VALENTINES BANQUET 2024

Introduction

God is the designer of marriage. God originated the home.

He brought Eve to Adam and performed the first wedding ceremony there in the Garden of Eden. Then why is it that, when it comes to marriage, millions of families will go anywhere except to God for help?

Perhaps it is pride. Perhaps we are afraid the Bible will tell us to do something we do not want to do. Perhaps we are afraid that if we look to the Lord we may have to change some things about the way we live. Whatever the reason, it is foolish to reject the counsel and advice of the One Who originated the family when we need it so much.

Some of the things in this chapter are not "politically correct." If you desire your marriage to be a reflection of God's love, the world is going to think you are weird. If your desire for your children is that they would walk in obedience and respect, you are going to be out of step with the culture.If you want to raise up a generation that reflects what the Bible says, you are going to have to follow God's instructions and be willing to swim against the current.

If you put your faith in God's plan for marriage, you will never be sorry. There are three crucial elements in God's plan that we need to understand and follow in order to have marriages and families that will succeed even when others , around us fail.

1. The Miraculous Purpose

God designed marriage for a reason. It has become popular today to describe marriage as an artifact of society. But marriage is part of God's divine plan and has been from the very beginning of creation.

"It is not good that the man should be alone."

-GENESIS 2:18

That is the first thing God said was not good. If you go back and look at Genesis 1, God repeatedly said that everything He made was good.

But when God looked at Adam, it was clear that Adam needed something that he did not have. There are two basic and vitally important things that marriage is designed to provide.

A. Companionship

God noticed Adam's incompleteness. God had pity on his solitude. I really believe that for most men that is how it is-God looks at us and says, "Boy, do they need help!" Marriage according to God's design allows our need for companionship to be met.

God created Eve specifically to meet the needs

Adam had. No one could possibly have done a better job designing her, because God, having created Adam, perfectly understood every need in his personality and nature. He knew how lonely Adam was, and He knew how to meet that need.

It is interesting to note that, although Adam had perfect communion and fellowship with God before sin entered into the world, there was still something missing in his life. God has designed us to need each other.

Marriage is part of God's plan for meeting that need.

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." —PROVERBS 18:22

In the Garden of Eden, God planned the institution of marriage to meet our needs for companionship.

The word translated help meet is "completer." God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and made Eve from one of his ribs. Eve was taken from Adam's side to be his companion. She was not taken from Adam's head to rule over him, nor was she taken from his feet to be under him.

Everything Adam was not, Eve was. They were designed to come together and complete one another within the relationship. Society around us is intent on blurring and removing the differences between men and women. If we view them properly, we recognize that those differences are gifts from God. He has given us to each other to supply what we lack in ourselves. Men and women are very different. God designed marriage and put couples together-men and women—to supply what each is missing.

Your spouse is God's gift to you. God gave you a husband or wife to help you reach His goals for your life.

God designed eve specifically to complete what Adam was missing. God created Eve and presented her to Adam.

People have all kinds of ways of looking at the creation of woman. I heard one woman say, "God made man, looked at him, and said, 'I can do better than that." A man replied, "God made the world, the beasts, and man, then he rested. He made woman, and neither the world, the beasts, nor man have rested since."

When we look at things from a biblical perspective, we see that both man and woman were created differently according to God's perfect design. After God created them, He brought them together to meet His divine purpose for marriage.

2. The Marvelous Plan

When God brought Eve to Adam, Adam made a statement that revealed the design and plan God had in mind for marriage.

"This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh."

—GENESIS 2:23

He totally embraced and accepted the gift.

A. A Proclamation of Acceptance

Adam was overwhelmed with the goodness of God in creating Eve for him. Imagine what it must have been like for Adam to have all of creation brought before him, only to realize that in all the world there was no one else like him. He was facing a lonely existence.

Husbands, let me speak to you for a moment. One of the most important foundations of marriage is acceptance. At the beginning of your relationship, there was acceptance. During courtship, men are attuned to the good characteristics of the women they love.

The problem is, that over time, you can become more attuned to the negative than the positive.

By the way, men, you were seeking the same thing.

You were looking for someone to accept and love you. You found it in her. Acceptance builds the early relationship. The lack of acceptance that can develop over time destroys relationships.

When you begin to criticize, critique, and judge your spouse, the foundation of the relationship begins to crumble. As we become accustomed to living with a person, we can lose sight of his or her good qualities and begin to focus on little annoyances. If you allow that spirit in your heart, you are undermining your relationship.

One of the best ways to keep a spirit of acceptance is to thank God daily for what He has given you in your spouse. Rather than grumbling and complaining about what you think is missing, express gratitude for what you have. Remember, your spouse is God's gift to you.

B. A Proclamation of Honor

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." — PETER 3:7

God created men and women differently according to His design. So we see then the need for marriage to be a relationship of honor. Although this command in

1 Peter is specifically addressed to husbands, I believe honor needs to flow from both directions in the marriage relationship.

Husbands need to demonstrate honor to their wives. It is a great joy for a Christian husband to hold a door open for his wife, to express his appreciation for her, to lift something for her, or to comfort her when she's struggling with something emotionally. She needs to know she is special to him.

Wives need to demonstrate honor to their husbands.

