Demystifing Sexuality

In the early 2000s Google operated under a guiding motto that has stood out in history- Don’t Be Evil. Now, it moved from being their company motto to being the final statement in their Code of Conduct until around 2018. Seems innocent enough at best, but when you think about it, it really leaves a lot to be desired.

For example, one of the pitfalls of such a motto is it lacks a clear definition of what it evil, and that in and of itself can be quite subjective. For example, I am terrified of snakes; if you put a snake in my office chair I would call that pretty evil, but Robert Priest would call it pretty funny.Some people call abortion evil and others call it reproductive health; need I say more. The problem of “don’t be evil” is when you think about it, that’s a pretty low bar.

And frankly, this is the kind of methodology a lot of Christians approach sex with- just don’t be evil. And that is a really low bar, church. We must do better than that.

So today, I want to think through 5 thoughts pertaining to sex and Christians.

Genders Are Created And Ordained By God!

I believe, and I hope you do too, that God has planned and set everything in this world in order. So, I believe that God made each of us by his hand; and that he crafted us exactly how he wanted us; and placed us in a particular time and place for just the reasons he wanted. I believe in science and biology and DNA and all the things- and I believe that those things are tools and resources that God uses to craft his plan for every single one of us. I don’t believe that science cancels faith; I believe that science is a part of our faith. And so when Genesis says God created man and women in his image I believe that God created X and Y chromosomes and all the biological factors to craft distinctly different men and women and then he made every human to reflect those traits.

Sexuality is important. Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Matthew 19:4 “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,”

Sexuality and sexual desire are really important to our make up. God designed each one of us either man or woman, and designed us to function as so. If we want to be our full selves and live into God’s best for us we have to embrace that God made us gendered and he gendered us in that way for a reason.

God is a trinity, three in one, so it should make compete sense to us that genders reflect the nature of God.

Genders is good; what is evil are harmful gender stereotypes that assume that people are “less than” if they do not practice certain behaviors or have certain traits. (men shouldn’t cry; women belong in the kitchen; etc)

Galatians 3:27–28 “For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Once we put on Christ all the double standards of gender are broken. In the time of Paul’s writing men and women, slaves and free, rich and poor were all seen differently and treated differently but Christ abolishes all of that on the cross.

The Bible Tells Us That Sex is an Important Thing, But Not The Only Thing.

The trick is that in other instances the world treats sex and sexuality like they are the only things and that the core of our value is wrapped up in sexuality. In fact, I heard one expert say it this way- for hundreds of years the world has existed under the idea that “I think, therefore I am” but in the last 10 years Americans have fallen into the trap of thinking “I sexually feel, therefore I am”

Michael Foucault, in The History of Sexuality: "Sexuality is a word that now serves a purpose like the word soul did in the Middle Ages. In that period, people believed that one's soul united the various aspects of human identity and gave significance to that identity. Today,the word sexuality serves a similar function... sexuality, self and identity are so closely linked by present usage that at times they virtually merge into one another. ...It is easy to understand why more and more people believe that to deny a sexual relation to oneself or another simply on the basis of marital status .. is to deny the self in a destructive and morally insupportable way."

We also know that God created and designed sexual relationship. Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

But sex and sexuality are not the only things. In 1 Corinthians 7 the Bible sets celibacy as an acceptable way to live our lives.

Sex is God’s idea, he set it in place for our pleasure, for procreation, and to define marital relationships.

Biblically Speaking there are 2 Categories: Moral and Immoral

There are no grey areas. The Bible teaches a radical sexual ethic because it projects sexuality against the whole person and asks us to consider not just desire; but intent and outcome.

Moral sex is 1 Man+1 Woman+1 Covenant

1 Corinthians 7:2“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

Immoral sex was the Greek word porneia means illicit sexual intercourse. This is the category the NT places all sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one woman.

1 Corinthians 6:9–11“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

The problem with immoral sexual activity is that it breaks God perfect design.

I can still remember a few years ago when we were staying at UVA after Liv’s birth when someone stole my cat converter off my Prius. I was so mad! In the middle of the night someone got underneath my car and took it. Of course they damaged some other things while they were under there, and my means of transportation to the hospital and back was now sitting useless- why? Because someone thought the parts were valuable. Because of their greed my transportation was now broken..

I once heard someone say that sex outside of marriage is like taking the scrap parts off a perfectly good car; you may get what you need but the leave the car and the person who depend on it broken and violated from that moment on. This was when my ideas of sex really started to change. The problem with things like pornography and sex outside of marriage is that those who are involved are using each other for nothing more than their momentary needs and leaving the whole of the person unattended to.

