The Undistracted Widow - Chapter 8

We have short chapter this week. The title is “Learning from Examples of Contemporary Widows.” Our verse for this chapter and topic is Philippians 3:17

Philippians 3:17 KJV 1900

17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample.

The focus of this chapter is surrounding yourself with widows who are you contemporaries and learning from them. Again, this is a short chapter and you probably will have a little more time this week for discussion.

She begins with her ow personal testimony of joining a small group of widows for lunch. From that experience, she received a tremendous amount of encouragement right after losing her husband. I think that all of you can testify as well how much having a support group can have as you battle the grief that comes after loss. I believe that this group you have going here is a strong argument for this chapter.

The first section is...

Finding Widows to Follow

She states...

Even though I am certain they would not claim to have done so, they mentored me by simply and consistently living out their lives in love with the Lord and with happy hearts to serve Him.

I cannot overstated the importance of simply obedience to Christ. Whenever a person learns such obedience, they place themselves as instruments God can use to encourage and mentor others. These women may not have a set a goal of mentoring others, but their simple obedience they became a mentor to the author. I am one hundred per cent sure that you can be the same to others. In fact, you are probably already doing that for each other right now.

Her next section is...

The Lover’s Death

She quotes Elisabeth Elliott. In fact, she does that a lot in this chapter. It is obvious from her own testimony that Elisabeth Elliott became a source of encouragement and learning during her struggles with her husband’s death.

Speaking of Elisabeth Elliott, she has been a help to many people and someone I would recommend. However, as we see later in this study, no matter who the person may be, be sure to always check them against the truth of Scripture.

Later, in this section, she notes this.

First and foremost, Elisabeth has lived all her life for God. She thinks from a Biblical perspective and does not get sidetracked by cultural fads. Second, she has been widowed twice…Third, in her suffering she did not blame God or get angry at him but instead sought to honor him in the midst of her suffering. Lastly, though she acknowledged the emotional pain of bereavement, she did not wallow in it or use it as an excuse to sin.

My first thought from this quote is what a great outline for widow’s in handling grief. Note that the foundation for handling grief was knowing God and His Word. She had a Biblical perspective and did not rely on the world’s counsel. She also did not blame God or get angry, but she sought to honor Him. Often our trials and tribulations can be so great that we want to lash out at God. However, the believer who already has the correct understanding of God and how He uses trials and tribulations learns to “rejoice” and seeks to honor Him with their obedience. Elisabeth did not “wallow” in her misery. Instead, she chose to use it for the Lord.

The next section asks a question.

Is Widowhood a Gift?

From Elisabeth Elliott, she noted the following...

This was one of those times. [God] had done more than merely “allow” a thing to “happen” to me. I do not know may more accurate way of putting it than to say that He had given me something. He had given me a gift - widowhood.

Okay, so now, we are getting to something that is often hard for us to accept. This thing, in your case, widowhood, is often seen as blight. Yet, here Elisabeth was seeing it as a gift. Of course, for the world, who in their right mind would see losing a spouse as a gift. Well, that is exactly the point. We are not think with our minds, but with the mind of Christ. God does indeed gift us with things we often do not want so that, in turn, He is glorified. Paul understood this. God gave him a gift called the “thorn in the flesh.” At first, Paul was not a big fan. Listen to what Paul said.

2 Corinthians 12:7–8 KJV 1900

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

Three times he went to the Lord begging that God would take it away. Such a description does not sound like a man who saw this as a good gift from God. However, note God’s response.

2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV 1900

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

God essentially told Paul that this “thorn” was His gift to Paul so that God’s grace and strength could shine through. Paul now had a new outlook on this thing. Note that Paul reacted with “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities.” Note also verse 10.

2 Corinthians 12:10 KJV 1900

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Paul now took “pleasure” in the gifts God sent his ways.

A mature believers sees trials, tribulations, and adverse circumstances as “gifts” from God.

Elisabeth did. Do you? Are you seeing your widowhood as a gift?

