Cams Rules for Dating

Here is the week that you have all been waiting for. We are in week 4 of our Birds and the Beestings. Where we have been talking about relationships, specifically dating relationships because after all some of the worst pain or stings you could face in your life comes from not having proper dating relationships. But not just dating relationships, we have said that hurt happens when we do not have a proper relationship with God, a proper relationship with yourself, and a proper relationship with others. So we have said it every week, does anyone know what we are having this discussion? It is simple because one day all you will have to tell us stories, so, What story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell? When you grow up and you have to tell your kids, when you start dating someone you think could be your spouse, when someone asks you about your experiences in high school or junior high, what stories do you want to tell?

I’ve said it every week, I don’t want you to be a liar for life, and I don’t want you to edit out your stories, and God doesn’t want you to experience those stories. And I don’t want you to be someone’s regret when they tell their stories. You see, relationships, and specifically dating relationships don’t only affect you, they affect other people. What Story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell. Then we said that you need to start becoming the one you are looking for, is looking for. Don’t look for someone else to complete you, but as you become the one, you will be ready when the one shows up. And last week we said that we need to honor thyself. That when we do not honor ourselves, we rarely ever honor others.

So today we are going to have some fun as I discuss “Cam’s Rules for Dating” this isn't so much a sermon as it is my view of dating, how to date, and what dating successfully as someone who is trying to honor Jesus, themselves and others look like. And here is what I know, because I know this group, you are going to look for plot holes, or think of different scenarios. This is not an exhaustive list, but it is one that I believe will help guide you to making wise decisions and have honoring relationships. I am going to go into short detail with all of these as to help you understand why these are my rules and why they should become your rules. If you have been around for any amount of time, you konw the first three.

Cam’s Rules for Dating:

No Late Nights - Psychologists will tell you that the later the night gets, the lesser our ability to make cognitive decisions increases. So what happens? We process slower, but make emotional decisions faster. My mom always said, “nothing good ever happens after midnight.” Have you ever been up late, I mean real late with friends 4am late, and you start to get hysterical, everything is funny. Then out of left field, it gets real quiet…and someone says, “hey man…what’s out there…like in the universe” when deep space gets mentioned you know that you’ve exhausted all other conversational avenues and its time to go to bed. But in dating, the later you are out, the more likely you are setting yourself up to make unwise decisions. You let your guard down, and you let emotions take over. No late Nights.

No Alone Time - Let me define what alone time is, alone time when dating mean when there are not other human beings around. Back in the 1800’s and into the 1900’s when men and women would date, they would actually have a chaperone around that would ensure the purity of their relationship and protect the honor of the individuals. So going to the mall thats fine, movies fine, car rides thats fine too, though be careful. Long periods of time where others are not around should be avoided. Why? Because it is easy to make exceptions when others are not there. No alone time.

No Dark Rooms - This one could be self explanatory, but let me explain. Dark rooms are an invitation to inappropriate deeds. I might also add, especially as you are in high school, no closed doors and dark rooms. No dark rooms.

Be Binded to your boundaries - Boundaries are the guardrails that you place before hand to make sure you do not go over the edge. And heres the thing, guardrails are place well before the edge, not as close as possible until you go over. Boundaries is deciding in advance what you are going to do.  If you think you will make the right decision in the heat of the moment, let me tell you, you are dumb, becuase you wont. Be binded to your boundaries, don’t move for them, hold fast, do not compromise. Be binded to your boundaries.

Dating does not have a set age. - Dating is complicated, and it is hard. Heartbreaks and headaches are a real thing in dating. Most teens ask “when’s the right time to date” I always say, refer to your parents, and when you think you are ready. Dating is caring for another person, not using another person. So, when you think you are ready to care for someone else, Thats the time. In the meantime, start becoming the one. Focus on yourself. Dating does not have a set age.

The goal of dating is to honor God, Yourself and the other person. - The goal to dating is not fulfillment sexually, the goal of dating is not to have someone, the goal is to honor God in how you treat each other, honor yourself on how you allo them to treat you, and honor the other person on how treat them. The goal of dating is to honor God, Yourself and the other person.

Only date people who are equally yoked. - Jesus and the apostle Paul clearly tell us that we should not date anyone who isn't a Jesus follower. You have to have equal beliefs unless someone will compromise. And i will say something similar in a moment, but if you think “I will date them and I will win them to Jesus” this is what we call missionary dating, and missionary dating normally always leads to one thing…if you are in high school i might give you the end of that later. But odds are you will compromise your beliefs for someone else because you like them. Thats not a way to date. Only Date people who are equally yoked.