This really drives home the Biblical design, sex is not meant to consume, but as a part of an intimate and caring relationship between a husband and a wife.

And friends let’s not fool ourselves into thinking this a new problem. As far back as Sodom and Gomorra there have been sexual sins; in fact a huge chunk of 1 Corinthians is dealing with sexual sin; and let me tell you they had some things going on in Corinth that would make all of us blush. And through all the generations; God’s ethic remains the same.

Sexual Sin is Serious, But Not Inescapable, and Always Forgivable

1 Corinthians 6:18–20 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 6:11“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

Let’s be honest, sexual sin can be the most shameful kind. One of the tricks that the Devil uses against those stuck in sexual sin is to make them believe they are all alone and that they are the worst Christian alive. But the reality is that if I asked every person in this sanctuary who has struggled with some kind of sexual sin to raise their hand I bet more hands would be up than down. In fact, a recent poll said that 67% of Christian men struggle with an addiction to pornography, and around 70% of Christians who are in serious relationships but not married are sexually active.

Which means that if those numbers are true in this place I am talking about over 100 people in this room alone. And so if that is you please hear this one thing today- your sexual sin is not inescapable and is always forgivable.

Did you catch the end of Paul’s word in 1 Cor 6:9-11? He says as WERE some of you. But you were washed, sanctified, and justified. Friends, we need to talk more about how God has delivered so many people from sexual sin. Imagine how much encouragement we could give to those struggling if instead of telling the stories of sexual sin, we told the testimonies of those of us who God has delivered.

Ephesians 5:3 “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.”

1 Thessalonians 4:3 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;”

we are called to run from sexual sin and all kinds of impurity. Friends, if there was no escaping sexual sin then God would not command us to flee from it. Yes, sexual desires are real and they are hard to resist, but we are not to be driven by our sinful sexual desires.

I once heard a pastor say it this way- build a wall; build a wall between you and the immoral desires of your flesh. We do this by confessing our sin; inviting accountability partners along the way; taking practical steps to get out of the net of sexual sin; and embracing God’s commands. So many times sexual sin is the result of flirting with immoral behavior. If your having problems in your marriage its probably best not to spend long alone time with someone of the opposite gender- build a wall. If your having a pornography problem it might be time to install a blocking app on your phone or computer; or maybe get rid of the internet all together for a while- build a wall.

When we fail, when our desires get the best of us, there is forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Sometimes I wonder why we do not offer the same words of unconditional forgiveness to those in sexual sin as we do those who deal with gossiping or anger….

So I want to be clear today. If you are here and you are struggling with sexual sin- any kind. You are loved and through Jesus you can be forgiven and you have be transformed. You are not alone. you are not too sinful; and there is a place for you in following Jesus today.

Christians have a message of hope

The most recent numbers tell us that as many as 10 of adults identify as LGBTQ in our society. Furthermore, 16% of Gen Z- those born between 1997-2012 identify as LGBTQ.

Think about that 16% of kids between 11-18 in this country are battling sexual identity crisis. If you wondering how that translates to us directly; there are about 1500 kids between J Frank Middle and Broadway High- so 250 of them are struggling with LGBTQ things right now; and if we add using porn or being sexually active to that number it jumps to 83% of teens- 1245 of those 1500 kids are already exposed to sexual sin.

Now, consider this: hate crimes and acts of shame against LGBTQ people are over 200% higher in 2024 than they were in 2014.

We live in a time where more people than ever are in sexual sin, and more people than ever are harming those who are in sexual sin.

UMC categories ….

The world really needs the Gospel message, friends. Because more and more Christians and churches are finding themselves on the polar ends- either accepting of sexual sin or being so anti-sexual sin they become anti-people with sexual sin.

You see too many people have been taught that because they are gay, or because they had an affair, or because they are stuck in sexual sin they are hopeless, or unlovable, or not welcome in church. But that is so far from the truth- we are all welcome to follow Jesus. However, that invitation is also one to discipleship and transformation.

As Christians we are to occupy a place in the tension of truth and grace

Truth saying that God does command sexual ethics. We cannot merely waiver and back off God’s standard just because we feel like the needle has moved. Jesus told the woman at the well to go and sin no more.

Grace saying that every one of us has sinned and fallen short of God’s best. Grace that offers a place to follow Jesus amidst all the reasons we do not deserve his forgiveness. Jesus allowed a prostitute to wash his feet

We also must remember to keep the Gospel at the center; and start at the center and work out.

John 17:1–3 “When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.”

How can we expect someone to live in the glory of God if they do not know him yet?

I would rather start with Jesus and travel towards sexual wholeness than start with sexual wholeness and try to get to Jesus!