Becoming the ONE

I want to welcome you to your journey, if this is your first time, my name is Cam and we are honored that you are here with us today. If you have not already please stop by our guest services tables we would love to meet you and there is a free gift for you as well. Now, as you have already seen on the screen we are starting a series called, “Waiting, Dating and Mating” and regardless of where you find yourself on this spectrum, if you are single, in a committed relationship, engaged, married for 5 years, 50 years or you find yourself waiting and dating again and anywhere in between this series is for you. Each week we will be discuss these different stages of relationships, but each week you can take away biblical keys to make your marriage better, your next dating experience better and more importantly, we believe these keys will make you follow Jesus better. Today, we will be talking to those of you who are in the waiting. Lets pray real quick.

Pray.

Have you ever had a movie like story play out in your life? It was the last day of my high school career, and on the last day they check you out of the system you get your cap and gown for the ceremony in a couple of days and they tell you, you are officially done with high school, don’t come back on campus and leave quickly. So my brother, and a few friends of ours were hanging out at a car reminiscing and telling stories of our favorite moments in high school and it was a lot of fun. And we ended up being one of the last ones there and the security guard comes up and tells us we have to leave, and we asked if we could listen to one last song, whichever random one come song the radio. He agreed and said he didn't want to come back here again. So the commercials on the radio end, and this song comes on (forever young plays) It felt like a movie ending like bender raising his fist, or Optimus Prime giving a speech, it is one of my favorite stories to tell.

You might be wondering what that story has to do with waiting, absolutely nothing. But it does help me make a point, that as I look back on my life, all I have are stories. When I look back on how I treated people, when I look back on how I acted or reacted, when I look back on my hidden life or even when I look back on my dating life, all I have are stories to tell. Because where is the thing, eventually your present will be your past, and the future you will only tell stories of the past you. I heard this phrase years ago and it has shaped the way I view waiting, dating and mating, and its this “What story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell?” When you eventually get into a relationship, and you get to the awkward questions of past relationships, what stories do you want to tell? Or when you have kids, what stories do you want to tell them, and what stories are you going to keep from them? Some of you have been married for a long time or a short time, and you have stories about past relationships that your spouse doesn't even know. And when you die, and if you have kids, you will leave a legacy, and a legacy is simply the story you leave behind that others carry on. So specifically when it comes to relationships we will ask this question over and over again: what story do you want to tell when there is nothing left but a story to tell?

I bring this up because I don't want you to be a liar. I don’t want you to make choices and decisions today that later on you will lie about so you don’t look so bad. Looking back you may be embarrassed by your story, so you fabricate it to make it not look so bad, and listen to the church, I don’t want you to be a liar for life. I also don’t want you to be someone else’s biggest regret. When someone else is telling their story and they are asked about you, what will they say? I mean, we will talk about it next week, you have someone in your mind who was your biggest regret. That when you tell your story about him or her, you still feel a pit in your stomach. And this is why we are doing this series is because we want to give yo biblical keys to have healthier relations, because we don’t want you to complicate future relationships with poor relational decisions today. We want you to tell better stories.

And speaking of stories, who here has ever watched a Disney princess or prince movie? Almost everyone. When it comes to romance, waiting, dating, and mating Disney is known for this one phrase anyone know what it is? And they all lived happily ever after. Snow White, Cinderella, Pocahontas, Repunzle, Simla, the list can go on and on, and the story always follows the same guidelines, “Life isn't right until the right one comes along and makes it right.” And if you are waiting, and you have subconsciously been told this story over and over again, you can begin to think that it will be your story. This is what I call the “Right One Myth.” If you can grasp this today it will help you avoid unnecessary hurt, pain and avoid unwanted stories.

The Right one myth simply says that once I meet the right person everything will be right. Regardless of what you do between now and then, regardless of who you are between now and then when the right one shows up everything is going to change, the past disappears. And that's great for about 20 seconds until you have your first argument, you become unhappy, they pressure you into the bedroom, or they are not who you thought they were. So you begin to look for the other right one, and meanwhile you collect stories. Disney is great and showing the happily ever after but what happens when everything isn’t happy after all?