She goes on to note that both Elisabeth and another author, Patti Broderick, learned that only Christ could fill the void they were feeling as widows. Thus, they embraced what God allowed and use it wisely as an opportunity to turn to God, trust Him, and seek His comfort and friendship. As they did, they learned to honor and bless Him as widows.

Develop Discernment

In this section, she warns that even though we can look to others as examples, we must be careful to choose the right examples.

If you choose to read secular books on widowhood and/or grieving, I urge you to use discernment as you read.

She quotes Psalm 1:1-2

Psalm 1:1–2 KJV 1900

1 Blessed is the man That walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; And in his law doth he meditate day and night.

As she notes and I reiterate, the “ungodly (wicked)” refers to unbelievers and we must be extremely cautious about listening to the things of this world. Thus, the warning in the first Psalm is walk “not in the counsel of the ungodly.”

She then goes on to give you the same solid advice that I have given at times.

It is not wise to read books by Christian authors (including this one) without comparing what is written to what is taught in God’s Word. The fact than an author is a Christian does not necessarily mean that what is written is consistent with Biblical teaching.

Philippians 1:9–11 KJV 1900

9 And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; 10 That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ; 11 Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.

May I add also that if you are one who enjoys using the internet, that this warning holds just as much merit. Not everything on the internet is true. One of the biggest challenges I face as a pastor is the constant bombardment by so many professing preachers and teachers on YouTube. Always verify what is taught by the truth of Gods’ Word. Which, by the way, means that you have to be student of God’s Word.

From My Mailbox

In this section, she talks about all the encouraging notes written by the ladies she communes with. She goes on to note the following.

God is so kind to allow me to have these wonderful women as friends. I am not walking this path of widowhood alone. God is with me and so are these sisters in Christ.

I praise the Lord for this class. I believe God has used this in forming the same bond. I least I hope that is the case. If you will allow it, this group of ladies can be the same for each of you. Learn to encourage each other throughout the week. Take time to write each other notes of encouragement. Call each other through the week, not to gossip, but just check in with each other and pray with each other. In doing so, you will find that you are not alone.

The Widows In Your Life

Reading this last section reminded me that there are other widows in our church who need your help. However, sometimes knowing how to strike up a conversation with another widow can be daunting. I like that she gave you a number of questions to help start such a conversation. By the way, these questions help me as a pastor to know what to say to widows who are need of help as well.

What did you find most helpful after your husband died?

What parts of Scripture have been most comforting to you?

How have you been able to keep going?

What do you do during the holidays?

What sort of opportunities do you have to serve your church?

Are you part of a widow’s group?

Here is another thought about these questions. These are good questions to help widows outside of our church as well. In fact, the last question might lead you inviting them to join your group here on Sunday mornings. In doing so, you begin fulfilling God’s desire to witness for Him.

Now, just as she noted, use caution.

Before you begin, inquire how she feels about being asked about her life as a widow. If she becomes teary-eyed, ask her if it is acceptable to continue with the conversation.

Always be considerate of the other person. I think for the most part you will find that a fellow widow will embrace your interest and welcome your encouragement. In fact, you will be better at comforting and helping them than I will. I say that because you can relate and you understand all they are experiencing.

Christian widows can inspire one another to face the future with confidence because they have a heavenly Father who has promised to protect them and to provide all they need.

One of the great things about a local church is all the people from all walks of life that God brings together so we can love, encourage, and exhort one another.

Discussion Questions

Have you ever considered the fact that you can be a mentor to another widow? Have you thought about your involvement in this class as a way of mentoring or being mentored by another widow?

What did you think of Elisabeth Elliott’s testimony and how she handled her widowhood? What other Christian authors have been a help to you as a widow?

Have you ever considered widowhood a gift? How does seeing it as gift change your perspective?

Why is discernment so important when reading or listening to other Christian authors and speakers?

Have you found this class as a great source of comfort and encouragement since joining? Would you recommend this class to other widows?

Are there other questions that could be added to the provided list when speaking to a widow for the first times?