. Relationships are either growing or getting worse and when you hang with people you have a lot of common with you drop your gaurd, but you need to examine what you are doing. And if what you are doing does not align with where you want to go maybe it is time to get new friends.

2: When you catch yourself pretending to be someone you are not.

When you feel the pressure to be someone else, think differently than who you really are that should be a red flag in the relationship. When you begin to agree with things that make you uncomfortable just to be agreeable, when you watch what everyone else watches so you don’t feel left you that should be a red flag. Your views and values are being made fun of and you don’t stand up…that should be a red flag.

3: When you feel pressure to compromise:

Not once you compromise thats passed the guardrail and into the ditch. Thats not after its the pressure before. When something before wasn’t a temptation but suddenly its become a real option that should be a guardrail. When whatever wasn’t a temptation before and now you begin to think maybe I should do it…that should light up a guard rail. Not when you have crossed the line but now you imagine that you had…

4: When you catch yourself thinking “ill go but I wont participate.

Let me ask you a question, would you buy this from anyone else? You best friend says well its only 6 guys and me and a friend and it’s just hanging out…would you ever let your friend do that? If you would maybe they need new friends. We wouldn’t buy this for anyone else’s, why would you buy it for yourself. WHen this conversation begins in your head you are bumping into a guardrail.

5: When you hope the people you care about don’t know your whereabouts.

When you hope that your mom and dad, older or younger brother or sister don’t find out where you are or where you’ve been. Even if you go to a place and you don’t do anything unwise but you just hope the story never reaches their ears. You have begun a lie. But if you think you’d be tempted to lie to cover for where you were or where you were with you need to start a guardrail.  If I don’t want my mom and dad to know my whereabout, I shouldn’t be about it.

Here is why I am so passionate about this, above everything. I’m ok with letting people be offended with me not being friends with them. I am ok with letting people think I’m judgmental even though I am not, im just good judgment I am ok with it all because of the stories I have heard and seen in my 15 years of ministry. If we are at your house for a party or I meet one of your friends I know within 30 seconds if that is a good friend or if they are not. And here is the thing, I have only been wrong once. I have preached and preached this message for years and yet I see students disregard and devalue the importance only to add to the proof that this teaching is correct. If you walk with the wise you become wise…but a companion of fools suffers harm. And every time it breaks my heart, every time i makes me wish they would have listened they would have placed guardrails that if I could shake them by the shoulders to get it it would. But that decisions is up to you..that life style is up to you.

Will you do what is wise and take a good look at the crew you run with and ask the question…based on my past experiences, my present circumstance and my future hopes and dreams what is the wise thing to do.

Pray