Finding the right one is a myth. I do belive that God has someone out there for every single person. But  this is where we have all the problems relationally when you are single and in the waiting, we get so caught up in trying to find the one. In the and then both men and women we end up putting pressure on the future “one” to complete us, and make everything right. They have to treat us with respect and dignity, serve you, care fo r you, someone who loves Jesus never does a double take at someone else, loves brunch, farmers markets and picnics. She isnt obsessed with her looks, but she’s a stunner, not high maintenance, he has to be 6 ft tall at least, and if he doesn’t play fantasy football that would be a bonus. I’m being facetious on some of these but you get the point. We wait and wait and wait looking for the“one” and rarely do we put anything effort into becoming the one.

I remember years ago I heard a story about a a young lady who had just graduated from high school and went off to college for a few years. She grew up in the church, was baptized, served all of it, but once she got to college she just put all that aside. Not that she didn't believe in Jesus anymore, rather she just put it aside to do her own thing. When it comes to dating she thought I’m not going to factor in anything I learned or believed I’m just going to do what I want. This is a true story mind you. So a few years of dating and single life, doing things she wanted, some things she regrets, making stories she will have to tell later in life. So after a few years she was at this gathering of people just hanging out, and she met in her words, “the total package” of a man. The looks, job, personality, and as they talked more it became very apparent that he was a christian. Not only a christian but a christian who was committed to live out his faith in dating, his job, and with everyone she met. I reached out to this pastor and asked if they had a picture of this hunk and he actually sent me this picture back. He reminded her of what she put aside, about the life of integrity, honor and holiness that comes from living a life for Jesus.

So she went home and she started telling her mom about this guy, how good looking he is, how he is a Christian, great job, all of that. And she said that her mother turned to her and said, “sweetheart the problem is a guy like that is not looking for a girl like you.” She said she literally fell on the floor and cried because she knew her mom was right. That was a defining moment and she realized that that guy that best one that she was looking for wasn't looking for someone like her. From that moment she decided my life has to change, my moral compass has to change, my priorities have to change, my friends have to change, I am going in a different direction with my life while I am waiting. Let me ask you a question, Are you the person you are looking for is looking for? If you are married here is another question, are you still the person, or have you drifted?

In other words in the waiting, are you becoming, are you being intentional, are you trying to become the person you're looking for. Or are you as most people tend to do, you gamble with your future self and that someway, somehow, when you will bump into the one you are looking for and when you do it will all magically turn out well regardless of if you are who they are looking for also. When you have the becoming the one mindset it changes how you view your waiting period and honestly it changes who you say yes to. You are no longer winging it and if it sounds good in the moment do it, no because living like that will only get you stories you may or may not want tot elk. Living this intentionally and this boldly means you wont get asked out all the time, it means you won't be pressured into anything, it means you make commitment and stick to them because I am becoming the the one i am looking for is looking for and even better than that I am becoming all who God has created me to be.

When you open the bible, and we will do that so hang on, when you open the bible you find very little to no help when it comes to helping you find the right person. But if you open the bible and ask “God how do I become the right person” and suddenly the bible lights up and that should not be a surprise. God created relationships, and God created you for relationships. It is natural for you to want to hear the words I love you, I adore you and you are the most important person in my life. It is natural for you to want to hear I honor you and respect you. That is in you and God made you that way.

But this does not happen naturally. This does not happen by being available to anyone, rather you need to be intentional about becoming the person you're looking for is looking for. Now we are going to look in the scriptures and I want to give you some starting points about what you need to become. Not going to give you all of them as I don't have all the time, but we are going to give you a few keys to help you get started and at the end we will give you all a card as you head out. And what we are about to go through isn't just for singles, every single one of us can become better and become the one.

And if you are about to go on a date, or have a conversation before you date, begin to practice these things. If you want to learn some great dating skills, here they are. This is how you become the person you are looking for. This list comes from one of the most famous chapters in all the bible, 1 Corinthians 13, which many people call the “love” chapter. In this chapter the apostle Paul tells us the kind of Love that God demonstrated to us through Christ, what that type of love does, and listen this is what you should do to develop yourself, and what you should look for in others as well.

