Sexual Identity

So we are in week 5 of a conversation we have been having about your Identity called, “Getting to Know the Real You” for a lot of us we think we know ourselves, we think we know what we believe about our identity but do you really? It would be like having a friend for years and years only for them to tell you a story and you say, “I didn’t know that about you.” It’s not a bad thing, or maybe sometimes it is, but overall it adds to you better understanding them. Same goes for you. It is remarkable how little you know about yourself, what are things you believe about yourself that comes from culture, things said over you from other people, and how we just roll with the punches. But in this conversation we have been wanting to heave real, honest, hard conversations about ourselves, not defined by what we think, or culture says, but what does God say about you and your identity. Because we have said…do you know it yet? (Wait and see) True Identity is Knowing, Receiving, Believing and Displaying who God says you are. Once again not what culture says, or your teachers or even what you think about yourself but who God says you are. Why does God have the right to give you your true identity? Because God is the Creator and Sustainer of Everything. He is Eternal and unchanging in his goodness, truth, love, wisdom and power. God is good.

Last week we discussed Gender Identity and why it is important to God and important to us. I heard from your coaches that you have great discussion in your groups last week about this topic, and I know that some of you probably have more questions and are looking for more answers, so I want to remind you that you can ask us any question you want on anything that we teach. We are not afraid of any question, and we believe that we can find any answer in the scriptures that God gave us because it is the truth. Secondly, we teach on these topics and have these discussion not because they are easy, but because they are hard. And myself and your coaches included are willing to have these hard conversations with you because we love Jesus and his word, and we love you. We are not shy about it we want you to be a follower of Jesus and a follower of his word. Love isn’t all approving and accepting rather, love tells you the truth even if it is hard to hear. I want to say that every week because it isn’t lip service, I really mean it so when we teach on these subjects you can know without a shadow of a doubt that Cam cares for and loves me.

So today I want hit on another topic that culture says is controversial but the kingdom make it clear. This is simply Relationship Identity. Let us pray as we begin.

Pray.

There are a lot of different views when it comes to relationships and what type of relationships you can be in, which ones you shouldn’t be in, and untimely these all boil down to maybe not the relationship itself, but rather the sexuality of the ones inside of the relationship. So tonight I do want to discuss God’s design for relationship and yes I will hit on same-sex’s attraction, gay, lesbian, bi etc. But that is not going to be the entire focus of the conversation. As you can guess I do have a biblical view of relationships, but that goes far beyond just same-sex attraction. Once again, why are we discussing these topics? Beucase they are important to God and they are important to your identity and I never want to shy away from what’s important simply beucase it is awkward or I may get some push back, if I were afraid of that I should give up my pulpit and go flip burgers or make Christian chicken at Chick-fil-a. But as a faithful minister I want to be faithful to God and to you.

But lets start here.

I stand at the view point and understand that word gender and sex are enterchageable words depending on what you are talking about. When someone says “Same-sex” attraction they mean same gender attraction. When my kids were born there was a line on the birth certificate that says “sex” this refers to the biological, scientific, chromosomal make up of my kids that make them male or female. It also refers to the biological parts they they have that match what their biological make up says. This is how we get two and only two genders. Male and Female. And we said last week that God created you, and he created you in the gender he knew you would live you best life in. Just because you are a girl and happen to like certain things that are attributed to boys does not mean that you are a boy. If you are a boy and happen to like certain things that are mainly attributed to girls does not mean you are a girl. God does not make mistakes, nor are you a mistake. But there is something called Gender Confusion which is a real thing and anyone struggling with that we would love to talk and walk with you about what God says. But we covered that last week.

So that is Gender and Sex. However, the word sex takes on a different meaning when you are speaking about sexuality or the act of sex. If we are talking about sex to sexuality we are discussing the anthropological design for human beings that make more humans. In fact we see in scripture that God makes it very clear his intention for sex and relationships when he says in Genesis “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - 2:24 God makes it clear here and it is stated again by Jesus and the Apostle Paul that a God ordained, and designed sexual relationship is between a man and a woman inside of the confines of the marriage convent. A convent is when you say I do to the one I don’t to the rest. Sickness and health, good times and bad, I am not leaving here. A man and a Woman inside of marriage is God’s design. Anything other than that, is outside of his design is considered sin.