Far too often cruel and cutting words are spoken in public. The virtuous woman has the "law of kindness" in her words (Proverbs 31:26). Men need to know that they are appreciated. They need to hear expressions of honor from their wives.

Adam realized Eve was something special. Your spouse is God's gift to you. He or she deserves to be honored and recognized as such. Your desire should be a blessing to your spouse. You should want your spouse to know how you feel about him or her, and you need to express your feelings audibly. That kind of honor builds a strong marriage.

3. The Meaningful Priorities

For your marriage to be what God wants it to be, it must have the place of importance that He planned for it to hold in your life. Some things have to be most important. Three convictions must remain priority items if your marriage is to reach God’s highest goal.

A. Leaving

Adam said at the very first wedding, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother." That is a surprising statement if you stop to think about it. He didn't have parents to leave, but he was expressing a principle that would apply to all marriages that would follow his.

Many marriages are destroyed because one spouse still has unresolved feelings for someone else. The marriage vows say, "forsaking all others," which needs to be how you enter into marriage. There must be a romantic attachment to anyone other than your spouse.

There also needs to be a physical and emotional leaving of the extended families. Though young married couples should honor their parents, seek their counsel, and express love and appreciation, they must also learn to build their own families and make their own decisions.

You need to be careful not to create a breach in the relationship with your parents. But for your marriage to succeed, there must be both a psychological and physical leaving of parents to establish your own relationship.

B. Cleaving

Adam also said a man should "cleave unto his wife." So often I hear people use the excuse that things are going rough. "It's just hard. She's not attractive anymore. He's just so lazy." God's desire and purpose for your marriage is that you will seek His grace to overcome the obstacles and problems and stay together.

The word cleave means "to be glued together."

Maybe you are old enough to remember the Super Glue commercial in which the construction worker dangled from his hard hat, glued to a steel beam several stories above the ground. The advertisers were trying to demonstrate a bond that could not be broken. That is what marriage is supposed to be.

Jesus taught on the permanence of marriage in the New Testament.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

—MARK 10:7-9

So many couples threaten to call an attorney every time things get tough. Do not resort to that. God's plan is for you to "stick like glue" to your spouse. I am opposed to pre-nuptial agreements. I do not think you should ever make a provision for your marriage to fail. Instead, you should dedicate yourself to doing whatever it takes to keep it together.

C. INTIMACY

Marriage is two people becoming "one flesh." That is God's design. Yet so many couples start out on the wrong foot. They keep separate bank accounts. They plan to go on separate vacations to keep their own spaces. They each have their own friends and do not spend time together.

They are entering into more of a partnership than a weaving of a close relationship. Too many couples are more like roommates than husband and wife. That is not God's plan for marriage. God's plan is for your marriage relationship to be deeply intimate on every level.

1. INTIMATE SPIRITUALLY

The best advice I can give you for spiritual growth is to read the Bible together. Read the same Scripture passage separately and then discuss what you learned. Set aside times to pray together.

Go to a solid, Bible-preaching and teaching church together.

Build each other's relationship with God. Do not ever discourage a spiritual interest that your spouse shows. If your spouse wants to do something that will draw him or her closer to God, encourage it.

One of the great secrets to success in reaching God's plan for your marriage is building on a spiritual foundation. The truth is that when you both draw closer to God, you are automatically drawn closer to each other at the same time. Invest in the spiritual aspect of your marriage.

2. INTIMATE EMOTIONALLY

We cannot have the kind of relationships God wants without spending time together. One of the great dangers to marriage is allowing our time to be scattered. Your spouse needs to know that he or she is important enough to you to deserve the investment of your time.

There are so many good opportunities that can easily distract us from the priority of building our

marriages on an emotional plane. Your marriage must matter more to you than a job promotion, a night out with your friends, or a hobby. I encourage people to be actively involved in the work and ministries of their churches. Yet sometimes people can become so involved in serving that they forget the main thing.

I know pastors who have lost their wives and children because they focused solely on the church and ignored the needs at home. God wants your closest emotional relationship to be with your spouse.

Nothing should be allowed to come between you.

On a very practical level, you and your spouse need to be recreational partners. Find things that you enjoy doing with each other. Go for walks or on dates. Cultivate your time together. Make an investment of time in building emotional intimacy in your marriage.

3. INTIMATE PHYSICALLY

God's plan for the physical aspect of marriage has been distorted by the Devil. We live in a sex-crazed culture. God planned physical intimacy to be a wholesome, unifying force within a marriage relationship. The focus on sex in our world is destroying relationships, as people selfishly seek to satisfy their physical desires outside of God's plan.

So often, sex becomes a battlefield within marriage. We must realize that the God Who designed marriage also designed physical intimacy. God's plan is for a husband and wife to mutually submit their bodies to each other to meet the other's needs.

Commit yourself to building a close and satisfying physical relationship. But you cannot start or build a solid relationship on just a physical basis.

This is just one of the pillars of a healthy marriage.

Too many Christian couples have allowed society's focus on sex to lead them to believe that it is all that matters. It is simply part of God's plan to draw you and your spouse closer together.

Conclusion

Marriage is designed to draw us closer together and closer to God. If you follow His plan, your marriage will fulfill the purposes He had in mind when He brought the first couple together in the Garden of Eden. Your marriage can be happy, fulfilling, and strong as you live by faith in God's design.