Love is Patient - Love is not pushy, if someone is pushing you they are not loving you, they might just be using you. Love actually pushes me to give you room. Because you don’t want to be pushed or rushed. Love chooses to move at the other person's pace. It does not pressure them to match our pace. Love is a decision to pause rather than push. If you have pushed in the past you know the pain it can create, if you were pushed in the past you know what it feels like. But becoming the one is being patient and following the other person's pace, and being patient enough to follow God's plan. His plan is that all sex is between a man and a woman in marriage. Which means, becoming the one, is honoring the other person enough to be patient, realizing and understanding you might not be their spouse later. Becoming one is learning to have immense patients.

Paul Goes on, Love is Kind - Kindness sounds soft and weak, but men, kindness is an expression of strength. Unkindness is weakness, it means you can’t control yourself, unkindness is evidence of weakness. Kindness is loaning someone your strength rather than reminding them of their weakness. Kindness is leaning towards someone else’s direction and not always reminding them of their past. Kindness is love's response to weakness, it is what God did for you. That while you were still sinners, God didn't remind you of all your sin, no, but while you were still sinners, Christ died for you. Every time you date, every time you deal with anyone for that matter practice becoming the one by being the kind one. Lastly to this point, there is an unnerving trend in relationships I’m seeing where everyone cuts each other down as if it is a term of endearment. That my friends is not endearment, its endangerment. Love is kind. Become a person of kindness. And just a quick note, Andy Stanley, who most of this stuff comes from anyway said this, “Those who use kindness as a means to and end, are often mean in the end.”

Love does not Envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. - Love allows the other persons to be in the middle of the spotlight. Love is not being able to celebrate the one you loves success without feeling the urge or the need to share their own story or their own success. In love there is no tendency to one up stories. Because you know this, this is our natural view, “If you don’t feel good about yourself, its hard to let others feel good about themselves.” And if there something in you that makes it hard to celebrate others, its because there is something in you that you need to work on, so work on it or it undermines your ability to love others the way that God through Christ loved you. Because Jesus never played the God card to get his own way.

Love does not dishonor others - Love does not behave disgracefully, dishonorably or indecently. Love does not create regret, or form stories of regret. Do you know how unique you would be if you decided today that you would never dishonor another women in your life? I will not dishonor in my words, dishonor in my actions, dishonor with my response, dishonor a woman behind her back. I will not be another woman’s regret. And flip it, I will not be another mans regret. Honor is valuing others above yourself, your needs, your desires, and doing what best for them even if they don’t think it's best for them. Because come on you know this, “What serves you while you are living the life, will destroy you most later in life.” That one day when you meet the one you are looking for you can be the best honorer on the planet.

Last one, Love is not self-seeking - Let me ask you a question does anything we have talked about and the whole list Paul gives, does that come naturally? No, especially in our culture and the time we live in. Denying yourself, having patients, not envying, looking to honor, that does not come natural at all. In fact it shows us how far we have to grow in order to say “I am becoming the one.” You know what does come naturally, attraction, passion, chemistry, the I can’t wait to be alone with you feeling. But here is the problem, you can feel attraction, passion and chemistry with virtually anyone. So why would you want a future relationship to be driven bt something you can feel for 1000 different people and think that once you meet the “one” everything else will have talked about will fall into place. And a lot of people do in the waiting season, and a lot of people have stories they tell, or don’t tell because of it. They put themselves first, instead of being last.

You know what becoming the requires, it requires effort in the waiting, it requires you deciding ahead of time what you will do in the moment. It requires a deep soul search and you asking God to begin to change you from the inside out. It requires you deciding that no matter what stories you currently have to tell about past relationships, you are going to choose to only tell stories that honor God, honor others and honor yourself. It requires you looking more like Jesus. And as you wait you develop, so one day When you meet the person you are looking for, you are the person they are looking for also. As you do, continue to grow in these areas, as you get married don’t give up on becoming the one, continually be the one for your spouse.

I belive that as you start becoming the one, you will have stories to tell that you are proud of. So let me ask you a question I asked earlier, “Are you the person you are looking for is looking for?” You can be, you will be, by the power of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Pray