Solving Frienship Drama / Matthew 18:15-20

Tonight we reach the end of out friends and foes sermon series. We have covered dating relationships, real friendships, and fake friendships. In all of your relationships, whether with family or friends there is one commonality: drama. There will be drama.

When you experience drama in your relationships, I want you to believe that drama doesn’t have to be the destination. Drama, when resolved, can be the source of richer relationships.

So how to we fix friendship drama? Here are 5 steps to solve drama according to the wisdom of Jesus.

Honestly explain the problem one-on-one.

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

At the start, Jesus tells us the goal of going to a friend to resolve drama. You want to gain them. Not lose them.

Some of you lose friends because you don’t even make it to the second half of this verse. They sin against you and you ditch that relationship. You move away instead of toward them when drama starts. If this is your practice, it is unlikely that you will experience lasting relationships.

Others lose friends because instead of going to the person. You take the issue to everyone else.

When you are wronged. Start by going to the person who wronged you. After all, they may not know that you are offended or they may regret that they hurt your feelings. How often do you wish you could take back a mean comment or a hurtful action?

When you go to them, be clear and honest. Share their action and how it made you feel. Do not assume motives. And remember, this is about sin against you not personal opinion.

Often, if the relationship is sincere. They will listen to you. And their openness to your correction begins the process of healing. You don’t have to fix everything immediately, listening to one another is the most important first step. It is the sign that the relationship will mend.

Alcoholics Anonymous first step - admitting your need for help.

“The word restore in Galatians 6:1 is a Greek medical word that means “to set a broken bone.”” Warren W. Wiersbe‌

Reseting a bone takes precision, time, and sensitivity. In the end, the bone will heal.

“Our attitude should not be that of a policeman out to arrest a criminal, but rather that of a physician seeking to heal a wound in the body of Christ, a wound that will spread sickness and death if left alone” Warren W. Wiersbe

If step one doesn’t work…

2. Involve others for a full perspective.

16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

When multiple charges begin to happen. You need to involve multiple people.

The benefit of solving it one-on-one is that you keep the drama from spreading. The danger of solving it one-on-one is that the drama can get twisted. Sides may form. The issue may evolve into he-said, she said. To prevent gossip and false accusations, involving one or two others can keep you both honest and help to mediate. Especially if they are not partial toward one of you.

If you and me have a problem. And I choose my dad as the third party. You don’t stand a chance.

I suggest agreeing upon who the 3rd and 4th helpers will be.

If step two doesn’t work…

3. Involve those who are spiritually wise.

17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.

Now things are getting serious, this is the third opportunity they have had to change. Two additional people have confirmed the issue, it’s not just you being sensitive. As a final step of grace, you involve those who are spiritually wise.

Galations 6:1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.

“you who are spiritual” is not referring to some navy seal group of special team Christian’s. Rather, this is simply referring to mature believers who are walking in the spirit.

If your small group can’t resolve the issue, bring in a group leader you trust, a pastor, or relatives who regularly walk with Jesus.

Sadly, sometimes even this step will not produce restoration.

4. If they refuse to change, adopt a compassionate view of them.

And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

“In the narrative’s Jewish context, Gentiles and tax collectors would be regarded as outsiders” John D. Barry They would consider these people to be intentionally rebellious toward God. Revealing that they were never truly Christians.

And instead of this causing us to say, “I knew it.” We should be filled with grief and compassion. Like Jesus on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus was aware that gentiles and tax collectors were not following God. Instead of this causing pride and contempt toward them, he sought them and loved them in hopes of calling them to faith.

So we should apply how Eugene Peterson summarized this verse, “If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.”

Getting to this point of conflict is heartbreaking. Your friends walk away from God. They give up on community. It’s sad. To comfort us, let’s..

5. Remember, Jesus is with you in your conflict.

18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

This final verse is often misquoted, we must remember this is talking about confronting sin in the church. When two or three Christians are seeking to restore a sinner, Jesus is with them in this rescue mission.

“In the ancient Greek, agree is literally “to symphonize.” Jesus wants us to complement each other like a great orchestra. “It is a metaphor taken from a number of musical instruments set to the same key, and playing the same tune: here, it means a perfect agreement of the hearts, desires, wishes, and voices, of two or more persons praying to God.” (Clarke)”

Imagine that Jesus is like a conductor and we are the symphony. We are all playing to the key of his word. But we notice, someone in the crowd begins going off on a solo in a completely different key. We need to address that problem to make the music beautiful again.

Here is how we do that: we bind and loose.

Putting a leash on a dangerous dog.

If you want to damage the home, the door will be locked. But if you come to the home for shelter and security, we’ll open the door.