I want to debunk a few misconceptions about sexual identity as seen in culture and more progressive thinkers. I bring these up because once again your identity is important.

I have heard it said from more progressive thinkers that, “Well God didn’t acutally mean that between a man and a woman and he knows there can be other marriages like male and male, female and female. Etc.” If that is the case why then when God is speaking about Jesus and the church does he refer back to it as a Male and Female covenant? The way Jesus loves the church, those who are Jesus followers, we are called his bride? Because this is the closest thing we as humans have to understanding the type of relationship and love Jesus has for those who are in him.

I have also heard it say that the Bible doesn’t actually discuss homosexuality at all, in fact the word homosexuality wasn’t even invented until the mid 1800’s far after the English bibles. So that must mean that God not only approves of, but ordains same sex relationships. Not so fast though it is correct that the word homosexuality is a newer word, the meaning the the texts remains the same. God says that a man shall not lay with, sleep with or have sex with another man, and a woman shall not lay with, sleep with or have sex with another woman. These are all the same acts that which we would call homosexuality, it is just people trying to be cute and distort scripture.

Those are two popular viewpoints going around that I wanted to hit on today. But this is what I want to get at when it comes to same-sex attraction and we will move on. Based on what the Bible says, based on what God and Jesus say, God’s design for a sexual relationship is between a man and a woman inside the marriage convent. Period. There are no exceptions, no different answers, no fill in the blanks. So where does same sex attraction come from? As I said last week, Where God Designs, Sin Distorts. And I can get into a whole different theological discussion about what we call natural sin, the idea that, you did not do something sinful, or your parents didn’t do something sinful for you to have same sex attraction, this isn’t a God given or punishment. Rather through natural sin, your temptations, desires, feelings have been distorted to go against God’s design.

But as I have said that acting upon same sex attraction, being in a relationship with someone of the same gender is a sin against God, also being in a heterosexual relationship that is sexual in nature, not in the confines of marriage, you too are in sin against God. I have said it before and I will say it again, God’s design for sex and sexuality is simple, it is between a man and a woman in the marriage covenant. Inside of that covenant when you get married God says game on, if you’re good with it and your spouse is good with it he’s good with it as long as it is just between you two.

So why do I say all of this and you can be asking, “what does any of this have to do with my identity.” It is because everyone is obsessed with sexuality these days. Almost everything and everyone is overly sexualized. People ask, “Are yo gay, straight, lesbian, bi” etc. And they begin to reduce your identity, and maybe you begin to reduce your identity down to your sexuality and let me tell you, your sexuality is not your identity. Sexuality is apart of your identity, but it is not your identity. God has called you to more.

In fact I have put it this way, “When you reduce your identity to your sexuality you diminish your humanity.” You are so much more than your sexuality. God has made you to be so much more, live so much more, and your true identity is not wrapped up in your sexuality. Because you as a person will stop living as God has created you to live and simply begin to live based off of your desires and wants.

Here is what I want to get at today when it comes to your identity in relationship and sexuality. “You may not be able to control your attraction, but you can control your reaction.” In both cases if you struggle with same-sex attraction, or you are lusting over, someone of the opposite sex, you may not be able to control your attraction but you can control your reaction. I know people who have same-sex attraction but they love Jesus deeply and want to follow him so they submit to the life Jesus has called them too, they submit to controlling their reaction and submitting it to Jesus.

People have asked me, Why does this matter? Why does relationship identity matter, or sexual identity matter? If it makes someone happy that must make God happy right? No. Students God is not after your happiness, God is not after your pleasure, God is not trying to keep you from these things either. Rather God is after your holiness. He is wanting you to be in a relationship with Jesus and as you are in a relationship with Jesus you begin to identiy as one who is in Jesus, and as you identity with one who is in Jesus, you begin to submit to his word and live the life he has designed and created for you and this is how you begin to live in your true identity of knowing, receiving, believing and displaying who God says you are.

I wanted to take a different approach to this topic today. I did not want to bash or beat down or get defenses up. But I want you to know that your identity is not wrapped up in your sexuality. God’s design for sexuality is to be between a man and woman in the confines of marriage. But he is more after you living holy lives, and controlling your reactions.