If you are not dating for marriage you are practicing for divorce. - The end result of dating is marriage. Thats the outcome, but if you are not focused on who I could marry, then as you leave relationship after relationship you can think I, well I will go find someone else to make me happy. So when you eventually get married and hard times happen because they will, you will revert back to bad dating habits and try to leave. So here is a rule of thumb and maybe should be its own rule, regardless of how handsome they are, or how sexy she is, if you cannot picture yourself married to them, don’t date them. If you are not dating for marriage you are practicing for divorce.

Date for what is, not what could be. - Do not ever date for potential, this is where abuse could happen, this is where being used could happen and this is definitely where hurt happens. “Well I know there is good in him” “I know she can be different” “If anyone can help them change its me” no. Do not be the punching bag of change for someone else. All you are promised is the person you have in front of you, thats it. No matter how attracted you are, how much of a connection you have, or how much they want to date you…Date for what is, not what could be.

Your body is nobody’s body. - Sex or any type of sexual activity does not make the relationship. I have been there, and I had sex before marriage. So I know, and I know this rule is true. Scripture tells us that your body is not your own, it was paid with a price. So when it comes to dating, do not give away what isn't yours to give in the first place. Once you are married Jesus tells us the two become one and you can freely give yourself to your spouse. You cannot test drive the car before you buy it, there is no eating the candy before it is purchased. In fact I have a rule about sex…shocking. In the confines of marriage and as long as you and your spouse agree, “You can do whatever, whenever, however, as long as you want.” However, when dating, your body is nobody’s body.

Don’t hang out, ask out. - There has been this awful way of dating where it’s “we are just talking” that to me the by far the stupidest and most dumb way to date. So when it comes to dating, you properly ask her out, or you properly ask him out. Don’t just talk for weeks on end. This is what I mean, Who, what, when, where and time. Here is an example the day I asked karlee out, we were going to Veronica Gonzale’s sweet 16 birthday party and I still remember what karlee wore, it was a white holster mini skirt, with a red tank top and a what long sleeved cover. I remember her hair style and how she smelled. And I said, “Karlee, this Friday is Veronica’s sweet 16 we are both invited, would you like to go with me, I will pick you up at 5:30pm.” No hidden messages, not undertones, just direct. Please for the love of God, stop this stupid way of dating. And so what you get rejected, who cares, move on. She belongs to the streets anyway. Or he’s an idiot. Also on this you all making paying for stuff so crazy so here’s a mini rule. If you do the asking you, you pay. Most likely ladies the man will refuse you paying on the first date anyway, and if he doesn’t, red flag.

Do not do what you know you shouldn’t - You know there are certain things you shouldn’t do, even if you want to do them. Sex or sexual activity is one of them. And here me once again, I am not this stuck up guy who thinks sex is the devil, obviusouly I have 4 kids. So you will never hear that, because from me thats a terrible chruch culture that makes people think they are the scum of the earth if they have sex. Thats not God’s design nor desire. His design and desire for you to have as much fun in marriage. But before that, control yourself. This is sexually, this is allowing yourself to be treated in a way that you know you shouldn’t, this lying for your date. The list can go on and on. You know you shouldn’t send nudes, you know you shouldn’t speak down upon them, you know you shouldn’t pressure, you know you shouldn’t fill in the blank…Do not do what you know you shouldn’t..

Communicate Clearly. - Communication is key and unfortunately we live in a world where we don’t want to hurt people's feelings so we just stop taking to them. Ghosting is an issue, and let me tell you if you ghost someone you are a coward. If you get to a point where you are not feeling it, do not break up over text, or phone call, meet them face to face. Why? Because the human being in front of you deserves the dignity of being broken up with face to face. The most loving thing you could do is to have a hard conversation. And if things are going great, have great discussions. Know this, after the first date, it’s ok to tell them you don’t want a second. But after the first date if you two mutually want to continue DTR. Define the relationship. Not just chillin, either we are dating or we are not. Boyfriend or girlfriend or just friends.

Also and this might be just for the ladies, but guys listen closely. If you are friendzoning someone but leading them on for a potential future possibility, you are the worst. If you have someone in friend zone jail. Let them know.

Do not take someone else for granted - You might have the best God has for you and if you take them for granted you could lose them. When you date you must treat the other person as precious. Don’t just assume they are always going to be there, because you might wake up one day and realize they are not there anymore. When you take someone for granted you end up devaluing them and elevating yourself. And when you do that do not expect them to be around for long. Do not take someone else for granted.

Never stop having fun. - This world is filled with fun, play games, go to movies or shows, laugh hard and often. Here is the thing. If you abide by these other rules, even if you don’t marry the person you date you will look back on fond memories and be thankful that God has placed others in your life. Never stop having fun.

So there you go, the end of “The Birds and the Beesting” with my rules for dating. My prayer is that this series has helped you be more equipped and more prepared for when you begin to date. So as you go to your groups, may your discussions be filled with what God wants you to speak about.